Postnatal depression? Health anxiety??

[Louise2013]

Hi all,

I feel like I am going crazy. Has anyone else suffered with health anxiety following pregnancy? It seems to be taking over my life. In truth, I think I have always had this to a mild degree as I am a worrier and always panic over the littlest pain/lump/bump/change etc. due to some historical family health stuff, but since I fell pregnanct the issues sky rocketed. I spent my entire pregnancy convinced I would lose the baby. And I mean CONVINCED. I went to epu three times in three weeks in tri 1 in floods of tears and had already had seven scans (four private, three at epu) by my 12 week 'official' one. Tri two I felt quite good but tri three I became obsessed and convinced I was going to have a stillbirth and I was on the phont to the midwives/assessment unit at least once a week. Since delivery, which was a fairly complex and eventful delivery, I have become obsessed with the fear of dying and leaving my beautiful baby whom I love more than I could ever know was possible. I was recently referred to a specialist over a cancer scare (which my GP did as routine as it is a cancer that has been in my family and what I had found felt dubious) but which I convinced myself of that I was desperately ill and I didn't leave the house for a week as I basically cried constantly for that time until I had my appointment. The appointment went well and specialist was in no way concerned and said I had nothing to worry about. The relief lasted about three days but is now back stronger than ever and I can hear myself thinking they have missed something so I have now made a private appointment with another specialist for a double check, which I can't really afford but which I can rationalise to myself easily. I don't know why this is happening. I am a logical person in every other part of my life but even when I rationalise with myself about how stupid this all is and that I am an idiot who is just wasting valuable nhs services because I can't sort my sh*t out, and that I should just be bloody grateful to be healthy and happy and have such a beautiful wonderful baby and a lovely life, it's like this dark cloud in my mind just overrides it all and I am totally gripped by the panic and fear of leaving my baby to grow up without a Mummy. I have made an appointment with my doctor to talk about this as I can see myself slipping further and further as time goes on but it is not for another two weeks as that was the next pre bookable one available. I just wondered if anyone had ever experienced health anxiety after delivery and if actually this is a form pf PND? There is a lot more background to this story in the sense that I can see what may have triggered this historically (family health history plus a couple of previous miscarriages that I think affected how I felt in pregnancy) but since having my baby things have sky rocketed and I wanted to know if anyone else has, or knows someone who has, felt like this? What is ironic is I am very chilled about my baby, so this isn't affecting our relationship or bonding etc. and motherhood is amazing, but this fear of falling ill and leaving my little one is consuming me.

Thanks all for reading. Lou x

 

[cornishfairy]

I haven't experienced this but it does sound like the birth has caused you extra stress and worry (the extra worry about your child losing you) so it may well be classed as a form of pnd. It's good you've got a docs appt coming up, hopefully they are able to offer you some help. I had cognitive behavioral therapy for emetophobia a few years ago after asking my docs for help as the anxiety of it was becoming a real issue. Whilst I still have the phobia, I don't feel bogged down with the anxiety of it so hopefully they'll offer you similar. Xx

 

[millielaura]

Sorry board hopping here, I haven't given birth before but I do have health anxiety!
The things you describe sound exactly how I think I'l be when preg (especially as had mc at 14 weeks 1st preg) . I'm not even preg yet and I've planned what private scans will be and when etc etc.
I also become obsessed with the idea something is going to happen to me and I'l never get to marry my fiance... I found a black mole on my leg a few months ago and have spent hours googling and convincing myself I'm going to be dead of melanoma within months. I went to an appt and a consultant said its nothing to worry about. Reassured me for a few hours and now I'm back to being worried. This has happened with so many things, dizzyness, me being convinced I have a heart problem, convinced I have a brain tumour... everything! So although its not post natal I do completely understand how you feel regarding health anxiety and it is so so horrible and can imagine it is much worse with a baby.
Also, I've noticed hormones very much effect it. After mc it was very very bad and have noticed each month around ovulation and just before AF its awful so yes I do think it can be related you having just had a baby. Hormone shifts can cause anxiety/worsen it and its a big hormone shift after giving birth.
I would go to docs and make it clear to them how it is taking over and you are living in fear. They should be able to offer you either cognitive behavioural therapy or (depending on breastfeeding etc?) tablets to help short term. For me it really reached peak last summer and to the point where I couldnt leave the house on my own for several months, I used beta blockers for a few months when I felt anxious..mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy and I am a lot better. I still get it bad related to my cycle but no where near as bad as it was. Hopefully you can be offered something that suits you . It may improve once your hormones settle down but yeah i do think it is very hormone related. As well I couldnt ever use the combined pill because of the anxiety I got etc so hormones do have a massive effect on your mental health and wellbeing!

I really hope you don't mind me board hopping and sorry if I was no help, I know you wanted to know if anyone had experience of it postnatally but just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and you are not alone in it! xxx

 

[millielaura]

Also i completely understand the black cloud feeling. No matter how rational I am with myself sometimes I just feel this sense of doom like I can't shake it off where I can't focus on anything but whatever health worry I have at the time!
Defo stay off google as thats caused me loads of worry
its different when your busy with baby but i try and snap myself out of it by seeing friends, reading a book, excersizing, blogging, simple things like painting my nails etc. Anything that can distract you in spare time when babys sleeping and the thoughts are creeping into your head is good, whilst you waiting to see doc xx

 

[Louise2013]

Also i completely understand the black cloud feeling. No matter how rational I am with myself sometimes I just feel this sense of doom like I can't shake it off where I can't focus on anything but whatever health worry I have at the time!
Defo stay off google as thats caused me loads of worry
its different when your busy with baby but i try and snap myself out of it by seeing friends, reading a book, excersizing, blogging, simple things like painting my nails etc. Anything that can distract you in spare time when babys sleeping and the thoughts are creeping into your head is good, whilst you waiting to see doc xx

Thank you so much for writing to me I hadn't even considered HA outside of pregnancy as I have been so fixated on the post natal depression thing, but of course, it can affect anyone at anytime.

You have been so helpful and I am going to talk to my doctor as you mentioned and see what they can do in terms of CBT or other options etc. I will do whatever it takes to stop this as it is so unfair on my loved ones to have to keep putting up with me like this and I am not exactly enjoying it either!

And I 100% agree on google.....I self diagnose with something new practically every day. Information can be a dangerous thing!

How are you doing now? I am really interested in what you say about the combined pill as I have been back on that for two months and had a few odd reactions and I do wonder if this is also contributing so I am going to stop for now and let my hormones settle down on their own for a bit. Thanks so much again for writing, it has helped hugely xxxxxx

 

[Sheltymum]

I have experienced post natal depression with number 2, I have just had number 4 but I have learned how to deal with my emotions to prevent it going that far, I suffer from anxiety depression which only came about due to a terrible time within my family, when I am not on my meds I can't even go to Tesco, I also have what they call catastrophic thinking, it means you think the worst about everything, worry terribly and make up terrible scenarios in your head - my youngest boy was playing on the floor in front of me and I had heard a loud bang, I knew full well it was the bin men but my head had developed a scene where I had a crazed man had burst through our door come in and stabbed my son right in front of me, it took me a moment to come back to reality, it was awful that's when I knew I needed a little help - I'm a normal hard working mum of 4, I volunteer and have a great support network, I'm perfectly sane, but some times a terrible event or emotion can trigger something within you, very frightening but getting help as I did helped so much - don't let it linger, get some help xx