TTC 6 Cycles or More

[Nikkibiscuit]

Feeling blue today and I guess just wanting some support from you ladies in the same boat. Just completed cycle 6 although AF not arrived yet tested BFN yesterday and emotions wise today think AF is on the way.

Trying hard to remain positive and have discussed with OH setting my birthday (3rd feb) as a date we will aim for befoee thinking about getting tested. I had my coil out last Feb but we didn't officially start trying until June so Feb would be a year off of contraception so a landmark of sorts.

How do you all remain positive and keep at it month after month? Xxx

 

[KatD]

It's really hard to keep positive, especially when people around you are getting pregnant left, right and centre. Every single bfn feels like a punch in the gut and every time AF comes it feels like a part of you dies. You grieve, cry, question swear and then you pick up your chin and you allow yourself to get cautiously excited for the next cycle, praying that it'll be the one. In the end it will be worth all the tears and drama, you will have your little one in your arms and all of this won't even matter hun xxxx

 

[Maximus17]

yes it's really hard, we are going onto our 5th cycle and every month I keep thinking it's not going to happen. I use OPKs so I know for sure we BD right time, we tried EOD, everyday still no luck. I mean seriously how do other people get pregnant so quick, this friend of mine was telling me it happened on the first try and her husband was upset that they didn't even get to try a bit longer, I just couldn't say anything, the worst bit is that I can't share this with anyone, I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, as far as other people concerned we are not trying.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Well put KatD totally sums up how I'm feeling right now. Feels likes an endless road and don't have anyone to talk to. My best mate knows we trying but she lives away and it's hard burying stuff at work just have to try and leave it at the door but with one person pregnant at work that's a constant reminded. Then yesterday someone was off sick and found out she was having a miscarriage at 8 weeks apparently her 4th one. She has not worked for us long I could have just burst into tears. Made me think God even if I do her a BFP the actual baby part is still a long way off x

 

[Maximus17]

just want to add that I know 5-6 cycles are not much compared to other people but it's doesn't help the fact that its not happening. I just have a gut feeling that it's not going to happen for us soon and not sure why but my DH is getting a bit frustrated too and he mentioned he only wants to try for another couple of months and thats it. He wants to move on with life with our DD only. I am at a loss as I want this so badly and I am willing to try for longer so not sure what I am going to do to convince him to keep trying if it doesn't happen in a couple of months...

 

[KatD]

Oh Max it doesn't matter how long you try for, whether it's a month or a year, the heartbreak is still a reality and hurts the same.
My friend sent me a text saying she's pregnant, I was happy for her and really sad for myself. It was their first try. Their first baby was also on the first try. I felt sick. Then guilty because I felt that way..I'm praying so hard for a bfp this cycle! Whenever I hear about miscarriages I feel like balling my eyes out, cos you are right Nikki...it's so hard to get that bfp only to have it snatched away again! BUT.... we are going to keep calm, stay positive and be grateful that our bodies are healthy and ovulating! December is our month!!!

 

[Maximus17]

yes I am also happy for other people, I started to notice lots of pregnant women thinking whether they know how lucky they are, I never ever thought this before as with my first it only took us 3 months. But we are older now 39 soon to be 40 so I am 100 percent sure our age is playing a role here. Also we are tired with full time jobs and a 4 year old, so not the same stamina and energy as before. I also gained a stone , don't have time to exercise so yes I think I know why it's taking a while. I am also drinking 2 cups of coffee a day which I never used to 5 years ago, I used to be so fit going to the gym 4 times a week. Seriously I am feeling my age but I am still hoping to get pregnant. I know I need to exercise, eat better and lose which will increase my chances but I am so sooo tired to do all this it's catch 22 isn't it?

