SO CONFUSED!!! PLZ HELP,,,

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by JuicyJess, Sep 15, 2005.

  1. JuicyJess

    JuicyJess Well-Known Member

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    does anyone have days where the just wanna cry, like.. forever?! im having one of those days! i dont kno what to do. i was with my bf for over 2 years and i think it was my fault we split up coz i was tired and moody and hated men. i didnt know why i was feeling like that at the time... i just fort it was coz i was on a new contraception pill the doctor prescribed me coz my last one made me sick... :shock: well i split up with him in the end, and it was all my fault coz i gave him a hard time and blamed him for for me feeling like this. :cry: i feel really bad now when i think back, cuz he said he really loved me and i dont kno why i couldnt see the symptoms! i just didnt think coz i never missed taking the pill once! but after we split i found out i was 5 months pregnant - i think 3 months later. i just blew up like a baloon so i had to tell him, he didnt know what to do and now he has totaly backed off and is seeing one of my close mates (after being with 10 of my other mates!) but this girl (who was ment to be my mate) we wasnt talkin for a while but she suddenly started asking questions about the baby. i didnt know about her and my ex, so i told her and found out later that she had been spying for him. i got really mad because iv cried so many times over this, and just wanted him to hold my hand and look after me and be there in labour... i couldnt understand why he didnt just pick up the phone! when i confronted his gf she said no he aint even interested in me or the baby :cry: n said she was only chatting as my friend. :?
    but the thing is 2 months ago i met a lad he seemed perfect at the time he said he was mad about me and didnt mind about the baby, but now things have changed - he hardly even sees me anymore, only when it suits him! :cry: he spends so much time out at the gym and the up the pub and with his mates... i feel so left out!! he makes me mad but as soon as i see him or speak to him he just makes me feel all better.
    now im in chrisis! i dont know what i should do i want my ex back! :cry: :cry: :cry: i want him to be here for me and the baby. i feel so down! ...sorry for going on xxx
     
  2. Rosieroo

    Rosieroo Well-Known Member

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    Pregnancy is a really hormonal and emotional time, you've been through a real rollercoaster ride and you're perfectly normal for feeling like you do.
    Firstly, you are bound to still feel for your ex, you're carrying his baby. Unfortunately whether he's interested or not, he's still got at least a financial obligation to help you out. This 'friend' of your that is now seeing him is bound to feel threatened by you, afterall you're carrying her boyfriends baby, so I'd take what she has to say with a pinch of salt.
    Is it possible to arrange a meeting with your ex and explain your feelings, that you'd like him to be present at the birth?
    Secondly, although you wont want to hear this, you current boyfriend doesn't sound like he is offering you much support. If he's out all the time now, what's it going to be like when the baby is here? Are you really going to need the challenge of caring for a newborn and trying to chase this lad into taking responsibility? Will he still feel that it doesn't matter who the baby's father is when it's crying at 3am in the morning and you need a hand with feeds? Although you might feel you need the support of a man at the moment, is there any family that you can turn to? It sounds like it would be best to take a step back from the relationship with your new boyf and if you have family/friends around then use them for emotional support during this time.

    {{{Hugs}}} to you at this time.

    x
     
  3. JuicyJess

    JuicyJess Well-Known Member

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    (((hugs back))) thankyou for replying!! i dont know wether i should call my ex but his mum and my mum would get involved you see. im only 15... i no its young but i really love my unborn baby already so much id kill for her and i will do my best for her always. my mum hates his mum and if i speak to him, his mum will call my mum and start getting involved. last time i tried his mum decided to rant at my mum telling her im ruining his life. im not asking for any money, im ok financially, anyway he only has a paper round on saturdays!! i dont think id have the courage to dump my current bf, iv tried but he said all the right things if you get me?? and made me feel special again. yes i do have support off my family i live ith my mum stepdad and brother. my mum totaly undertands because she went through the same kind of situation when she had me and my brother but i dont know wether to speak to her cuz i dont want her being upset coz if she tells my s.dad he never understands anything. xxx
     
  4. Sarah&Braydon

    Sarah&Braydon Well-Known Member

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    i to didnt find out i was preg till i was 21 weeks and my boyfriend completely freaked out, we broke up a few days later and didnt speak to each other but we recently got back together and he just makes me feel completely useless at everything and even makes out i wont fo the best for our baby i am only 18 but this baby already means the world to me but he just seems to undermine me as much as possible, he also when ever i see him - the once a week he allows time for me - spends three quarters of that time slagging my parents of which i find really difficult to hear as they have been great since we have found out about the baby nd everything that has happened with my OH and after all this he has to me i still love him and fel like i couldnt live without him but why???
    sarah and buba
     
  5. Rosieroo

    Rosieroo Well-Known Member

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    I definately think it would be worth having a chat to your mum, it's really good that she is supporting you. Stepdad's never understand womens things and hormones :wink: My mum had me at 16, my dad was 32. He was really controlling and banned her mum from seeing her and me when I was born, so she was cut off from all emotional family support and had to rely on my father. They split when I was 2 and she got with my stepfather, my real dad died 10 years later. I've never had an in depth conversation about anything with my stepdad, but I know he'd do anything for me, they just don't get stuff ;) And yours is probably trying to protect you.

    Your mum would rather you turn to her and have a chat than feeling all torn up like this, and I think it would be good for you both.
     
  6. Tineke

    Tineke Well-Known Member

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    Girls, Girls, Girls... wow I have to say to you all here that I think you are all very strong women and mothers to be. I am sitting outside of my house thinking that I have no problems of any kind compared to your situations now. And at a time like this (pregnant and where are the men who contributed to this?), doesn't that alone make you understand how strong you are??? There are many men out there (I believe) who should be darn lucky to have the opportunity to be a father let alone a companion to the baby's mother for life. What is happening to people here? What makes them think they have all the cards in their hands. They know we are emotional basket cases at times and it's almost as if they are playing this like a game of 'who has the control'?
    Persnally, I would show firstly yourself that your child is now the most important thing in your life and if the father does not want to be there, then fine!!! If my partner did this to me I would not be so easy on opening that door again, until he understood the REAL reasons why he was there... What are his priorities in life? and if myself and our baby was not at the top of that list, I would not be having any of it!!!!! My father was busy sleeping with my mothers best firend when she was in labor with me and he hasn't changed a bit!!! I have always thought of my mother being both my mum and dad. Know those who are close to you and have been there for you in the past, they are the ones who really care and all the rest and just lucky to be part of our lives. That's what I think.
    Regardless girls, I am here and you can always talk to me.
    All the best,
    Tineke
     

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