terrible two blues

[Kay Kay]

Just looking for somewhere to vent and hopefully some advice/words of encouragement from fellow mamas.

My lo is 2.2 and a bit of a handful. Aren't they all! Well, no it seems. I know I shouldn't do this but I look at other kids his age and think 'why is it only my wee one that's misbehaving?'

To give you an example of what I mean I'll start with toddler groups - he won't sit in a circle, he quite often pushes other kids and thinks it funny (although he doesn't do it as often as he used to), he runs away from me etc. Eating out is a nightmare, won't sit in a highchair, rarely eats his food (he's extremely fussy at the mo but that's a whole other thread) and just wants to run about and touch things he's not supposed to/that are dangerous.

He has good manners and says please and thank you and I will not give in when he barks orders at me but I'm just finding it tough controlling him in general. I'm not one for shouting loudly but I have a 'stern' voice that I use and he just laughs at me!!

We were out for lunch today with my friend and her wee girl who is the same age.She sat and ate her lunch, didn't move from her seat and was just a wee angel. My lo on the other hand wouldn't sit, as running about the place (thank god it was child friendly and they had toys and nice staff trying to amuse him). Although the waitress did point out how well behaved my friends lo was and I could have cried!

I know he's just a two year old and they all act out but I'm feeling like a bit of a failure lately, it has been made worse by an incident a couple of months ago when I lost him for five minutes in a busy shopping centre. It's knocked my confidence and I constantly feel like I'm being judged by other mums.

I love my wee munchkin with all my heart and he's so bright and chats away and cracks us up. I just hate that he's seen as the 'bad boy' at times. I see the eye rolls from some other mums at a group we go to when he acts out and it makes me feel like s**t.

I have no worries about his development or anything but is it just a case of waiting it out until he's older and starts to calm down? Anyone feel judged? My friends are always telling me I'm paranoid and it's just the terrible twos.

Anyway thanks for listening, I don't post often but when I do, I ramble!

 

[Cakey]

Sounds to me that he's not "bad" but just a very energetic little boy. I've not gone through the toddler stage yet so I hope you don't think I'm stepping in where I don't belong. Does he do any kind of sport/energy burning activity? Maybe he doesn't like sitting because he would rather be running around and exploring and he's just a bit bored.
As I said I don't have a toddler yet but as an outsider he really doesn't seem like a naughty boy but just someone who needs to be doing things all the time. Xx

 

[Kay Kay]

Thanks for your reply, appreciate any input. You're right he has a lot of energy to burn. Sitting in a circle is just not his thing at the moment.

He has just started football classes but even at that they sit in a circle at the start for a few minutes and he just runs off! Every other kid (same age by the way) sit and listen to the instructor. The rest of the class he gets to run about though. Also take him to baby gymnastics which is great apart from when he wants to grab a toy from another child (they have soft play and toys in a big gymnastics hall). He is at the 'ITS MINE!' stage and thinks literally everything is his, even when you explain over and over its not his toy, he must share etc!

It's all a learning experience this being a mum thing eh!

 

[Cakey]

I'm sure he will grow out of running off and grabbing other toys, obviously you're trying your best by explaining he should share. It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job, don't put yourself down xxx

 

[H16]

Oh hun I feel your pain! My little one will be 2 in November and has definitely hit her terrible twos early, she is going through a god awful phase of hitting me as she thinks it is funny, telling her off or smacking her bum doesn't work she just thinks that is funny too.

We have had a few incidents lately with running off - my mum got her out of high chair in pub and low and behold little one ran off and straight into a table! Then we took her swimming and she managed to escape my hand and ran straight into another table - that one ended in a scar on her head and I felt like shit for ages about it but these things happen. Needless to say I invested in some reigns straight after that and now she goes in her buggy or on the reigns and if she throws a tantrum I ignore it as know she is safe now even if a little annoyed she can't run freely lol.

Some days she really tries my patience like today I have battled with her all day to get her to take a nap - lots of crying, tantrums etc to the point where I felt like I was losing my mind and had one of those terrible why did I have kids thoughts that you instantly regret and feel guilty about! Obviously I love her to bits and wouldn't change her for the world but sometimes you just get stressed out with it all.

Parenting a 2 year old is so bloody hard sometimes, those with angelic kids just don't appreciate how well behaved their kids are! My little girl is just full of energy all the time and gets bored very easily as she is so bright for her age (not just a proud parent comment, she is months ahead in a lot of her development) and I think half her tantrums are out of frustration to be honest.