 

[millielaura]

Hugs. I'm on cycle 9 atm xx

 

[millielaura]

I find it a little easier to cope this time round because with my daughter I just knew I wasn't going to have a baby here and I was wrong so I'm able to keep the hope better this time. But it still feels crap everyitme i see someone with a small age gap and I've been ttc since my postpartum bleeding stopped cause I wanted a small gap. My daughter took 3 years. A year of really struggling to conceive, then several miscarriages once I started ovulating using soya isoflavones. In the end with did iui with injectibles x2 and progesterone, metformin and prednisolone to keep her sticky and thank God it worked. This time round I'm ovulating on my own which is amazing but now my OH has low motility lol I'm thinking like seriously just our luck! Fix one thing and another starts lol. Just had him on a sperm improvement programme for Serum clinic and hoping it's helped.
xxxx

 

[Maximus17]

wow you did have to go a lot of struggles to have your daughter at least your husband also wanted to. My DH was never a baby person so trying to convince him to have one took 10 years now he agreed to have another but will not go through any treatments. He also said 2 more months of trying and thats it. Fingers crossed for me

 

[millielaura]

Maybe he is nervous about what his results would say? I hope he changes his mind! or that you get pregnant before you need tests xx

 

[Maximus17]

Yes fingers crossed. He loves our daughter and I am sure he will be so happy to have another. He just doesn’t realise it. I think most man are like that. They need a bit of convincing

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Thanks for support everyone. I know we ve not been that long really but I think it feels longer cos coil came out in Feb and we held off trying properly until June as we're trying to wait until finances bit straighter. OH has offered to get tested this month but I think if we can keep going to Feb that will be 9 Cycles and if nothing happened by then can start to check everything is ok. In the meantime good old fashioned grit and human spirit is all that's getting me through x

 

[MoominGirl]

Sending virtual hugs Nikkibiscuit.

I've lost count how many cycles we've been trying now and tbh I'd rather not know. Truthfully, I don't feel positive anymore. I think there's only so many times I can pick myself up again and I'm now at to a point where I haven't got the energy anymore to try and convince myself that it's going to work out. This is truly a shit thing to go through no matter how many months you've been trying. No one understands unless they've been there and people who have don't talk about it. I've honestly never felt so lonely.

I think what's keeping me going right know is accepting that this is shit. Taking control of what I can and accepting that I can't control everything. We've now had every investigation and procedure available to us and I think we've now been told "now that this as been done, you'll probably fall naturally" no less than 4 times It's been such a long and tedious process over about a year to now effectively be told we have a clean bill of fertility health but of course we are still not pregnant. I don't expect anything else though it doesn't stop the tearful days. Also, keep talking to each other about what you're feeling even if it's not what the other person wants to hear.

If you want further tests, you should get these after 12 months if you're under 35, 6 months if you're over. From my own experience, I'd say sooner is better on NHS just because everything takes so long and is often cycle specific.

Good luck with everything!!

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Thanks moomin. I always thought I never want to take it for granted that we can have children but deep down you assume it will be ok. I hope we are just a slower burner and my body is just catching up after years of contraception but my cycles have been getting longer the last 3 and that just makes it all the more frustrating as less chances to get back on with DTD. We are trying to talk just all stressful regardless...i am selling my horse due to finances but mainly to start a family and OH not quite grasping my despair at the minute that I could end up with no horse and no baby and a broken heart. Sounds awful to say he is not enough cos I don't mean it like that but we are complex creatures and you can't rely solely on one person for everything there has to be a bigger picture sometimes I think. Men will never understand the poas addiction or the gut shattering feeling when that lonely line shows up. I tried to explaon this to him today..i said imagine seeing that 20 times cos that's about where I am right now. Somewhere deep inside me I've buried that little seed of hope and may be someday soon it will flourish c

 

[MoominGirl]

I know what you mean about contraception. I'll never take hormonal contraceptives ever again as my body was so messed up after!!

The problem is that no matter how crap I feel, the fact we've tried just keeps that glimmer of hope alive. Even though my expectations are so low, I'm still devastated when they become a reality.

As far as POAS, I only do OPKs which OH fully supports as it means I know when I'll get my period and it does soften the blow a bit. I don't do pregnancy tests as it's just a waste of time and money.

I think it's a lot for you dealing with selling your horse and imagining the prospect of no horse and no baby. My heart goes out to you there. Keep talking to your OH. I know how lucky I am that my OH does everything he can to understand even if he doesn't feel what I feel. It helps so much with how isolated I feel generally going through all this.

 

[tara_46]

You have to be strong and thing of the little bundle of joy at the end of the sting of BFN. My theory is negative energy and emotion brings BFN's.