Our Son won't sleep on his own?

[Joe&Sonia]

Hi all.

Reading through the forum there have been lots of posts relating to sleep and pattern problems for children and toddler's. However as everyone knows 'All children are different'.

Me and my husband have a 4 month old baby, and guess what. He won't sleep by himself. Since his birth my Mother and Sister have been with me and have been helping out. However being old-fashioned they don't like a baby crying so ALWAYS end up rocking him. Initially in his rocking moses basket, and most recently in their arms or on their lap's.

This method took quite a long time to put him to sleep as he's a VERY stubborn baby However 4 months later we're now finding that he will not put himself to sleep and i always have to put a pillow on my leg's and rock him to sleep. This is becoming so tiring and I'm exhausted and have no time to do anything in the house.

Looking around on the net there are many discussion groups relating to parents who have tried to teach their baby to put themselves to sleep by letting them cry it out. We tried this last night for the first time and i swear he screamed the whole neighbourhood awake. However after about 20mins of this he did drop off to sleep.

We did try the CIO routine again during the day today of which he fell asleep after a while, but kept waking himself up after about 15mins. Also it is absolutely heart breaking for me to watch him scream and not pick him up.

At this stage i don't know what to do to try and get him to sleep by himself. Right now he's on his bouncer and is absolutely exhausted and won't sleep unless i rock him.

Note: I have tried a dummy but he doesn't like these as i am breast feeding him only and not using a bottle.

Please help with any advice...

Thanks. Sonia.

 

[Sherlock]

I'd go with the take it slow approach tbh. I had a similar problem when my MIL stayed a while as she would always pick LO up and rock him if he fussed. I'd worked damned hard to have him be used to being in his basket awake and to go to sleep on his own and in a matter of days it was almost all undone.

I had to put my foot down and ask that she not carry him round or pick him up every time and to just leave him as he was used to it.

It may not be easy, you may find a few days and he may start to settle. But you may find it takes longer. He may be one of those babies who really won't settle well on his own. But hopefully he will learn to.

Anyways, a few things might help.

Feed him and as he drifts off gently transfer him to the basket. Warm it first with a hot water bottle is always good. Leave your hand on his head so as to keep skin to skin and if need be talk very quietly in low tones, nothing exciting sounding, just soothing. Don't make eye contact or fuss over him. If he settles then slowly move your hand away. If he starts to fuss again put your hand back and gently stroke his head and soothe him till he settles again. Don't pick him up as a first resort. See how he goes first.

Use a mobile over the basket or cot. One that plays music and moves round will hopefully distract your LO and slowly help him off to sleep.

Put him in his basket/cot when awake a couple of times a day with some form of amusement to occupy him. That way he'll get used to spending time in there and being happy. I used to use a musical cuddly toy and our LO would look at it and listen. Does not have to be for hours, just 10 minutes twice a day to start so he gets used to it. Don't put him in when upset or crying. Pop him in when he's in a good mood and stay nearby so you can nip crying in the bud hopefully. I used to go over and just talk to my LO, happy funny faces etc to stop his tears getting going. Once he was happy I used to draw his attention to the toy again and go away then.

Have background noise. White noise. Put the hoover on and leave it running in the background. For some reason babies find white noise relaxing.

Take him out for a walk in his pushchair if he is tired. He may go off to sleep because of the motion but it will be different from being in your arms. Plus you'll get some fresh air and a break from having to rock him to sleep.

Have you tried giving him something to hold? We give our LO a muslin square when he is tired and going into his cot. He plays with it in his hands and seems to find it soothing. Once he has fallen asleep we remove it.

Thats all I can think of for now. We did other things also and while they worked for us, they may not for others. But all of the above things I've listed were things we did and our LO has settled in a basket since 4 weeks old, gone to sleep on his own from 6 weeks and moved into his cot just fine around the same age.

 

[Joe&Sonia]

Hi Sherlock.

Thanks for the advice. Well we've just managed to get the little one to sleep. Tried a slightly different approach to try and get him to sleep for the night.

We placed him on our bed, dimmed the lights and both myself and my husband laid down on either side of him. This way he didn't feel alone and that no one was there.

As he was already exhausted he did whimper a few times but we held both his hands and stroked his hair. After about 5mins or so he drifted off to sleep. Gave it about another 5mins and he was in a deep enough sleep to transfer into his cot/bed. Phew.

We'll try this tomorrow during the day to see how it goes. My husband is keeping his fingers crossed. Me too for that matter. I couldn't bear to see him CIO to sleep and he seems to have a more restless sleep taking that course of action.

As everyone says " What work's for one baby, doesn't necessarily mean it will work for another ".

Thanks again ... Sonia

P.S I'll let you know how tomorrow goes, or if I'm more frazzled by the end of the day

 

[Sherlock]

That sounds like a good idea to lie on the bed with him in a dark room. That way he starts learning the difference between day and night over time. Do you have a bedtime routine of sorts yet btw? Bath, feed, bed sort of thing. Might be worth trying to introduce that also so he starts to recognise the pattern over time.

FWIW in daytime I'd not make the room dark or anything like that. If you have a spare bed it might be better to put him on that rather than your bed again so he learns there is a difference.

Good luck with it all. I'll keep an eye out for updates.

 

[xfayefaye]

my daughter is a year old and still has sleep issues.
its very difficult to get them to sleep on there own and my daughter has only just started going to bed with a bottle with me leaving the room and her going to sleep by herself.
i always tried different approaches but then i thought about it and realized that she would do it in her own time. it is hard work but my daughter is to stubborn and wouldnt give in no matter what i tried so in the end i decided to let her have own way when she went to sleep because tbh it was alot easier for me and for her. it broke my heart having her in a state and me stressing because she would get so upset, eventually we got into a routine of bath, bottle and cuddles with mummy and she would be asleep and it wasnt so bad because she wouldnt take long to go off on my lap.. and now shes a big girl and goes to sleep in bed with a bottle by herself