Unsupportive mother after miscarriage

[Honeybee4]

Hi pregnancy forum,

I miscarried an unplanned pregnancy a few months ago. The one person I really wanted some support from was my mother but I cant believe the way she was.

When I finally told her it was because I was possibly having an ectopic due to my hormone levels going up so I possibly had to have surgery. My mother was unemotional over the phone. I was crying and she kept on asking why I was crying. On the way to the hospital she did not speak to me, and then she said I deserved all this because I should have been more careful. Thing is though, Im not a 14 year old, im 30 and have a good job stable job and all I really wanted was a mothers support.

Only a few days later did she relent and phone me to find out how I was and wanted me to come and stay.

I feel like the damage has been done with her, deep down I dont actually like her very much any more.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with family being absolutely awful after a miscarriage??

 

[Simoneh00]

I've had this with mum in law. When my little girl died at 36 weeks she showed zero emotion and currently said," I don't count her, she's dead." when we were talking about how many grandkids she has. Unfortunately some people are juat like that xx

 

[can]

sorry to read this, it must have been so hard for you. have to saymy mum and husband have been amazing dont think i could have gone through it without them, sending hugs to you, you can chat on here any time you need to

 

[Holi]

I think sometimes mums just don't no how to react, and they think that the best thing we need to hear is 'tough love' to pull us through. She probably went home that night and cried, but maybe didn't want to burden you?? Just a theory...

You should tell your mum (when your ready) how this made you feel, she may open up to you about why she reacted so badly?

As for your MIL Simone, how utterly disgusting! I would struggle to have anything to do with someone like that!! Big hugs x

 

[sunnyland27]

Hey, I can relate to you. I'm 27 and I still can't tell my mum were ttc. She said a few weeks ago that Im very immature and a "silly girl" (I was talking politics and have diff views to her). She even went crazy when I got a puppy 6 months ago lol, so I can't help but be scared she will ruin it when I get my bfp. We have our own house, car and a great relationship etc but she would never be one of those mothers who will tell us she's waiting for grandkids! I thought she'd be concerned about gyno problems ive had recently, especially as she waited 8+ years to get pregnant with me, but she just said "are you sure these symptoms aren't in your head?". I talked with my gran about how it upsets me that she sees me that way. She reassured me that it's just my mum who thinks that and that she still sees her middle aged daughters at babies too. Some mothers are just like that with their daughters. They'll use tough love, as holi said, but if they really knew how you felt they'd be supportive.

 

[sunnyland27]

Ps, I made my mum sounds awful there lol, but she is a lovely, caring, supportive person and an amazing mother. She just thinks of me as a teenager still and it's soo frustrating. I'm sure yours is the same.

 

[Pudds86]

Hi pregnancy forum,

I miscarried an unplanned pregnancy a few months ago. The one person I really wanted some support from was my mother but I cant believe the way she was.

When I finally told her it was because I was possibly having an ectopic due to my hormone levels going up so I possibly had to have surgery. My mother was unemotional over the phone. I was crying and she kept on asking why I was crying. On the way to the hospital she did not speak to me, and then she said I deserved all this because I should have been more careful. Thing is though, Im not a 14 year old, im 30 and have a good job stable job and all I really wanted was a mothers support.

Only a few days later did she relent and phone me to find out how I was and wanted me to come and stay.

I feel like the damage has been done with her, deep down I dont actually like her very much any more.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with family being absolutely awful after a miscarriage??

Wow. Id be equally upset hun. That's horrible. Who dont you tell her how you're feeling? She should be told how Shes made you feel.

I've had this with mum in law. When my little girl died at 36 weeks she showed zero emotion and currently said," I don't count her, she's dead." when we were talking about how many grandkids she has. Unfortunately some people are juat like that xx

Omg simone. That's disgusting. What did you say?

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

 

[Simoneh00]

Hi pregnancy forum,

I miscarried an unplanned pregnancy a few months ago. The one person I really wanted some support from was my mother but I cant believe the way she was.

When I finally told her it was because I was possibly having an ectopic due to my hormone levels going up so I possibly had to have surgery. My mother was unemotional over the phone. I was crying and she kept on asking why I was crying. On the way to the hospital she did not speak to me, and then she said I deserved all this because I should have been more careful. Thing is though, Im not a 14 year old, im 30 and have a good job stable job and all I really wanted was a mothers support.

Only a few days later did she relent and phone me to find out how I was and wanted me to come and stay.

I feel like the damage has been done with her, deep down I dont actually like her very much any more.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with family being absolutely awful after a miscarriage??

