So bloody annoyed - I have to return to working

We can't get Income support unfortuantely as my fiance Mark works full time.

I used to get it before me and DF moved in together as I was off work because of my difficult pregnancy with Damien, but it got stopped.

Think I will be ringing the Benefits people though to see if I am entitles to anything else, they should be able to advise better.

 

[lulu]

Forgot to say. .....I pay my creditors £1 a month. Ok I get a bad credit rating but at the end of the day its probably a good thing If I dont/cant get credit for a few years. Bad credit ratings arent as bad as people make out!!!

The CCCS have a free helpline as well. I used to work there. I have been a client twice and always found them great!

 

[Dee1985]

your partner can still claim tax credits and child credits im sure
and u could get jsa????

 

We get child and working tax, child benefit and mioght be entitled to housing benefit (although they are VERY stingy and didn't accept us before).

Think we pay our creditors about a fiver each a month (1 loan, 2 hire purchase and 3 cards). I have bad credit anyway, don't care about mine, it's just my OH I worry about. Poor bloke has had to sort out no end of money troubles since getting with me

Mine started when I was 18, lost 2 babies, got a credit card or 2, and store cards, and went crazy. Bought a laptop (the one I'm on now), still paying most of it all off and now added debt of what we have run up!

I obviously spend too much money

 

[lulu]

I obviously spend too much money

Poor bloke has had to sort out no end of money troubles since getting with me

Exactly the same as me!!!

Working from home is a good idea. Have you ever thought of selling stuff on ebay? are you artistic? art and paintings sell for loads of money, whether on line or in local gallerys, cafes etc.

I do have to say though that when I was severely depressed, I was off work and looking back now I wish I hadnt been as I think that made me worse!
Get a job you enjoy, and where the people are nice and I think the time away and the social aspect may make you feel better.

I am looking for work again now and the thought of it scares the poo out of me! Im scared of getting depressed again (I have a history of self harm) especially for jack's sake. But I think if I dont do it and get over that feeling it will rule me for the rest of my life!!!

Easier said than done though I know!

 

[Dee1985]

yh i see a few work from home jobs in the paper, data entry type thing...

but if u get a nice job u enjoy, getting u out of the house might be what u need...

and if u think u will miss damien too much
my friend has a 4month old she works in a nursery so he goes with her to work every day

now that would be nice and damien would love it???

 

Im scared of getting depressed again (I have a history of self harm) especially for jack's sake. But I think if I dont do it and get over that feeling it will rule me for the rest of my life!!!

Easier said than done though I know!

Same too Not proud or happy about my past at all. I need to stay better for Damien's sake. I have never been a good worker throughout my teens and having shit jobs only made me more depressed. I've suffered clinical depressional since I was 13 although have somewhat learnt how to hide it so no-one really notices. I'm not always very good talking about my inner feelings and thoughts or opening up about things like that. That added to the fact I often feel ashamed of my depression and history of self-harm because I think people will think I am a fruitcake. Depression is an illness which requires medicinal treatment, just like a heart condition or even a sprained ankle would, but I still don't always see it that way. The thing I am most scared of is Damien coming up to me when he gets bigger, and asking his mummy why she has big scars accross her wrists and arms - it's gonna break my heart

Regarding Art - I'm about as artistic as a wet sock!! I am trying to set up an Ebaying business venture but without funding it may not go according to plan!

Round here you can't work in a nursery unless you have the training to do it, which unfortunately I don't.

We just had a curry to make ourselves feel better - terrible eh! I spend coz I get depressed, and I'm depressed because I have no money!!

 

[Dee1985]

can some one do me a favour and discribe depression or the signs of it...

im so scared of getting it as after joining this forum i have realised it can wreck lives...

i just imagined it to be wanting to kill yaself and not seeing any one locking yourself in a room.... (sounds silly but thats the outlook i had on it)

but u hear of people having it and not knowing and i heard the longer u leave it the worse it gets?

if i was to get pnd would i realise?

 

[lulu]

You shouldnt be ashamed of your depression or past history. You had some hard times and that was your way of coping. It is part of you and who you are and you should never be ashamed of that!

From what I have seen you are absolutley lovely, and without sounding patronising, are extremely mature!

Damien will be proud of you no matter what cause you are his mum!!!

I have had pretty poo jobs aswell. I am looking at going back to college part time. If money is an issue and you want to train, have you looked into learn direct???

Look at this as being the first step of the rest of your life, the world is your oyster!!!

You are sami! you are beautiful, you are a great mum, and partner, and Im sure the world would be a much duller place without you!!! Scars or no scars!!!

Im 28 and still not sure what I want to do, where I want to go etc

 

Yes hun I think you would probably notice.

This list of signs of PND (or PNI as it is called in this case)is taken from the website pni.org.uk

Panic attacks and anxiety
Feeling physically ill and having physical symptoms that are
unusual for you such as chest pains, breathing problems,
headaches, dizziness, many minor illnesses and stomach upsets.

