Still cant cope

[yummymummy80]

as most of you know I had a 7 week scan on the 1st april only to be told my baby had died. 2 weeks later and the miscarriage had not happened naturally so I had to have medical management, further 2 weeks after that-the 5th may I went back to work but I still find it so difficult and I cannot deal with its so hard cause I work in a supermarket working with baby clothes and the fact a colleague I work with has just told me she is 12 weeks pregnant I cannot cope already as it is but now knowing ive got to work alongside someone who is pregnant is just sheer torture.

Can anyone please please help me its a total living hell

 

[Sprk]

Hi there. Last June I had a mc at 10 weeks. I don't think I will ever forget how devastating and traumatic it was. At 5 am I called the mw because of pain and bleeding, was told to go to AE then was sent to the maternity ward where the consultant had to call for help and arrange an emergency op because of too much bleeding. By the time everything was said and done, I remember laying in the hospital bed trying to rest with the reality of the mc just starting to sink in. The team gave me lots of leaflets and info on support groups in our area, admittedly I never called any of them.

I returned to work a week later, which as you know is extremely difficult. I work in a primary school so I was always surrounded by little ones. For me, though, keeping busy really helped me get through what happened...as well as support from DH. Eventually I was able to come to terms and start to believe that that pg wasn't meant to be and we could always try again. It did take a few months before I stopped thinking about it daily...but as time went on things did get better.

I urge you to call your dr or maternity ward at your hospital and ask about info on support groups for women in your area who also have had an mc. Being able to talk through it with others might help. Of course you have all of us here too I am so sorry about your loss and I hope the healing process will kick in for you soon.

 

[purpleslurple]

I had a MMC in April 2012 and had an ERPC. I was totally devastated - we had been trying for almost a year and were so happy to get our BFP. I know it doesn't help much as I could've hit people when they said 'it will happen one day' but, I conceived again after another 12 months of trying and my son is now 5 months old. Make sure you and your partner support each other and you both take time to grieve; it is ok to feel sad and envious of others, it can take a long time for you to start feeling yourself again. xxx

 

[cocosherbie]

Hi there,
I was so sorry to hear of your story, its completely understandable that you are finding things so hard after what you went through,
Im currently in the dreaded waiting period to see if I will miscarry naturally after being told last week some bad news at my first scan. Im really scared of whats going to happen and I feel so helpless right now.
My only advice would be to do what Sprk suggests and call the hospital or your doctor to get some info on support groups or perhaps a councellor. Some face to face support might be really beneficial for you if you feel you cant cope.
I really hope things get better for you soon and Im sure you and I both will be back on here soon with good news again.
All the best xx

 

[megsmeadow]

Yummy it's early days for you honey, dont be too hard on yourself. I still have really difficult days 6 months on. I cry in the shower at least a couple of times a week. People feel the need to share new pregnancies with me and it breaks my heart. Maybe do something special to remember your little one.
Seeing others progress is so hard. Big hugs. X

 

[yummymummy80]

Hi everyone its just so so incredibly hard, when my collegue told me I went round the corner and burst into tears its so hard and especially when I have to deal with baby clothes too x im thinking of leaving and going to a new job hopefully I get something soon. all I want to do is fast forward the time to when I do get preg again I don't know how I feel if it takes months again cause all hubby and me do is argue now

 

[Sprk]

Hang in there and like the others said .....give it time. Would it be helpful if your employer moved you duo a different department in the supermarket - even if it's temporary? It might do you good to get away baby clothes.

 

[yummymummy80]

unfortunetly sprk they wouldn't move me the only thing I can see is to see a counsellor but how on earth do u go about that? how much are they? are they expensive? do they help?

 

[megsmeadow]

I'd get in touch with sands or the miscarriage association, though I know the sands counsellor won't see you until 6-8 weeks after the loss. Even then, I'm not sure seeing a counsellor will take away that hurt unless you have particular issues, but it's worth trying, especially if things are tough with oh.

