telling people.... I told the mother update

[flexilexi394]

Me again being a psycho!

So... did any of you tell anybody before your 12 week scan???

I ask because I thought about telling my mum, but my mum is the most negative, displeased person at this sort of news. If anyone we know announces a pregnancy she is horrified and cant believe other people actually want to have children.

Her reaction to telling her about my first was "straight down the clinic tomorrow then" kinda reaction.

My fiance wants to tell his parents which is totally fine by me they would be really pleased for us but my mother is another story!

So... the trivia is ... do I just surprise her with a scan pic well after christmas or do I bite the bullet and tell her when I grow some balls in the next few days???

 

[Anne1]

I think which ever causes you less stress! From the sounds of her, I'd personally wait but it's unto you. Congrats again xx

 

[lisa1985]

First time round we told our parents as soon as we got BFP, then sadly miscarried at 10 weeks. This time around we kept it secret from everyone until 12 week scan,we then took scan pics around to our parents in an envelope, was so lovely to surprise them like that. xx

 

[flexilexi394]

First time round we told our parents as soon as we got BFP, then sadly miscarried at 10 weeks. This time around we kept it secret from everyone until 12 week scan,we then took scan pics around to our parents in an envelope, was so lovely to surprise them like that. xx

Yeah I am wondering whether to do it this way to everyone so its fair and no one finds out before each other and stuff.

Thank you! xxx

 

[Phoenix85]

Well, I'm not planning on getting a 12 week scan, but my parents are similar to your mum, so I'm waiting to tell them.

Although my mum came round the other day and saw some maternity jeans I'd just bought (but removed tags) Don't think she realised they were maternity, but I was mortified and hoped she didn't realise.

I'm 12 weeks on the 22nd and plan to tell her after Christmas. I'm actually thinking of telling my auntie first, or at the same time if the situation presents itsself. My parents tend to see my aunt and uncle at Christmas (like go to their house for dinner on or just after Christmas), so I might go with them and tell them all at the same time... safety in numbers lol. My aunt will probably be nice about it and in turn my mum and dad are less likely to react negatively lol.

Anyway, as for telling people, I have told one friend, 3 friend/acquaintances who are Doulas, and my 11yr old.

I have a friend I really want to tell, but she miscarried on boxing day last year and she was about 12 weeks, so now I'm really scared to say anything in case it stirs up memories for her because my due date is almost exactly the same as hers was

I have two other friends I'm also holding off telling until around 12 weeks, but mostly that's just because I don't want them telling people before I'm ready to make it public knowledge lol.

I plan to tell my 9yr old around 12 weeks (22nd/23rd dec)

 

[umbongo]

I've told loads of people already x I'm not all superstitious and would rather have friends and family rally round if anything did happen. I have a really supportive family though. You should do whatever you feel comfortable with, there's no rules xx

 

[Unicorn]

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear how your mum is likely to react Flexi and Phoenix, that isn't very nic for you at all! I've gone completely mad and told pretty much everyone, but I am just about resiting the urge to stop strangers on the street to tell them xx

 

[Phoenix85]

Haha, I'm the same with the strangers!

And walking the dogs I've been fighting the nausea and also fighting the urge to tell the other dog walkers we meet Haha!

Well my mum and dad only had me and are not at all into babies or children (they love their grandkids but can only cope with them one at a time or in small doses lol). They basically think I'm mad for wanting kids, especially more than one. Plus there's the added issue that they are fairly traditional (ie married over 30yrs) and my situation is the complete opposite. I split with my eldest 2 kids' dad years ago and my relationship with the baby's dad is complicated to say the least, and they've never met him. And maybe never will. So, not exactly ideal scenario in their eyes.
But I'm happy and life's too short to care what anyone else thinks lol.

TBH though, I got pregnant with my first at 18 and was petrified of telling them, but they were supportive, so I'm probably more apprehensive than I need to be.

