Post birth thread... [May upset some]

[trixipaws]

reading all yr stories i kno my thing is nothing in comparison. but there is one thing which upsets me about mine. i had a wonderful birth experience and it is a happy memory for me, but i just feel terrible that i thought melissa was funny looking when i first saw her! i fell in love with her instantly, but i thought "oh, she looks a bit wierd, i didnt expect her to look like this." she had great big eyes with lower lids almost as big as the upper lids which reminded me of a frog!

i couldnt admit it at the time coz i thought saying that might look like i didnt love her (which i always did!) and even now i find it a bit difficult to admit especially as i now think she is the most beautiful thing in the universe!

i remember when the MWs put her on my chest one of them said, "she's beautiful!" and i thought to myself "do u think?!" and i was really, really worried my boyf wouldnt be impressed with her (because he has very high standards regarding looks) i thought "what if he doesnt think she's cute and he thinks iv failed him to give him a cute baby"

wen i think this thru i think "gosh what a bitch i was, how could i not think millie is the most gorgeous princess ever, what a nasty woman i am"

i kno i should be grateful my birth experience was positive and i escaped the dreaded PND but this one thing does bug me

 

[GBLiz]

trixie i dont think you should feel guilty about that- lots of newborns are funny looking . people all said my baby was beautiful and i was like ' really? you think so ?' even now i sometimes ask myself does she look like a boy?!! doesnt mean you love them any less.

My birth story..well i had a problem free pregnancy and a problem free 5 hour home birth and recovered quickly..but found myself feeling a bit traumatised by it as time went on,,,even now i shudder thinking about it and would be terrified to do it again..not sure why

 

[Morganuk]

I did not have a labor plan as I thought I would just go with the flow so to speak.

I knew it was going tobe painful but never imagined just how much I would struggle
I had gas and air to start with and found this great but got to a point where I felt like I was struggeling a bit so opted for pethadine (REGRET THIS SOOO MUCH) which only made me feel so tired and out of control.
I just wanted that heavily draining and spaced out feeling to go.
Things just went wrong from there on for me, I asked for an epidural which did not work properly as it only numbed one side
My contractions then slowed right down and I felt like I was on another planet and vagely remember them saying they were going to speed things up with a drip and at that very moment my contractions came on like nothing I have ever felt before
They were thick & constant and I did not know when to stop pushin so diddnt really.
I remember asking them to just knock me out wheich seems funny now but at that time I was crying my eyes out so hard because I was getting no break at all and they were so unbelieveably painful
I also managed to pull my catheter out and swing on all fours despite having the epi.
Maybe I have a lower pain thresh hold then others but I was so traumatised at the time
I had to be cut so she could come out and it felt a huge relief to get her out after all that trauma.
They put her on my chest and I remember sobbing with shear exaustion mixed with love for her.
I could not hold her for long because the stupid pethadine made me shake.
I then notcied she was not breathing right so got the nurses who called a pedi strait down who sent her strait to SCBU where she remained for over 3 weeks which was so worrying but she is now all safe and well.

Its really weird but I have felt quite broody again for a while and part of me thinks I want to have a good birth experience to over ride this one.
Am I crazy to think his way?
I think this may have due to other things in my life ot being great through the pregnancy so want to have a stress free one where it feels 100% right.
I willwait until things in my life are right first tho.

 

[sparky]

mine was 2hrs 40mins and i didnt have time for pain relief, it was really fucking painful dilating that quickly and i felt a little shell-shocked afterwards as she was 4 weeks early too and i wasnt really mentally prepared.

A positive mental attitude helped, as it happened so quickly i thought i was being a wimp not realising that i was soooo far gone, even held it together to go to the loo through the waiting room, so i didnt look a div.

Giving birth was actually very fulfilling and i enjoyed pushing myself to the limits.

