Hospital visiting - is this unreasonable

Discussion in 'Ask a Mum!' started by Babylicious, Jan 13, 2008.

  1. Babylicious

    Babylicious Well-Known Member

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    before I start a row with my hubby, wanted to ask if you girls thought this was reasonable for visiting me and bubs at the hospital. Planning on only staying in one night, and I thought it would be fair for seans mam and sister to come and see baby (paris will be waiting until next day at home due to her being autistic and hating hospitals) - no kids are allowed on the wards too so seans sis can't bring her 3 monsters (and yes that are monsters) so that will be on the first night

    Sean doesn't have that much to do with his dad so we said he can come maybe day 2 when we are home same as my family

    is this fair? also is it fair to tell people to wait if I have a rough time? We don't really want visitors at home for 1st couple of days after as we want to get used to be a family
     
  2. kitten1102

    kitten1102 Well-Known Member

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    If you have a rough time, of course you should ask people to wait before they visit... I didn't have a great time, and my parents came to see me in the hospital, but we asked everyone else to wait, and they all just had to deal with it!!

    Don't feel guilty for having some time to recover and to get used to being a family!!!
     
  3. paradysso

    paradysso Well-Known Member

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    i think its up to you, personally i wont be having visitors for the first few days, probably first week, as i dont want people fussing over baby until i have bonded after suffering quite bad pnd last time.

    my parents will visit as they are bringing us home from hsopital, and dans parents will visit when they can but they will be relying on some one giving them lift and they live quite a distance away. other then those 2 quick visits thats it.
     
  4. Tangerinedream

    Tangerinedream Well-Known Member

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    That sounds perfectly reasonable. We asked friends to wait 3 or 4 days before visiting although family came to visit at the hospital, but then we dont have many people in the family, just both sets of parents and a sister.
     
  5. sarahpurple

    sarahpurple Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you are being unreasonable at all but I think you should put your foot down about what you want. I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask everyone to give you a week on your own before visitors and even then I would warn them not to expect you to be running around after them; if they want a cup of tea then they will have to make it their selves and wash up after them. If they don't like it tough luck. But I think you should let this be known well in advance before the baby is due. If they still turn up at your house when you have just got out of hospital let your husband deal with them. You are tired, resting and don't want any visitors for at least a week!
     
  6. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    its completely up 2 u who u hav 2 visit u and when, and u should def say so, dont just let stuff happen that u dont really want 2 out of politeness. :hug:
     
  7. tuck

    tuck Well-Known Member

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    I think that you're being totally fair, if you have a rough time then no visitors, when my bruv had his children they sorta made appointments for everyone to visit once they were home so they didnt have to deal with loads of visitors for hours on end and it seemed to work well for them. do whatever you feel right with and if people say anything then tough!
     
  8. sazzylou

    sazzylou Well-Known Member

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    you should do whatever youre comfortable with and it certainly doesnt seem unreasonable...

    When i had Beth, my family went mad with the visits. I had 9 (yes NINE!!) people round my bed at one pount all wanting to grab my baby off me :x Im gonna tell them all that i dont want any visitors in hospital except mine and OH's parents this time. I dont think i could handle it again..... They can come round when im out of hospital but i dont want visitors for maybe 2 days after i get home, and i want them to phone and kind of 'book' a time when to come, so we get a bit of peace in between visits, lol.
     
  9. mary70

    mary70 Well-Known Member

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    its totally up to u hun, i was on hospital 10 days so was quite glad of as many visitors as possible
     
  10. Rubys mummy

    Rubys mummy Well-Known Member

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    We made it clear to our families before I went into to be induced that visiting would be limited at the hozzie and also when we got home..I was in for 5 days in the end after c section so only had mums and dads, our sisters with their partners and my best friend spread over the 5 days.

    On the day we came home, we asked everyone not to visit as we wanted time to get used to being a family and then after that we asked people to ring first and I was honest with them-if I wasnt up for a visit I told them so...

