told my mum thurs night

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by melanieyeah, Nov 12, 2005.

  1. melanieyeah

    melanieyeah Well-Known Member

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    maybe you oughta listen to your mom hun, I know abortions are not on the cards for you, but like we have said, its not ideal for you, it will be so hard and not to mention the effect it will have on your body having 2 kids so close together. They do say wait a while after having a c section, and they must say it for health reasens, what if it ruptures you could lose the baby and yourself, and what would summer do without her mommy. :( You mom will stand by you no matter what you decide im sure, just dont go back with that creep, hes bad news for you huni!! xxxxxall my love and be brave xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. BubbleOne

    BubbleOne Well-Known Member

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    Hey Kayl,

    I think you are being really strong and mature about this whole situation.
    Letting Ash see Summer after everything he has put you through is a really big thing to do. I hope he understands that and is grateful?
    I have read all your other posts and don't really know what advice to give you with regards to baby number 2. I agree with both sides really. I can see how a termination would be a good thing for your future health and of course this baby will tie you to Ash even more but I can also see why you want to have this baby. Maybe you should go to the doctors appointment on Monday and ask the doctor to explain more fully the risks involved in having this baby. Get some other medical opinions too. Ask midwives online and maybe consider speaking through all this with a councillor?
    What ever choice you make has to be the right one for you, but atleast make sure you know ALL the facts and possibilities first.
    Good Luck Babes xxx
     
  3. Kim

    Kim Well-Known Member

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    I really don't think anyone can advise you on what to do, it has to be 100% your decision, but all I can say is think really carefully about the people this will affect who matter, and what is best for them, ie you and summer.

    I really hope you can come to a decision you are happy with, best of luck hun xx
     
  4. beanie

    beanie Well-Known Member

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    Am sending you big hugs, think you have had great advice from everyone. I agree, find out as much as you can about the risks and benefits and then make your decision on what you feel is the right thing to do. It is such a tough decision but I know you'll make the right one for you. No matter what you decide I know everyone will be here for you and we will all support you as much as we can. Take care hon xxxx
     
  5. Guest

    It's none of my business really - but is moving in with Ash a good idea? I mean - if he ups and leaves - you'll be in the shit. Or what if he finds another girl - and brings her back to the flat/house? How will you feel? I know I wouldn't be able to do it. It may be a nice idea for Summer - but is it really such a brilliant idea?

    Sorry to bring them things up. Don't know if that is gonna help or just upset you - sorry if it does Kayl - it's not meant to xx
     
  6. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    I personally think you made a mistake cancelling your doctors appointment.

    I don't think you have taken what he said seriously enough.

    Your mum also really cares about you babe, She also really loves you hun and she doens't want to see you ill and ending up with a hystorectomy before your 20th birthday.

    Who would take care of Summer for you if you were rushed into hospital and had to stay there for a few weeks. i doubt that Asher would be bothered about her. Don't fall out with your mum babe, you will regret it so much.

    You could meet the man of your dreams in a few years time and it would break both of your hearts if you couldn't have any children together, as a result of a hysterectomy
     
  7. Skidoo

    Skidoo Well-Known Member

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    You're going ahead with the second pregnancy and moving in with Ash 'as friends'? And what happens when there are complications? Will he look after Summer while you go to the hospital? And, as Sami asks, what about when he brings his girlfriends back? How will you feel lying in the next room with your baby while he's next door with his latest conquest? Will you make them a nice cup of tea in the morning?

    Of course he's not bothered that it's his mum that's fussing over Summer - he's not that bothered!!! If he was, he wouldn't want her mother to be put in ANY KIND of risk.

    And do you think your mum still be willing to help you after you've turned your back on her help and love?

    Why did you cancel the dr appt? You NEED more information about how carrying on with yr second pregnancy is going to affect you and Summer. Is it really fine for Summer to get neglected if you have - as you probably will - complications from your second pregnancy?

    I understand that you have a difficult decision to make, but saying 'it will be fine' does not make it so. Get your head out of the sand and look around. Who has ACTUALLY supported you in the past? Who has ACTUALLY been there for you?
     
  8. Guest

    Kayl please don't feel like you are bothering us, you're not. We're just offering our advice and opinions. Only you know what is best for you and what will work for you, we are giving an opinion on what we would do in your position.

    We're still here for you and will support you even if we would not have chosen to go through with your actions ourselves.