 

[clairescunny55]

Great thread. the thing that frightened me when giving birth to ryan is, when his head was crowing, the midwife told me he was going to be big thats the last thing i wanted to hear, although she was right at 10lb 7.5oz. I think because it all happened so fast (30mins from waters breaking to baby been born) i didnt really have time to take it in. Even the midwife didnt think i was in labour. She gave me 2 paracetamol I think if i had another baby, i'd be frightened of it been huge, and too fast if i was on my own

 

[*Cupcake*]

I hated it! I was in pain for days. Got very sick and rushed to hospital by my other half and put on a drip. I hadnt eaten or slept in days. It all went really down hill on the Wednesday evening. My temp was very high and I stared blacking out. My epi didnt work and I was rushed into theatre for a c section under general. I was apparently saying good by to my Mom and OH and crying because I was so sure I was going to die. The room was spining and I kept blacking out.

Evie was taken to the NICU and I was kept in hospital for a week. When I finally got home I had a break down and couldnt stop crying.

But looking at Evie now hugging OH on the sofa makes it all worth while. Never having another one tho.

 

[tinkerbell*]

mine memories of birth are not good ones. i have to say it has actually put me off having anymore.... for a long time anyway!
i am allergic to pethadin so i wanted an epidural all along. well i lost my plug at 6am monday morning. then i got contractions straight away, they got worse and worse all day, at 3pm i was getting 3 in 10mins and they were lasting for 45secs. and very painful.
i called labour ward who told me to hang it out. 5pm very uncomfortable was told to go up and was only 1cm, sent home and told the same old same old... "have a bath, eat something sweet. blah blah blah"

9pm i was in total agony i couldnt lay down, i was wondering around the house crying, phoned labour ward they said.... "hang it out a little longer..... you dont sound like your in labour"... (i am not the kind of person that is gonna scream down the phone, haha) to cut a long story short, OH managed to convince them to let me go in at midnight(i was screaming in background,lol)

went in got examined midwife says: "oh yes,, well you are 7cm dilated... nearly 8cm" OMG!

too late really for an epi, but i was in so much pain i couldnt cope, i was exhausted, they gave me epi, and i had allergic reaction to it, started itching everywhere, legs swelled ect ect (oh great) and top it off... it didnt work! i could feel everything

eventually started pushing at 3am Tuesday morning, and all i had was gas and air whihc i was told prob not very affective as you have to build it up, it didnt feel like it was doing anything.

felt like i was pushing for a lifetime, (didnt help that theos head was 37cm - 2cm larger then average). i had to have legs to stirups, 2midwifes and a doctor.

i remember feeling totally out of control, i was in so much pain, i couldnt get Theo out, when his head crowned i honestly thought that i was splitting in half. i just remember screaming and feeling like i was going to pass out. OH who is a big macho bloke, has not cried since he was little, got so upset becuase he said he couldnt bare seeing me in so much pain

i ended up have stiches becuase somehow managed to tear my libia in half and had to have them stiched bk together, and ripped the hod of skin that goes over your g-spot. was so painful i could not sit down for 2weeks.

i didnt sleep for 5days, i am not very good with pain and i am convinced i had PTS. everytime i went to fall alseep i had flash backs of the birth and all the pain, i could hear this screaming in my head every time i went to go fall alseep, and it made me feel so scared, i kept myself awake. (sounds silly to me now, but it was awful for about 3weeks afterwards)

anyway, hope havent not scared anyone. i would have another baby but i'd to so terrified! lol

 

[*Cupcake*]

I had flash backs for weeks. The sound of a heart monitor still makes me feel panic like crazy. As does driving past the hospital at night.

 

[Hazel]

I had a great birth but didn't know it at the time, it wasn't until the next day when midwife said how short my notes were and I read them I realised how lucky I was. As it was all very quick never had time to think about it really and it all just happened and my body took over. At the time I remember thinking it wasn't fair I couldn't have any drugs as I was pushing on arrival at hospital and had always planned to have what was on offer but glad I didn't as I can still remember every detail vividly of it still now and looking forward to doing it again. I remember being in good spirits whilst pushing as I was making jokes between contractions right before she arrived.

With trying for 3 years on fertility treatments and after how horrible my pregnancy was with all the bleeding to start with for months, terrible morning sickness and being signed off work early with SPD I think having a good birth has made me consider having a second child because if labour had been awful I would have said I couldn't go through it again.

