Sleep - help!

[candymycandy]

Hi all, I don't get a chance to come on here much as I have a colicky baby who takes all my time!

Just looking for advice/experiences. He's 9 weeks and I can now get him asleep for day naps but have to do it with sometimes extensive rocking/patting. Whereas at night you can put him in Moses basket and he'll sleep eventually. The only issue is the only way this happens is with rocking the basket for ages, shushing etc. He also often needs dummy (but does eventually spit out or sometimes not take). My question is, have we created a rod for our own back with all this as he will come to expect it etc, or is there no such thing at this early stage? If we hadn't done all this in the early days he'd never have slept! He also had a cold for a few weeks (possibly related to lung infection in hospital) so he obviously took a lot more settling with that and colic.

Sorry I know all this has probably been asked before!

Also on a related note, yesterday my DH was in charge for day and as a result my LO hardly had any naps. And he just woke at 3.30am for a feed but wouldn't go back to sleep. I had to admit defeat and cuddle him to sleep. Do you think he was perhaps unsettled as a result of the lack of day sleep? The issue was my DH insisted he should fall asleep on his own in bouncer etc so left him ages so he became overtired as during day he just won't sleep without a fight.

Help! Xx

 

[Alipops1986]

Hi all, I don't get a chance to come on here much as I have a colicky baby who takes all my time!

Just looking for advice/experiences. He's 9 weeks and I can now get him asleep for day naps but have to do it with sometimes extensive rocking/patting. Whereas at night you can put him in Moses basket and he'll sleep eventually. The only issue is the only way this happens is with rocking the basket for ages, shushing etc. He also often needs dummy (but does eventually spit out or sometimes not take). My question is, have we created a rod for our own back with all this as he will come to expect it etc, or is there no such thing at this early stage? If we hadn't done all this in the early days he'd never have slept! He also had a cold for a few weeks (possibly related to lung infection in hospital) so he obviously took a lot more settling with that and colic.

Sorry I know all this has probably been asked before!

Also on a related note, yesterday my DH was in charge for day and as a result my LO hardly had any naps. And he just woke at 3.30am for a feed but wouldn't go back to sleep. I had to admit defeat and cuddle him to sleep. Do you think he was perhaps unsettled as a result of the lack of day sleep? The issue was my DH insisted he should fall asleep on his own in bouncer etc so left him ages so he became overtired as during day he just won't sleep without a fight.

Help! Xx

Hiya Candy,

First thing to remember is he's still very small at 9 weeks and if he's been poorly, he probably does need more settling than if he wasn't.

I found when my little boy was that age, to do what was necessary to get some sleep for you both. So, if you've managed to get him to nap in the day, continue with that and get your DH on board to do it in the same way. You're in effect attempting to teach baby to nap, that's not a bad thing as like you say, he'll otherwise become over tired.

The one piece of advice I did follow was, once baby is asleep, but them down in their basket so they're not sleeping on you entirely. Personally, it's still early days, so i'd continue with what you've found to work and over time this will adapt/change as is necessary. What I do with my little boy now at 7 months, isn't anything like what I did at 9 weeks.

Alipops x

 

[candymycandy]

Thanks alipops that's great advice and very reassuring. I guess if we didn't do all these things they'd never sleep would they??!

I guess hopefully we can wean him off all the patting/rocking etc as he gets older? Just conscious of people who've said that if we do all this now he'll want it for years! Xx

 

[Alipops1986]

Thanks alipops that's great advice and very reassuring. I guess if we didn't do all these things they'd never sleep would they??!

I guess hopefully we can wean him off all the patting/rocking etc as he gets older? Just conscious of people who've said that if we do all this now he'll want it for years! Xx

I really recommend the website 'Wee Bee Dreaming' - pop it in google, it's from a Sleep Coach and goes through lots of stuff like; how long babies of different ages can be awake before tiredness, how to implement routine etc. It's been my lifeline really and I must say, my little boy is very good on the whole! x

 

[Pumpkin9]

Don't worry about making a rod for your own back- tbh that's a load of codswallop. My Lo is nearly 14 months now and depending on what he's like we do all sorts of things, including having him in our bed when he's poorly. Once he's better he goes back to self settling and sleeping through. We did all sorts early on. I actually co-slept with him for the first 10 weeks as we had real issues with him sleeping on his own at night. I can honestly say I've never regretted my instincts and it certainly hasn't made matters worse

 

[littlemonkey]

I've been in exactly the same position you are right now with my son and I'm going to give you the same advice every one gave me that's true but I didn't listen.

Do what ever you need to do to get your child to sleep!

Ignore all this clap trap that tells you your child should be able to self settle from the moment they arrive and all this nonsense about making a rod for your own back. Sleep and self settling is like walking or talking, babies pick its up at different stages. Despite what some expert says in their book it has little to do with what you do or don't do.

My son had a dummy from six weeks old. In retrospect I wish I'd given him one sooner. I rocked him to sleep and cuddled him to sleep. I even held him for some day time naps. I walked 3 miles every day to get him to have a nap in the pram. He honestly out grew all of these things himself though when he was ready and has happily settled himself to sleep for ages now. He still has the dummy for sleep but I don't care about it like I used to cos again we will deal with it when he's ready.

 

[littlemonkey]

Also just wanted to mention my son was a crap napper and he was initially described as colicky. In the end we found out he had reflux and once we got treatment for that his day time napping improved greatly. So do consider treatment for his colic as something that could help.