    Talk to your midwife at the booking and she can give you the straight facts. I hope it goes well for you, and please, keep posting.

    x
     
  9. kellysomer

    kellysomer Well-Known Member

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    Kayl, i feel i have to jump in and say my bit on this one. The desision is yours and needs to be discussed with your mum and midwife with the final desision being yours, i dont know how old you are but you know your own mind. I personally could not have an abortion even if the risks were exceptional i am just not made strong enough that way.

    Speak to your mum she will be your best friend and allied force if you let her! Set up your own home and life for you and Summer (great name by the way) and then you dont have to suffer if your friendship with your ex falls through regardless of whether the unborn child is to be or not.

    Find your own legs to stand on and with the help of your lovely mum you will be fine!!!!!!!!


    ((((((hugs))))))) to you and summer and PM me if you need to. We are all here for you regardless of our own opinions. This one is down to you honey!!

    :D :D
     
  10. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    We all care about you very much hun. Which is why so many people have replied to your post.

    Please don't feel as if you can't come on here for advice.

    You can guarentee that whatever you decide we will all be here behind you as always to support you and helping to keep your chin up on the difficult days.

    All we all want to do is support you and stick up for you no matter which direction you head in.

    I just worry about people thats all. I can't help it. I'll blame my hormones.

    Take care babe
     
  11. BubbleOne

    BubbleOne Well-Known Member

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    I second what KellySomer and Sarah W Baby Belly have said xxx

    I care and I know you will make the right choice for you xxx
     
  12. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    Kay....

    do NOT feel pressured in to doing anything you dont want to do, this is your baby, your feelings, your life, live it how you want to hunny, your a great mum to summer and will be an equaly great mum to your new baby wether Ash sticks around or not.

    Your mum is worried about you but she will come round to whatever you decide to do in time babes.

    go see your midwife, get all teh info you need to stay strong and healthy during this pregnancy, and most importantly, enjoy it!! dont let others make you feel bad about your choices.

    im on msn if you want to chat anytime hun, and im still up for that meet up if you are!

    xxxx
     
  13. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kay

    Sorry it's taken so long for me to reply here.

    I have been impressed by how you've come to ask for opinions. I'm a lot older than you but I'd want to run away and hide if it were me and you haven't done that. I think you've faced up to the reality of this situation brilliantly.

    You do need all the facts on the risks - this will help you ensure that if you continue this pregnancy you're able to do it as safely as possible.

    I would personally not advise you to move in with Ash. It's stressful enough for you thinking of him doing his own thing, let alone you having to witness it on a daily basis with pregnancy hormones coursing through your veins!

    It must be tough at your Mum's house at the moment if you're not on speaking terms but you're safe there for the moment whilst you work out what to do. Getting your own place isn't a bad idea but I wouldn't run to Ash to escape your Mum. Our of the chip pan into the fire springs to mind.

    I'd support whatever decision you make.

    Take care
    Louise
     
  14. Skidoo

    Skidoo Well-Known Member

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    Sorry if I sounded harsh.

    I'm just worried that you are reacting to things (Asher saying he wants you to live with him / your mum being angry) and not giving yourself some time to think about what's best for you and Summer. That's why I suggested you get some counselling - talk to someone (who isn't hormonally challenged by pregnancy) outside the situation!

    You seem like a sensible girl, you've done the right thing by airing your worries here, so think carefully about your options. Think about the best and worst outcome of your decisions and how you would cope with it.

    You've got a lot of thinking to do.

    Good luck.
     
  15. melanieyeah

    melanieyeah Well-Known Member

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    hey darlin, I know you love ash, and you seeing him the other day made you remember that, but the love he gives you isnt consistant enough to build a decent relationship off. Moving in with him would be the mother of all mistakes, ''sleeping'' in separate rooms would NEVER work, you cannot live with your ex, even if it is for summers sake because ive tried it, my mom did it, my sister did it before her son died, and none of the times it made anyones relationships better. he is no good, hes a tWAt.. get rid of him and be the best mom you can be, YOU ARE A GREAT MOM, NEVER CHANGE FOR ANYONE, NOT ASHER NOT NO-ONE :D! stay with your mom, or get your OWN place, no ash's aloud and show him how great you are without him, and how u dont need him. You mom will help you thru it all, as will us lot on here, were all here to offer our best support, and experiences. I '' lived'' with my ex as friends for 3 days before we started ''being together'' and it lasted a week, I was out the very next argument. being together for the sake of a child will never work hun. Summer needs her mommy, so carry on doing the best job you can, we all have faith in you hun, we know you can make it no matter what :) be brave, hold Your head high and realise you don't need the Idiot in your life to be a good mom! xxxhugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  16. emilia