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

My birth wasn't a good experience and ended in an emergency C Section with complications.
I was in slow labour for a week and then my waters broke and labour was finally iminent. Amber was in distress but seemed to be picking up for a while so things were looking good. Then my contractions came on really suddenly, and I was having them minute on minute off and lasting 60 seconds or more, they were really intense. I was examined and was only at 3cm. I was left to progress on my own for a furthur hour. I wasn't progressing and by this point contractions were literally constant and felt like one big long one. Amber was showing signs of distress again so I was rushed through to theatre which was quite scary as everyone seemed to be panicking and I didn't understand what was happening and was worried about Amber.
Amber was delivered safely and thankfully she was perfectly healthy but she had been wrapped up in the cord. Then I lost 4 pints of blood and they couldn't work out where the loss was coming from and then my heartrate and blood pressure suddenly dropped and for a while they struggled to get it back up again. Thankfully were both fine and although I don't remember much of what happened, I feel quite traumitised by it as its a bit of a shock knowing what could have happened. I feel lucky to be alive. I also felt cheated of my natural birth, and feel I can't say "I gave birth" because I didn't push her out myself, someone had to get her out for me and I feel I missed out on the experience. But the most important thing is we both came out of it ok in the end and Amber is a very healthy and happy baby.

 

[krissie23]

My experience of labour is both good and bad. It started off OK, but things were not so good towards the end!

I started off having contractions at around 6.20am on the friday morning... up untill then I'd had nothing. We started timing them and when it got to around 8am they were every few minutes apart and becoming a bit more intense. I rung the hospital and told them, and was told the usual, to try and have a bath and just take some paracetemol, and stay at home for as long as I could. By the time it got to almost 9am I couldn't stand it anymore and rang my mum to take me to the hospital!

When we got there, we had to wait for absolutely ages to be let in. I was actually sitting in the room outside the delivery suite, and there was a family sitting opposite me (must have been waiting to go in and see a relative who had just had a baby). Everytime I had a contraction, I tried to breathe through it and kept walking round, just pacing the room. They really annoyed me though as they were all just staring at me, and talking to eachother in a foreign language (think they were polish), I knew they were talking about me but didn't know what they were saying & I just wanted to scream at them 'stop blimmin gawping at me!!'

Anyway eventually got in, was examined and told by the Midwife I was 4cm dilated, and offered gas and air, which I loved! Really did help. Also had the most wonderful midwife who really helped me to stay calm and focused. My mum and OH were a brilliant support aswell, I don't know what I would have done if they weren't in there with me. I think it all went wrong when I got to 8cm and decided to have pethidine. It was the most horrendous experience of my life. I started falling in and out of consciousness and people around me were just blurs, everyone's voices sounded like echos... I honestly thought I was dying! It was so bad, I don't even really remember Amber actually being born, or pushing, or anything like that. I was just totally out of it. Apparently I was asleep for the next three hours, and just left on the bed I gave birth on! She was born at 4.37pm on the same day (friday) weighing 8lb exactly! Anyway when I eventually did try to get up, I couldn't walk unaided and couldn't move at all, they out me in a wheelchair and took me down to the ward, where OH was told he had to leave immediately as men weren't allowed on the ward past 9pm! I hated being left in that hospital without him there, I just wanted to take Amber & go back to our house where I would have probably felt more safe!! Also having the stitches was awful, I thought it was a lot worse than giving birth! It was the only time I cried, and the doctor doing them told me to stop being a silly girl and asked why I was crying now 'the pain was all gone'!

I was sooooo glad to get out of there the next day, was discharged at 6pm and have never been more happy to go home! It hasn't put me off doing it again but hopefully this time will be better!

 

[LisaPink]

My 1st 2 labours went really well & really quick, so I thought I knew what I was doing the 3rd time round........what did I know!! My 3rd daughter was born 3 days ago, & the birth has completely freaked me out. However after reading all the other different experiences you have had, makes me realise that it is ok to feel that way. Luckily it hasnt affected the way I feel about her & I will get around to writing my birth story one of these days.

xx

 

[cheryl]

This thread is a great idea, its been really interesting reading everyones stories.

