Suzies TTC Diary

[Suzie77]

Hi

I'm going to start my own TTC diary as I think it will give me an outlet for trying to get through this and maybe even help other ladies out there in a similar boat. Lets hope it has a happy ending. The first entry will be a bit long as I've got 3 years to summarise.

When I was 19 I had an ultrasound that showed I could have PCOS, so I knew it could be difficult to get pregnant.

I was 26 when me and my partner decided to start TTC (I'm 30 now). I came off the pill in Sept 2005 and we started trying in Oct 2005 and were hopeful due to our age and lifestyle that we would be pregnant by Christmas. After a couple of months my periods settled into a nice regular cycle but still no BFP.

After about 8 months I started researching on the internet about what time of the month was most fertile etc and over the next 12 months became quite obsessive about it and it took over my life; temperatures here, ovulation tests there etc. I got very depressed and took a few months break from trying as it was driving me mad. I still at that point thought it was because of the PCOS.

So then I was at around the 2 year mark since starting trying and me and my OH decided to put everything into it and started again. Then after around 6 months we admitted that we needed to go and get things checked out.

I was first to the Dr's, over the next few months I had a day 21 blood test which showed I was ovulating, I had a smear to check for any abnormalities and they checked I was immune to measles. They also told me that I probably did not in fact have PCOS as I had none of the symptoms . The original scan when I was 19 just showed 'a shadow' on one of my ovaries that could have been nothing to worry about!

Next it was my partners turn. He gave 3 samples, once a week for 3 weeks. One sample was lost and the other 2 had counts of 8mil/ml and 11mil/ml, which we were informed is low. They referred him to a consultant as about 5 years ago a scan revealed a hydrocele and varicocele in his testicles which they believed could be restricting the amount of sperm able to be released.

At this point we thought 'great', he'll have it removed and then we can get our BFP naturally.

Well, if only things were that simple . On Friday just gone he had his appointment and the specialist said there is 100% no way that this is affecting his fertility and if he did operate the chances are that the scar tissus would restrict the flow of sperm even more. He told my OH to make sure I now get referred to a gynocologist or we go to a fertility clinic. He said we just may not be compatible in that way! He didn't seem to concerned about the low count either and said 'it only takes 1!'

So here I am, up to the present day! Next steps are that I have my appointment with my GP and she will tell me what needs to happen next. My OH will probably need to do more sperm samples as they have only given him the count and not the mobility etc, so I'm not sure if his sperm is healthy at this point. He will phone the Drs tomorrow to see if they have more detailed analysis of them.

I'm thinking I will probably need to have the procedure with the dye in my tubes. I'll post on Friday what the next steps are.

If anyone has any advise on what to expect next or any other general advice I'd be pleased to hear from you.
Thanks for reading.
Suzie x

 

[Suzie77]

I went to the GP today and she said that she will refer me to the local NHS hospital to see a consultant, but I do have the right to choose where I want to be refered to, so I will have a look on the internet tonight and have a look. If I do want to go with another hospital I need to let her know by Monday.

I'm thinking that I want a consultant that also works at a local private clinic. That way if I do decide to opt for private half way through, I will already have that relationship with the consultant and he will be fully aware of my history etc.

My GP said that it will take about 6 weeks to get an appoinment. It then depends what tests they want to do as to how long the next step will take. I've had day 21 bloods so I guess it will be the dye in the tubes test.

The GP said that OH's test results could have been taken too late as ideally it should be between 2 to 4 days old and his were 6 and 7 days old (he was advised they should be between 2 to 7 days old). So that sounds promising and when I told my OH I think it made him feel abit better.

I also phoned up a local fertility clinic and they said its £225 for a consultation, which includes internal scan and sperm analysis. I can self refer, I don't need to get a GP letter. Not sure if I will go down this route as I'm quite skint and I think I will try and keep any money I do have for if I need IVF or IUI.

I've been taking the magic medicing the last 2 days and haven't noticed a difference yet, but am hoping it will improve my non existent EWCM. I also starting taking my temperature again, but not sure how reliable it will be as I've not been sleeping well.

Anyway, things are moving on

 

[chellieboo]

just want to wish you luck honey, keep us posted xx

 

[mrs_metal]

Hope you can get a specialist appointment quickly and good luck TTC

 

[Suzie77]

Aw thanks so much guys, thants really nice . I'll keep you posted

 

[Jen79]

Good luck with it all. Glad you are getting things moving along, I am having a few problems myself conceiving number 2 so considering going down the private route myself. All the best - to some degree I can understand how all this makes you feel.

 

[Suzie77]

Thanks to all you girls that have posted comments and read my story so far

The latest development comes in two parts.

