Urgh Men.

[juliekim0908]

So. long story short.
I've suffered with PND for a few months, noticed around last September time, spoke to my Husband and he 'kind of' helped me through it, and for the past 2 months I've been feeling pretty much myself again. So we've had our ups and downs since LO was born last June.

But seriously are all men so s**t! Yeah ok he works. some odd hours. But apart from a Tuesday when he does a good 16/18 hour shift, their normal ish hours. He had a Wednesday and weekends off.

Never helped with night feeds, Chase is now nearly 11 months and still waking for one. (never mind the other wake ups)

Never wakes in the morning to go get him, ok I don't mind giving him a nudge, but when I ask all I get is a moan and him tucking himself in even more, then by the time my son is screaming 20 mins later, I get up myself! mainly as I wont leave him that long and im damn awake properly myself by then!

He gets up, makes himself a cuppa and some breakfast and sits his bum on the sofa.. leaves me to do my son and everything else, if I need a wee I have to ask him gently if he can keep and eye on him for 2 mins while I run upstairs... (cue a grumpy guy waddling to the table with his phone in his face)

Don't get me wrong, he has his good moments, and to be fair he's a great dad.
Say once or twice a month he will get up with Chase, ok its 20 mins later again and ill lay in bed for an hour (Awake)

During the day the slightest winge!.. my husband is stressing and telling him to stop.. when i'm thinking 'ok maybe its time for a bottle of lunch etc?! Do they have no common sense?! I can tell when he's having a good and proper winge because he cant get on the sofa to needing something.

It goes on!.. don't get me started on bed time and how grumpy he is generally (he admits this!) we are both 24! I'd love to get out and go for walks of a ice cream down the harbour on a weekend etc.. yet all he wants is a few hours on the playstation! Yes ok, im not perfect, I want things done yesterday.. but I put the flipping effort in to try keep everyone happy!

Thanks so much if you managed to read this!.. I've tried talking to him.. over and over and over again.. I've tried it a funny way.. serious.. crying.. only thing I havn't is shock tactic i.e leave.. for a while. even one night or say bugger it, leave my son with him Friday eve and bugger off for the weekend and chuck him in the deep end. (not sure I could though)

rant over.

 

[H16]

I could of written this myself hun! My OH has never done a night feed or changed a nappy in his life and if daughter has a paddy he will tell her off rather than trying to guess what the issue is. He is a hell of a lot better with her now she is 18 months though, he plays with her loads, will happily take her into town for few hours on his own, gets her up from her naps etc. I think a lot of men handle kids better when they get a little older and more interactive and grown up x

 

[juliekim0908]

I hope so. I do have a step son, and hes now nearly 7. & yes again a lot more interactive etc.. but I guess he can tell him to go away at 6am in the morning lol.

Sometimes I feel like im over reacting though, I feel like I need to ask him to look after his son, when im in the bath I feel I need to listen out and as soon as LO is starting to get wingy, make my way downstairs asap!..

Probably party my fault, think I need a good night out with some friends and a glass of wine! (cue the awful hangover with baby for the following 3 days haha)

 

[Mummybexee]

I wouldn't settle for any of that! You need to lay down some ground rules or do the shock tactic!!

I'm just 27 and hubby is 30 but no way would I let him be so selfish with regards to what he does or doesn't do however he's pretty good anyway - that's why I married him.

Thing is... The more you put up with it... The more he will take you for granted !

I've seen quite a few of your posts about your partner and I think the sitting down talking thing is abit of a list cause

Hope you get it sorted!x

 

[northerngirl]

Yeah I could also have written this myself haha, always have to carefully ask for even the smallest of things to be done. I can't when trust oh to make a bottle because he makes them scolding hot and thinks that they're room temperature so He's banned from doing that. It's not just you, a lot of men are very grumpy and self entitled!

 

[Toni.C]

In a similar boat. I have to carefully ask OH to do things, like pick up baby or change him when really I shouldn't have to. I think men find it hard when babies still are needy and can't tell you what they want. But still, there's no excuse to be selfish and not help you out.

