Transition from breastfeeding/co-sleeping

[kitty2016]

Hi all,
I’ve not posted in here since I had my first baby in 2016. He’s now 20 months and just need a bit of advice that I’m hoping you can help with!

He was exclusively breastfed and is still feeding to sleep at night. I’m 15 weeks pregnant and cut out his nighttime, morning and afternoon feeds over the course of the last couple of months as I’ve suffered with extreme nursing aversion. I’ve done that as gentle as possible and he’s taken to it really well. He’s pretty laid back and he seems to have just gone with it. We haven’t even really had any tears so I know I’m lucky.

He’s always co-slept, whether it be in our bed or crib next to our bed. I’m desperate to get him in his own room and to not feed to sleep before baby arrives (preferably asap so that we have some settling time)
Firstly, how do you get a toddler to sleep?! As he’s always fed to sleep I don’t know where to start. Yes we could walk him to sleep and yes we could use the sling. But I’m wary that the bigger I get I will struggle (he’s also a very tall baby and I’m only 5,2” so it’s difficult to hold him for long periods). People say “just lay them down in their crib and sing to them” I can’t imagine that ever happening! He will snooze off with me right next to him, cuddling and singing but that’s after he’s already had some milk.

Do I try both at the same time? Move him into his own room and try a different way to get him to sleep?

I’ve used my instincts alongside gentle probing tecnhinques thus far but I just seem to be stuck with this. I have no idea what to do to make it easier for us both.

I’ll just add that I’ve been breastfeeding during the night, every 2 hours up until last month and I’m now lucky enough that most nights he will sleep 7am-5am.

Any advice appreciated!
Thanks x

 

[Hoping for no2]

I wouldn’t personally start with rocking or anything like that at 20 months as he’s nearing 2 so should be capable of self settling. If it was me I’d work on him self settling in his cot, so putting him in awake and letting him fall asleep on his own. It won’t happen straight away and you can do as gently as you are comfortable with (staying in the room to start if you don’t want to leave him and gently shooshing and encouraging him to lie down if he sits up). Im sure others will have other views but both of our boys have self settled from around 6 months old and have always been and still are great sleepers at 8 and 3. Best of luck!

 

[GBLiz]

i would make that last feed a bit earlier so he isnt tired and doesnt fall asleep while feeding. Really you need to have him cleaning his teeth before bed so feeding to sleep isnt ideal at all. I think personally i would change everything at once because otherwise the period where things are changing will be so long and drawn out, whereas you can get it over with in a week if you do it short and sharp. I sleep traind my little one at 8 months and it took a week but he settles by himself like a dream (sleeping through the night not so much, but at least he goes down easily!

I did the conrolled crying approach which sounds harsh, but having had a daughter who i did all the soothing and rocking, and she didnt sleep easily til she was 3- there was no way i was repeating that fiasco. So with my second, i fed him last about 30 mins before bedtime. Cuddle him and Put him in his cot at bedtime, stroke his back a few times, say good night then leave the room. Crying ensues, the first time. Leave it 5 minutes, (or 2 minutes to start with if you cant bear it. ) I would go in, pick him up, soothe him and when he relaxed but was still awake put him back down. Repeat the leaving the room for 5 mins then going in to settle him. The first night he was really angrry and it took 40 minutes of going back in , reassuring him, and putting him down again. The second night 20 minutes. The third night he didnt bother making a fuss and that was that, it sometimes takes going in after 5 mins and resettling him but it quite literally never takes me going in more than twice, so bedtime settling is easy. In the night if he wakes i do the same thing of just lifting him out, giving him a cuddle and resettling him and he is generally quite happy with that (not right now as he's teething but thats another issue!) Some people say dont even touch them but that was too harsh for me. I would say go for all the changes and be tough those first 2-3 nights. If the time taken to settle him doesnt drop within a week then maybe rethink the strategy. But it wont hurt him to be put out that it isnt all his way !

 

[kitty2016]

Thanks but I’m totally against controlled crying so not an option. I was hoping to hear from someone that had maybe been through similar that practices a gentle parenting approach.

 

[GBLiz]

fair enough. I have been through exactly the same with my daughter and i did it all gentle parenting, babyled and i now have a 9 year old who still cant self settle if she cant get to sleep ,!! Maybe thats just her and maybe the cc would never have worked for her anyway. My little boy it just really worked and he is a very content baby.

 

[CornishGirl]

My little boy is 16 months and I practice gentle parenting. He’s still breastfeeding and we’re ttc our second.

My son sleeps in his own room. He co-slept until 6 months and still does now when he’s unwell. I’ve fed him to sleep for months but now he’s older it doesn’t work any more. I’ve moved his last feed earlier in his bedtime routine so it’s nappy, pjs, story, cuddle/breastfeed and then I put him in the cot and leave (this only works if I leave). His dad then stays and strokes his back/shushes until he falls to sleep (takes 10-30 minutes).

If I stay in the room he cries for me and his milky cuddles but he’s perfectly happy if I leave.

Obviously every little one is different and I followed my instincts with this.

A good book to read is the no cry sleep solution.

 

[kitty2016]

Thanks, I’ll have a look at the book. My husband works shifts so isn’t home every evening to be able to do this. How long have you been doing it? Do you think you’ll be able to take over eventually or not until you stop breastfeeding?

 

[CornishGirl]

We’ve been doing it this way since the start of November. Before that I was still feeding to sleep.

Now and again my husband has to work away from home but we’ve not had to cross that bridge yet. I kinda hope that I’ll be able to do the same routine and shush/stroke to sleep but I have a feeling it won’t be that easy. I think I may end up attempting to feed to sleep. Hmmm

I think if I wasn’t breastfeeding possibly this wouldn’t be an issue? I think if I’m there he really just wants that comfort. I guess it’s like dangling a dummy in front of a baby that uses one but not giving it to them. (My son never had a dummy)

 

[kitty2016]

Completely agree! My son has also never had a dummy or anything else to soothe him other than my poor nips! I know that he will want milk if I’m there and I haven’t got the heart to refuse! I was lucky that he didn’t really bother about cutting out his other feeds!

 

[CornishGirl]

I never have the heart to refuse. I was 10 minutes late for work this morning but he was pulling at my top. Ended up 20 minutes late but my son was happy.
I plan to grin and bear it if we’re successful TTC and I become sensitive but realistically I have no idea how I’ll feel.

I’ll be more than happy to tandem feed though.