Firstly, I have never in the last 3 years I've been trying, been able to have the guts to tell my mum I'm trying for a baby. This sounds stupid, I'm 30 years old, I'm a grown woman who has been with my partner for 8 years. BUT, I'm not married and I think that is a big NO NO for her! Well, I had to tell her, I've been trying to bring it up but when I mention babies the conversation goes to when I'm married etc....
Well, last night I just came out with it and it didn't go too well, but at least it's out in the open now, and I feel better about that. It was horrible though, I felt like a little girl

Secondly, I got my appointment to see my gynocologist for my first appointment It is on the 20th October, which is a Monday (I think, I don't have a calendar to hand). I can't believe it happened so quickly

I'm happy it's moving along, but it's just a big cloud overhanging me at the moment and I just want to know what the problem is, it's really affecting me again and I can't think about anything else.

I'll keep you posted xx

 

[chellieboo]

great news on the appt honey, will be here before you know it.

sory the convo with your mum did not go well, i'm sure she'll be ok about it in time xxx

 

[Suzie77]

I just had my first appointment with the consultant and my head is spinning. He was running behind and so I really felt rushed, and he spoke so quickly I just feel confused.

It went like this; he asked me questions about whether I'm regular etc and then asked about my partner. He had the sperm results on his screen and said they were bad!
Results of 2 samples as follows;

Sample 1
Count per mil-11 million
Prog Mobility- 18%
Normal Morphology- 2 %

Sample 2
Count per mil-7 million
Prog Mobility- 19%
Normal Morphology- 9 %

He said 'You will need IVF, you know? a test tube baby!' He just come out with it. I was expecting that he would say blood tests, scans, tablets, more scans etc etc, but no he said IVF is the only option we have. I asked if IUI would not be better and he said the sperm is not good enough for IUI.

I said that I didn't think the sperm samples were good samples as they were 6 and 7 days old, and he said that he wants one more sample to make 100% sure. He is going to give me an ultrasound (I think), and a blood test to check my genetics or something and my OH has to have 2 blood tests, 1 for genetics and another for something else. I can't even remember much of what he was talking about as my head was spinning so much.

Once he gets all the results back I have to go and see him again and then wait for my IVF appoinment. I think he said a clinic will contact me. He said it is up to a 2 year wait

I haven't told my OH yet as he's at work. I have my scan booked in for February, which is 4 months away!! I can't wait that long I may go private, I'll have to get a credit card or something and just use that as I just don't have thousands of pounds lying around and I can't wait 2 years. I never thought it would come to this, I'm so fed up and feeling sorry for myself I'm going to have to start reading up about IVF now as I know nothing about it!

 

[chellieboo]

so sorry to read this honey he should have taken more time to explain everything and what happens next, but unfortunately in my experience consultants do not have very good people skills.

if you have any questions or need any advice let me know. its a horrible shock to be told you need IVF, and the waiting to get things done is awful.

hope you and DH are ok

xxxx

 

[Suzie77]

Hi Chellieboo
Thanks for your message
I've never cried so much as I did last night when I spoke to my OH. He was great, even though it was not good news, he said stuff them and that we will go private and he'll get the money some how.

I feel numb today, but more positive then yesterday. I researched for hours on fertility clinics and found a good one 7 miles away from me. The woman on the phone was so helpful and kind. We have an appointment for the 10th November where we will have sperm analysis and I will have a scan. She said then it will move very quickly and we can probably start ICSI in Jan/Feb (would be December but because of Christmas can no do). This is if they are convinced that the sperm is the issue and are happy that my bits are in working order.

She also told me to get a Chlamydia swab and HIV, HEP B & C tests for us in the meantime on the NHS as it will be a few more hundred to have it done private. I've got my GP appointment on Thursday to get the ball rolling on that part.

I'm now going to start researching IVF and ICSI so will probably be back here later asking lots of questions.

xx

 

[ejjie]

Hi Suzie,

I've only just seen this, sorry to hear that IVF might be the only route for you

It's interesting to hear about your gynae appointment, it seems like the doc made that decision really quickly?

What tests have you had so far then? We've been trying for 7 months now but I've had long stretches without having a period (12 months the longest) and so they've started doing tests after only 6 months since TTC so I'm relieved at that.

So far I've had blood tests which showed my lutenising hormones are ok, day 21 tests which showed low levels of progesterone and an internal which showed everything was ok inside. All have shown I haven't got PCOS which I suppose is a good thing. My cycles are anything from 35 to 55 days just recently with only a 7 day luteal phase which is BAD!

Anyway I have my gynae appointment on the 13th November so I'm looking forward to that but have no idea what they will do/say at that point. I suppose every consultant/hospital is different with how they go about tests...my hubby hasn't had a sperm test yet but I think it's unlikely to be him

Keep going with this thread, it's great support to hear other people are struggling too. I hope you don't have to wait much longer - 4 years is a long time you have been very patient - you deserve a baby xxx

 

[Suzie77]

Hi Ellie

You're right about it being quick for him to suggest IVF, I was shocked! I have only had day 21 blood test which showed high levels of progesterone, a smear that was clear, and my cycles are regular. Therefore the GP decided to test my OH's sperm as he has got a hydrocele (cyst) and varicocele (inflamed vein) in his testicles, and they thought it could be obstructing the sperm. Due to the levels of sperm being so low, the only option is IVF, well ICSI! The private clinic that we signed up to will check me out to make sure my tubes are ok, no blockages or growths, but looks like it will be ICSI (if I'm all OK).

