Tri 2 crash-Birthing Partners and stuff

[flexilexi394]

Hi

Really want some opinions on something.
I was planning on just having my OH there for the birth, and MAYBE but only maybe my mum.

Basically i think once the baby is born i dont want any visitors at the hospital at all (unless im in there for longer than normal) apart from OH.

I am a very private person with things like this, and would like to be left alone for a while with me and OH and my little girl to get to know her and not have her passed round loads of people etc.

I havent mentioned this to anyone really, so wonder if its a little harsh on the inlaws? my main worry is me getting home, wanting to settle down and have people knocking at the door and stuff, that really annoys me and bothers me because i wouldnt just intrude on other people. I am gonna try to breast feed so just want to kinda be left to do that for at least the first 2 days.

Anyone else got any plans on what they are doing etc? my family arent the type to bombard me, its more his family that might, do i just make it clear thats what i want or is that a little harsh and silly??

Any advice or opinions are great - im a very independant person and will ask for help if i need it - dont just want my baby taken off me and passed round everyone to be honest.

Sorry that was a long one, thanks if you got this far, x

 

[Emmamb]

I don't know wot ur hospital policies r but I know wen Ive had my kids I wasn't allowed visitors on the labour ward and only went to the post natal ward after my section,the other 2 times I was discharged str8 from the labour ward xx

 

[flexilexi394]

i am thinking more postnatal ward, as they have given me visiting times and stuff. so in referral to postnatal ward . . . would you bother? x

 

[isobel84]

you need to do whats best for you and OH but to be honest i think the same rules should be for both familys iykwim. Its not nice to let your family come but not his. When my youngest sister was born 5 years ago my stepmum asked for a day or two at home before we stomped in, which to be honest is fair enough. x

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Yeah Id go with what you feel happier with but def make the rules apply to both sides..... xxx

 

[midnight]

yeah if you was to have your mum in with you its only fair to let his mum meet her grandaughter a.s.a.p otherwise you will get jealousy problems but if you say you just want you and your oh there and for you to be left alone for the 1st few days then fair enough, some family members might be a little shocked as they like to meet the baby but its your choice at the end of the day i personally enjoyed the visits on my 1st at the hospital as i was in over a day and my daughter slept most of the time apart from feeding ect so i was on my own for most part of it and when i had family visitor at home they made brews themselves ect

 

[flexilexi394]

cool. thanks. I suppose i mean if i want my mum at the birth, i dont want his!!! i also will be living with my mum so its kinda hard to get rid of her i guess if i let them come for a quick visit once im home that will keep them happy and stuff, i just dont want anyone watching me try and breastfeed i guess i will prob be out and about by like day 4 or 5 (knowing me) as i have horses and stuff, so havent got a lot of choice and by this point i will love people to meet baby i am just worried about the initial first days where people will be very excited and stuff. thanks again guys xx

 

[serenitylove]

id say let them visit in hosp as most have a 2 visitor rule anyways but tell them all you want time alone when u leave hosp for a few days

 

[frankie707]

You sound very similar to me on this stuff - I think you just have to tell people how you would like to play it early on and stay fair to everyone and remember that there will be times when we will need families to help us.
We have told people (inc in-laws) that we dont want visitors at the hospital (if I have a natural birth as not planning on staying in very long) and they were fine about this even with my mum being my birthing partner cos DH will probably be away, afterwards will let them come and visit but just be quite firm on only coming on pre-arranged visits and only staying for short periods of time, I think with breast-feeding you can just say that baby needs a feed and people will take the hint and dissapear.

 

[flexilexi394]

yeah frankie i like your style lol. my mum isnt necessarily gonna be there either, as i dont know whether im gonna want her or not! i may do just fine without her and im lucky enough to have OH nearby (do feel for you possibly having yours away)
Id just quite like to do things and get the hang of feeding and stuff, i almost dont want them to jump in and try and help (i know what they are like and they will just take over) as MIL was a midwife til a couple of years ago, she "knows best" and stuff. i know we are all going to get opinions thrown at us, but theres a difference in that and actually having someone trying to help too much i think - or maybe they will surprise me who knows! just the way everythings going, id quite like to be left on my own for a bit with OH and baby.
I hope i dont sound selfish. the cool thing is my nan and grandad were like "well when we visit a couple of days after. . . " like they already know not to come to close for the first few days whereas IL's dont have that concept about them.

sorry to drag and seem unreasonable . . . i love being able to just ask anyone on this forum about this sort of topic! x

 

[Rayoflight]

I wanted to do this but my husband thinks I'm being a bitch so no doubt we will have all and sundry round all bloody day!

I've warned him though that if it gets too much I'm imposing a 3 day ban on anyone coming round.

