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Shedding a wee tear on Christmas eve

Alexis2017

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I couldn't stop the tear rolling down my face tonight at dinner. I knew when the year mark came it be sore and painful and cold and empty.

All these family photos on facebook and 2 more pregnancy announcements today have again made me so emotional. I sit here and ponder what 2018 will bring and hope with all my heart I don't have to suffer this saddness next Christmas eve.

How is everyone else? Do you find this time of the year difficult. 1st one we have faced when ttc. I remember last year feeling so excited starting to try.

Hope you all have a merry Christmas and I hope the sadness doesn't get to you Al x x
 
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Sorry you are feeling sad. It's understandable. I'm doing okay as it's fertile week this week and we are making various adjustments. I'll probably feel rubbish early January. I turned 42 recently so kind of feel this is our last year but really it's out of my control.

I hope 2018 brings you a little one. Much babydust to you. xx
 
Hey Alexis, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Trying to conceive can be such an emotional rollercoaster. What should be the most incredible thing, comes with
an abundance of hormonal emotions and with the arrival of af yet more heartache. I've been reading your posts and how incredibly over worked you are. You seem to be doing over and above your shifts. Which doesn't sound at all fair. I can't help but think maybe you should take some time out for yourself. Easier said than done i know, but ttc is stressful enough and that coupled with 7 straight shifts must be hard. Is there anyway you could go on sick? This time last year I would never have even contemplated this an option but I took some time off work with depression and it was just what my body and mental health and wellbeing needed. Sending lots of love your way xxx
 
Thank you for your replies and kind thoughts.

I can't take any time of sick as I have been told several times ' we don't take sick leave here, we crawl out of bed' so I did that several times ..I had excruciating back pain I was in agony and dragged myself in to work- had a mri and found out I have 2 herniating discs...I was diagnosed with coeliac disease last year, never took time off...I have dragged my self in this time when was ill with a temp etc. Its just not an option.

I am hoping the hsg clears my tubes and the fertile period is when we go to Thailand in April and we can properly relax and have our 1st holiday away since our honeymoon 3 years ago...Hoping that will be the time
 
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So sorry Alexis :(

It's always hard at this time of year for me. I'd hoped to have a baby in my arms after everything we've been through by now but nope :(
I was even teased for a second there and would have had a nice bump at this time of year after a miracle bfp but was quickly and cruely taken away from us :(

Hopefully 2018 all brings us our miracles and rainbows xx
 
This time of year can be tough. This is probably the best I've been emotionally as I've got to a point now where I'm all cried out. Last Xmas was over fertile week which was a nightmare with visiting family so I'm very thankful for that. I'm also not that big on Xmas myself but my nephew's enthusiasm is enough to keep anyone's spirits up so I get through it.

I hope that 2018 makes dreams come true for all of us. It may not be easy but I keep holding on to the hope that it will happen for all of us in the end.

Alexis - I hope you find a way to just get through the next few days if that's what it takes. I think some time out from the pressures at work may be much needed too. Take care x
 
Thank you for your replies and kind thoughts.

I can't take any time of sick as I have been told several times ' we don't take sick leave here, we crawl out of bed' so I did that several times ..I had excruciating back pain I was in agony and dragged myself in to work- had a mri and found out I have 2 herniating discs...I was diagnosed with coeliac disease last year, never took time off...I have dragged my self in this time when was ill with a temp etc. Its just not an option.

I am hoping the hsg clears my tubes and the fertile period is when we go to Thailand in April and we can properly relax and have our 1st holiday away since our honeymoon 3 years ago...Hoping that will be the time

OMG your workplace sounds awful. Is it worth changing jobs to somewhere less exploitative and inhuman? You have a right to take sick leave when ill...it's horrific to have to go in with herniating disks! Are they mad?
 
Thank you for your replies and kind thoughts.

I can't take any time of sick as I have been told several times ' we don't take sick leave here, we crawl out of bed' so I did that several times ..I had excruciating back pain I was in agony and dragged myself in to work- had a mri and found out I have 2 herniating discs...I was diagnosed with coeliac disease last year, never took time off...I have dragged my self in this time when was ill with a temp etc. Its just not an option.

I am hoping the hsg clears my tubes and the fertile period is when we go to Thailand in April and we can properly relax and have our 1st holiday away since our honeymoon 3 years ago...Hoping that will be the time

OMG your workplace sounds awful. Is it worth changing jobs to somewhere less exploitative and inhuman? You have a right to take sick leave when ill...it's horrific to have to go in with herniating disks! Are they mad?

I got told all nurses have bad backs and that they all prob have that too. I just have to take naproxen when I can. The times it flares up is bad...its bad right now but prob cos Im doing all these extra.hours. I want a new job but dont want to start a new one when ttc

I am just hoping for this baby to happen soon then will look for a new job once back from mat leave...I can hope and dream for now
 
So sorry Alexis :(

It's always hard at this time of year for me. I'd hoped to have a baby in my arms after everything we've been through by now but nope :(
I was even teased for a second there and would have had a nice bump at this time of year after a miracle bfp but was quickly and cruely taken away from us :(

Hopefully 2018 all brings us our miracles and rainbows xx

I so hope you are right. 2018 has a lot to live up too but I like the number 8...its in my dob, my house number, my bank account no , I was born on 8th month and it seems like a lucky number for me that follows me around. Come on 2018!!!! I got married on 26th July as 2 plus 6 =8!
 
