Stay at home mums

[Jadie]

i am having a bad morning, feeling really down. i was washing up and oliver was happy playing on his mat. i sudenly thought, poor baby he is always on the floor playing. i have not been able to put him down since. feel so guilty leaving him on his own today. do you have days like these.

jadie

 

[Rosieroo]

Yes I do, when I do get the chance to sneak out the room to do stuff I feel bad that I'm not spending more time with her interacting and stuff. I then worry she's going to be behind because I don't stimulate her enough

 

[Beany]

Removed due to deciding too personal for public viewing

 

[Urchin]

Beany and Beanie

It's Hickory Dickory's in Kings Heath

The baby section has tunnels and stuff to climb over, and a mini ball pool and a mirrored corridor bit too...Brody loved it.

 

[hearts81]

I'm a SAHM and I love it. I dont get lonely as I'm a shy person anyways so I've got used to my own company. Although I have made a few friends at mother and baby groups so I have 4 days a week visiting each of them, then I have another 2 days visiting childless friends. But I only spend a couple of hours with each of them- any longer and Reece is a nightmare

The only thing I'd wish for is for O/H to offer to look after Reece one day so I could go and visit someone by myself. I've lost the ability to have proper conversations with people now as I'm usually to busy concentrating on baby.

 

[Keely]

I love being a SAHM.... I am sooo hoping OH can get a pay rise before decemeber when my maternity leave finishes!! I dont wanna leave my boy

xxx

 

[Rosieroo]

Ella's just such hard work at the moment Honestly she literally whinges and screams until we go out. Today I strapped her into her buggy whilst I quickly went for a wee and grabbed the bits to go out and she had a FIT. A full on sobbing temper tantrum. I don't know what to do I'm so so so tired

 

[Freya]

Kina rest assured that you are an excellent mum. In fact I often read your posts and feel inadequate!!!

I to felt that I didn't give daughter enough stimultion and worried about it but (i am bragging now ) she is only 4 1/2 ad can read, write, add and takeaway to 20 so I must have done something right!!

You can tel from yur posts that you are a fab mum who puts her child first.

Everyone needs me time now and again

 

[Rosieroo]

Thanks Freya

I'm just struggling at the moment as I don't know what's wrong with her and why she just wont be happy at home. Sometimes I feel like knocking myself out just to get away from her constant screaming! Yet I feel like a fraud because everyone else seems to see her as a little angel. Though my sister came round and watched her whilst I started tea and said she's so demanding, which she is. She had her 8 month check at the HVs today and she's doing really well and more than they expect, but he still couldn't help me with her behaviour. Just said that because I'm the main caregiver she will misbehave more for me. If I wasn't so tired then I wouldn't be so anxious and uptight, I could easily take her for hours walk.
She keeps grabbing at her ear and has made it bleed quite badly, but if she was poorly I would have thought she'd be ill around everyone else? I feel so down and like I've made a massive mistake getting pregnant again, which sounds awful. There are woman that have been TTC on here since before I got pg with Ella and I am regretting getting pg again. My mum said that I am not going to cope with 2 children and I'll not be able to leave the house (I bought a decent pram to be able to get out and about). Yet I feel the reason I'm finding it hard work is because I look after Ella so much alone, she's only ever been away from me 3 times since she was born and that was for under an hour. DH is looking after her for the first time alone on Monday so I can go to a funeral. I don't begrudge being a SAHM as I could work if I wanted to, but I just hate it being this hard. I know some women would love to be in my position and I don't want to stop looking after her, I appreciate the fact that DH earns enough to pay the bills. Just without having many other mums to talk to (face to face) it's honestly quite horrendous at the moment.
I sat in tears today when she was throwing a fit, sometimes I feel like hurting myself to get away from her and I literally have to walk away from her to control myself.
It's taken ages for me to be able to admit all this. I love my daughter with all my heart and would fight to the death for her, but she's so demanding. Yet I have extreme issues with things that happened in my past which make it difficult for me to trust anyone else to look after her. I feel so trapped.

 

[K X]

Aww Kina, all I can say is I totally understand how you feel in respect to Ella's behaviour. Rebecca is the same, screams the place down 90% of the day, until I take her out to the shops, but then is that us giving in to them? I'm not sure. Like u I spoke to my HV about her behaviour and all I get is "some babies are more demanding than others!" Thanks that really helps.

Just like today, no matter what I done, it wasn't enough, cried when we played with her toys, cried when we danced, and sang, so in the end I strapped her into her swiging seat and walked through to the kitchen and shut the door! She went hysterical.

I don't know about Ella, but Rebecca's cry isn't just a cry, she goes hysterical, and very angry.

I feel terrible but when my mum came in she ws all smiles and I said "she's a bloody psycho". Not nice I know, but I was in depths of despair.