Anyway my point is, you are definitely not alone and having a child that isn't perfect all the time is super hard, I feel your pain! You are not a shit parent though, coping with a child with so much energy etc is hard work hun so cut yourself some slack and ignore the eye rolls as you are doing nothing wrong xxx

 

[Kay Kay]

Thanks ladies x I wasn't this harsh on myself til that day he ran off in the shopping centre, I took my eyes off him for a few seconds and he ran in to a massive busy centre. I literally didn't know which direction to look! It was terrifying and the guilt (and obviously sheer relief) after it was overwhelming! I've been jittery and paranoid ever since.

H16 our lo's sound similar! I definitely have those losing patience moments, been known to break down and cry some days! Usually around 5pm which is known as 'meltdown o'clock ' in our house! Xxx

 

[H16]

Bless u, if you ever want to rant or compare notes drop me a pm Hun, sometimes it helps to talk to someone with similar problems xx

 

[Robyner]

Just to give you reassurance, its melt down city all the time at our house. Terrible twos started early and i was hoping they would finish early but noooooo.
Its mainly when washing, dressing and changing, or getting ready to leave the house. I feel like my neighbours must think im a hag, i lose it all the time.
We also went out for dinner with friends and their daughter sat the whole time but mine never stopped still.
The melt downs wear me out. We cant shop, its totally impossible and draining and i also feel like the only one, when im in the middle of town with a screaming writhing child on the floor and everyone stares.
Yet shes the brightest, funniest, clever little girl.
Be encouraged, you are not alone, im hoping we will see the light at the end of the tunnel soon xxxc

 

[Becky1]

I have same issues with meltdowns over getting dressed, proper screaming and crying fits, i dread to think what the neighbours think... I feel like crap as he's fine when anyone else dresses him. In fact there are a lot of things he gets upset with me doing and not others :-/

He has a lot of energy to burn and being 7mths preg it's not easy to keep up! He goes to a toddler group and never does what he's supposed to - not all but some of the other children do.... He chased a boy round with a stuffed bunny the other week and had him up against the wall shoving the bunny in his face!

KayKay - does he go to nursery or playgroup? Just wondering how he is when he's not with you? I'm convinced I get all the bad behaviour! xxx

 

[babyslog]

Kay kay.. This is Noah all over!!!
EXACTLY how you discribed!

We stopped going to play groups for this reason where i paid £3 for him to fight over toys with other kids and have mothers give me stinking looks lol!
We joined a music and dance class last thurs to try and let off some steam! And although he didnt listen to a single word the teacher told him to he had an amazing time haha!

But hes the same wirh regards to eating out, the sight of being strapped in he kicks off!
Hes alright in a trolley, but mostly have reins on him if out and he picks and chooses when he wants to hold my hand, and if he doesnt, its tantrum time lol!


Your not alone hun! Xxx

 

[flisstebbs]

Your LO sounds like a normal toddler to me! We definitely have good and bad days, and on the bad ones, I am usually in tears with it all by bed time. Its crappy to be getting eye rolls from other parents in groups though, for heavens sake! I usually find that in a pinch its another parent who gives a nod of solidarity during public melt downs, which helps massively to feel normal.

In terms of trying to control Jess, I've become queen of negotiation and bribery as I can't physically overpower her or keep up now at the end of pregnancy with SPD. I use tv shamelessly (I have fav episodes of peppa pig on my phone!), snacks, drinks, whatever to get her to agree to get in the push chair/on the reins/go upstairs for a nap etc. It works most of the time, but occasionally there are days where just nothing is going to work, and we often stay at home, and play in the garden where I know she's safe.

And nursery is a complete god send, I get 3 days "off" from having to be a mummy toddler, hats off to anyone doing it all the time. Nursery are great for wearing her out physically and mentally. Its crippling expensive but worth every penny!!!

 

[Baby2sky]

I have no real advice but just wanted to let you know this is normal hun! My daughter was very similar but is now coming out the other end at 2.8 years old. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Shame on those other parents rolling their eyes. Do they have children younger than yours? I used to find the eye rollers were often the ones who had children at that lovely age between 12-18 months who think its easy and used to console myself by thinking "just you wait " lol.

It sounds like you're doing a great job, and believe me this won't last forever xxx

 

[Kay Kay]

Ah thanks girls, good to hear it's not just my wee monkey!

Baby2sky you are spot on,the eye rolls from the other mums are indeed the ones with babies between 12-18 months and I do think 'just you wait!' Thankfully there are one or two decent mums who I've started to talk to that understand what it's like to have an energetic and unruly toddler. And good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel x

Becky no he's not at nursery yet. I work 2 and a half days and my mum and MIL look after him while I work. He is the same with them as he is with me. I can't help thinking nursery would actually sort him out. He doesn't get his free place til next August but I've decided to send him for one full day from January when he'll be two and a half.