My friend is in a similar situation to you with her cycles and they also have not tested her DH's sperm as they main thing at the moment is getting her ovulating regular. I'm going out for dinner with her on Saturday so I'll ask her what the process has been so far for her, as I think she's been on clomid or similar drug for 6 months or so and has probably some advise she can share. I'm going to get her to join the forum

I didn't have a clue what to expect on my NHS gynocologist appoinment, they didn't give me any info about whether I would need a scan or should bring my OH. I suppose it does vary depending on your own circumstance.

I hope it happens for you soon and thanks for your support

 

[chellieboo]

suzie - am sorry to read you are feeling down, but you've made the first steps to achieving your dream. i hope that all goes well at your appt at the clinic and you are able to start your icsi cycle in jan. please feel free to ask any questions.

ellie - hope your appt in nov gives you some answers and a way forward.

 

[Suzie77]

My appointment with my GP got cancelled and rescheduled twice as my GP has been off sick, but I eventually had my HIV, HEP B & C blood test yesterday and didn't have to have a Chlomydia swob, they did a urine sample for it instead

I should get my results back on the 10th Nov, the same day at which I'm seeing my private consultant.

I'm not sure how but my GP said that if my consultant says I definately need IVF, I may be able to get the medication free on the NHS as they give it to you in advance of you having your IVF cycle on the NHS I'll let you know of any updates on that front as it would be good to know if this is just my NHS area that does this or all.

Speak to you all soon x

 

[chellieboo]

suzie i think everywhere is different as to what is funded by the NHS for fertility treatment. goodluck

xxxx

 

[Suzie77]

Its all getting very very real now!
- Tomorrow morning I hand in my OH's semen sample to our new clinic
- Monday 8.30am I get my HIV, HEP B & C & Clomydia results from dr's.
- Monday 11.00am we see our new specilaist who will have my OHs most recent sperm results, I will then have a scan and then FIANLLY, we will be given our options....

It will be the moment of truth that I've been waiting for for 3 years. I am thinking we will need ICSI (as thats what the NHS said) and am now very prepared for that being our only option, I just want to get on with it now (although God knows how I will afford it).

I've not added my name to the 'testing thread' this month on the ttc group as I know I will never naturally conceive and there's no point..

I've not slept well this week and am very down at the moment. I don't really know why....maybe just feel like a failure, I'm not sure. I suppose I feel like less of a woman and am embarassed to talk to other women about it. Everything feels so uncertain. I've read lots of success stories etc etc, but every woman is so different that I have no idea if I will ever be a mum I'm sorry girls, I just don't know how to keep it together today.

Anyway, I'm off to try and sleep

 

[Suzie77]

I'm a bit more positive today, I think lack of sleep and migranes were getting me down. It was an eventful day as I picked up my HIV & Chlomydia results from my Dr (the Hep B & C were not back yet). The results were fine, but theres always that little bit of doubt.

Next at 11.00am today we went to the specialist who is great, and very easy to talk to, he talks like a person and not a scientist! The sperm results that his team analysed came back again at a low count of 8 mil, he didn't give us the exact breakdown but said the morphology was consistent with the other 2 results from our hospital. He then gave me an internal ultrasound to check I had no abnormalities. It was very quick and completely painless. They just put a probe inside my vagina and moved it around. (sorry if TMI) He turned the screen round to show me what he was looking at and I could see my cervix and womb which he said were healthy and then my ovaries, which I found facinating! I could see little kind of holes in them and one of the holes was quite big, he told me that was where I had ovulated this month and that they were both healthy with lots of healthy eggs (must be the trained eye as I didn't see any eggs!).

Anyway, he then said that there is nothing yet availible to really improve sperm apart from lifestyle changes and wellman vitamins, which we've tried. He said that we are great candidates for IVF with ICSI and due to our age and particular diagnosis it would be a 50/50 chance of it working. We talked throught the process and he drew some diagrams to help us take it in, and then he told us the cost and talked about egg sharing. He said to go for my day 3 blood test and my OH's genetics blood test with the NHS as we already have our doctors slips for them and it will cost another few hundred pounds to have them private. We then went off with a nurse who gave us some more info and we booked in for a follow consultation with a nurse who will book me in for my treatment and go through what I do and when with the medication etc. They said we can start in January if possible (closed over Xmas), but they have to make sure they have a slot as they want no more than 5 women a week starting it.

Well, thats it so far, we went for a coffee afterwards and had a chat and both agreed we will start as soon as possible. They offer a credit card to pay for treatment which is interest free for 6 months, so we think we will pay what we can and put the rest on the card as it will be approx £6k including drugs.

I go back to them on the 20th, so will update this diary then x

 

[rusks]

all the best for next year hun

you really desserve a 2009 BFP more than anyone

 

[chellieboo]

just checking in to wish you goodluck, hope all goes well on the 20th and they can fit you in asap xxx