 

[happyland]

We have told quite a few people, I've mostly told people who would be a support if something went wrong. DH however seems to be telling everyone! I collected DD2 from nursery a few weeks ago and everyone was congratulating me, I wanted the floor to open up when I said I was only 4 1/2 weeks!!!! I think he's very excited, bless

 

[flexilexi394]

Haha well I told a couple of friends yesterday, but I must tell my mum in person. I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant the first time and she was furious even though st the time I was in a long term and engaged relationship.

A while back I spoke about having another baby and she said I would be stupid to which annoys the crap out of me! So I think I will tell her tomorrow. Xx

 

[love87]

My mum was there when i tested. So she knew straight away. Then i told DH and my dad. Then the in-laws. Everybody else didn't find out until after my scan.
You should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Everyone does it differently and there is no right or wrobg way. Its personal preference. Good luck. Xx

 

[mollythemama]

I told my mum when I was about six weeks. It was my first, I am fairly young and had only been with OH for about a year so you can imagine how nervous I was to tell her. She was luckily so incredibly happy for me, and insisted on telling her partner. She also urged me to tell my dad (they are separated) as she felt he also had the right to know, I then ended up telling my brothers and their partners. It wasn't until I was 14 weeks I told everyone else, just as a precaution. I wouldn't have wanted everyone to know if something was to happen.

 

[Phoenix85]

Well I just got the BEST news ever!

The friend I mentioned who I was worried about telling because of her m/c last year, I messaged her last night to tell her, but then chickened out, then this morning she messaged me and told me she's pregnant!!!

Turns out she's about 8 weeks! So we are going to be bump buddies. Literally haven't stopped smiling since she told me.

 

[Anne1]

That's great news phoenix!! Hope it goes well flexi xx

 

[MrsRoger]

We have decided not to tell anyone until after our first proper scan which will be the 21st of December.

If everything goes well with that, we will tell our parents on Christmas day which means I will be 10 weeks.

We won't tell anyone else until after twelve weeks. Although, I think people will become suspicious seeing as I look like death most days just now!!

I am also going to be huge as it is twins lol!!

I definitely agree that it should be your own choice, we have decided to wait because of the complications we had last time.

xxxxx

 

[russellmuscle]

My mum is like yours Lexi, anytime I mention having another baby it seems to be the worst idea in the world to her. As if its stupid to have a child now even though she had me and my wee brothers younger than me and like 4 year apart. She sometimes doesnt entertain itll happen, ever. That pisses me off tbh because she doats on Jackson. They have such a good relationship.

I told my mum first time round when I was like 6w because I was shitting myself, I thought, what the hell bite the bullet. She took it ok, only because I told her and my dad together. I was 21 and have been with my partner since high school, we had a big enough flat etc. However she then wanted me to tell my auntie who was over from America and I ended up telling everyone early, which now I totally regret. I asked her the week before we got onto the subject - both her and my dad says that they would hope that I would wait because there is more to life, that kind of hurt and upset me at the time, but now I see what they mean. But at the same time, its my life and I live with each sacrifice. Jackson was the best one Ive made, so now their comments dont and wont mean anything now?

It is a very personal thing, some tell family straight away, esp their mum. But if your mums like mine then I get why you might wanna wait. Personally if it were me Id wait then surprise her. You dont need any extra worry than you have up until your scan if she gives you any negative feedback and you can always change your mind. Plus considering people will soon know from 12 weeks on, its nice to have something nice for you both to have during your engagement celebrations also..

I told my mum about my MC, incase she had to be there for J when we were at the hospital, she was fine about that but then she asked if Id get my coil back in and when I says I dunno (not wanting to tell her no) she was like oh so is this your plan now? pop out baby after baby? I says hang on, I have had 1, who is now 3, and I have always lived and looked after myself and I dont need any of your comments right now. She hasnt brought it up since. And I was older than her when she had her first (me at 17 I was 21 with J). Some say they are just worried but I dunno what my mums problem is, shes just so negative.

Next time I wont be telling any family until 12 weeks, keeping it off Facebook and away from immediate friends until like 20w. And no due date either. I learned that first time round.

xxx

 

[flexilexi394]

Well I just got the BEST news ever!

