sorry ...looooong rant

[helsekia]

i just need to vent yet another argument with hubby.
my hubbys an only child,he tells his parents everything!my parents passed away years ago.sometimes I feel that his parents are married to me as well.i mean for example my house was upside down new years day cos we werefitting new kitchen cupboards but I still had to prepare lunch for them because he wanted them there despite my protests.they buy clothes for my daughter and if shes going totheir house i dress her in nice stuff i send her down there and they take it off and put her in whatever they have,then change her into what she had on to come home well today kiara was talking to me and saying how she wanted to be the first one to hold her little brother.I said as soon as he was born and ok daddy would come get her from nanas (where she will be while im in labour).I was explaining the conversation to hubby and he immediately said oh no!nana will bring her up cos she will want to see the baby herself.I said i dint want her there straight away i wanted time together just me,hubby n 2 children but he just doesnt get it im gonna ban his mother from coming in lol im gonna stick it in my birth plan im sooooo angry right now

 

[Bee]

I agree with u - its u that is giving birth not him. U decide who will be there.

If u don't want your MIL there then stick with it. Personally I would prefer the less people the better. She can see the baby when u get home and u are settled.

Hope u get it sorted hun

 

[Bloom]

I think you have a right to be angry im really looking forward to time with me oh and baby together ive also told oh that if i end up with a cesarean and im not with it i dont want anyone else holding baby (except oh) until i have.

I would stick to your guns on this one as its important to you. Im telling my family i will let them know when to come and they are happy with this as they know we want our space.

Hope your sort it out.

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

Id be angry to i get on with James mum and she is a lovely women but i wouldnt wont her there for the birth.
I wont my mum a she's given birth to me brought me up and seen everything she'll be there to get me through it. But james mum id feel soooo weired and uncomfortable.
No hon tell him in no uncertian terms she is not going and why id fel in would effect the magic of the birth.
I hope he sees sense hon
MEN THEY OUR JUST SO THICK SOMETIMES

 

[muppetmummy]

I don't blame you for wanting a bit of peace after the birth. I wouldn't like the in laws coming to the hospital straight after the birth!

 

[heles7]

gosh, thats a tough situation to be put in. I guess it's a man thing that they can not comprehend what you are going to go through and how that is going to make you feel.

Whilst I've still to find out, im pretty sure that I will not not want to be seeing my MIL the day i give birth and we do have a very good relationship. In fact, im feeling slightly nervous about my own mum and sister on the day. Ideally I'd like it to just be my OH and then time and space to recover.

Maybe you should ask your OH to read this thread? It isn't about you being difficult but I think any woman would feel the same and should be given adequate time before receiving visitors outside the immediate family.

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

I agree! My MIL is a lovely lady but I wouldn't want her there just after I'd given birth. As a woman you go through so much and all you want is some quiet time to rest with your baby, your OH, and possibly your other children (although I must admit, Daisy was only 2 when I had Rosie, and she didn't meet Rosie until I took her home the day after).

I reckon you should choose a time when you and your OH are happy and relaxed together, and express your feelings about the matter (a gentle approach may be more effective although you may be seething inside - I think I would be!!!)

Hope you can sort it out asap

 

[helsekia]

awww thanks ladies.i did talk to hubby this morning and although im not sure he totally sees my side he has agreed we can talk about it tonight.i did get my point across i feel a lot calmer today so who knows

 

[Manda&Thomas]

aww hun sorry you had an argument with him sometimes men just dont understand
defo stand your ground though
manda xx

 

[sazzylou]

my hubby is also and only child and his parents are VERY pushy.....he also tells them everything and wants them to be in on everything we do

Im not sure who's gonna be looking after beth yet when i go into labour (his mum or mine) but im definitely gonna aske people to stay away for a day or so. I want my kids and my OH and thats it, lol. I feel selfish, but thats how i feel.

When i had beth (at 1.12am) my SIL (who ive never got on with) turned up the same day with he kids as soon as visiting hours started, then my grandad, mil and fil, mum and dad, and my brother all turned up. Nex visiting hours, 2 of OH's friends, 3 of my cousins and their OH's turned up, and 2 of my friends Not one person had sked us when to come, and in all the pics ive got of me in hospital i look really angry or like im gonna cry

You put your foot down. Once that experience is ruined you cant get it back

 

[bhe101]

Hi there.

I totally agree with you!! Men dont understand how much this means to a mum. You need that special time without anyone else being in the way.
Iv been worrying about this too as ellie will probably be at my in laws when Im havin baby as there retired. They will end up taking her to see us as my oh wouldnt want to hurt there feelings by saying they had to wait. If I had it my way, i wouldnt have any visitors at hospital, id rather wait till im settled back at home.
I had quite a time of it when ellie was born, she was premature and I had an emergancy c-section. I didnt see her till about 12 hours after she was born, but by this time, my parents and oh's parents had several times!! The whole experience really knocked me and I got really bad PND. I'm much better now but it still really gets to me!!
This time its gonna be MY way

I just realised how much I wrote, sorry to rabbit on so much!!

 

[debecca]

I am also married to an only child and can understand where you're coming from! I also wouldn't want my MIL there for the birth, but I would however want to see her pretty soon afterwards. My case is slightly different because I don't effectively have any parents (my mum is dead and my dad is a w*nker) so they are like my surrogate mumeeee and dadeeee!!!!

Stick to your guns hun, birth is traumatic enough without stressing about things like this - do whatever you feel and good luck

 

[Happybunny]

I think you are definately in the right and should stick to your principles. I have asked OH to tell his family that I don't want to be visited at all whilst in hospital, we will come and visit with the baby when we are out.

 

[Tillytots]

they buy clothes for my daughter and if shes going to their house i dress her in nice stuff i send her down there and they take it off and put her in whatever they have,then change her into what she had on to come home

ERM - omg

how very odd hun they sound a bit tapped....

Id deffo ban them all I think how stressful for you! really hope hubby will see where you are coming from and respect your decision.

xx

 

[debecca]

they buy clothes for my daughter and if shes going to their house i dress her in nice stuff i send her down there and they take it off and put her in whatever they have,then change her into what she had on to come home

ERM - omg

how very odd hun they sound a bit tapped....

Tapped!

That's a word I haven't heard since my mum died. She used it all the time!!!