 

[megsmeadow]

Or maybe you need to speak to your gp and get signed off for a couple of weeks. No it won't take away the fact your colleague is pregnant but it does give you another couple of weeks to grieve and heal. x

 

[exohx123]

Hey it does get easier I've just had my 6th one last weekend n only just recently got over the 5th one so I'm now back to square one feeling shit n not wanting to see people with babies and pregnant women especially really hard buy I'll get there and so will u, hugs xx

Excuse typos got nails on

 

[Sprk]

I suggest you see your gp tomorrow. Tell them what's going on and ask for help. Ask for a counselor or whatever they can offer. My DH did that a while back because he was having some depression issues and just like seeing a gp, he didn't have to pay. Your gp might even be able to have the mw contact you with information on local support groups who can help hut move forward. Anytime you want, feel free to message me if it helps. I check pf quite a few times each day.

 

[yummymummy80]

mmm this may sound thick but what do u do? just ask to see a counsellor? also im worried if I did that and I fell pregnant again they may have social services involved because they think im crazy or if I need more help with fertility they may not give it to me because of that im so confused and dreading work tomorro

 

[Sprk]

No one is going to think you are crazy because you need to talk to someone to help you with your loss. I know it takes a lot of courage to ask for help, but doing so can help put you on the path to healing. Call your gp or maternity ward and ask for help moving on from your loss. You are certainly not alone and they should know and understand that you would like some help. Maybe ask your oh if he can go with you to the gp to support you. It could help you both heal together.

 

[megsmeadow]

Nothing crazy about grief and it takes a lot for social services to get involved. Everyone needs a bit of extra help now and then. X

 

[Katkin72]

Hi yummymummy - I hope you don't mind me popping in here and I apologise if my post upsets you, it's the last thing I want to do. I just wanted to give you a huge hug and tell you I could have written this thread - I totally understand how you feel at the moment. I got my 1st BFP in June 2012, only to find out when I had a scan at 9 weeks that there was no heartbeat - 2 weeks later I had to have a D&C as my body wouldn't pass anything naturally. It was the worst time of my life. To make matters worse my best friend was pregnant (4 weeks ahead of me). I had to watch her go through her pregnancy and have a healthy baby, it was torture and I ended up having to distance myself from her to keep myself sane. Sadly I then had a further 3 mcs before this (current) successful pregnancy. I had very low times and thought I would never have a successful BFP, but with support from my family and friends and my lovely friends here on PF it did get easier with time. I wouldn't wish this heartache on anyone and my heart goes out to you. You need to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself, it will take time to heal but I promise it does get easier. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs, and once again I hope you don't mind me butting in xxxxx

 

[lisa1985]

Sending you lots of hugs. I had mc last October, I started spotting at 8 weeks and ignored it for a few days, I then had a bright red bleed and panicked, went for a scan and was told I was only measuring 6 weeks and baby had a slow heartbeat, I had to wait a whole week for next scan,I tried to stay positive, but a week later and another bleed my scan revealed baby had grown during that week but then heart had stopped, I was devastated, I cried everyday, led on the sofa for nearly 6 weeks, I was signed off work, then left my job and just drank alcohol every day!

It was the worst thing I had ever been through in my life,but I got through it! and you will too.

I picked myself back up, got myself a new job and stopped buying wine!! My due date was on 9th May and i was so worried about how I would feel on the run up to it, but I was actually ok and am feeling positive for the future.

Stay strong, look after yourself. xx

 

[Bethyboo87]

All of this is making me feel so sad! It's such a rough, awful thing for anyone to go through, but there is comfort in hearing other people's experiences - especially as face to face people don't seem to want to talk about it at all. Yummy, you will get through this slowly but surely.

In general I'm okay at the moment, but randomly had an awful day on Saturday, just cried all day, burst into tears walking on the beach, eating my breakfast... all day, just felt so sad.

You're not alone hun, it will get better xx

 

[Violet]

Ah hon huge ((hugs)) x I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, other than what people have already said.

Seeing a counsellor won't cause social services to be involved. I've seen several different ones over the years, for grief and depression, and even when I was looking at ivf it was never a problem.

 

[tell92787]

Im sorry for your loss! I work in a departmebt store selling nursery and to be honest it breaks my heart when ladies come in with bumps biying prams and cots! Especially when there due date is close to my own! I have started to focus now on trying again... I went to see a psycic who told me about my miscarriage before i had it but she also told me there would be a baby boy .. Maybe you should go to one of you think it would help! Xx