Struggling to cope with ectopic pregnancy

[KimM16]

I had emergency surgery nearly 2 weeks ago now to remove my little baby due to an ectopic pregnancy. I suffered severe internal bleeding and my left tube is damaged beyond repair.

I'm now petrified that it will take ages for me to fall pregnant next time and that it will be ectopic again.

I just keep thinking "why me?", "it's so unfair" I don't know how to change my mental attitude to make it positive I think the only thing that will make me feel better is to be pregnant again and for it to be a healthy pregnancy, but then I keep reading that I need to fully grieve for this baby before I should try for another.

My friends and family are so supportive, but I really struggle to talk about it to them.

I'm just so devastated and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel at the minute

Any positive stories would be much appreciated.

 

[Lou1103]

So sorry for your loss xxx

 

[georgie20]

hey sweet, im so sorry for your loss! i just wanted to tell you mine. i had an ectopic in july 2012, and i was nearly 9 weeks pregnant by the time they took my baby out. they had to take my right tube with it, which was fine by me because if a tube is repaired and something happens with the scar tissue it can cause another ectopic. i was concerned it would take me ages to get pregnant again. we decided to wait a few months after anyway to get ready emotionally and physically. then in feb 2013 i fell pregnant again after 1 month of trying again, that unfortunately ended in miscarriage. after that, again we waited for a couple of months then started trying around may time, then in december 2013 i found out i was pregnant for the 3rd time and this time round i am 10 weeks with, as far as i know, a healthy baby. All this with one tube, please dont think it will affect your fertility because it wont. i wish you the best for the future and again really sorry for your loss. if you want to chat pm me, im on here alot xxx

 

[megsmeadow]

I don't think there is a set time to wait to try again in terms of grieving. No baby will ever replace the one you have lost and that same urge to have a family is still there for a lot of people. Your loss will stay with you forever and you will know when the right time is for you. I lost my little girl at 20 weeks, she was born on 30/11/13 and we're trying again now after one full cycle. It just feels right for us. I've no experience of ectopic pregnancies but take all the time you need to recover before you ttc again, be it days, weeks, months or years. x

 

[Brighty]

I had an ectopic back in march last year. I found out around 5 weeks. I was very lucky and had methotrexate. While it has some horrible side affects I do consider myself lucky that I didn't rupture.
I had to wait for 3 months after the injection to try again as it lingers and can cause miscarriage and abnormalities.
My husband was then away for work so didn't get to try again until August... I fell pregnant in September... Am now 19 weeks.

The anger of losing a baby never goes away. It's so unfair. I do count my blessings that it was an early loss... And that my levels hadn't risen enough for there to be a formed baby yet. It rationalises it in my brain and makes it easier to deal with.
I felt the same, that I wouldn't be satisfied until I had my baby. And I think that's much the same for most women. I wouldn't beat yourself up and being ready to try again so soon, and the same if your not.
Time is a great healer... It doesn't upset me to talk about it now, but I was a blubbering mess at the time. But it just felt so unfair at the time! I've always protected myself against unwanted pregnancy, me and hubs decide we are ready to try and that happened!
My positive now is that i appreciate how fragile it all is... And I feel really lucky to get this far.

We had a scan at 6 weeks to make sure it was in the right place this time. Scariest moment of my life while they tried to find that little blip!

I wish you all the best on your journey to bfp!

Meg... You are so strong...all the best on your bfp journey too

Xx

 

[KimM16]

Thank you all of you. You've really touched on how I'm feeling. It's also nice to hear that you're all alive to tell the tale. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I didn't appreciate how hard it actually is until now. It's nice to know
Im not the only one going through it but then at the same time I kind of wish I was as I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!
It's also nice to hear that it didn't take you years to get your bfps! And good luck to you meg, if now feels like the right time then it is! We're going to start trying again next month after I have a proper period. It feels right to us to start trying now. We fell the first month last time so I'm hoping this time shouldn't be too long. But you just don't know. I hate all of the waiting around. But then when I do finally get my take home baby s/he will be so special.

Xxx

 

[megsmeadow]

Hopefully these next few months will be filled with Rainbow baby BFPs!!! xx

 

[georgie20]

good luck hun, take care of yourself and have lots of rest! youll need it for your next cycle xxx

 

[laurat]

I echo all what everyone says above!! Im sorry for your loss and if you feel ready to ttc again then your ready! Good Luck! Xx