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Should be pregnant still

EllieG

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Hi everyone, I recently had my little boy- born 26/8/13 by emergency section for polyhydramnios and un stable lie. I started contracting at 37+2 and there was a concern my waters may go and the baby's cord would prolapse meaning we would both be in a lot of danger. I have had three lovely vaginal births and this was my first section. We planned for this little man right down to wanting a September born baby so he wouldn't be the youngest in his year at school. I am finding it a bit difficult to cope with knowing that I should still be pregnant, he will be the youngest in his year and that my girls have been away on holiday and still haven't met him. It's not how it should have happened. Please don't get me wrong I am so happy he is here safe and well but I should still be pregnant :( anyone understand what i mean??
 
Aw hugs, I am not in the same position as you but I think it's natural to be feeling in shock and disappointed things didn't go to plan. Of course baby being safe is the top priority but I don't think it's fair to a mother to say nothing else matters. You have the right to be happy your LO is safe and also work through your disappointment. After having a baby is an emotional time for anyone. Fatigue and hormones tend to leave us a bit shell shocked even after the most straightforward birth so I can imagine suddenly having your baby earlier and under stressful circumstances can take a bit of getting over. I'd say give yourself time and find someone to talk about your feelings.
 
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A friend of mine had her little boy 6 weeks early he is now 6 months old but she said to Me she feels cheated out of the last part of her pregnancy I tell her she was lucky Ben was two weeks late. That sais she loved being preg I hated it!!That said I do kinda understand you have to adapt v quickly when the baby is here and especially if it was "planned" to be a Sept baby (wow that u got the due month u wanted tho as it so rarely happens the first time u try it took months no way we could plan the month for Ben!!) I think the shock will wear off with time and that you will find that things all work out for the best.remember your hormones are still all over the place and you may find Yoy are more sensitive to things at min this can last a while too. Big hugs enjoy your baby I don't know where the first 4weeks have gone and I can't remember (almost) life before ! X
 
I had my little girl 4 weeks early. I felt lucky that me and my baby were alive, especially hearing some of the awful things I heard when I was visiting her in special care.

But... I do understand that it's not what you wanted. I felt very sad that I didn't get to hold my baby for 3 days after she was born (and still do), I never wanted a c-section, my pre-eclampsia meant I wasn't able to breastfeed like I'd wanted to and I suppose I wondered how a perfectly normal pregnancy turned out quite so different to how I imagined.

It has been affecting me with my current pregnancy. I have an active birth course booked for 37 weeks and I just can't get my head around still being pregnant at that point. I wanted to have a home birth with my second if everything went ok with the first (hate hospitals) but I have to be on a ward under consultant care.

I have to say, though, all the things that are bothering you about the way your pregnancy ended will bother you less with time. As for ending up the youngest in his year - I'm sure he'll do absolutely fine! My sister was the youngest in her year and totally excelled. She did way better than me and I was a January baby! xx
 
Hey Hun i could of written his post myself. I had my baby boy jack at 34+5 because of pre eclampsia. And if I'm honest I still haven't got over the shock and scariness of the emergency c section. I didn't get to hold or even see jack for 24 hrs because he was in Nicu and then moved to Scbu without me even seeing him. I felt robbed I didn't have a natural delivery. I felt robbed as I never had skin to skin. I felt robbed that I didn't do his first nappy. The list is endless. But I'm hoping this feeling will go away. As yours will. Over time. Big hugs Hun xxxx
 
I can sympathise how you feel. I don't think people quite fully appreciate what mothers go through when they have a difficult birth and there is that sense of disappointment etc. I had an emergency section and I remember everyone telling me at least baby and you are ok. I wanted to scream at them I'm not ok I've flamming well had major abdominal surgery!!! It was only my mum who actually seemed to appreciate how much I'd been through with the section.

I had a relatively straight forwards pregnancy and then it all kind of went wrong in the last week and when I had him. It ended up everything I didn't want happened - went overdue, had to be induced, baby's heart rate dropped, had to have section. I did feel quite bitter and angry for a long time, I felt like someone should have known this was going to happen and warn me! I have PND and my gp actually thinks I have PTSD from my delivery.

Thinks do heal with time and I felt better about it as I began to physically feel better after the birth. I know this is my first, but I am slowly learning is that you cannot count on anything going as planned with having a baby now. I've just come to accept that what happens happens and deal with what life throws our way!
 
