The end of the line (EDIT: It's Sami) :(

[uncertainfuture]

I'm posting under another username, but I am a member of this forum already. I just don't know if I can post under my current username - I don't want to seem attention seeking.

Me and my partner have been together for a long time and have a baby now. Since before our child was born he was always a bit of a flirter and he's played away before, but even now it's been ages since it all happened I cannot trust him. There are lots of other things going on too, him being lazy, not paying enough attention to the baby, etc.

I'm just scared to be finally going it alone after all this time with a baby too.

Has anyone else been in this position?

 

[Cat&Noah]

Well not knowing the full ins and outs of your relationship its hard to judge. The most important question you should ask yourself is would you still be with him if you didnt have a child? If the answer is no then you really should look at going it alone, because if you just stay together for the sake of the baby, you will just end up regretting it and resenting him and maybe even resenting the baby. Its always worth talking things out though before making any rash decisions, dont just up and go without telling him how you feel and telling him what you expect from him and that he needs to deliver or thats it, that way you will find out if he has perhaps just let things slip and not been putting in the effort and whether or not he really wants to be with you and try to make things work.

 

[Lou]

Nope never been in that situation. Sounds bloody horrible though but if you don't get on then I don't believe in staying together for kids if things are really bad. Kids pick up on bad feelings in my opinion.

Lou

 

[Urchin]

I really hope things work out soon for you hun. I know this is a really hard time but further down the line you might look back on this time now and realise what's happened is for the best in the long term.
xxxx

 

It was my post. I didn't want people to think I was attention seeking Bit stupid really.

If Damien wasn't here then I would have left a long time ago when other things happened. I just don't know how I'll manage financially if I leave either. OH will go back to his parents when we leave the house so he'll have nothing to pay for, but I'll have to rent again on my own and have all the bills to pay as my parents don't have room for me + Damien.

 

[Wobbles]

Oh Sami

I've been in a situation of staying together because of finances & to be honest at the time it wasn't just me my ex was in the same frame of mind & didn't wish to return to his parents home an feel like he had nothing! We ended up resenting each other & adventurely we split up ~ I can't imagine that feeling with a baby ~ Do you think he would leave you both to struggle if you did decide to go seperate ways?

xx

 

No but I wouldn't expect his money, just to be a part of Damien's life still and contribute that way. I'm on the net trying to work out what id be entitled to now!

 

[Wobbles]

I know what you mean by 'expecting' his money but he still has a commitment to help support your boy & I hope he'd like to

Not sure if you work or are due back to work?

http://www.taxcredits.inlandrevenue.gov ... ehold.aspx

http://www.direct.gov.uk/MoneyTaxAndBen ... dits/fs/en

http://www.entitledto.co.uk/under60.asp

Hope these links help if you haven't already found them or know of them.

x

 

Thanks for the links mate. No I'm not going back to work , with Damien's healht issues I've mad eno plans to at all.
Mark will help out I know, but I don't want to go down the shitty road of CSA etc while we can work things out amicably

 

[ToriElla]

aw lovely. so it's official then. You'll be fine though - you are strong and hopefully you and mark can still be on friendly terms xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Wobbles]

Oh thats what I meant when I said do you think he would, so many men wouldn't

Looking in from the outside

Hope the path you take works out for you Sami x << Hugs for the wee man too!

I will say goodnight & betting you are sat there pulling your hair out I think you should get some shut eye too & maybe talk to your OH about how you feel, maybe you guys can work it out but not knowing you personally or your OH its hard to say much more than hoping you take the happy path for you x x

 

[beanie]

If the trust isn't there then perhaps it's best to call it a day. I personally think without trust relationships never work, and its not fair on either of you. You'll be good,

 

[Urchin]

I'm glad you "owned up" Sami...like I said before, no-one would ever think you are attention seeking...we're just here to try and help...not to judge

Hopefully benefits wise you'll be OK, I'm sure you'll get housing benefit to help with rent etc.

Hope things settle down soon hun.

 

[LouisecH]

Hi Sami

I was hoping it wasn't you (well I wouldn't want it to be anyone really) so big hugs

You would be entitled to full housing benefit especially with Damien's health issues so don't worry about rent.
http://www.mkweb.co.uk/benefits/home.asp

You would also get child beneft, child tax credit and income support. It's not brilliant but you can get by on it.

I wish I had more words of comfort. You brilliant and lovely and in a year or so I'm sure you'll be in a much better place and happy with the decisions you've made. Damo needs a happy Mum more than material things. More

 

[K X]

Sami I'm sorry to hear this. Dale has been a bit of a t*t since Bex came along-still acting like a silly boy at times.

No offence-but you are probably better off financially on ur own, you will get a disability premium on ur income support coz Damo is on DLA.
(Used to work for the DSS)

Hope you and Damo r ok, can I just say what a healthy happy looking wee boy he is, I was shocked when I seen his photo, he has changed so much. A little stunner! U look like u r carrying the weight of the world on ur shoulders-don't, everything will b ok

 

[hannahbet20]

sami do you work at all you would be entitled to housing benefit if you have ur own place income support and child ben and tax credits i was on my own with jake for a while i got 57 income support my rent payed 17 child benefit and about 50 tax credits so works out at 117 a week plus rent payed and you will probably get extra because of damiens condition its not much but we did it and at the time i was happier on my own, i hope things work out for you hunny damiens gorgeous and ur a fantastic mummy.

 

[lauramumof2]

Sami,
it sounds like you already know what you need to do. You deserve better than someone you cant trust. You have spoken before about feeling down and stuff and hearing what he is like no wonder you feel like this. It sounds like a lot of your problems could be solved by leaving. You will get all benefits you are entitled to, housing, income support etc...

No one would think you are attention seeking at all.

 

[Hypnorm]

No advice to give really, just hope you cam work things out and be amicable, you've had so much to deal with, what with Health probs for little bubba.

 

[Rosebay]

Hi Sami,

you're such a tough person, I really admire the way you've coped with everything that life has slung at you the past year or so, I know you can go it alone if you feel it's right. I'm sure you'll be fine financially too but I just wondered if you'd thought of going to relationship counselling before calling it a day? Such a lot has happened to both of you recently might it be worth talking to a third party about it or is it really totally over for you both? Don't mean to sow doubt if you're certain though....

((Hugs))

+++

 

Well me and OH are going to try and work at things now, we've got alot to fight for and i'm hoping we can start trying to work on the current and past issues. Thanks for all your advice and support, lets hope we can work this out. x