Thank you for your replies and kind thoughts.

I can't take any time of sick as I have been told several times ' we don't take sick leave here, we crawl out of bed' so I did that several times ..I had excruciating back pain I was in agony and dragged myself in to work- had a mri and found out I have 2 herniating discs...I was diagnosed with coeliac disease last year, never took time off...I have dragged my self in this time when was ill with a temp etc. Its just not an option.

I am hoping the hsg clears my tubes and the fertile period is when we go to Thailand in April and we can properly relax and have our 1st holiday away since our honeymoon 3 years ago...Hoping that will be the time

OMG your workplace sounds awful. Is it worth changing jobs to somewhere less exploitative and inhuman? You have a right to take sick leave when ill...it's horrific to have to go in with herniating disks! Are they mad?

I got told all nurses have bad backs and that they all prob have that too. I just have to take naproxen when I can. The times it flares up is bad...its bad right now but prob cos Im doing all these extra.hours. I want a new job but dont want to start a new one when ttc

I am just hoping for this baby to happen soon then will look for a new job once back from mat leave...I can hope and dream for now

Your workplace really does sound awful. I'm a nurse and I don't have a bad back nor do most of my colleagues so that's rubbish not that you didn't know that already. I know it probably feels like looking for another job is just more stress you don't need but perhaps a new start where you aren't treated like a pile of crap will help you mentally. If you then get pregnant who cares?! Haha
 
Oh Alexis, I’m so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I was really hoping I’d be able to have a Christmas announcement for my parents too, even a BFP would have been enough for me to tell my mum. I can only imagine how difficult it is if it’s your ttc anniversary. I’m sure 2018 will be your year. I’ll be fighting for the wishbone tomorrow and you’ll be in my wish for sure xx

~**~ Baby Dust ~**~
 
keep thinking positively, I truely believe everything happens for a reason and may be the last year wasn’t your time but it will come and it will be even more amazing because you’ve had to wait so long. Being a mummy is challenging but the most unbelievable experience. You will become a Mum just relax and try to enjoy each window I know it’s disheartening when your trying and each month the witch gets you! Getting tense had an affect on me and when I relaxed as I didn’t want to conceive in March as I didn’t want a December baby.... guess what happened.... I conceived after 8 months of trying!!! I hope 2018 brings you your bundle of joy!! Xxxx
 
Thanks everyone. I am hoping it just wasnt our year and more luck is due. I've read that 2017 was a bad year for star sign Leo and 2018 is to be better.! X
 
Alexis, im right here with you, its been over 2 years for us.
I think Im used to it all now and am surprised I still have hope every month.
Oh won't get his SA done still so unless we conceive naturally we're out.
Im not too upset anymore at BFNs and AF. I just ride with the potential of getting pregnant every month.
I dont think im going to actively try next month.
I know im not helping you but 12 months isn't a great deal of time in the big picture.
I think if your overworked then definitely drop hours or change jobs or go off sick.
We have one life to live and if we are living to work and not working to live we have the balance totally out.
Mainly just stop stressing, it only makes it harder to conceive. Try you tube for guided meditations etc. Xxx
 
Im with you too!

Its so hard. Especially over xmas and the increase in pregnancy announcments. It's actually driving me mad.

Were approaching the six year mark.

I hardly ever ovulate. Going on 8 months now without ovulation or af. Thanks pcos.

Were under fertility clinic but haven't had an appointment for almost a year now with nhs waiting times and all that.

Good luck for 2018.

I know how heartbreaking it is.

Hope everyone gets their bfp soon! X
 
Im with you too!

Its so hard. Especially over xmas and the increase in pregnancy announcments. It's actually driving me mad.

Were approaching the six year mark.

I hardly ever ovulate. Going on 8 months now without ovulation or af. Thanks pcos.

Were under fertility clinic but haven't had an appointment for almost a year now with nhs waiting times and all that.

Good luck for 2018.

I know how heartbreaking it is.

Hope everyone gets their bfp soon! X

I am sorry that must be so hard. I ovulate every month but still can't get pregnant. I hope ypur wait pays off. You so much deserve it x x
 
I read my horoscope for 2017 ...then for 2018. It said in 2018 its a time for having a family and big changes around february and November. I have a gut feeling we will get pregnant around February to April time and have a baby the end of the year. Just hope my feeling is right. Feeling more positive about 2018.

Merry Christmas everyone x
 
So glad you are feeling more positive for 2018 alexis.....hope you werent called out. Ive a feeling march will be your month x
 
I find this time of year hard aswell. What I try and do is look for all that’s good in my life at the minute. I try and concentrate on that and try (but it’s hard ) not to concentrate on what’s missing. It’s the most emotional journey. I have my fingers crossed you will get good news soon xxx
 
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down Alexis. I had a rubbish Christmas too, especially knowing that everyone else would be having a lovely day with their babies. I hope Christmas 2018 is really special for us!
 

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