My experience was completely mixed. I really wanted to have a natural birth although was willing to be open minded, but mostly I was afraid of having an epidural (mostly coz of being a needle-wuss! )
I didnt find the contractions to be overly bad and managed on TENS machine til i was 7cm, then I was lucky enough to be go to hospital on a slow night and got the only birth pool. I got to hospital at 11pm and had Jack at 7am in the pool, it hurt like hell of course but I was so chuffed that id had the birth i wanted and managed on just gas and air.
I got out of the pool to deliver the placenta, i told the midwife i didnt want the injection so i could deliver it naturally, but it seemed almost as soon as i got out of the pool she was yanking on the cord to get the placenta out. It came out but felt really weird. I had a 2nd degree tear so got stitched but then started bleeding loads. It turned out that some of the placenta hadnt come away and was causing me to hemorrhage. A doctor was called in and had my legs up in stirrups while the midwife pushed on my stomach and the doctor tried to get the placenta out. I wont lie this was one of the worst experiences of my life, i was knackered from giving birth and then had this humiliating and painful procedure, i had to have the gas and air throughout it and i know i was yelling a lot into the mouthpiece! I carried on bleeding still after they finished and they decided they hadn't got it all out so they gave me the choice of going to theatre or they could try again but it would be MORE painful as they would have to try higher up. I told them to try again which they did, but again I was still bleeding afterwards so they decided i would need to go to theatre after all. I remember being so annoyed coz i had managed the birth without an epidural but now i had to have a spinal so they could get the placenta! I still hadnt held Jack at this point and was so tired and scared but went down to theatre, had the spinal (which wasnt as bad as i thought it would be) and they had a good rummage down there and eventually got all the placenta out. I went to recovery and finally had some skin to skin. I ended up having to stay in hospital a few days and had to have a blood transfusion. I know the night after the birth I didnt want to close my eyes to sleep as I would relive it all but i felt a bit better the next day. I hardly think about it now and it all seems a distant memory but its been good to get it all out as i havent really spoken about it, It was a horrible experience but I am so lucky to have my perfect little boy and it hasn't put me off having children at all!

 

[Naterjack]

I must admit that the whoe birth experience upsets me - not enough to have councelling but i keep going over and over it in my mind and i dream about it - last night i woke up crying

I was induced 2 days before by EDD and amongst the whole process, the things that really upset me are

* The internal examinations after the first couple - so very painful, so much so that i had to have gas & air for the last couple as i was in screaming agony.

* The fact that on day 2, i had very strong (measuring mid 90's on the ECG) 2 minute long contractions that subsided but had no gaps in between and that all they would offer me was paracetamol as i wasn't dilating - when the MW's changed shift i really had to get tough before they gave me pethedine which made me delirious but at least have me 2 hours sleep.

* The doctor decided i'd have a c-section the next day, so i was starved, but the next day he changed his mind

* I then spent all of Xmas day on the drip with an epidural (which was painful enough when inserted due to me being a short arse) but not dilating much at all - i got to only 3 cm's over 3 days, but with very strong contractions.


The best bit of the whole thing was being told on Xmas day at 11pm that i was going to have an emergency c-section due to the fact that i was not progressing and that although i'd had lots of fluids, i had not passed ANY water in my catheter !!
I was all ready for the op really, the lovely MW that had spent the day with me shaved me and we had a giggle about that. The surgeons were lovely and although i was vomiting throughout the op, it was a big relief to have such nice people with me, including my OH, and when Joshua was born and brought to me, he looked at me with big eyes when i spoke to him.

The other bad bits

* Although the screen was up in my c-section so i coudlnt see, the light on the ceiling was mirrored and when i looked up i could see everything - that made me sick and i could only look sideways for the whole thing !
* At one stage, blood splashed all over the screen and that made me vomit again - it was at this stage i heard them talking about blood loss and begged them to tell me what was happening. I lost a hell of a lot of blood.
* The high dependency unit was lovely but once on the ward i had to share with a horrid lady who kept huffing every time my baby stirred in the night, then every time he went quiet, she was on her mobile really loudly ! I bawled my eyes out to the MW's and managed to get a private room
* Hospital healthcare assistants were nasty and constantly told me i was doing things wrong, but nobody every offered to help me !
* Getting the hospital to let me out after 3 days was a nightmare due to my low HB levels but i do understand that they have to be careful.