My friend had her little boy 5 weeks early due to severe unexplained illness- she was induced

She's now been diagnosed stage 4 terminal cancer at 32 of the stomach intestines asphogus and liver- she's been on a cancer ward since her boy was born and the chemo isn't working properly

I won't go into massive details but hopefully this will Make you appreciate your healthy and your baby is healthy is being the youngest in the year isn't the end of the world

My friend is now on pain relief and if she makes Christmas we will be happy
 
My friend had her little boy 5 weeks early due to severe unexplained illness- she was induced

She's now been diagnosed stage 4 terminal cancer at 32 of the stomach intestines asphogus and liver- she's been on a cancer ward since her boy was born and the chemo isn't working properly

I won't go into massive details but hopefully this will Make you appreciate your healthy and your baby is healthy is being the youngest in the year isn't the end of the world

My friend is now on pain relief and if she makes Christmas we will be happy

Your poor friend, that must be really hard for her and her family. I do think though there is always someone worse off than us and while it's good to appreciate what we have it doesn't mean we don't need time and sometimes help to get over traumatic experiences. The first step is to recognize what we have been through. Bottling things up and trying to pretend everything is okay just leads to stress and depression, it is healthy to work through your feelings.
 
Of course it's healthy to - I didn't want it to sound like people shouldn't talk etc and it must be difficult - maybe it came out wrong :)

it's hard on all of us but her son is gorgeous and Dad has been an inspiration to all of us
 
There is always someone in a worse position. Mummybexee - your poor friend, what an incredibly sad situation. I treated someone a few years back with terminal cancer who'd had backache during pregnancy, which is obviously a normal symptom, but it turned out to be advanced breast cancer. It was absolutely heartbreaking.

I remember thinking how traumatic my section was and then meeting a mum whose daughter had been in special care for over 3 months. Her due date had been around the same time as mine, she'd been expecting twins when they were born at 27 weeks. One passed away less than 2 weeks after birth. The other one is doing really well now.

On the flip side, I have a colleague at work who said her labour was traumatic because the midwife made her cry!

I think that my friend in special care would have given anything for my birth experience, whilst I would have given anything for my colleague's experience. However, when things don't go how we expect or have planned, it is difficult to adjust and help and support are absolutely vital.
 
Thanks so much to you all for your replies, I'm sorry I hadn't checked this thread for a while. Its so sad to hear about mummybexee's friends, it's unimaginable what she and her family must be going through. I realise how lucky I am and how the outcome could have been so different. I guess in time I will get my head around it all, it is already getting easier as I feel better following the section.
Thanks again for sharing, hope we all find some peace with our situations xxx
 
I wasn't early but had an emergency c section instead of my beautiful planned homebirth and I can't get over that at the moment. I agree with littlemonkey that hearing 'well you're both well, that's all that matters', is so annoying! I know people are trying to be kind but actually it's not ALL that matters at all. How you feel about your labour is incredibly important and I actual feel in mourning about my lost labour experience.

I am going to use some hypnobirthing techniques to help get over it and also considering rebirthing so we replay a homebirth to create a new memory. Sounds a bit new age I know but I think it could help.

But basically I really understand what you're feeling and don't feel guilty about it. You've had your plans ripped away and it's really hard to adjust. But you will. We'll be ok. But take time to acknowledge your feelings and dont let anyone be dismissive of them.

Xxx
 
I feel exactly the same, after having a easy pregnancy and just expecting a normal birth, how wrong was i! My birth wasnt how i want it, was 11days early and had a heavy bleed at 38+3, im so glad baby's here and safe, but im finding it hard, small things like i think to meself i should still be pregnant now, and could i of pushed harder which ive been told by several midwifes i couldnt, i felt like abit of a failure at first, one thing i just cant accept is why i had that bleed. I feel i need to no why it happened, and i keep thinking what if it happens in next pregnancy, altho midwifes have told me who knows what bleed was and it dont mean itl happen again i just feel i need definite answers which i wont getx
 
So sorry Nat :(. I have to say it has got a little easier with time so hope it will for you also? I'm going to request a ost birth interview with a senior midwife to discuss my care and what happened ad I feel my midwife missed too many things. Maybe it is something you could consider doing?
Hope you find some peace soon
 

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