Rebecca seems to be at her ears alot too, hers are red raw inside, but I keep getting told by GP its teething related.

All I can say is you're not alone, and maybe it is time you get away for a break, even a nite out, or go and stay with a friend?

You are a fab mum, and have always done the best by Ella, it's just a horrendous stage they are at!! Plus its worse for you cause you will be tired with being pg, bless.

Take care and keep us posted (as I write this my daughter is screaming that bad her face look like a tomato-I have the future hulk! )

Karrina xx

 

[Rosieroo]

I don't know about Ella, but Rebecca's cry isn't just a cry, she goes hysterical, and very angry.

Definately, she's not a quiet baby! She has an absolute hissy fit. She even throws herself back onto the carpet if she's sat up to throw a tantrum. I had no idea that babies could even do that at her age! The same for her biting, if I am doing something like trying to get her arm into her top and she doesn't like it she will bite me!
My mum said that I shouldn't take her out everyday otherwise she'll get used to it But if I stay at home it's unbearable
I think that I need to get mum to come over and look after her one evening so Matt and I can go out, just being in first tri makes me want to collapse in bed as soon as she does!! Plus the problem isn't the evenings, it's the days when we're alone and I'm struggling. Matt has booked Monday off to look after her whilst I get ready for the funeral plus he'll look after her whilst I go, but it's not exactly much of a fun break!!
Sometimes I don't know where I've gone wrong. She was such an easy laid back baby, then she hit about 5-6 months and just turned. I could buy her all the toys in the world and she still wouldn't be happy at home.

What makes things worse is when she cries she's saying mumma at the same time, so I feel like the worlds shittest mum for leaving her whilst I try to get things sorted. I just hope she chills out a bit in the future otherwise it's only going to get worse as she gets bigger and more destructive.

 

[hearts81]

Kina sounds like you're having a rough ride

Reece has been throwing tantrums for the past few months and I find it so hard. I have snapped so many pens and toothbrushes and stamped on plates its unbelievable (never when Reece is in the room).

I think the hardest thing about it for me is watching OH sit and see me get stressed but not offer to help. I know its my "job" now so I never ask but I really need his help. Although starting yesterday OH is having Reece 1 night a week while I go to my friends house for a few hours. This has made me feel loads better Is there anyway your OH would do this for you Kina? Might help you laods.

 

[Keely]

all the girls with toddlers!!

Kina dont think your a bad mum just tired!! I remember what the first trimester is like i used to go to bed about 5.30!!!! plus i think you will be fine when you have two kids, remember she will be 9 months older then!

K - you made me laugh i just picture you straping your little one into her swing and shutting the door, i wonder what the neighbours thought! haha

hearts, i know what you mean about the OH just watching, it can be so annoying cant it.... the other night ellis woke up at 5 am when OH was getting up for work and i picked him up and he burps, OH said oh you couldnt have burped him properly last night!!! How would he know he aint ever done a night feed!!

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Kim]

Kina, I had no idea you were going through this

I think because you are pregnant you are tired and feeling a bit crap so things seem worse. Rubie is very difficult too and it's usually just for me, which makes me feel like it's my fault in some way. I couldn't live without the help and support from my mum. When things get too much I take her round there and have a break, which really helps. I think this is what you need too. A break from her might be just what it takes to get yourself sorted. I know you have issues with leaving her and it must be very tough, but you need to work through that for your own sanity. My mum had Rubie all night and all day the next day last week as I was at breaking point. I missed her terribly and visited her every few hours but I needed the time away. When I picked her up to bring her home, my mum said she realised why I needed the break as she had been a nightmare for her, just like she is for me. That's when I realised it wasn't my fault she acts this way, it's just how she is when she is with the same person for a length of time. You need support and help from wherever you can get it, and the more you leave her, the easier it will become.

Please e mail, pm or text me if you need me, and I apologise if this sounded like a lecture

 

[Jadie]

Kina

 

[lisa31]

Awww Kina

I know what you mean. Heidi is such a good girl - but when she's ill like she has been for 2 weeks I find it a bloody nightmare and cannot cope. So you must be going through the mill for it to be happening all the time.

To be honest from when she was home I was horrified to find how hard it was and I really dont think I could cope with another one - and she is a good baby- so goodness knows how you are coping (I find it hard with one good baby).

Like you though - you love them more than anything else ever - but they are such hard work.

Heidi does that with her ears by the way.

I have recently gone back work working 4 days. My Mum has Heidi on Mondays and Tuesdays, I then have Wednesdays off then she goes Nursery on Thursday and Fridays. When I first took her nursery the first few times she really cried and I felt soooo guilty. However now she absolutly loves it - there is one girl there that she gets on sooo well with.

