Pressure to get pregnant?

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by Sparklegirl, Aug 6, 2016.

  1. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Is anyone else feeling a lot of external pressure to get pregnant? I understand how much my parents want me to have a baby of course I do but not more than my husband and I want to be pregnant. My mum is upset saying she thinks she wont be alive by the time I have a baby and it almost feels like she is making me feel guilty for not getting there faster.

    Its making me feel like a failure when she brings my ex into it saying if I had left him a lot sooner I would have been with someone else and had a baby by now. Wish I had the same crystal ball

    It seems to be a constant source of sadness for me lately- so many people I know are getting pregnant or having babies meanwhile I am still here being ignored by the consultant and suffering god knows what gynae issues with pretty much no medical support.

    She was saying I have to tell the baby if I ever have one how much my parents wanted to meet them but I didnt get pregnant soon enough. The stress of not getting pregnant at my age is a massive worry for me but I feel like she believes I am doing it to upset her. There is nothing more I can do if its not happening for us its not happening and I cant force the issue. I have got an appointment to ask for a referral to another consultant who might help me more and as far as I can see this is the best I can do

    My husbands family have put the pressure on since before we were married and now my mother has become obsessed with it for the last few months. Its like she cant think about anything else and it feels like she blames me for not being able to have this happen right away. This isnt gonna help me get pregnant any faster so I dont know what else to do

    Is anyone else going through this at the moment, feeling pressure about getting pregnant?
     
  2. Charlotte9

    Charlotte9 Well-Known Member

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    Aw sweetie that's horrible. TTC is already stressful time. There is no need for this extra pressure.
    How long have you been TTC? x

    Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk
     
  3. kumber

    kumber Well-Known Member

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    Ohh hun that's awful. I think everyone is being so, so unfair to you. Are any of them aware of any fertility problems you may have?


     
  4. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Realistically its hardly any time at all, its been 5-6 months but when I bleed continuously or have a massive long cycle, I am not getting pregnant because of that which would take my 'actual time of trying' down further still to perhaps a couple of months. I know she is worried for me but I am more worried, the feeling of constantly disappointing her is weighing on me now too x
     
  5. Keelygracey

    Keelygracey Well-Known Member

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    That sounds horrible, I can't believe people would even say those kind of things! You really need to tell them that they're really not helping and being totally unsupportive.

    I haven't told anybody we're TTC, people just assume were not interested in having children atm although my mum also drops the odd hint!

    x
     
  6. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Its my mum who is the biggest pressure and she is aware. If I could do something to magically become pregnant now, I would totally do it but I appear to be lacking a genie in a bottle or a fairy godmother visiting so I will just have to do it the regular way and hope it happens
     
  7. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    The majority of people dont know we are TTC but I am just so stressed and emotional at the moment with it all I just dont need mum saying things like that. Apart from anything else she is pushing the idea that she will die soon and I cant deal with all that added pressure in my life. I need positivity which is always in short supply

    How long have you been TTC? It is such an intense time, so many highs and lows sometimes all at once too x
     
  8. kumber

    kumber Well-Known Member

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    That's so terrible, I'm sorry you're being treated like this :(


     
  9. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. I guess I need to put my big girl pants on and get on with life. Someone in the shop today was talking to my mother about me wanting kids and the lady said to me if you dont have them dont worry, it will save you lots of money and lots of worry. I know she is right and was trying to be supportive but it felt like the wrong thing to say to me
     
  10. DarcyHodge

    DarcyHodge Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry you're going through this my only bit of advice is maybe sit down and talk to your mum get it all off your chest tell her you are struggling with the stress, we didn't tell our parents we were ttc for that very reason and the fact my mum is a midwife and would be sticking her nose and opinion in everywhere.
    Ttc is so stressful hopefully you can get it off your chest and not have the added stress xxx
     
  11. MummyBee

    MummyBee Well-Known Member

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    I know how u feel hun. Before i had my first my mum was always saying she wishes she was going to be here for her first grandchild. She has many health problems. I was gutted when she wasnt over the moon when i did get pregnant! Ttc is such a stressful time on its own never mind the xtra pressure put on you. Youd think your mum, a woman, would understand this! I hope you get ur bfp soon xx
     
  12. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    It isnt so straight forward with my mum. She sussed that I thought I was pregnant a few months back so it came out that we were TTC or else I wouldnt have told her at all for that reason.

    I can imagine how hard it would be with a midwife for a mum! xxx
     
  13. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, me too. My parents are in their 70s with lots of health problems too so I understand it from her point of view but she also should know the struggle. It took them 19 years to have me but I just have to hope the BFP appears soon xx
     
  14. MummyBee

    MummyBee Well-Known Member

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    Wow. 19 years. I would definately of liked to think she understands! It took us just over a year to get our bfp with #2 i took seven seas trying for a baby. Never even finished the pack and i was pregnant. I think they helped me! X
     
  15. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    OMG I can't believe she is being like. I get that she wants a grandchild but pressure won't help! It took her 19 years so she should know better than anyone tbh... Maybe you should have a chat and try and explain this to her?

    It took my mum and dad 4 years to conceive me so my mum has been very understanding luckily. They haven't applied any pressure - the only pressure I felt was from me or other friends asking when we were going to have a baby etc. (Most of them have got to the point where they've given up asking now... we've been married 7 years! And those who do who aren't really close I just say I can't have children as that stops them saying anything ever again mwahaha...)

    I know I keep saying it but I used to bleed loads and I really do think the supplements I'm on could help you lovely xx
     
  16. Sugarpop

    Sugarpop Well-Known Member

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    If it took her so long she should understand your struggle. Next time she mentions it tell her she is p*ssing you off or upsetting you and when u do fall pregnant you won't tell her till your 5 months! Ha
     
  17. phonixgirl

    phonixgirl Well-Known Member

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    Oh yeah definitely do that!

    We used to get invited over to my parents' all the time for dinner but not once since my sister has got pregnant, hmmm! Think I'd until 5 months as well (I've always said 4 months anyway as there's a potential there could be problems with the baby and I'd want to get my head around them before telling anyone else) xx
     
  18. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Haha I used to take those but I asked my doctor about 5mg because of my BMI and she agreed so I stopped the Seven Seas. I was on them for about 18mts so they didnt quite do the trick for me lol. Yeah it was a hell of a long time for them x
     
  19. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Thank you petal. I am feeling better today, its not something I will give up on so I just have to put my big girl pants on and keep up with BDing xx
     
  20. Sparklegirl

    Sparklegirl Well-Known Member

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    Haha if I have my way, my husbands family wont find out until the baby it of school age!!!
     

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