So, all in all it was horrid - the c-section was the best bit and the most peaceful in my mind but the rest i'm afraid put me off birth big style

 

[xmcnickyx]

Although it's awful that so many women seem to have crap experiences of birth, it's kind of put my mind at rest to read that I am not the only one to have felt rubbish about my experience.

Thinking about it now, I don't think the contractions I had were all that bad and so the whole labour part wasn't too painful. I had 3 epidurals which didn't work too well and Molly was back to back (as I only discovered towards the end) but the most painful thing of the whole labour was having blood taken from Mollys head to see if she was in distress. The whole experience, even with her heartrate dropping and having to have an emergency section was fairly positive. I had some amazing midwives look after me and an even more amazing aneathatist. When I was having my section, the aneathatist was sooo good, she was so calming and nice, I loved her. I found out that I am a very very relaxed and level headed person when in pain

Afterward though was a different story. I felt like the minute I left the labour ward, I was treated like crap. Firstly they never got my husband and nobody knew where he was. I had Molly at 5am and didn't see my husband till 10am because they forgot to tell him where I'd gone. I didn't have skin to skin for 2 hours which I think made a huge impact on being able to feed Molly. Then her blood sugar was tested cos I had gestational diabetes and it was low (not very low, but low) so she was taken to SCBU. Then she was jaundiced so wouldn't feed cos she was too sleepy. Then I had the midwife from hell for 2 whole days who was pestering me to feed molly, didn't help me at all and shouted at me in front of a ward full of people, telling me it was pretty much my fault Molly was jaundiced because I'd not fed her enough. If she was stood in front of me now, shouting at me, I'd tell her to go fuck herself (excuse me!) but 2 days after having a baby, I just cried like a little girl!

Theeeennnn, we were in hospital for 2 days waiting to be released because Mollys jaundice wasn't bad enough to be treated but was too bad to go home! All the time I was feeling awful for not being able to breastfeed, trying to express every 3 hours and getting help only from the really good Health Care Assistants when they were on shift.

It's so hard to remember the positives when I felt so awful for the 2 weeks afterwards. I think the best thing about the whole experience I can take is that I know a bit more than I did, I'll remember it for next time and that once I was at home, none of it really mattered cos we had Molly and she was more awesome than I could have ever imagined

 

[ninjawomble]

I still dont like thinking about my labour.

My waters broke early hours on friday, the hospital told me to attend day unit in morning. Contractions started soon after. Day unit then told me their policy was to wait 96 hours until they will induce after membranes breaking, and as my contractions werent strong eonugh, to go home. I contracted very painfully until saturday afternoon, then my movements were reduced and I noticed brown staining in my waters (still leaking now and then). Told to go straight in.
Was checked over, only 1cm dilated, booked in due to ? meconium passed (I would of been sent home if thsi hadnt happened).

Contractions very painful, baby was back to back. Went overnight on G&A, but had to have pehtidine around 1am, which was horrible. I was stuck at 3cm dilated for 9 hours, in agony

By morning I couldnt take no more, and asked for an epidural whcih I waited 5 hours for
They decied to put an oxytocin drip up as I was only pushing 4 cms dilated.

Thank god I got the epidural coz by now I wanted to die

Contracted for few more hours, then at 6pm, told I was 10cm and to start pusking. Pushed for 90 minutes, nothing..

Checked by doctor as babys heartrate kept dropping with each contraction, she did an internal, and noticed Isla had passed meconium.

Taken to theatre for a ventouse, which failed. heart rate dropping more dangerously so told I must have a c-section.

The whole thing was 64 hours from start to finish. Nothing went according to my "birth plan"

Then she ended in scbu, with query infection due to prolonged reputre of membranes, and unable to feed

This is the first time Ive been able to type this..didnt put it in my birth announcment as it really upset me

Hopefully I can start to move on now..

