update and very sad

[Maximus17]

hi all, ok I am not pregnant again and I am having the worst pre AF pains after laparoscopy. I felt soooo sad this morning to find out that it's not happened again and on top of that I got into the worst argument with DH this morning, I said very horrible things, than he also said stuff and than he turned around said I don't want to have another baby with you anymore!!! He used that to make me feel bad I know that but anyway he is the kind of person once he says something he won't change and I very horrible to him hormones been all over place so looks like there is no baby for me and I am soooo heartbroken. Anyway I hope there is some people here had their BFPs this month x

 

[Sunflower1]

I'm so sorry hon. Hormones can make you say awful things... Maybe once you've both cooled off you can talk about it without attacking each other. It's soooo stressful TTC. Big hugs. Maybe he'll feel differently. You can tell him it was the hormones...I'm horrid on hormones!

 

[Maximus17]

thanks for your message. I managed to speak to him told him about the hormones but he hasn't forgiven me fully yet and I know if I ask him to TTC again he will say no so I haven't mentioned that yet. I just feel like TTC is putting a strain into our relationship and maybe it's best to just work on our marriage first, sooooo sad though, I just can't understand how some couples make it look so easy and have lots of children.

 

[Melly41]

So sorry maximus...it is very stressful. Perhaps try having some nice intimacy without the pressure? Sounds like you both need to have a big hug. You DH will calm down over the course of the day and hopefully you can head into the wkd feeling more hopeful. In the heat of the moment, we all say things we regret. Look after yourself x

 

[Sunflower1]

thanks for your message. I managed to speak to him told him about the hormones but he hasn't forgiven me fully yet and I know if I ask him to TTC again he will say no so I haven't mentioned that yet. I just feel like TTC is putting a strain into our relationship and maybe it's best to just work on our marriage first, sooooo sad though, I just can't understand how some couples make it look so easy and have lots of children.

Yes it sounds like a good idea to just focus on the two of you.

Things got so stressful for us with the sex that we had to switch to AI, which has taken the pressure off. But still no baby yet. It does put a strain on relationships, it's just not spoken about. Taking time out and reconnecting sounds really important. If you can find any way of taking the pressure off, even if it's just enjoying sex but lowering expectations, it could help. My friend told me about someone she knows who tried for years to have a baby, had tons of hormone treatment, gave up and got pregnant, and then had 2 more.

No I don't understand why it's so easy for some!!

 

[Maximus17]

thanks again, It's so nice to come here and find women with similar issues as I don't think anyone can understand what we go through in real life, I mean my DH can't even relate. It's just to be able to talk and share worries so important. I had no idea what it's like to go through infertility issues before. Our sex like become so monotone and nothing like it's used to be before. We don't even have sex much outside of our fertile week , my DH become more distant and want to do less and less. I am really thinking to take time off from TTC maybe even stop trying as I am approaching 40 and the time is closing for me anyway but I just can't give up on my dream of having another baby, I am not ready to accept that yet.

 

[Melly41]

Maximus many women are conceiving in their 40s than ever before. One of the loveky ladies on the other thread had her baby aaround 10 weeks ago and she is 47 and is now expecting her 2nd so never say never. Im 42 and still hopeful. I just hope you can start to enjoy your intimacy again....x

 

[Sunflower1]

I don't think the time is closing for you at all. Loads of women have babies in their 40s. All the studies on female fertility over 40 were taken from 1850s rural France. Read 'The impatient woman's guide to getting pregnant'. It's really good. The NHS discourage women in 40s from having babies but I think that's cos they don't fund it. I'm 42 in a week and I'm hopeful. There's a way through this, take a break, have a holiday, concentrate on the intimacy. In the Bible there were women pregnant at 50 apparently. I always find that encouraging.

 

[Pidgeridoo]

Sorry you've had a horrible day Maximus I'm sure once you and your OH see eachother this evening everything will be fine again! I think it's a good idea for you both to spend some time together without the ttc pressure! Have a wee date night and see where it leads I also know of three women who have had babies in their forties, one of them was forty eight so there is no way that time is running short for you!

 

[MoominGirl]

Sorry you've had a rough day Maximus

It sounds like you and OH could benefit from some quality time together as TTC really is stressful especially when it doesn't happen right away. Lots of women conceive naturally well into their 40s so don't let your age put you off. I think as funding is so restricted after 35, they'd like us to believe that our eggs just dry up on our 35th birthday!! Sounds like a little break could do you a lot of good.

 

[Maximus17]

Thank you so much for your replies this place is great to share TTC issues as I mentioned no one in real life would understand and they would think I am mad lol well maybe I am after the TTC struggle. I did speak to my husband tonight and he said he would think about TTC again so at least he hasn’t said no but I am also scared as it’s putting too much pressure on us and out marriage did struggle after our daughter. Has anyone else found that their relationship has changed since having a baby? And I do think second might push it to the limits ? Any thoughts? Anyone scared about it how their marriage will change after a baby or already struggled with issues?

 

[MoominGirl]

Can't comment on relationship after having a baby as we're still failing miserably at TTC #1. However, I think there's likely to be a bit of crossover with fertility woes in general so hopefully I can help with that. Once we started having difficulty, we made a deal that we would always keep talking and no matter what happened including test results, there was no me and him, just us. No finger pointing or blame culture and any issue was ours to deal with together. Thankfully we have stuck to that deal and I'm so glad we have as we seem to have dealt with nearly every issue under the sun. As much as it's been difficult, I do feel that we're solid and I don't think I could have done it without knowing he was there 100%. I guess what I'm trying to say is make sure you're communicating even if that means that you both end up hearing some things you don't want to hear. It's important to know you're on the same page or if there are compromises to be made. Good luck.

 

[Melly41]

I have two children, 12 and 10. I think it brought us closer together. We were exhausted permenantly but tried to do nice things as a family on the weekends. Taking opportunities for a night out when you have an offer on babysitting is also important. Talking and being open with each other is really important. We did have our ups and downs like everyone else but you find a way through it and then those difficulties soon become distant memories x

 

[Maximus17]

Thanks it really helps I think communication is the key and also trying to do fun things on the weeekend.

 

[Maximus17]

Hiya just wanted to update me and hubby made up and he agreed to try for another 3 months. I also made a decision to live my life and be happy with what I have at the moment also consentrate on getting healthier please wish me luck for next month as I want nothing more than another child it will be my second and last. I pray to God that it happens for us soon

 

[LuckyLaura]

Hiya just wanted to update me and hubby made up and he agreed to try for another 3 months. I also made a decision to live my life and be happy with what I have at the moment also consentrate on getting healthier please wish me luck for next month as I want nothing more than another child it will be my second and last. I pray to God that it happens for us soon

Hugssss. That's really great to hear that you and your OH have made up. Fingers crossed and looooads of baby dust for you in the next 3 months xxx

Sent from my G8141 using Tapatalk

 

[Sunflower1]

Hiya just wanted to update me and hubby made up and he agreed to try for another 3 months. I also made a decision to live my life and be happy with what I have at the moment also consentrate on getting healthier please wish me luck for next month as I want nothing more than another child it will be my second and last. I pray to God that it happens for us soon

Great that you made up. Good luck for the next few months. x