    emilia Well-Known Member

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    I'm sitting here with my head in my hands and I can see things so different, probably because I'm just so much older. I am so troubled for your sake - just the other day was I replying to you about Ash when he had mentioned to you about having another baby so soon! I have so much to say about the matter, but best kept quiet.
    I feel sorry that this special time with summer, is being cluttered with domestic politics, etc. You should be recovering in harmony, admire your daugther with no conflict and be able to breath again. We can all put a smile on our faces and turn the other cheek, but it doesn't end there. Before we know it we're depressed and caught up in terrible emotional trauma.
    I have so much advice, but you are the driver of this journey. I just hope for your sake, that all the risks, rage and anger, does not have a lasting affect on you! You deserve so much more and you really need to believe in yourself.
    You might not think that you're capable of finding a soul mate, but I can reassure you - we all have one! All you have to do, is to trust, love and respect yourself. No one will be able to trust, love and respect you, if you can't yourself.
    As I've said in previous posts, you've been genuinely brave to discuss such personal matters with folk on this forum. Don't turn away from it - we're all here from different walks of life and can only give you our honest advise.
    I'm envious of the fact that you have so much of life still ahead of you - with wonderful experiences that will make you wiser. I myself have so much I would do different if I got the chance. You're not alone struggling, but you have to face the facts and the music. You're utterly responsible for yourself, Summer and possibly, another baby! It's a hell of a lot to carry by yourself. Take some humble advice from me - please do justice to yourself and seek some trusting person you could open up to. It really is amazing just how much we learn from ourselves when we don't have to pretend.
    I have waffled on far to much now - I'm thinking of you along with all the other girls.
    it's your journey!!!!!!!!
    Emilia xx
     
  17. melanieyeah

    melanieyeah Well-Known Member

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    hi babe. He will cry, he will sob, hes gonna make you feel like shit for not having him bck,but do not weaken to his cries, you know what will happen if you do.. and it will be back to the drawing board. And again and again and again...you have to be strong, get away from him, and letting him see summer only lets you remember how much you cared about him. Personally I wouldnt thrust summer in his face, i would wait until he wanted to see her.. and i mean REALLy wanted to see her. I bet eventually, if you didnt follow his every whim, he would go away.Is he really a good dad to summer? He didnt support your pregnancy, why would he now support her? hes a loser, dont listen to a word of the bs hes feeding you. You and summer can do it all without him and his house.
    hold you head high, and look like you and your little girl are having the best time without him! WHO NEEDS HIM! xxxx((((hugs))))xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  18. Sarah&Braydon

    Sarah&Braydon Well-Known Member

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    hi ya u know my opinion and that is do wot u want if u want this baby you have him her. but dont fall out with your mum try tlking to her but dont let her upset u. dont worry bout ash i know he is summers dad and the babys but if he is interested let him come to u and prove to u he wants to be involved, also make him and his family go to you to prove it if they wanna c summer and the baby they will come to you
     
  19. sarahx500

    sarahx500 Well-Known Member

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    hi
    ive been reading this post and it seems yr such a strong person, yr doing the best for summer and yrslf and u have to carry on doing that..

    the only people that REALLY count in this is U AND SUMMER , make the right decision , im sure u will and it will be the right decision for u ..

    good luck xxxxx
     
  20. Hypnorm

    Hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    i feel sorry for summer in all this, you are no doubt stressed which will be getting passed on to the little one.
    PLEASE think of Summer, stop going over to Ash if he wants to be involved let him come to you i'm mean its easier for him, i now how hard it can be to get organised and get out of the house with a baby.
    living together as friends won't work, been there done that...
    your mum will always be there for you .. i doubt that ash will...
    try and think in your mothers eyes, she will be worrying for you two over this pregnancy, she doesn't want to lose her daughter at the age of 19 and god forbid but possibly be left with summer to raise, she is concern for your welfare, and she can see that ash is no good and i think you know that deep down.. if he didn't seem interested the other night when you went round that says it all really....
    Keep being strong for your self and summer, and try to have a heart to heart with you mum.
    I admire you for what you are going through and have everything crossed! :wink:
     

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