Someone please help

[lisey]

Right a bit of a long story but I can't stop crying today. I have a son with severe autism, this week he hasnt been sleeping well so it could be contributing to my emotions.

Today at work I had a run in with my work colleague. We work in childcare. I am not usually confrontational but I couldnt let it go.
We have a child in my setting with autism and my colleague said "can't we just tie him to a chair"...she said it jokingly but I dont care, its wrong. I stayed calm but then she was going on about his Mum having it easy as she has help etc. I explained its not easy to have a child with a disability and she said that having a child with autism is just the same as having to look after whatever children you have (she means children that dont have additional needs). She went on how its not difficult, its the same and really basically demeaned every hard day and night I have with my son. She said everyone will see it differently and I said no, it is what it is, its hard-no question about it. I tried to explain things and I got upset cos its such an emotional thing for me. I went out of the room and my boss said that the other one had apologised and "at least shes apologised and come forward with that". My boss also went on to tell me "people have it alot worse than you"...Now, this is true, I aknowledge that but my son is severe and has various other issues too and its alot for me sometimes. I feel like I am being made out to be overreacting. I really don't feel like I can work with these people anymore.
I don't have anyone I can put in a complaint about it as my manager is the top person and she doesnt care, she makes comments like this too.

I just needed to get it out and was hoping someone knew who I go to above my manager about these kinds of things. You cant as a childcare provider say you want to tie a child to a chair cos they have autism and wont sit still, joking or not, its unacceptable. And am I overreacting about her comments to me about disabilities? x

 

[LYLLJellyTots]

I would feel exactly the same as you do babe and if I knew someone who was working with my child had said anything like that about them I would be absolutely furious x no matter what neurodevelopmental needs that child has saying something like that is awful x I don't know who you could possibly go to but the fact that your boss is of the same mindset is awful

Massive hugs babe xxx no-one can know what it's like until they walk in your shoes and unfortunately there's a lot of ignorance out there, would expect more from people working with children suffering from these disorders though xxxx hugs

 

[Titch85]

If your really, really concerned you could anonymously report her to OFSTED and they'll investigate. Do you have a regional manager you could complain too? I don't know if you work for a big company or not.

I'm sure there'll be something in the EYFS that you could use to back up your complaint, let me dig my book out...

 

[lisey]

I would feel exactly the same as you do babe and if I knew someone who was working with my child had said anything like that about them I would be absolutely furious x no matter what neurodevelopmental needs that child has saying something like that is awful x I don't know who you could possibly go to but the fact that your boss is of the same mindset is awful

Massive hugs babe xxx no-one can know what it's like until they walk in your shoes and unfortunately there's a lot of ignorance out there, would expect more from people working with children suffering from these disorders though xxxx hugs

Thanks hun, I just wanted to know if I was being overly sensitive cos I have been a bit down this week due to issues with my boy.
Its sickening that they say these things, its not the first time either. I hate it there and am seriously considering resigning and just look for something else, even if it means being out of work for a bit x

If your really, really concerned you could anonymously report her to OFSTED and they'll investigate. Do you have a regional manager you could complain too? I don't know if you work for a big company or not.

I'm sure there'll be something in the EYFS that you could use to back up your complaint, let me dig my book out...

I am not concerned that she would do anything to a child but she is horrible about them sometimes, calls them ugly or says things like she did today. I get so angry with her and have reported her to my manager but as i said, she doesnt care. I think reporting to ofsted would be the right thing to do as people like this should not work with children but I know they will all cover it up and get away with it x

 

[Titch85]

Even name calling is unacceptable! She's abusing her position, she's there to support and care for the children, not put them down. I am just trawling through the framework...

 

[lisey]

She is disgusting, she is so hateful about them. She doesnt care about the children at all, she might have one or two that she likes and she will make an extra effort with them and thats it x

You work in this profession-would you report her?

 

[Titch85]

Yes, but I take my job seriously and have quite high standards, and I believe everyone should do the same - meaning the girl you work with, not you. This is a career, you should be in the job because you love it and want to make a difference, not because it was the only thing available at the time. Sorry I am ranting now lol.

 

[lisey]

Yes, but I take my job seriously and have quite high standards, and I believe everyone should do the same - meaning the girl you work with, not you. This is a career, you should be in the job because you love it and want to make a difference, not because it was the only thing available at the time. Sorry I am ranting now lol.

I agree. I am the same and really believe in making a difference with these children and creating a safe, secure and happy environment for them. If its me and her in a room, all the children will come to me if they need something cos they can feel who cares for them etc.
I guess I am just nervous about reporting, not done it before and dont know what will happen, I will prob have to leave as the would all be horrible to me but I want to leave anyway so not loss really I guess x

 

[Titch85]

If they made you feel you had to leave then you'd have a case for unfair dismissal. Who do you work for? PM me if you'd rather not say on here.