 

[Baby2sky]

I always get slated for my.opinions on this but seriously wtf. Why are you all putting up with this! Never changed a nappy? Having to ask them to look after their child? Never helping with night feeds? But yet they're good dads? Honestly they are the way they are because women like you put up with it. They will never change as long as you all enable them to act this way.

 

[H16]

I always get slated for my.opinions on this but seriously wtf. Why are you all putting up with this! Never changed a nappy? Having to ask them to look after their child? Never helping with night feeds? But yet they're good dads? Honestly they are the way they are because women like you put up with it. They will never change as long as you all enable them to act this way.

That is your opinion but like I also just said he takes her out so I can have time to myself, he plays with her for hours on end so I can have a nap or a bath or just do things that generally need doing. He will feed her etc and would happily give her bottles in daytime when she was little but just didn't do night feeds as at that time he worked from 6am in morning so needed sleep. Personally if I am not working and he has to be up at 4.30am everyday and out the house by 5.30am I would of felt like an ass if I asked him to also do the 1am night feed!

I agree the nappy thing is dumb but when he has tried to do a pooey nappy he retches like a big girl so I would rather just do it myself. If he had to do one when I wasn't around he would though, he wouldn't just leave her dirty for hours.

Did I also mention we split up for a while when she was little and I had to do all these things as a single parent anyway which is a damn sight harder than being in a couple.

 

[juliekim0908]

Thanks everyone.. it's more of a rant post get things of my chest.

But this morning.. I opened the laptop and showed him. Safe to say he wasn't the happiest.
Left to go to work in a right strop. see what happens later lol!

x

 

[juliekim0908]

I always get slated for my.opinions on this but seriously wtf. Why are you all putting up with this! Never changed a nappy? Having to ask them to look after their child? Never helping with night feeds? But yet they're good dads? Honestly they are the way they are because women like you put up with it. They will never change as long as you all enable them to act this way.

That is your opinion but like I also just said he takes her out so I can have time to myself, he plays with her for hours on end so I can have a nap or a bath or just do things that generally need doing. He will feed her etc and would happily give her bottles in daytime when she was little but just didn't do night feeds as at that time he worked from 6am in morning so needed sleep. Personally if I am not working and he has to be up at 4.30am everyday and out the house by 5.30am I would of felt like an ass if I asked him to also do the 1am night feed!

I agree the nappy thing is dumb but when he has tried to do a pooey nappy he retches like a big girl so I would rather just do it myself. If he had to do one when I wasn't around he would though, he wouldn't just leave her dirty for hours.

Did I also mention we split up for a while when she was little and I had to do all these things as a single parent anyway which is a damn sight harder than being in a couple.

'retches like a big girl' lmao! same here! sometimes I stand back and giggle while he does it though haha!

 

[Baby2sky]

Life would be great if being a parent just consisted of going to the park or playing but it doesn't. I'd love to just be able to do that! My husband also works at 6am but he would get up on his days off. People don't work everyday. And I'm sure we all gag at pooey nappies but its part of the baby package unfortunately. Anyways, just my opinion but there's no excuses for lazy men.

 

[kumber]

I'm inclined to agree with baby2sky to a degree. It's difficult for us to understand how they're a good dad via a ranty post (which there is nothing wrong with posting btw), especially when it's things like not getting up in the night/morning, not doing nappies etc.

My hubby took months to bond with LO when he was first here and I can understand how unbelievably frustrating it is to have a partner who doesn't pull their weight with all the rubbish stuff.

If it helps, I went out for a day and left LO with hubby to let him see what I went through every day. It wasn't easy but it gave him a very healthy respect for what mums do and now he's absolutely fantastic.

Either way, rant away hun. Sometimes you just need to get it out of your system!

 

[nicejuicypear]

The 'but he's a good dad' thing leapt out at me too, how is he a good dad? He has to be asked to look after his child and never lets you have a lie in, would prefer to play on his playstation than go out with you and the baby?

I don't blame you at all for having a rant because it seems like he's being a useless sack, I think you are being too generous with the 'good dad' bit because he's clearly not. I hope he takes on board what he's reading here.

