Talking about it won't kill me

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Lilmisshopeful, Jul 23, 2013.

  1. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    I'm starting to feel like no one wants to talk about it anymore. My oh thinks that by me talking about it I'm upsetting myself more as I usually end up crying. But I need to talk about it I'm not ready to let go yet and yet again I'm laying here awake annoyed at him cos he is asleep bless him. He has been amazing but I need him to realise that talking about it helps me not makes me sadder than I already am. He hates seeing me upset but I'm still full of all the what ifs and would of been. I enjoyed being pregnant so much and I can't let go if that makes any sense. I'm not ready to hush up I want to talk about my baby. I love him so much and he would truly do anything for me. Maybe it hurts him to talk about it even tho he always says he is fine and would never admit it he says its his job to look after me. So who do I talk to? Sorry for the rant :( xxx
     
    #1 Lilmisshopeful, Jul 23, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2013
  2. mrssmith2011

    mrssmith2011 Well-Known Member

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    Your not ranting it is totally understandable. Your OH is probably terrified of upsetting you. I have not been in this situation so I can't speak from experience. Could you get him to sit down and be honest about his feelings. Yous both need t grieve but yous need to grieve together. Do you have parents, siblings or a close friend you can turn to. Sorry I am not much help. Whatever happens I hope yous talk some how xxxxx
     
  3. Vickilou25

    Vickilou25 Well-Known Member

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    My OH was exactly the same and its 6 weeks on and if i mention it he goes silent, i found speaking about it really helped me to get over it, i spoke alot to my mum and my sisters in the end even if it was the same thing 3 times over. I found if i tried not to mention it ild end up crying but if i spoke about it i was ok. So i know exactly where you are coming from i think they just try to protect us from anymore hurt etc xxx
     
  4. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    I know where you are coming from, my OH is the same, he tends to change the subject when I mention anything, or says it will work out in the end etc. I just don't think they really know what to say xx
     
  5. jojo3972

    jojo3972 Well-Known Member

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    Mine was the same as was everyone else but it didnt stop me thinking about it and crying anyways , talking is gd it helps with grieving. Jst a shame mc is such a taboo n ppl don't like to talk about it but its very real and it happens a lot , big hugs xx
     
  6. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all so much. We have talked and he knows I need to talk about it. He said seeing me so upset breaks his heart. Soon as I'm well enough we are going to hobby craft to buy things to make a scrap book kinda thing. To put pictures in as we had lots of scans and write memories and feelings in poems and crazy things I ate. I think doing that together will really help. I know he is upset he just nearly lost everything and I am the love of his life so seeing me upset breaks his heart. But not talking breaks mine. We will both be fine we are strong together :) he knows now that I need to talk so we will. As I say "ill be ok just not today" thank you all so much xxx
     
  7. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like your oh is dealing with his own issues. After my 4th mc in Dec I had an erpc. I was on blood thinners and lost a lot of blood. I was in theatre for 3hours instead of 30mins, and my dh totally thought I was dead for the last hour. Sounds like your situation was hairier than mine though, and although its bad enough having to go through it physically, when I've thought about how I'd feel if it was my dh its pretty disturbing.

    In the end, we have both gone for counselling separately as I think if we'd talked too frankly to each other about some of the feelings, we'd never have tried again. I think these guys are more fragile than they look! It was also really helpful having mc specific counselling. The mc association can point you in the right direction.
     
  8. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    I know what you mean. 12 hours I was in theatre and no one told him anything as we are not married all they said was had been some problems not what sort of problems. They told him I went in for a second op but at no point they told him how bad things was. I am also on blood thinners and lost nearly 2 litres. He was terrified and the look on his face will remain with me forever. I think maybe I need some counselling as I don't feel I'm coping as well as before. He is fragile but would never admit it stubborn he is. Ill have a look on the mc association website thank you. Sorry for your loss too. I'd like to try again but don't think he will agree to that he was so scared nearly losing me. Did the counselling help your oh? Xxx
     
  9. Lozzaste

    Lozzaste Well-Known Member

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    Hiya, I so wish I had counselling really. We went though a real hard time when I was pregnant with my little girl and then I lost two at just under 12 weeks. I didn't deal with it and it kept coming back to bite me (in the sense that I would be angry for no reason and just suddenly get upset about it) Time is a healer and we are almost a year in following that (still TTC) and I do feel better about it but I really wish I had dealt with it at the time xx
     
  10. flisstebbs

    flisstebbs Well-Known Member

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    The counselling has helped us both loads., especially with dealing with ttc and a new pg. Really recommend, and my dh ended up having more sessions than I did as he found it so helpful.
     
  11. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    I think I'm deffo going to go for it not sure about oh he is stubborn and just says he is fine. I know I need it even more so as he just told me to make an appointment to go get the implant. Feel broken hearted even more now to know I'm never going to be a mum again. It's all I know how to do and what to be :( xxx
     
  12. Mummy2toddler

    Mummy2toddler Well-Known Member

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    That sounds a lovely idea about going hobby craft and making a book for your memories and scans etc xx My partner didnt like talking about my loss when I had a miscarriage. Us ladies are always on here to talk/listen. xxxxx
     

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