 

[knopk@]

I think you should report. As a parent i wouldnt want a person like that caring for my child.

Tapatalking so cant see signatures

 

[lisey]

Its not any of the big companies titch, its a very small one, only one setting so makes it harder, nobody to report to higher than my boss and am in a small room with them all


I agree Knopk. I would not let my children be looked after her by her, its my duty to report it and I will x

 

[tweetyfoo]

This is exactly why I have a fear of putting Aaron in a nursery

I dont think you overreacted at all hun

I would honestly be looking at reporting

 

[lisey]

If they made you feel you had to leave then you'd have a case for unfair dismissal. Who do you work for? PM me if you'd rather not say on here.

This is exactly why I have a fear of putting Aaron in a nursery

I dont think you overreacted at all hun

I would honestly be looking at reporting

I know tweety, its terrible that people have such narrow minded, disgusting views. I have to report her really, I wouldnt forgive myself if I didnt. Just dont know what to expect from it all. Bit scary, I am a very anxious person as it is x

 

[tweetyfoo]

I hate the thought of Aaron being thought of as a burden ... it breaks my heart

He will likely be delayed in speech and mobility so Im sure it will be frustrating for staff

 

[knopk@]

Even disregarding special needs,.you cant make comments like.that. And esp if children have special needs.
Tweety; some children dont walk until 18 months +, dont talk until later on etc. My boy wont sit still for long as he is just so active and also very interactive (he can hug other kids and tip them on.the floor without meaning to). I am sure he is hard work but staff at my.nursery havent been anything but nice even when he misbehaves.
It just sickens me that people who work with children and esp vulnerable children can be like that. I didnt like many nurseries cause it just didnt feel right iykwim
The worst thing is that the manager thinks its somehow ok.

Tapatalking so cant see signatures

 

[Titch85]

Although I don't have any particular experience with children with special needs, I am a real one for doing things by the book and I know it can be irritating at times. I love my job, it's the other staff that make my days bad!

If you went to OFSTED anonymously, they'd probably carry out a random inspection and focus on the things you've complained about; they'd ask questions about the polices and procedures relating to that, and question the knowledge of the staff. No-one need know it's come from you.

 

[lisey]

I hate the thought of Aaron being thought of as a burden ... it breaks my heart

He will likely be delayed in speech and mobility so Im sure it will be frustrating for staff

It won't be frustrating for caring staff. I have never seen a child as a burden and we have had lots of children with additional needs. I am the same as you, it broke my heart that someone can be like that about an innocent little child. It instantly made me hope that nobody had ever been like that about my son. You will get a feeling about a nursery, look at ofsted reports and even speak to other parents etc. Nursery and playgroups are wonderful places if the right people work there xx

Even disregarding special needs,.you cant make comments like.that. And esp if children have special needs.
Tweety; some children dont walk until 18 months +, dont talk until later on etc. My boy wont sit still for long as he is just so active and also very interactive (he can hug other kids and tip them on.the floor without meaning to). I am sure he is hard work but staff at my.nursery havent been anything but nice even when he misbehaves.
It just sickens me that people who work with children and esp vulnerable children can be like that. I didnt like many nurseries cause it just didnt feel right iykwim
The worst thing is that the manager thinks its somehow ok.

Tapatalking so cant see signatures

This is my concern too, my manager doesnt care. As long as she gets paid and everyone does as she tells them, its fine in her book x

Although I don't have any particular experience with children with special needs, I am a real one for doing things by the book and I know it can be irritating at times. I love my job, it's the other staff that make my days bad!

If you went to OFSTED anonymously, they'd probably carry out a random inspection and focus on the things you've complained about; they'd ask questions about the polices and procedures relating to that, and question the knowledge of the staff. No-one need know it's come from you.

I could have written that top paragraph myself. I am all for rules and like to stick to them. I like things done properly and done well. Its the same for me, I love what I do but don't like the other staff members.

In regards to OFSTED randomly inspecting, they will definately get past that, my boss has the gift of the gab and can work her way our of anything. I will still do it though. Also, I have a really good relationship with the Area SENCO, do you think it would be worth going to her for advice or would you say this is very unprofessional? I know its not following proper procedure though to do it that way, although our whistle blowing policy is a shambles really. She (area senco) arranges the funding for the additional needs children we have coming in and would not be happy at all about the care being provided x

 

[Titch85]

I don't really know how the SENCO works, I've never had any dealings with them, maybe if you know her and trust her, you could speak to her off the record so to speak?

 

[lisey]

I don't really know how the SENCO works, I've never had any dealings with them, maybe if you know her and trust her, you could speak to her off the record so to speak?

Yeah I think I will, thanks for all your help xx

 

[babyem]

This is exactly why I have a fear of putting Aaron in a nursery

I dont think you overreacted at all hun

I would honestly be looking at reporting

Hugs hun xxxxxx

tapatalking x