I don't think it's fair to say 'ugh men' either, really, not all men are like this, it's like you're justifying his behaviour because of his gender. Many men do make good fathers, but unfortunately the one you're with needs a kick up the arse.

 

[nicejuicypear]

Sorry, just realised my post might look like I'm having a go at you, I don't mean it that way, it just makes me annoyed when I hear of husbands and partners being like this. I've had a few irritated moments with my own partner about our set up but fortunately a chat usually sorts it out with us.

 

[H16]

I always get slated for my.opinions on this but seriously wtf. Why are you all putting up with this! Never changed a nappy? Having to ask them to look after their child? Never helping with night feeds? But yet they're good dads? Honestly they are the way they are because women like you put up with it. They will never change as long as you all enable them to act this way.

That is your opinion but like I also just said he takes her out so I can have time to myself, he plays with her for hours on end so I can have a nap or a bath or just do things that generally need doing. He will feed her etc and would happily give her bottles in daytime when she was little but just didn't do night feeds as at that time he worked from 6am in morning so needed sleep. Personally if I am not working and he has to be up at 4.30am everyday and out the house by 5.30am I would of felt like an ass if I asked him to also do the 1am night feed!

I agree the nappy thing is dumb but when he has tried to do a pooey nappy he retches like a big girl so I would rather just do it myself. If he had to do one when I wasn't around he would though, he wouldn't just leave her dirty for hours.

Did I also mention we split up for a while when she was little and I had to do all these things as a single parent anyway which is a damn sight harder than being in a couple.

'retches like a big girl' lmao! same here! sometimes I stand back and giggle while he does it though haha!

He is a massive girl, he even retches whilst emptying the food bins hahaha! he is crap at DIY too, not your typical male lol x

 

[H16]

Life would be great if being a parent just consisted of going to the park or playing but it doesn't. I'd love to just be able to do that! My husband also works at 6am but he would get up on his days off. People don't work everyday. And I'm sure we all gag at pooey nappies but its part of the baby package unfortunately. Anyways, just my opinion but there's no excuses for lazy men.

I can see that there is no point talking about this further as you simply pick out the bits you want to read and ignore the thing about him giving her meals and her daytime bottles and seem to think all he does is take her to the park which is actually not what I meant at all. He takes her with him to do all the chores such as shopping, paying bills etc not just to the park for fun but it doesn't matter the point of it was I get a nice few hours to myself All relationships are different I am afraid but I am glad your husband is good at getting up in the night at weekends as it makes a nice change to get a full night sleep with a little baby. I am quite lucky though as Ruby slept through from 2 months old and her last bottle was 11pm and she didn't get up until 5am which was awesome

Anyway my original reason for replying to this thread was to let the OP and other people in similar situations know that yes SOME men are useless with newborn babies and find the whole thing overwhelming and scary but they do get better lol. I think in every parenting relationship you just need to find a balance that works for you as a couple rather than what society considers the norm x

 

[Sparklisam]

I've been with my partner for 10 years pre baby. We know each other quite well and I put ground rules in before baby was here. Yes I'm on maternity leave ( only had 19 weeks before I returned tho!) but he worked 4 days a week so he would do 2 out of 5 nights. He knew that when I returned he would have baby on his day off in the week. Also due to nursery costs. This really gave him the confidence to deal with him and know what to do with him. We shared bath time one would cook and other bath baby etc. it wasn't plain sailing and I was very much it's easier to do it myself but again u sort of set yourself up to fail with that because you burn out !! Have a very happy medium and he's a gorgeous 19 month old now. I want number 2 next year he's not convinced !! I do think that how they were brought up has some influence (not all and don't want to cause offence) as he was an only child and had everything so patience and selfishness I have had to deal with. However I know how to get him to understand and it works. Talking it out and giving examples was what always worked for me however when u needed to think of an example I always forgot lol !! Hope u work it out xx

 

[first_time_mum]

My oh is exactly the same, if I haven't put the washing away one evening he says that all I do I sit on my arse all day even though I work as well. I ask my oh to watch our little girl and he will for about 10 minutes then say that he needs to go for a fag.

He won't listen either and nearly every weekend I say something to him about it but it doesn't make much difference xx