Wow. Id be equally upset hun. That's horrible. Who dont you tell her how you're feeling? She should be told how Shes made you feel.

I've had this with mum in law. When my little girl died at 36 weeks she showed zero emotion and currently said," I don't count her, she's dead." when we were talking about how many grandkids she has. Unfortunately some people are juat like that xx

Omg simone. That's disgusting. What did you say?

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

I left. Went round the shop and calmed myself then came back. Not the first time she's said something like it and she's at it again today xx

 

[Pudds86]

Hi pregnancy forum,

I miscarried an unplanned pregnancy a few months ago. The one person I really wanted some support from was my mother but I cant believe the way she was.

When I finally told her it was because I was possibly having an ectopic due to my hormone levels going up so I possibly had to have surgery. My mother was unemotional over the phone. I was crying and she kept on asking why I was crying. On the way to the hospital she did not speak to me, and then she said I deserved all this because I should have been more careful. Thing is though, Im not a 14 year old, im 30 and have a good job stable job and all I really wanted was a mothers support.

Only a few days later did she relent and phone me to find out how I was and wanted me to come and stay.

I feel like the damage has been done with her, deep down I dont actually like her very much any more.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with family being absolutely awful after a miscarriage??

Wow. Id be equally upset hun. That's horrible. Who dont you tell her how you're feeling? She should be told how Shes made you feel.

I've had this with mum in law. When my little girl died at 36 weeks she showed zero emotion and currently said," I don't count her, she's dead." when we were talking about how many grandkids she has. Unfortunately some people are juat like that xx

Omg simone. That's disgusting. What did you say?

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

I left. Went round the shop and calmed myself then came back. Not the first time she's said something like it and she's at it again today xx

Has she ever lost a child? You are so calm. Im fuming for you. What a knob. Sorry but that's just simply unbelievable Xx

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

 

[Simoneh00]

Hi pregnancy forum,

I miscarried an unplanned pregnancy a few months ago. The one person I really wanted some support from was my mother but I cant believe the way she was.

When I finally told her it was because I was possibly having an ectopic due to my hormone levels going up so I possibly had to have surgery. My mother was unemotional over the phone. I was crying and she kept on asking why I was crying. On the way to the hospital she did not speak to me, and then she said I deserved all this because I should have been more careful. Thing is though, Im not a 14 year old, im 30 and have a good job stable job and all I really wanted was a mothers support.

Only a few days later did she relent and phone me to find out how I was and wanted me to come and stay.

I feel like the damage has been done with her, deep down I dont actually like her very much any more.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with family being absolutely awful after a miscarriage??

Wow. Id be equally upset hun. That's horrible. Who dont you tell her how you're feeling? She should be told how Shes made you feel.

I've had this with mum in law. When my little girl died at 36 weeks she showed zero emotion and currently said," I don't count her, she's dead." when we were talking about how many grandkids she has. Unfortunately some people are juat like that xx

Omg simone. That's disgusting. What did you say?

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

I left. Went round the shop and calmed myself then came back. Not the first time she's said something like it and she's at it again today xx

Has she ever lost a child? You are so calm. Im fuming for you. What a knob. Sorry but that's just simply unbelievable Xx

Tapatalking :-D Can't see tickers...

She shockingly did lose a baby at 14 weeks gone wayyy back. And funnily enough she still chats about him as if he 'counts'. Oh I could go on about the things she has said to us lately but half of pf would probably want to hunt her down lol xx

 

[dollface79]

My mum does not know about the baby I lost last week and I wont be telling her, we just are not that close. Same as she does not know about the one I lost 15 years ago. She told me not to have any more kids after what happened when I had him.

 

[BeccaH1]

Hi

I had a similar experience with my first miscarriage. My mum has had six children and I presume never a miscarriage as she surely wouldnt have been so distant.

I spoke to her on the phone the night it happened and then confirmed after a scan the next day. After that point she never came round to see me or called to check i was ok. At one point she suggested I help her and my nieces make a Mothers Day cake and that was when i cracked. I began to feel very bitter about it and after I told her how i felt she got angry and tried to pass blame onto my partner for not keeping her informed. During such a difficult time for me i couldnt believe how selfish she was being and it was only after my partner told her straight that she came to see me, but she did feel awful and apologised profusely for getting it wrong.

Miscarriage is a very difficult thing for other people to deal with and i think in some cases if its early mc they assume 'its just like a period' my mum even said to me 'if you hadnt have found out so early you might not even have known about it'. Obviously i had to explain the awful pain etc.

I think you should try to talk it through with your mum and explain how this has effected you. its hard but resenting her for mishandling this will cause you more pain. xx