 

[flisstebbs]

Going to add to the very sensible advice so far on here, and say do what you need to. I had a baby with reflux, and we've done all sorts of things to get through. The amount of time I've spent worrying about "self settling" is unreal as so many people were telling me tales of woe. My LG just started doing it without me really teaching her how, we go forwards and then backwards again with it due to illness etc but I'm still convinced like has already been said, they just learn to do it when they're ready.

I don't judge how anyone else decides to get through "night-time parenting", I just wish others wouldn't!!

 

[T84]

I totally agree with the others, routine is great but I've learned not to panic when my lo comes away from that routine and I have to do what I can to settle her/feed her. 9 weeks is so young too - no rods can be made

 

[sorpresa_bea]

Candy, I'm glad you posted about this and that see all the great responses. Your baby and mine are one day apart and I too have been worried that we are creating bad habits with the holding and rocking our lo to sleep. However, I have also read a lot on the subject and concluded that at his early age, he needs all the support and love we cam give him, including to help him sleep.

Mine was quite a bad napper until we learnt to pick up on his tiredness cues, and followed the 5 s from Harvey Karp "happiest baby" (Google it, you'll find it in babycenter.com) and he falls to sleep beautifully and gets long naps.

Like you, I was told by others, particularly mother and mil, that he should be able to fall to sleep by himself and to let him cry until he did so. I attempted controlled crying once and it was so stressful to both he and I, that I decided to forget about that nonsense and do what feels ok to us(fortunately my other half agrees!)

Doing what my motherly instincts tell me worked better for us. I'm sure (hoping) that self sleeping will come to our LOs when they're ready for it.

 

[sorpresa_bea]

Also, quick question for those who mentioned getting treatment for reflux. Could you please tell me what worked for you?

 

[Aimee84]

Hiya don't know if it will help but ewan the dream sheep has helped us as the pink noise has worked wonders.

 

[littlemonkey]

Also, quick question for those who mentioned getting treatment for reflux. Could you please tell me what worked for you?

We went to the doctors who initially prescribed reflux formula, then gaviscon, then ranitadine which is what worked eventually. It was a matter of trial and error for us and taking him back to the doctors constantly until he got better.

 

[candymycandy]

Hi ladies thanks so much for all your advice I feel loads better already! Have been constantly questioning if what im doing is right but like sorpresa says I guess there's something to be said for motherly instincts?

I'm also keen to know what the reflux treatment would be. Sometimes he's ok but sometimes a fair amount of milk comes back up - not necessarily sick but constant dribs and drabs for hours after a feed?? At the moment he has been unsettled. Wondering if it's a growth spurt or reflux/colic. Bit lost as to where to go from here, as ive heard tales of doctors just calling it colic and he'll get over it etc. Even DH thinks he's fine but I'm the one spending most the time with him so see more.

Xx

 

[candymycandy]

Hiya don't know if it will help but ewan the dream sheep has helped us as the pink noise has worked wonders.

Thanks Aimee, we have white noise on our monitor but it doesn't seem loud enough for him? Eg the oven hood extractor fan usually works as its obviously quite a loud noise. Does Ewan get very loud like that would you say? X

 

[littlemonkey]

Hi ladies thanks so much for all your advice I feel loads better already! Have been constantly questioning if what im doing is right but like sorpresa says I guess there's something to be said for motherly instincts?

I'm also keen to know what the reflux treatment would be. Sometimes he's ok but sometimes a fair amount of milk comes back up - not necessarily sick but constant dribs and drabs for hours after a feed?? At the moment he has been unsettled. Wondering if it's a growth spurt or reflux/colic. Bit lost as to where to go from here, as ive heard tales of doctors just calling it colic and he'll get over it etc. Even DH thinks he's fine but I'm the one spending most the time with him so see more.

Xx

I think I might have told you my story with LO before now but he was never a sicky baby much. More just terribly unsettled. I did take him to the doctors and was told colic initially. He went through good and bad spells so I accepted colic as the explanation. We would do things like keep him upright and give him the dummy and it would help him settle. At about 3 months he literally stopped drinking his milk. He would scream if I held him in the feeding position and I would be lucky to get a couple of ounces in him at a time. This is when I had the real battle with doctors who told me it was just a phase and he would eat when he was hungry. But he never did. Eventually we saw a different doctor who actually saw me feeding him while we were there, asked how he'd been when younger and immediately said reflux. After that we were able to try the different medications with out too much hassle from doctors.

You do have to be pushy with doctors on it. Usually I am one for accepting they know best etc. But they saw my LO for five minutes max (and the little git would always be asleep in his pram or cooing away happy as Larry when they did!) whereas I was with him all the time, I knew what he was like and that it wasn't right. Don't let them bully you into thinking you're only a first time mum and don't know what you're doing. As for OH, leave him to look after LO for the whole weekend on his own and he'll soon come around!

 

[candymycandy]

Haha I think you're right littlemonkey re DH!

Sorry I think you're right you have told me about your LO before when I asked about hungry milk I think. That's the thing with my boy is that he rarely finishes a feed and sounds fairly similar in behaviour to your LO. I might try and get in with docs this week. Thanks x

 

[T84]

Ewan is also a winner for us! It attaches to cot so is loud enough for baby

 

[Aimee84]

Ewan has two different sound levels, quiet which is more background noise and loud but we haven't needed that setting.