She hates me

If I try to calm her down when she's like that it just makes it worse. We're already seeing improvement with the method that JamsMom has advised. We do a lot of talking about her emotions and how to express them but in the moment is never the right time. She has to be calm before we can approach that subject.
 
I think it depends on the child. If I try to say things to comfort or calm DD when she is in a state its just like throwing fuel on the fire. Offering a cuddle would sound more like a threat because she isnt that cuddly at the best of times. She enjoys the ocasional quick cuddle if she is in a really good mood but trying to cuddle her at other times can be enough to start a tantrum in itself, lol. I still try to reason with her at times but on the whole ignoring her is often what she needs to calm herself down. Thankfully her tantrums have calmed down now that she is older and she tends to cry and complain but not get totally out of control. DS is the total opposite he cant get enough cuddles and giving him attention calms him down if he is upset. But then after DD I wouldnt call anything he ever does a 'propper' tantrum, lol.
 
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Fuel on the fire is the perfect way to describe it! While she's being so irrational, no amount of affection or reasoning is going to bring her back to neutral.
 

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