A friend of mine had everyone visit for the first week and pre-warned all friends and family that in week two the door would be locked, phones off the hook and curtains closed whilst her, husband and baby bonded as a family in his final paternity leave week. I really admired her for this.

 

[mumofmany]

this where i agree with the others as same rules both sides, my SIL had her baby and asked for only the mothers to visit hospital which was fair enough and no visitors when she got back home, the rest of us rang after about a week, still wren't allowed, then another week still weren't allowed, then week lateri was allowed but her friends was visiting so my brother sid she cant cope with more than 1 at a time and she couldn't cope with looking after my kids, i wasn't taking my kids wit me and even if i did i wasn't asking her to look after them, i think i finaly got to see her when she was 2 months old, my sister even later so we felt totally pushed out, infact we haven't bonded with her none of our family have and she is 1 this week, which is so sad because i have got over 10 neices and nephews and we are all so close even with her sister who has been here 2 days on the run. and my other neice is coming tonight, and i hae that it wont be the same with her, so just be careful you dont eep them away too long. i personnally have all my visitors straigt away when i get home then its normally over with in 2 days ankd you can then enjoy, i wear my pj's and ask guests to make me a cuppa, good friend and family normally offer anyway and bonus do the dishes if hubby hasn't. that is just what i prefer. i totally understand the breast feeding thing though and just explain beforehand tt when baby needs feeding you will be asked toleave because you do not want to do it infront of anyone while you learning and people will totally understand and may even offer to leave it a few days before they visit, from expeience though that 1st and 2nd day baby normally kackerd so doesn't seem to feed as much as a few days later.

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I'm having OH and my mum at the birth but once I'm home I want it just to be me, OH and Lacey, no one else for afew days!! I want to bond with the baby before everyone wants to see him! I've had a couple people say, I'm coming to see you straight away but I've said bluntly no! Make sure you set your ground rules! It's up to you what you want and if that means upsetting people then tough on them!
I had so many visitors after having Lacey and ended up very emotional with it and got depressed and I'm no way having that again!!

 

[mumofmany]

thought i'd explain when i said her sister my brother had a baby to a prevous partner

 

[midnight]

oh no i didnt mean have you mil in with you just say she is welcome to visit in the hospital

you do whatever you feel comfortable if you dont want people there tell them beforehand so they and you know where you stand

 

[sexyamy2005]

im only havin my hubby a the birth, if i stay in hosp then my mum n dad n his mum n dad and sister can come visit us at the hosp, but ive said all along i dont want any visitors for the first few days unless i feel up to it, or really need / want to see them,

to me its time to bond with the newist memeber of my family, and that is what both me n craig wana do, we will invite people round to visit i guess after maybe a week or somethin, but its all personal choice, stick to your guns n do what you want hun

xxx

 

[rbryan0205]

i think my mum and dh will be at the birth and im hoping to be out of the hospital fairly swiftly but think i'll jus let ppl come as they want tcause once they come it will all be done and dusted thn we can settle down as a family xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Tricky one Lexi,

Perhaps keep the hosp clear for yourself, call you mum in only if needed for support later, and that way MIL can have no issue. Perhaps then MIL can come on day 1/2 when home ,to get them covered, esp as you live with your Mum! then say no more for a full week after. Then I would get your OH to arrange one day for visitors or slots over two days that second week, and get it all done on your terms.

I don't have a big family, MIL won't be there as in scotland,(she can stay there!), my lovely FIL a good two hours away and he's not too well to get up, so we will take baby to see him after a month or so. My mum lives in cornwall , but she will be up here camped out, planning and driving me mad, once I reveal I know the section date to her! and my sister will want to visit in hosp, brother in bristol so he won't be up, (unless my mum makes him!). But some good freinds will be coming into hosp asap after, and that's good with me, I will be in for a couple of days and OH can't stay long then due to the kids being with him, and a teacher training day the next blooming day!!! so I find it's a bit lonely other than baby and look forward to the visitors coming X

Get your plan well known tho before they start asking! Good thing about visits in hosp tho, if you stay in , is that the slots are timed, they cannot overstay welcome, or come in big groups and then they have to go, without you telling them!!

 

[flexilexi394]

Thanks everyone! Think I'm just gonna keep it me and OH an maybe my mum at hosp, then an inlaw visit after I'm out, then no one for a couple of days then I know I'll prob be ok! Sounds like the best thing doesn't it x

 

[JJ Mum]

Thanks everyone! Think I'm just gonna keep it me and OH an maybe my mum at hosp, then an inlaw visit after I'm out, then no one for a couple of days then I know I'll prob be ok! Sounds like the best thing doesn't it x

sounds likes a good plan Lex