Problems...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Angie27, Dec 23, 2016.

  1. Angie27

    Angie27 Member

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    I'm having a lot of problems with the father of my baby. I am 11+3 and I'm so upset about all this right now I feel like I just need someone else to look at what he's doing and tell me if I'm over reacting?


    . He has switched between saying he wants a family and not wanting anything to do with me and the baby numerous times
    . He has switched between nice and nasty more times than I can keep track of - often swearing and shouting at me over the smallest little things
    . Everything is turned around and blamed on me regardless of what it is
    . He needs to know where I am and what I'm doing constantly, even though I'm so sick I've barely left the house in weeks - I have been made to video call him to prove where I am
    . He tries to control me at every given opportunity - what I do, who I speak to and see, even down to what I wear and how I have my hair. And he tells me what to say and what not to say in front of people he knows
    . He tries to control the amount of time I am allowed to spend with my family because he thinks he should be more important than they are
    . To other people he makes himself out to be the victim and depressed, but to me he only shows anger and a complete lack of care
    . He cared more about his pride/ego than about the wellbeing of his pregnant girlfriend, and has shown he cares more about himself on a daily basis as I have had to ask him daily to stop stressing me out as it's bad for the baby's health


    I am just worried about leaving completely because I don't want a broken family and I am quite scared of doing this alone. I don't really have any friends I can turn to for support and only have one family member left :(
     
  2. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    Look up the domestic violence help line and give them a ring because you're not supposed to be treated like that take care x


     
  3. tinselcat

    tinselcat Well-Known Member

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    This is classic domestic abuse, please mention it to your Midwife at your appointment and she should be able to put you in touch with some support services.

    I left my abusive partner when baby was 3 weeks old and it was definitely the right thing to do. Xx
     
  4. Aimee84

    Aimee84 Well-Known Member

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    My sister was in a very similar situation about four years ago except she wasn't pregnant. The best thing she did was break up with him when she eventually realized what he was doing with the controlling behavior. He stalked her for a bit afterwards but once he was told police would b involved he left her alone. She then met a wonderful man, got married and has a lb. Life will work out, it's a big jump, take it when u know its right, u will b fine. Put your baby first it'll give you the strength X good luck xxx
     
  5. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    This sounds awful and is definitely abuse. Please update us x
     
  6. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    I can imagine that things will only get worse after the baby is born if he is behaving like this at 11+3. Being a therapist I very much see from what you said that he is terribly controlling and is more than likely going to get moreso.

    Has he always been like this with you? Have a think about how he will try to control life with the baby and is that something you want for you both, to be afraid of him and terrified of 'putting a foot out of line' because of the consequences?

    Do you have something like the Freedom project close by you? I think you might either need to sit down with him and explain how his actions are affecting you- face to face or by letter or else look into getting some help to get away from him.

    I was previously in an long emotionally abusive relationship but thankfully no children were involved so how he is behaving with you was similar to hoe I was treated. It does not always mean physical violence, there are other ways to be abusive. I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out well for you and the baby too
     
  7. Donna88

    Donna88 Well-Known Member

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    I have to agree with others, this is definitely abuse. You need to think about what is best for you and the baby, I know you say you don't want a broken family, but being with an abusive partner is a lot worse for both you and your little one. I was in a similar situation and the best thing I ever did was leave
     
  8. Angie27

    Angie27 Member

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    Thanks everyone for your replies, it means a lot.

    As an update all I can say is that I've asked him if we could go to relationship therapy and work things out together, but he has said no to this so I have now made the decision to leave him, although it isn't going to be easily done... However after reading all of your replies I now know leaving is the best thing I can do for my child and myself.
     
  9. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Well done for taking this brave decision it sounds like it will be for the best. Do you have somewhere you can go if not not get.on to shelters. Also speak with your mw as they will be able to put you in touch with people who can help. I can imagine it's going to be hard but you have made the right choice for you and more importantly new your baby. You dont need the stress of him right now so get.out and enjoy your pregnancy and stay strong!!!! X
     
  10. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Well done. You offered a way forward and he refused so he has no intentions of changing and you need calm stability through the pregnancy not worrying about him and his reactions to anything and everything.

    You have definitely made the right decision for both you and your baby. As hard as it will seem to start with, you really dont need his negativity and bullying
     
  11. Donna88

    Donna88 Well-Known Member

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    Well done; stay strong you are right it won't be easy but you are doing the best thing for you and your little one; once the hardest times are over you will never look back anyway *hugs*
     
  12. JamsMom

    JamsMom Well-Known Member

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    Stay strong. I've been in a relationship like this and I must've left and believed his promises and guilting me into taking him back so many times and in hindsight I should've just left and never gone back the first time because when I finally did it and stayed away it was the best thing I ever did. Don't believe promises to change or guilting you, he's abusive and it won't get better. Be strong, spend lots of time with your friends and family. It'll be hard but from what you've said you and your child will be so much better off without him, it might not seem like it now but trust me you'll see in a few months xx
     

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