The friend I mentioned who I was worried about telling because of her m/c last year, I messaged her last night to tell her, but then chickened out, then this morning she messaged me and told me she's pregnant!!!

Turns out she's about 8 weeks! So we are going to be bump buddies. Literally haven't stopped smiling since she told me.

Oh my god that is perfect timing and greatest news! so you two can be proper little pregnant buddies and baby buddies together - how lovely!! xxxxx

 

[flexilexi394]

We have decided not to tell anyone until after our first proper scan which will be the 21st of December.

If everything goes well with that, we will tell our parents on Christmas day which means I will be 10 weeks.

We won't tell anyone else until after twelve weeks. Although, I think people will become suspicious seeing as I look like death most days just now!!

I am also going to be huge as it is twins lol!!

I definitely agree that it should be your own choice, we have decided to wait because of the complications we had last time.

xxxxx

You're having TWINS?!?!?! That is just amazing news! A friend of mine has just announced she is having twins too!!

Blimey thats awesome! xxx

 

[flexilexi394]

My mum is like yours Lexi, anytime I mention having another baby it seems to be the worst idea in the world to her. As if its stupid to have a child now even though she had me and my wee brothers younger than me and like 4 year apart. She sometimes doesnt entertain itll happen, ever. That pisses me off tbh because she doats on Jackson. They have such a good relationship.

I told my mum first time round when I was like 6w because I was shitting myself, I thought, what the hell bite the bullet. She took it ok, only because I told her and my dad together. I was 21 and have been with my partner since high school, we had a big enough flat etc. However she then wanted me to tell my auntie who was over from America and I ended up telling everyone early, which now I totally regret. I asked her the week before we got onto the subject - both her and my dad says that they would hope that I would wait because there is more to life, that kind of hurt and upset me at the time, but now I see what they mean. But at the same time, its my life and I live with each sacrifice. Jackson was the best one Ive made, so now their comments dont and wont mean anything now?

It is a very personal thing, some tell family straight away, esp their mum. But if your mums like mine then I get why you might wanna wait. Personally if it were me Id wait then surprise her. You dont need any extra worry than you have up until your scan if she gives you any negative feedback and you can always change your mind. Plus considering people will soon know from 12 weeks on, its nice to have something nice for you both to have during your engagement celebrations also..

I told my mum about my MC, incase she had to be there for J when we were at the hospital, she was fine about that but then she asked if Id get my coil back in and when I says I dunno (not wanting to tell her no) she was like oh so is this your plan now? pop out baby after baby? I says hang on, I have had 1, who is now 3, and I have always lived and looked after myself and I dont need any of your comments right now. She hasnt brought it up since. And I was older than her when she had her first (me at 17 I was 21 with J). Some say they are just worried but I dunno what my mums problem is, shes just so negative.

Next time I wont be telling any family until 12 weeks, keeping it off Facebook and away from immediate friends until like 20w. And no due date either. I learned that first time round.

xxx

I am glad I am not the only one that has a deluded mother!

Well, I just told her.

she replied with "oh god why would you do that" and "i suspect you did that on purpose" and "dont you think youre selfish making your daughter share a room with another child' like I am the only person that has ever had 2 children even though I have a brother lol!!

I said thanks for the well wishes and I walked out. so no doubt I will get an apology later because she knows she has upset me!

Oh well, its done now.

Yeah friends aren't knowing for a while, and i am not making the due date mistake again either!! I had people hounding me every day I went overdue so I will just say "early August" instead of the actual due date!

I don't know if I would announce it even at 12 weeks I reckon I will probably wait til 20 weeks because by then all the important people will know.

Mannnn I feel sick today! nerves and morning sickness setting in i think!! xx

 

[Lou1103]

Sorry she didn't react well i sometimes think if people are caught unawares they react really strangely and then they realise they shouldn't have, i hope this is one of those times

I've told quite a few people already.. I have had past mcs and i always think it's better to have support.

Hope you're ok xxx