Struggling to Bond with Baby?

[bwakeling]

Hi mums (and dads),

I'm writing a piece for Parentdish about bonding with your baby, and I was wondering whether any of you would be willing to share your stories about bonding with your newborn.

I have just a few questions:

1. Did you bond with your baby straight away?

2. If not, can you think of a reason why bonding was delayed?

3. If you didn't bond with your baby straight away, how did you feel as a mother/father?

4. If you didn't bond with your baby, did you seek help or keep quiet?

5. What happened to make you bond with your baby if you didn't at first? Was it one thing that happened or a gradual process?

Sorry for the third degree, this is just something which interests me. I know with my second child it was a couple of days before I really bonded with him, but it happened in an instant.

If any mums or dads out there would like to answer these questions or share their story then please reply to this thread and let me know if you're happy for me to name you in the article. If you are, please state where you're from so I can reference you, eg. 'Helen from Warwickshire'.

If you'd like to tell me your story but would rather be anonymous, please feel free to email me. What you say will remain completely anonymous, you have my word.

Thank you!!

Ben

 

[JJ Mum]

Hi Ben -

I didn't bond properly with my first baby for ages and when it did happen it was a gradual thing.
He was born by elective section due to previous operations, and then had wet lungs or grunting and so was with me for 30 seconds in a towel and then whisked away to scbu. I saw him that night, and was given a polaroid to look at. Had to stay on ward with all the other mums with babies , and for a first unplanned pregnancy which was already a bit of a shock, was really not ready for that esp as horomes came in and I cried alot! I left hospital when they needed me to go at 1 week, and then he stayed for two weeks. I had a short cuddle on day 3 , and could not hold his hand as he was in a sealed incubator to keep o2 levels up. I found that in scbu they don't let you use your own clothes , so you do no washing , careing which to feel his mum you need to feel useful, no feeding, as he was nose fed just fluids not milk for one week , then my expressed milk , then we took him home when better. So this is why I didn't bond. Also the planned section means you feel robbed of bringing the baby into the world too. hope that helps Jenni from Berkshire

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

hi ben

1. Did you bond with your baby straight away?

i didnt bond with amy straight away

2. If not, can you think of a reason why bonding was delayed?
bonding was delay due to her bad birth labour went well some o it till it was time to push i new i felt i want to push but midwife sed i was ready for 5 mins she wouldnt met me push but the urges i couldnt ignore as soon as she walked past she sed oo i an see the head, you can push. i pushed and coz amy was in a lot of distress due to cord be round her neck and me not being able to push she was blus so i had to quickly push her out so they could cut the cord she came round and stopped breathing again so the put he on the resus table to clear her airways theats when they realised they could get tubes down her nose the tried to quickley get her up to scbu but on the way out the resus table faild and she stopped breathing again they got her going again and quickly whisked her up there got her on the vent in a incubator docs were trying to find out what was wrong with her. they then found out she croanal atresia whch is a blockage of the nose it hadnt open properly. she then the next day got transfered to leeds for an op on her nose she had o have stents in they then found out she had probs with her heart due ti this she was in hospital for seven weeks i couldnt hold her for about 4 weeks

3. If you didn't bond with your baby straight away, how did you feel as a mother/father?

i didnt feel like she was my baby like i was dreaming as i couldnt do anything for her it was upsetting seeing her in distress.

4. If you didn't bond with your baby, did you seek help or keep quiet?

i kept it quite as i didnt know what to do as i was in shock worried something might happen to her.

5. What happened to make you bond with your baby if you didn't at first? Was it one thing that
happened or a gradual process?

it was a gradual process she had alsorts of probs and didnt understand anything about it bu she showed us shes a fighter as soon as she smiled at me thats when i started bonding with her in little steps and the first hold of her was amazing. and now i realise what a special little girl i have as you wouldnt think she went thru all that. shes happy and cheeky shes proved docs wrong on many occasion and im so proud of her.

thanks
emma from skipton

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Hi Ben,

1. No didn't bond with 1st baby

2. Suffered with post natal depression

3. Felt like an awful mum but didn't care as even though I loved my daughter, I also hated her too! Hope that makes sense!

4. I kept it quiet as I felt I'd get told off for feeling like that

5. I think bonding with my daughter was gradual and now I love her more than anything in the world!!

With my 2nd though, it's completly different and I bonded straight away with him and feel very proud to be a mum!!

Charmaine, Somerset

 

[bwakeling]

Thank you guys!!