The friend I was out with yesterday works full time and her wee girl goes to nursery five full days a week and as I said, was so well behaved. I couldn't help but think hmmm, I think that is mainly down to being at nursery (absolutely no offence to my friend who is a fantastic mum), just being around other kids all day and the routine and all the staff. Of course she is a very lovely and gentle girl by nature too. We'll see! I'll report back next year!

Hats off to you ladies dealing with all this whilst being pregnant! I would not be able to cope lol xx

 

[tinselcat]

I've no experience with this and I feel for you ladies going through it.

I did come across this book recently and thought it might be of use for when I get to that stage (and beyond) - Playful Parenting by Lawrence J Cohen: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001LOEG04/ref=pe_385721_48721101_TE_M1T1DP - am posting in the hope that the advice in it may take the edge of things for someone! xx

 

[Holi]

God we are at the 'it's mine' stage! It's awful when we go to other people's houses and she's snatching their kids toys shouting 'NO, that's Rosie's!'

You sound like your doing everything right and my mum does assure me its a stage (hard to believe it tho!') and don't ever feel judged! And remember for every judgey cow giving you and eye roll their are another 9 moms feeling your pain and feeling relieved it's not just them that has to deal with this!

Also I've noticed a massive difference between rosie and my nephew Harry who is same age - harry is so much more boisterous and energetic were as Rosie is calmer but bossy!! Xx

 

[LD1978]

Aww hugs Kay Kay! Don't be so hard on yourself - toddlers can be little shits and test the patience of saints. I don't care what those judgey mums do as like my mum says kids are the same the world over so I bet theirs play up to!

I can see the terrible 2s starting to hit as we get tantrums when she doesn't want to do something or if other kids tough stuff or if she just feels like it ha. She is a lovely most of the time but she can throw a wobbler. Had one today when I took the frozen plastic necklace off her in Asda ha!!

I've no real advice apart from just like the bad points in the baby stage it won't last forever. My other advice is buy a nice bottle of wine and some Choc - that makes everything better.

Oh and remember your a fab mum doing an amazing job xxx

 

[Kay Kay]

Aww thanks girls you're all lovely. Tinselcat I may check out that book thanks x

Holi funnily enough those judgy mums all have girls lol, I didn't want to mention the gender thing incase it sounded like I was making excuses for him but yeah, it seems to be the girls I know are calmer as you say. And the boys just more physical and boisterous. There's always exceptions to the rule though.

We had an almighty tantrum tonight, didn't eat dinner, shouting and screaming for peppa flamin pig and refusing to get ready for bed. Thankf he's asleep now.

Laura I think I will take you up on that wine and chocolate!! Xx

 

[Emily0505]

Cam can be quite horrible sometimes!

Tantrums, arguing, crying, screaming, the works.

I stopped playgroup as I felt so uncomfortable. No one really spoke to me and I spent the whole time policing Cam so he doesn't smack another kid with a toy train!!

He's a strong willed little lad who knows his mind.

He starts nursery next week and I think it's just what he needs. Plenty of play and stimulation to wear himself out and learning how to interact with other children.

XX

 

[littlemonkey]

Your son sounds very much like a normal two year old! It really can knock your confidence though. We had our second baby when our eldest was not long two and I was worried for ages that it was because of the baby he was being a bugger, but now I've come to see he'd be like that regardless. If anything I think having a second has made me tougher on him.

I really wouldn't worry about the looks from other people. Every other parent has been there, whether they want to admit it or not. I find it difficult sometimes because my son looks older than he actually is, so I'm sure to some he just looks naughty. I make a point of always saying loudly 'you are only two!'.

If you feel nervous etc about taking him out after him running off, I'd really recommend going back to the pushchair for a while. I used a double buggy when my youngest was born and although I'd let my eldest walk, the second he acted up he got put in the pram. I think it helped him realise he had to behave, but it also helped my confidence with getting out with the two of them on my own knowing I could keep them both safe and tie the toddler down!

One thing I have noticed with my boy is he is a million times worse when hungry and tired. It's not easy when they're so fussy with food right now and I guess it doesn't necessarily help you, but when I'm feeding the baby I always let my toddler sit with us and have a snack. It's also a good way of keeping him occupied when we're out and I'm feeding him! He has been dropping naps, but I make a point of him having one if hhe's been busy in the morning. Again it's been easier with the baby because if he goes for a nap I tell my eldest we're all having a little lie down. Haha, I wish!

There are times when I do just think to myself give me bloody strength! Usually an episode or two of paw patrol is enough to keep him quiet while I get a cuppa and chill out!

 

[littlemonkey]

Oh and the best thing now is if I tell me eldest no now, I get 'no mummy' or 'yes mummy' into return!

One day the second I put his dinner in front of him I got 'put it in the bin mummy'! I was thinking I'll put you in the bin you little sod!!