The "staying at home / going back to work" debate

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

I keep reading articels in papers about women who stay at home who look down their noses at working mums, and working mums who look down their noses at women who stay at home.

This is terrible.!!!!!! It all comes down to personal circumstances, and most often there isn't a choice!

I have been agonising over whether to struggle on one salary or to get a child-minder, and struggle on two salaries and hand my child over to someone else. We are not rich by any means, and whatever option we choose money will be a struggle.

I still haven't made a decision yet as it is really hard to make. What makes it even harder is that whichever option I choose I will be looked down on by people and slated for my choice.

Grrrr!! What does everyone else think?

 

[Skidoo]

If I had the choice I'd stay home and look after my child. What would be great would be to have a local part time job so that I'd get some 'adult' time and also get to spend lots of time with my little one(s).

But, I've worked out our finances and I'll have to go back to work at least 3 days a week, maybe 4 if I can swing one day of working from home. What really upsets me is that on the days I'll go into work I'll hardly see my baby at all! I'll be leaving her at childcare at 8 or so in the morning and won't see her again until I get home around 6 or 7!!

It's rubbish for women to look down at other women for their childcare choices - especially as these often aren't choices but necessities!!

 

i would work and make even more money , become a famous rich person rather than a boring snotty one

 

[Layla]

i have killed 2 birds with 1 stone.

i want to work so i can earn my own money, help out with bills, rent etc and be inderpendant, but on the other hand, i want to stay at home and bring up my kids, i dont want someone else seeing my childs first crawl, steps, hearing there first words etc, it should be me enjoying all that.

so i have nearly finshed a childminding course, i will be ready after policce checks etc to start in april june time, so i get to stay with my children and earn money at teh same time, thats if i get the bisness or course!


EDIT: sorry just re read the first post, if i was very rich then i would stay at home and be a bum lol

 

[Tara & Liam]

sorry cant seem to vote.

but i would stay home and become boring (lol dan).

hubby stays at home and i work, as he is a plasterer he works whenever convenient.

Whilst on maternity i am hoping to get a term time only job. I just didnt feel secure in leaving Joshua with a child minder or at a nursery. having said that i work in a hospital and the staffs creche is just opposite me so that i could just pop in and keep an eye on them.

my sil lives in nottingham and she put Harry into a nursery, and when they wanted the babies to sleep at lunchtime, Harry didnt want to, so theywould just strap him into his buggy and let him cry. emma was shocked when she went to get him, but she still takes him there. i would have punched someone if they done that to my boys.

x

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

I believe it was Lowri Turner who said that all stay at home mums were up their own back-sides and were in a special club who have nothing better to do than go to the gym and spend their husbands money etc etc etc.

How dare she????? What planet is she living on? A planet of rich celebrities who don't live in the real world.

Sorry, I'm getting really livid about this, might have to go and have a rest!

If I do decide to stay at home it will be because I would prefer to look after/educate my child by myself. Money will be extremely tight and I will barely be able to afford to pay the bills, let alone afford to go out to yoga classes and spending sprees and posh lunches.

Grrrrrr!!!!! feeling very twisted and evil about all this!

 

[Sarahe]

This is something I am really not looking forward to.

I am planning to take 9 mths mat leave and we are currently saving the 3 mths wages to cover this.

My worry is that I have a 2 hour commute and can only drop one day from my week, (all the company will allow) this would mean dropping my little one at the nursery at 7 am and my partner collecting at 6 pm in the evening.

I know this is going to be heart rendering and I am really unsure if I will be able to do this. it would mean missing bathtime, dinnertime and sleep time as my partner would have to do this so enable them to get to bed at a reasonable time, before I get home

I think what I may do is whilst on maternity leave look for something local, I would still have to work 4 days but I may gain those 2 hours a day commuting which would make a massive difference.

Really unsure what will happen although if we can cope on maternity leave this will be my arguement for having a wage decrease if I change jobs.

All I know is it will be most heart rendering moment that day I have to leave them in the care of someone else and I am not looking forward to it

Sarah

 

[nicki]

How can stay at home mums be up there own arses? I'll tell that to my mum and see whta she makes of it!! That Lowri Turner needs a kick.

Personally I want to stay at home and nurture my child, raise my child, discipline my child and just be there for my child. I don't see the point of working to satisfy my own needs (my baby comes first) and paying someone else to bring up my kid. I'm lucky enough that I don't really need to work for us to survive and if money did become tight & I needed to work to pay the bills then it would be part time and my mum, DH's mum would look after the babe if we couldn't.

I appreciate that some people need to work to survive and don't have the grandparents around and that's fair enough but it REALLY annoys me when people that have their own opinions on matters think they are right and thats it and can't or won't listen to others and as for insulting people is just down right rude.

*Stops rant and calms down!*

Nicki.