 

[peanut1982]

Like sarafet, my bad memories are from after delivery.

Labour was incredibly painful but so so worth it when little one appeared! I was induced at 6am in the morning, about 5cm dilated and well and truely contracting by 12noon, and up in labour suite on gas and air just after 1pm. My blood pressure had gone shooting up as soon as labour kicked in too so was being constantly monitored and poked for blood tests which was a bit of a pest but I was oblivious to the worries of high BP and just determined to get LO out! I had my waters popped at about 6.30 when fully dilated and after an hour of pushing out little boy was born at half 7. I felt amazing!

Hubby and I were left with bubs for half an hour or so whilst I fed him, then DH went to make the calls to family etc to tell them the news. Midwife came into check my bleeding and the next thing I new baby was taken off me and the room filled up with folk. There was mad panic and they started prepping me for theatre. I could see DH's feet under the curtain and they were refusing to let him back in, I started screaming for him so they shuffled him in trying to avert his eyes but he looked and saw blood pumping out of me!

It was all happening so quickly and so many people were in the room but no one was telling me what was happening, it was terrifying. I was prepped for a spinal and taken off to surgery in tears as I could see DH sat beside the cot looking terrified. I'd lost 2 litres of blood by the time I got to surgery, most of which was on the delivery room floor, not sure how DH didn't pass out!

Everything had been so perfect minutes early and suddenly I was being dragged away not knowing what was going on or if I'd ever see DH and our gorgeous baby boy again
I finally got back from surgery and taken to a ward just after 10 and was so so happy to see my little family again! Sadly, DH had to leave after a few minutes as visiting hours were over Was so crap having had the spinal too as I couldn't pick up little one until the following morning, he was lying next to me in the cot but I couldn't even stroke his face as I was wired up to so many drips and still having constant BP checks as it was sky high.

The next few days didn't get much better as I had some horrible reactions to BP tablets and ended up sleep-deprived and hallucinating! Poor DH was exhausted and so worried about me. Thankfully our little man had no problems at all and we eventually got home from hospital a week later. I was so angry at being stuck in hospital too as by the time we got home DH only had 2 days left of his paternity leave All it all it was a shitty first week of being a mummy!

Would still do it all again for my little man and can't wait to give him a little brother or sister!

S xxx

 

[lisaspoon]

I think this thread is a great idea as I feel the only people you can really discuss labour with in detail are people who have been through it themselves! Labour really upset my OH and left him a bit shaken afterwards.... I didn't realise it would do that to him, he said it was just watching me going through all the contractions and the amount of pain I was in..

Then being cut and the ventouse was such a horrible disgusting feeling and getting stitched too. The only way I can describe Riley being pulled out is like being gutted like a fish .

I read this and have to agree. I too had an episiotomy and ventouse delivery. It was the worst feeling ever.... probably didnt help that I had caught sight of the cup before it got rammed up there

I'm not good with internal examinations, but I felt that every one I had (actually only 3 in the end, 1 on assessment, 1 when I was fully dilated and the third when getting the ventouse) I was being completely rummaged and fiddled with.... they aren't backward with doing them!!

Worst part had to be getting stitched, I felt like I could feel everything, and I was also disappointed I wasn't consulted about having the episiotomy, I think they assumed I knew that would be the case as I consented to ventouse..

I didnt have a good time afterwards either as I tried to breastfeed but Euan just wasn't taking to latching on properly and staying on the breast. I got poked and prodded by so many different people and in the end I just ended up getting stressed and upset. I was at the point where I was in tears trying to feed him and thought, this isn't right or fair. I kept asking MW's at what point should you say "enough is enough" and stop trying but no one would give me an answer I ended up getting so upset and feeling guilty about not being able to breastfeed. After trying a bit at home as well we have decided to bottle feed and we think this is the best decision we have ever made Both me, Dad and Euan are happy and feel the decision is a huge weight off our shoulders and it makes me so happy to see him getting a full feed and enjoying it instead of getting frustrated and upset rooting around my breast.

I think I'm still at the fragile phase at the moment, but I'm sure in time I will do all this again in a heartbeat.... I love my little boy to bits