    My work pal was in the next bed to me as we gave birth the same day and she had a constant stream of visitors on the first day..she says now it was exhausting and she would never do that again.

    Its so exciting having a baby and everyone is so happy and excited to see the baby, but you do need to pace youselves and be firm if you arent up to a visit :hug:
     
  11. mdsremos

    mdsremos Well-Known Member

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    I think its very reasonable! I was quite shocked when I had Charlie by emergency C-Sction at 3.35pm, MArk went home when I was transferred to the ward as he hadnt eaten or slept in over 24 hours and by 7pm my mum, dad and brother turned up to visit as they were so excited they just couldnt help themselves :roll: ...must admit that I had just finished a breastfeed and the Midwife asked if I was decent and whether to let them into my sideroom which was nice of them to ask. Luckily they couldnt hold Charlie as he was on strict heated cot or skin to skin due to his rough ride!
    I can still remember how proud my Dad looked though to be a Grandad for the first time!!!!! :D
     
  12. Bee

    Bee Well-Known Member

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    It sounds reasonable to me too

    I wouldn't want loads of people there and its up to you.

    Does your hospital have a limit to the number of people at a time - could alywas play that card if they do ;)
     
  13. Nicola g

    Nicola g Well-Known Member

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    Your being very reasonable!
     
  14. Redshoes

    Redshoes Well-Known Member

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    It entirely up to YOU :hug: :hug: :hug:
    DH should respect your wishes, you're the one who's going to feel the physical drain afterwards.
    He should abide by what you say, the family, and friends, should also respect that. Lock the door and don;t let them in :hug: :hug: :hug:
    As for the hospital, you can always tell them not to visit until you say they can.
    They won't be allowed in if you inform reception you don't want visitors :hug:
     
  15. trixiehunnybun

    trixiehunnybun Well-Known Member

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    Do what you need to and what feels right, having a baby is a lot to put your body through and you wil need time to recover from it, physicaslly and emotionally, am sure people will understand this and respect your wishes. Dont make too many plans for visiting at hospital, i was out before visting hours even started
     
  16. sunnyday

    sunnyday Well-Known Member

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    No, its not unreasonable at all. To be honest I think most people prefer to be told what is acceptable in terms of visiting rather than not really knowing if your secretly wishing they'd all go away.

    Me and OH have agreed that inlaws are not allowed to stay over night with us until we feel ready (they live a good 2 hours away) so they are making other sleeping arrangements. I've also said that I don't want them just assuming on day 1 that they can come to the house and be there all day - we're gonna say things like, 'please feel free to come over tomorrow but not before midday and if you could go by 4pm that would be best for us'.

    Do whats best for you, OH and LO. Don't be bullied into situations that are going to pressure you.
     
  17. DebbieM

    DebbieM Well-Known Member

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    I think it is very reasonable and quite frankly, people should be more than happy to respect your wishes!
     
  18. emska101

    emska101 Active Member

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    Definitely be STRICT on who you and want and when. My parents and inlaws came for the first visit, plus my sis, one of her friends, and family pals who happened to be in the ward seeing other people... this was 6 hours after a 24 hour labour which had been a nightmare.

    I didn't mind that so much but for the evening visit I fell asleep after the meal (first time since the birth - I'd been awake for 36 hours and barely slept for 3 nights prior to this) and woke up to 7 people standing around me (5 of the same people from earlier)plus DH, and they had the cheek to slag me for snoring. Even 3 months later I still don't find that funny. I got the fright of my life and my dad was prety angry that this situation had happened.

    My hospital has a 2 person rule plus partner, unfortunately they didn't enforce it.
     
  19. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

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    I was in hospital for 3 days but visitng was only for an hour at a time so told people it wasn't worth it till we came out..i had one person who was local who came to see me .

    i told people i would let them know when we were up to visitors but as Dylan had jaundice we were absolutely exhasuted and happy for it to just be the three of us.

    i told people i didn't know how labour would be so when i would be up for visitors
     

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