Struggling

Shan92

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This is really just me venting as I have nobody else to speak to. Our friends today have just announced they're having a baby, they're due a week after I should have been. I can't stop crying. Of course I'm happy for them, when I first heard the news I was over joyed, they'd always said they were fine not having children but they love all the children of the friend group so much, but then the date clicked and my stomach dropped. Now I just feel selfish. Every part of her journey should be mine too and I'm going to have to witness it so closely. I'm absolutely broken and we can't even ttc right now, so there's no chance of me getting pregnant and easing the pain slightly. I feel so lost.
 
It’s completely normal to feel like that! Even before I had my misscarriage and had been trying for a few years (5 in total!) I resented any of my friends getting pregnant. I couldn’t be involved in their pregnancies because it just reminded me of what I thought I’d never have, then I was riddled with guilt for even feeling that resentment towards them. Everything you’re feeling is completely normal, it’s okay to feel envious, sad and resentful of something you should of been experiencing too, we’re only human xxx
 
This is really just me venting as I have nobody else to speak to. Our friends today have just announced they're having a baby, they're due a week after I should have been. I can't stop crying. Of course I'm happy for them, when I first heard the news I was over joyed, they'd always said they were fine not having children but they love all the children of the friend group so much, but then the date clicked and my stomach dropped. Now I just feel selfish. Every part of her journey should be mine too and I'm going to have to witness it so closely. I'm absolutely broken and we can't even ttc right now, so there's no chance of me getting pregnant and easing the pain slightly. I feel so lost.


@Shan92 I’m so sorry. I know exactly the feeling. I was reading through some old threads just Monday to Tuesday, and I remember seeing your user name....and the story of your loss with it. I am so very sorry and heartbroken for your loss. I am working through some of the same emotions now. I was due August 6th, so there are so many things new that “trigger” me right now. It’s ok to cry. I know you are happy for your friend, but devastated at your own sweet little loss. I’m always here to talk, feel free to direct message me. <3
 
Thank you both. It's really hard, I feel a bit better today, maybe it was the initial shock. I'm still not sure how I'll feel when we next meet up (we all live quite far from each other) but I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. I can't bring myself to look at their scan photos in the group chat right now either.

I'm so sorry both of you have had to experience this too, it's heartbreaking.
 

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