Worrying constantly about the health of yourself your baby, other
children or family and friends

Obsessive thoughts or repetitive, chanting thoughts or voices

Thoughts that you will harm your child or another member of
your family either accidentally or deliberately.

Fear or thoughts that you may sexually or physically abuse either
your newest baby or your other children

Many women with PNI describe a feeling of having 'fuggy' vision
or a 'mussy' head.

Having worries that everyday objects such as knives, stairs, play
equipment, even your car or bus are dangerous and could harm
your child yourself or your family

Having 'what if' thoughts about what could happen if they did

Feelings that you are a 'bad' mother or a 'bad' person

Obsessions about either your own health, your child/rens or
partners - fears that you or they will die

A constant feeling of doom or dread - as if something really
horrible will happen any minute

Having a constant need to discuss and revisit the birth because it
was so horrible and you felt things to be out of control

Or not being able to think or talk about the birth

A feeling of great sadness and a feeling that since the baby, life is
not worth living and nothing gives you joy, not even your new
baby

A feeling that if you just disappeared out of your families life
everything would be OK for them - that you causing your family
unhappiness by just being around

A feeling of numbness and lack of emotion - which also might
extend to a lack of feeling for your baby

Hiding how you feel and putting on a 'brave face'..

Actual self harm or feeling you would like to harm yourself that
you either never felt or did before or has come back.

Difficulty getting to sleep or waking up in a panic or feeling ill -
either in the night or early in the morning.

Feeling overwhelmingly tired all the time even when you do get
enough sleep

Drinking too much and/or abuse of recreational or prescription drugs

These things can be taken quite to the extreme sometimes, and are often normal thoughts when you are tired/run down.

 

[lulu]

can some one do me a favour and discribe depression or the signs of it...

Its different for everyone. I didnt know but the docs say from what they can tell I had it throughout my childhood and I didnt realise it.

For me it all came to a head when my marriage broke down and my dad died of leukemia. I did have suicidal thoughts but thats not always how it is.

I was very emotional, within myself, lacking in confidence as a child and all through my life. I was close to becoming bulimic at college. I found it hard to go out the door some days. I suffered obsessive cumpolsive disorder. I always put myself down, never saw any good in me.
Even now I expect people to see the worst in me, as I do myself. I let people walk all over me because I think I deserve it. I never take in the positive comments people make, just the bad ones. I over analyse what people say to me, or what they might be thinking of me. I have also had a bad temper in the past.

There are so many things to describe it! I could be here all night. It is different for everyone though.

 

[Dee1985]

ts such a shame how comman its becoming pnd, pregnancy is ment to be one of the most special things but i think so many people fear pnd..

how u feel lulu sounds terriblemy heart does go out to u, u must be so strong to be a good mother and try and deal with depresion at the same time,
to be honest i feel real awkward saying any thing as i cant relate to how u feel.. i hope u both feel better soon..

as for obsessive cumpolsive disorder i never knew there was such thing untill i watched a show and realised i was suffering from it.. what was yours if u dont mind me asking..
the only way i resolved mine was i moved house

sounds stupid but spiders!!!

i was total taken over by them last summer i would see about 2 a week in my house it got to the stage were i once seen on behind my bin in the kitchen. i never put any thing in the bin again i seen one under my setee never sat on it again it got to the stage every place i ever seen one i would never for any reason go to that place again i knew it was getting out of hand when one day at 12 in the afternoon i seen one in the kitchen i ran in to the living room and sat there till 7pm when kris got in and the hardest thing to admit is that i didnt give Dior a bottle this whole time as i couldnt move, i would have kris check my shoes in the morning he would have to check my clothes my pockets every thing just incase a spider got in. i used to wake in the night screaming thinking i seen one...
i seen one in the bath that was it i bathed at my mums every night after and never bathed Dior..
so the only result was to move house it was destroying kris and i was making Dior suffer, by not feeding her incase there was a spider in the cuboard.....

god when i look back i was so stupid!

 

[Manda]

mmm that annoys me so much how about the people that have never worked and claim benefit

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

hi ya hun, i work my 16 hours and get near £900 a month, and get 70% of childcare paid for me, it is hard dont get me wrong but it is also nice, a bit of adult convo lol. i hope u get ok !!

 

You must be earning some decent money to get that much a month for only 16 hours work!! MY DF gets just over that and he works full time

 

[Manda]

What do you do for work sarah thats fantastic money for 16 hours i wont be on much more than that full time working shifts

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

i am a domestic / carer i work 16 hours, get £5.56 an hour, and with tax credits etc it sums up to £900 a month

 

[lauramumof2]

thats it, im going to be a pole dancer.
How hard can it be.

 

LOL!!! Don't think I'd wanna shake my wobble round a pole

I wish we had that much money - I'd be laughing! Why some benefits work the wy they do I don't know. Found a place that might accept Mark on affordability, have to say I'm paying the rent though not him (which I do with my money anyway). Rather do the loan than the credit history being affected if possible.

 

[Dee1985]

lol iv been there done pole dancing

makes me feel sick looking back!!!!!!!

hope it all works out sami