I know you said you have an issue with going nursery - but cud it be worth a try? You could probably have one day a week to yourself - that would give you time to recharge your batteries or just do something for you. Last Wednesday the nursery wanted Heidi to do a pre-visit but as it was my day off I thought I shouldnt cos I should spend the day with her - but I thought -"No - she is 6 months old and I havent had 6 hours completly without responsiblity since she was born" so I took her and just pottered round the house, read emails etc and it was great - perhaps you could try it? It really refreshes you.

Probably havent been much help but am thinking about you.

L x

 

[lisa31]

Awww Kina

I know what you mean. Heidi is such a good girl - but when she's ill like she has been for 2 weeks I find it a bloody nightmare and cannot cope. So you must be going through the mill for it to be happening all the time.

To be honest from when she was home I was horrified to find how hard it was and I really dont think I could cope with another one - and she is a good baby- so goodness knows how you are coping (I find it hard with one good baby).

Like you though - you love them more than anything else ever - but they are such hard work.

Heidi does that with her ears by the way.

I have recently gone back work working 4 days. My Mum has Heidi on Mondays and Tuesdays, I then have Wednesdays off then she goes Nursery on Thursday and Fridays. When I first took her nursery the first few times she really cried and I felt soooo guilty. However now she absolutly loves it - there is one girl there that she gets on sooo well with.

I know you said you have an issue with going nursery - but cud it be worth a try? You could probably have one day a week to yourself - that would give you time to recharge your batteries or just do something for you. Last Wednesday the nursery wanted Heidi to do a pre-visit but as it was my day off I thought I shouldnt cos I should spend the day with her - but I thought -"No - she is 6 months old and I havent had 6 hours completly without responsiblity since she was born" so I took her and just pottered round the house, read emails etc and it was great - perhaps you could try it? It really refreshes you.

Probably havent been much help but am thinking about you.

L x

 

[Rosieroo]

I've thought about half a day at nursery, but was going to do it from when she turned one. I also don't know what the quality of the local ones are like, some of the mums I know have put me off.
My mum is going to have some time with her either Wednesday or Thursday which will be good. She was going to have her tomorrow for a few hours but it feels too much too soon when I haven't really let her out of my sight much (we were going to drive to Ikea which is a 3 hour road trip, plus shopping time etc).
Ella's just a vocal baby I guess, I've never met another one that can scream as loudly as her! Even when she was climbing all over me and screaming in front of the HV he had no advice Felt like crying as I was basically putting it out there how I felt but I felt as we were the last people for him to see for the day he just wanted to get rid of us. Then again what could he say? Sorry your child is such a shit, better luck next time!!
I think my hormones and the tiredness is making it all seem 100 times worse, I feel better for voicing how I feel on here and thank you for your suggestions and taking the time to reply, it's good to know in some ways I am not alone

 

[K X]

Ella and Rebecca must of been separated at birth! Banshees! We were sitting in the Dr's surgery and the monster started screaming, so I was trying to get her to be quiet, but she knows what she's doing, and went 10 decibels louder. I get embarassed and very flustered in these situations, cause u get the odd person looking over tuttering!

My mum always says they take everything out on the one's they love-so maybe in a sick way we should feel honoured....I think not!

My HV is the same, no advice regarding the temper tantrums, which is no use to us! Funny u say that bout Ella biting u, when I go to buckle Rebecca into her swing of highchair she purposely starts hitting my arm and grabbing me! My mum says she doesn't know what she's doing, but it looks too calculated to me!

It's not for u, but for me its reassuring that Becks isn't the only one that has a little temper, cause I was beginning to think there was something wrong with her (behaviourally)...

 

[Rosieroo]

My HV is the same, no advice regarding the temper tantrums, which is no use to us! Funny u say that bout Ella biting u, when I go to buckle Rebecca into her swing of highchair she purposely starts hitting my arm and grabbing me! My mum says she doesn't know what she's doing, but it looks too calculated to me!

Ella has a mean slap/pinch/scratch aswell!! I really didn't think that she was supposed to know about hitting until she was 2 (well that's what I read in a magazine once, guess we just got advanced children

It's not for u, but for me its reassuring that Becks isn't the only one that has a little temper, cause I was beginning to think there was something wrong with her (behaviourally)...

I've been beginning to think that too. I said to DH tonight that she can't be normal. One minute she's up, the next minute down. Wondered if it could be something in her diet which is why I asked about sugar, but TBH it's not like I'm giving her mars bars so I can't see it being that. I was hyperactive as a child, maybe it's genetic. She's so strange sometimes though. Everytime she eats she grabs her ears and nose, so I am going to book her in at the docs and see if they've got any useful info. She was a demon during tea tonight, but then when I took her out and held her on my lap she was fine (apart from climbing all over the place). I'm worried about my pg though as she's always booting me in the belly and standing on it, guess I will have more to worry about when I have a bump.