P/S I hate the Gym so won't be doing that when baby arrives and as for spending my DH's money well I will be - on food, nappy's toy's etc- and I suppose the money that i've put into the house and have saved over the years doesn't count eh! - oh, i'm going again, deep breaths, deep breaths!!!

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

Its good to see that I am not the only person who agonises over this decision. Its a really hard one. And I am going to have to make it some time next year. Not looking forward to it!

 

[Sarahe]

not looking forward to it Sarah.

 

[leannie]

If I could I would stay at home, but Im going to be a single parent so have to go back to work Im working right up to about 12 days before I give birth so I can spend the first 6 mnths with my little one.

 

[futuremum]

I would stay at home if i had the choice and do some charity stuff to change my mind a bit!!!

I cannot beleive I have to go back to work in 15 weeks full time and it is going to be horrible!!! But no choice as I am the only one working in the family!!!!

I went to see a friend whose baby is just 3 months old and she was getting excited by ?Blue Bear on the TV and it was so cute. My friend told me she only just started to be interested in things, and of course this is the time when I have to go back to work, i am going to miss so much of my baby!!!

So hopefully, I might find another job that I like, will not take up all of my time so I can appreciate my little darling more!!!

 

[Kerry]

We aren't rich and I didn't have a choice - when I left work when pregnant with my first at 37 weeks I was all signed up to go back every day from 9-2 after my maternity leave, I used to do 8-6.

Once I had the baby everything changed - we learned to survive on one wage and if it meant having beans on toast for tea then thats what we did. There was no way I could go back to work. Its been tough at times but I wouldn't change it for anything.

Only when my second was 18 months did I start my Doula training and started working again here and there but being self employed meant I was my own boss which was great.

It's such a tough position to be in and a lot of people are surprised at how well they cope with very little money.

 

[minikins]

Ello,

I will stay at home as long as I can afford to. I have no job to go back to as I left them when they tried to discriminate against me due to my pregnancy. Luckily I still have some settlement money to sustain us for a while.

You will make the right choice and ignore anyone if they look down their noses at you, it's none of their bloody business, I don't care about what anybody thinks unless they are my hubby

xx

 

[Bagpuss17]

Ultimately it's got to be everyones individual choice and people should respect that. Sadly, that isn't the case and you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

It tears you apart trying to make the right decision but I guess you will only really know once the baby arrives. Some women I've worked with have gone back to work after 3 months because they said they're not suited to being a stay at home mum - that's their choice.

Others have had to come back after the standard 6 months maternity leave but it's been really hard for them. You've got to earn a living still.

For me, I'd like to work part time. If money was no object I'd stay at home but I've worked hard for my career, if I give it up now, I won't be able to get back into it very easily. IT is male dominated and their is huge discrimination once a woman gets to child bearing age. Plus I have a job that is local to where I live, I may not be so lucky next time and I don't want to have to commute miles to go to work once I have a family.

A friend of ours gave up her teaching job when she had kids 7 years ago, she totally disapproves of working mums. But she has a job that she can get back into more easily due to the demand for teachers, she's now started teaching once a week again as it suits her.

I won't be in that position if I give my job up. I'll be more or less closing the door on my career.

I don't think that being a stay at home mum automatically makes you a good mother, you often see it on these programs like Supernanny and the like. They stay at home but spend more time on the cleaning than stimulating their children with play and learning - where is the benefit in staying home if you're more obsessed about the cleaning?

Part time is the utopia for me, best of both worlds.

 

[beanie]

I am planning on going back part time as ir seems like the most suitable arrangment for me. My mum was a SAHM till both me and my sister were at school but I feel that financially I couldn't afford to wait that long and also I have only just qualified at my job. Part time would suit me down to the ground as I will still be able to spend time with my child but also work at my career which is important to me. I have had discussions with family who think that I should put my child first, well to me I am. I can spend time with baby, OH will also have a day looking after baby and the rest of the time they will be in a nursery meeting other children. I also get to earn a decent wage and work in an area that interests me. That is my choice and it suits me at the moment. It drives me mad when there are reports in the papers about how children who recieve one to one attention are more socially and emotionally developed, i.e. its best if mum stays at home, then childminder etc till nursery. Not every woman has a choice about work, and some actually feel that they want to work. Surely its about quality not quantity, some people I know out their child in front of a tv all day, others actually spend time with their children doing activities. I think that today as women we have so many demands on us to be perfect mothers, have a great figure, a fantastic social life dressed int he latest fashions, with a great job etc that we are made to feel like failures if we are not "successful" at any part. The reality is that the government needs to improve the childcare facilities in this country and stop the research reports that push more guilt towards women who are doing their upmost to provide the best family life they can working or not.

Now can someone help me off this soap box as I have SPD and am waddling like a duck . Sorry for going on, has been a tough day.