Really down

[BB_26]

Hi ladies

I think I just need somewhere to let it all out as it feels like I have no one other than my OH to talk to at the moment. I'm feeling really down. It's sinking in hard that when I come to tell my mum I'm pregnant while she won't voice it she'll be disappointed in me. She's the kind of person who expects you to have been in a relationship 10 years married for 5 with an above average paying job and a mortgage before having children. I know it's not her future etc but the underlying disappointment will always be in the back of my mind.

We've moved into what was meant to be our family home last month. We fell in love with it and pictured us starting a family together here. The street was quiet on several occasions and our neighbours seemed nice. We couldn't have been more wrong and I don't know what we will do. Our neighbours are both heavy cannabis smokers and the smell comes through our walls. One neighbour has 6 dogs living outside which we've been threatened with because we also have dogs and theirs bark when ours are out. They have dog waste and straw piling in their garden which stinks along with the kennels so we barely use what should be our perfect garden. We have to stay here until September when we think we will move but I'll be 6 months pregnant by then and it won't be ideal.

My mum will be moving 4 1/2 hours away from us and my OH's parents are 3 1/2 hours away so I'm feeling really alone although my OH says we will be fine. I can't see either set of grandparents making an effort to be part of our baby's life and it makes me truly sad as I never got to experience having grandparents as they weren't alive by the time I was born and didn't want the same for our children.

I just hope hormones are blowing everything out of proportion as it's all getting me so down. I've just been waking up taking my pregnancy vitamins and going back to bed

 

[Donna88]

Sorry to hear you are going through all this, some of it will be hormones but that doesn't mean your worries or how you are feeling are any less valid hun.

Moving while 6 months pregnant won't be too bad, yes it will be harder than moving while not pregnant, but at least you won't be further along or with a new born baby (sorry just trying to look on the bright side for you, not trying to be condescending) and it definitely sounds like you need to be moving out - so while 6 months pregnant is far better than not at all. Just make sure you are really organised - get things packed away as soon as possible so you're not stressing about packing last minute and make sure you have some help with lifting and moving things.


Your mums disappointment is something that you cannot change, if she is then - well without sounding harsh that's her problem, but I'm sure once she gets over it she will be over the moon for you and will love your little one.

Grandparents being around or not being around again is down to them and you can't force it. I'm sure they will want to be around for their grandchild, maybe that won't be seeing them on a daily or weekly basis but sometimes that's best anyway as they could be too overbearing which is just as bad. The thing that matters is that you and your partner provide your children with a nice stable home with lots of love and I'm sure that's exactly what you're going to do.

 

[BunnyN]

Sorry you are having a tough time. I understand your hurt at the thought of grandparents not being involved but just wanted to say I didn't live close to either set of grandparents and they didn't exactly approve of my parents to start with either. Although they were not the kind of grandparents who I saw every day I still had a relationship with them and they were an important part of my childhood.

 

[HGMonster]

Im sorry you're feeling so low. I can totally sympathise. My parents are quite overbearing and controlling/opinionated also and so I was really worried about telling them I was pregnant the first time. I told my mum over the phone as I live 4 hours away from them and i expected to hear a sigh and maybe a bit of disappointment but I actually got a suprise and she was overjoyed. My Dad was really chuffed too which i was shocked by as i anticipated to get a bunch of lectures, but i didn't. My whole pregnancy brought us closer together and we FaceTime and visit each other a lot more now than we did before. Im not saying this will happen to you, but I am saying we have a tendency to think the worst and a lot of the time things aren't always as bad as we think. However they react, you'll feel relieved that they know.

I am now 12 weeks pregnant with my second. I live in a 1 bedroom flat with my Husband and 2 year old son. We were supposed to have moved soon (before i got pregnant) but I got pregnant straight away and am too ill to work this time around so can't move now until after the baby is born and i can go back to work. Due to all this I was worried about telling my parents that I am pregnant again, i worried they would say "but what about the flat and having no room" etc etc ..... but again i was surprised, they were both so happy with the news and have only been positive.

I also moved into my flat when I was 8 months pregnant because at the time we were staying with my mother in law, it was no problem whatsoever. I would look forward to moving and see it as a positive thing. At least you aren't stuck where you are like I am.

At the end of the day, you can't control what people say or do but I was shocked by how positive people were about my pregnancy, even people I didn't really know that well at work. It was a lovely time (except the sickness ).

Congratulations, good luck and stay positive, i know easier said than done with those hormones. I am suffering really bad with sickness, i have left the house twice in 5 weeks which is unlike me, i hate to be inside. I am trying to take one day at a time. x