Ugh my bloody Mother!!!

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by LouiseH, May 30, 2013.

  1. LouiseH

    LouiseH Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure I'm meant to be the moody irrational hormonal one.. But no!!! Its bloody her!! Aghhhhh!!!!! Basically, I thought I'd have a chat with her about visitors, after reading & commenting on the thread from earlier today.. I shall explain..

    Ok so, my Mam & Dad are separated & remarried, so with that, plus my OH's family.. That's 3 lots of family that I have to worry about & scheduelle visits around/with once baby is here! Nightmare or what?!

    Basically, what my Mam had said was.. If I went into labour she would be off work that day and be in labour with me & my OH (which is what I wanted) then after baby is born, she'd be at work until I was discharged. And then she has a floating week already booked in (basically anytime from middle of May to July - To be prepared for early/late arrival). And then once I've been discharged she would take that week so I had her around for advice/help/company as I'm a first time Mam.. Great! Happy with this.. But now.. (Litterally just as I've been on the phone to her) she has said.. 'Well when you go into labour I could only come on the evening when I finish work, and then I'd have to leave by 9 for work the next day.' :shock: So that's her finishing at 7ish, and by the time she got there it would be 8ish and I'd have her for an hour! Bit miffed by this as we'd already arranged otherwise (And she is manager so I know she could & can arrange cover for that time. But fine, me & OH will be just fine. Although with it being both our first we'll be pooping our pants. Hence why Mother was coming for moral support. And then to add to it she said.. Well I can't just take this week whenever I want! Ermmm WHAT?! :eh: Yes you can, you've had it arranged with her manager since before Christmas, and there fine with it. So what the hells going on? I feel like she's suddenly being awkward and childish and have no idea why at all! :shock:

    So anyway, despite that I went on to explain about how I really would like some bonding time just me, OH & baby. However, whilst I'm on the ward I would be ok with just once my Mam, Step-Dad & little Brother to visit, and then I'd be ok with Mam coming whenever (As I don't know how long I'd be in yet). And that again I'd be ok with my Nana coming to visit on the ward just once. And everyone else can wait till I'm home & settled. I also said that it would be the same with my OH's family - Just his Mam, Sister & Brother (Possibley his Dad if he was home as he works as a long distance lorry driver, so all depends) visiting just once, and the rest of his family waiting till I got home & settled. This again made my Mother act huffed/childish :shock: Ugh!

    I thought sod it, and carried on anyway. So I also said that I'd be telling my Dads side of the family that I didn't want any visitors until I'd been home & settled for at least a week. But would allow my Dad & Step-Mam to visit whenever they wanted as soon as I was home (Would most likely been weekends as my Dad works away through the week and would only be home Sat & Sun).
    As my two Aunties are identical twins (On my Mams side) I've said I'm more then happy for them to visit - With Uncle/Cousins when I'm home. However one twin lives in Inverness (I live near Newcastle.) I've said its fine for Great Grandad to visit when I'm home too. And obviously its fine for OH's family to come then too.
    But what I was trying to explain/ask her was.. 'Do you think people would be upset/annoyed if I was to say.. I need to know certain times & days that your coming?' Cause obviously I don't want loads of people turning up at once. And I'd like people to get an even, fair chance of spending time with baby, aswell as me and my OH getting bonding & rest time.'
    Her response was.. 'What are you having a go at me?! Chipping away at me?! Its not my bloody problem! And yes people would be annoyed, cause they've spent money, etc!' Ummmmm ok then Mam :shock: Wasn't sure how to reply to this tbh, as really I wanted to slap her right in the chops - But clearly this isn't doable through a phone (Probs for the best tbh lol).
    But I remained calm, and again tried to explain.. Saying that surely people would understand as they've all had children and they will know how important rest, bonding time and sleep is. I was very nice about it infact. But again I was snapped at.. 'Well I was in labour 5 days with you and 2 days with your brother and I didn't get a choice so why should you? Your being really selfish and ungrateful!' :shock: :eh:

    I just said right ok, and gave up and went off the phone! I feel very upset and annoyed, and really don't understand why she's being like this at all! Infact there's been a few things/times over the past few weeks where she's been snappy and moody with me, over questions I've asked.
    I feel like my pregnancy is starting to annoy her and get on her nerves, like its taking to long or its an inconvienence to her :( Which is very disheartening, as at the start she was so excited, and now that seems to have faded. Whenever I ask a question or say something, its like.. 'Oh will you stop moaning and going on, worrying.'

    I don't feel like this is my hormones at all, as even OH has been a bit shocked and confused by the way she's going on at the minute.
    And now I don't wana ask people to not come, or to communicate times/days with me as I'm worried incase they will react how she is or be upset and annoyed with me :(

    I feel like crying! xx
     
  2. glowing

    glowing Well-Known Member

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    Check with the hospital about children visiting you as mine only allow siblings of the baby and as it is your first they may not allow your little brother in (if he is a child that is).
     
  3. LouiseH

    LouiseH Well-Known Member

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    My younger brother is 14 and my OH's is 15.
    But there allowed for sa hour in afternoon and hour & bit in the evening, just when anyone else is allowed to visit. And then partners and other children (if you have any) are allowed to stay for longer periods of times :) I only know this as I spent a night on the ward not too long ago lol x
     
  4. .Ruth.

    .Ruth. Well-Known Member

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    I think you need to explain to your mum that you were asking for advice!! Not moaning.

    Sorry but I think shes being a bit of a cow!...

    Its obvious you dont want everyone piling in the house at once. People will respect that surely... and if not tough shit I say. This is your pregnancy, your birth and your baby! Dont let people upset you hun xxx
     
  5. Haylian

    Haylian Well-Known Member

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    Tri hopping here but I think it's totally reasonable for people to let you know when they will be coming so you can plan your time around it, I have a very full on family and I've told them if they turn up without warning or calling ahead first to check then I won't answer the door haha xx
     
  6. LouiseH

    LouiseH Well-Known Member

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    Hopefully they'll see it as acceptable too!
    I just don't understand why she's being like thjis at all! Were normally so close and now she's acting like a completely different person :( x
     
  7. Poppy1987

    Poppy1987 Well-Known Member

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    I have said I only want my parents and sister and hubbys parents visiting the hospital and coming to my house when baby is born, all other family can come two weeks after. My parents are retired so they are around 24hours a day but hubby's dad still works and he has some issues at work about holiday etc so maybe your mum is just worried about being involved or missing the action due to work? Xxx
     
  8. babybee

    babybee Well-Known Member

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    I just told everyone that Id rather they see me when I got home as I knew I'd be too stressed in the hospital. They were a bit peeved but as soon as they got their cuddles with the baby at home they'd forgotten all about it!
     
  9. LouiseH

    LouiseH Well-Known Member

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    She wouldn't of been missing any of it though..
    Cause she had booked time off, I was with her in the office when she rang through to speak with her manager and sorted it out. And her manager was fine with it, cause my Mums a manager of the home, so aslong as she could arrange the staff for the week before hand and be able to answer any calls from them (if needed but they shouldn't because she'd arranged people in to cover who she knows can do the job.) And now she's like.. Oh I can't take any time off straight away :shock: she's just being an awkward childish moo for no reason at all!!!! Bloody frustrating woman x
     

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