Tactless friends...

[snaggercelli]

My pregnant friend, who knows how long my partner and I have been trying and that we're waiting to start IVF, told me today how bored she is of morning sickness.

Anyone else have a madly tactless friend who can't seem to appreciate that those of us on a difficult fertility journey would give anything to have morning sickness?!




(NB, she isn't suffering from acute morning sickness, and it's not actually making her sick - just faintly nauseous.... Of course, I would have some sympathy if she wretchedly ill with it!)

 

[Melly41]

Sorry to hear that. I didnt want to read and run. I havent told friends...but i had a mmc in sept and i have found it really hard when i have heard other pregnant women talk about how hard it is to have morning sickness or backache or not sleeping or anxious all the time. I know they prob feel rubbish with it but sometimes want to say....remember when you were desperate to get your bfp? try and enjoy it...you would have given anything for it. Hope ivf works put for you...there are always going to be tactless people around so come and vent on here....the support is amazing x

 

[candymycandy]

I have had this experience in the past. After my first mc (and I’m talking like a week after) my friend was complaining about her recent birth experience, which I know might’ve been crap for her & I do of course empathise but frankly I wasn’t ready to hear it as at that point I’d have done anything to have any birth experience!

Equally now, I’m pg (after a second mc) and have a whole host of medical problems. One of my friends has just been told she cannot carry a baby herself (has had many MCs previously) so I’m very restrictive in what I tell her as I don’t want to make her feel worse.

I think unless you’ve had fertility issues it’s hard to empathise, but at the same time she’s your friend so would be nice if she could be sensitive. She obviously can’t realise how she sounds.

Sorry you’re having this issue with your friend and I hope you get your bfp soon x

 

[JemRose]

Yes!!! When I was TTC, my friend kept posting on facebook and morning sickness and how it's the worst thing ever etc. I know she ended up in hospital because of it, but she kept putting things about it, complaining etc. and all I could think was "you ungrateful bitch, I would do anything to have that morning sickness"!!

 

[rainbow.23]

Some people have no tact!

But I promise you, when our time comes we will still have tough times ahead.
Morning sickness, back ache and heartburn and then the sleepless nights and cracked nipples. We will definitely have more of an appreciation for the good times but also let's not deny that those low moments will exist and we'll need support.

Having hyperemesis (severe sickness) was a scary, lonely place that left me with mental scars and no baby.
Womankind need to stick together and support one another. Everyone has their cross to bear x x

 

[Lulla Bell]

Me and my mate were discussing all my MC, and she just came with ' I'm currently 7 weeks, but I'm not happy or excited about it at all.. I just wanted it to be over '
We haven't spoken since

 

[liz85]

Aren’t you lucky to have time to yourself and sleep through the night is what I got one time

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I get alot of people telling me to get a move on and have a baby before I'm thirty as apparently getting pregannat, pregnancy and looking after the baby will be "sooo much harder"! If only it was as easy as deciding oh yes I think I will have a baby now! Of course these statements come from women who have had kids both in their twenties and thirties and now feel that they are experts in this area!

 

[Alexis2017]

I got told by a friend who has 3 babies under 2 and 1 older child that I have to enjoy my free time while I can and go our more and be appreciative of that. I felt like saying I'm 34 and I think I woukd know that I can and have been doing that but I woukd give it all up for a baby.

 

[LucyC]

I've just gone through my second miscarriage and my friend, who found out that she was pregnant just before, has moaned constantly every day to me since about her pregnancy symptoms, despite knowing what I'm going through, I feel like saying I'd happily trade places!

 

[MoominGirl]

I think a big part of the problem is that no one talks about fertility problems (myself included). Therefore, unless you've been unlucky enough to experience it, you don't understand. I've lost count of the tactless comments I've heard. Do you want children? When do you think you'll have children? I thought you'd have had a baby by now. How does your husband feel about having children? Don't worry, your time will come. Just relax and it will happen. And so the list goes on

I really don't get how socially acceptable it is to ask these sorts of questions. Sorry rant over!!

 

[Shepherdess]

the point moomin girl has made is a very good one.

I don't think people mean to be so tactless, and while I agree people should try and be sensitive to each other no one should have to pretend everything is rosy when things are tough.

my friend tried for years to get pregnant and when she did she suffered with HG, she didn't tell people even when she was hospitalised as she didn't want to complain about the pregnancy she was so desperate for. it really messed with her head.

I think women on both sides of the coin need to try and have more empathy

 

[LuckyLaura]

Sorry snaggercelli. Hope you are feeling better. I'm sure she really doesn't realise that she's hurting you and at the end of the day she needs to vent just like us I guess xx

Sent from my G8141 using Tapatalk

 

[MoominGirl]

the point moomin girl has made is a very good one.

I don't think people mean to be so tactless, and while I agree people should try and be sensitive to each other no one should have to pretend everything is rosy when things are tough.

my friend tried for years to get pregnant and when she did she suffered with HG, she didn't tell people even when she was hospitalised as she didn't want to complain about the pregnancy she was so desperate for. it really messed with her head.

I think women on both sides of the coin need to try and have more empathy

I think it's this that makes it so hard to deal with. If people were being intentionally hurtful, you could just shout at them or refuse to speak to them or whatever!! But it's the fact that if if did have a complete meltdown, they'd most likely be genuinely horrified that they'd caused so much offense. Also, that would mean opening up about what we're going through which I just don't want to do. And I know that's another catch 22 as it's people like me that won't open up that makes fertility such a taboo subject. Just can't win.

 

[Pinkz]

Most of my friends haven't got babies and have no idea so it's generally just s list of people they knew who had miscarriages and went on to have babies... I get what they are trying to do but it doesn't really help does it...

Also agree if people were more open about it. I hid it from work for ages and now I've told people they are so understanding. It definitely makes you realise that everyone's probably got their own struggles they are going through privately and you should try to always be kind.

 

[MoominGirl]

Most of my friends haven't got babies and have no idea so it's generally just s list of people they knew who had miscarriages and went on to have babies... I get what they are trying to do but it doesn't really help does it...

Also agree if people were more open about it. I hid it from work for ages and now I've told people they are so understanding. It definitely makes you realise that everyone's probably got their own struggles they are going through privately and you should try to always be kind.

I only know one other friend who is struggling. Totally different reasons to us but been struggling for roughly the same length of time. She is so open and honest about her journey, I really do take my hat off to her!! Everyone has been so supportive that you'd think it would be easier for me. Weirdly, I feel even more private about it. It's like I feel like I'm jumping on the band wagon or something which I know is stupid really.

 

[Pinkz]

If you met me you would think I'm so closed off. But I'm the kind of person, if you ask me I will tell you everything. I just don't offer up the information lol

 

[rachelD]

i know the type, keep your head up babe. Took us 12 months the first time and my friends with kids would always complain about the pettiest things really used to upset me.

 

[MarshallsS88]

Yes you aren’t alone. I’m TTC for 2 years and suffered a miscarriage back in January, which my friends have seemed to forget. I find it really difficult as my friends have either had a baby or are pregnant and they don’t seem to think how the constant speaking about it affects me, I’m just a forgotten thought. I have my friends baby shower this Saturday and absolutely dreading it. I was contemplating talking to her twin sister about how hard I’m currently finding things but I honestly don’t think she’d understand, she’d just expect me to be happy for my friend, which I am don’t get me wrong, but being surrounded by baby talk etc is going to eat me up inside. My OH is going to ring me if I text him saying it’s tough so that I can have a few minutes away from it.