Post birth thread... [May upset some]

[Steelgoddess]

I hope it's ok, but after reading so many posts, speaking with others etc I thought it might be an idea to open a thread for us to discuss about how we felt about the birth...

I know we have these fantastically amazing beings that were produced from birth but I know for myself and maybe others there are grey areas where to discuss, kind of like admitting it, dealing with it and then hopefully moving forward...

I really hope no one minds me posting this? I really want to be positive as possible

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Good idea Sharne...

shall I start?

I found the labour process very traumatic because it didn't go anywhere near how I would have liked. I wanted a homebirth I knew there was a chance I'd end up in hospital but I really hoped it wouldn't.

My bad experiences started after 4 days of useless contractions! Those I could deal with.

When they told me that Faith's heartrate was dropping and they would have to get an ambulance I panicked. I hadn't had any pain relief (well 2 paracetemol 5 hours previously!) and the midwife said I was 4cm but I was in near constant agony and petrified about Faith.

We got to the hospital and I was taken to a room and helped onto a bed and then I was given no control over anything. I was being pulled around, my legs went up in stirrups a monitor was strapped on me and a drip thing put in.. I was then given gas and air which I think was my saving grace as it allowed me to calm down a bit.

Apparently they did explain what they were doing (taking blood from Faith's head etc etc) but I wasn't really aware. I have vague memories of being yelled at to push or not to push and I was so confused about what was happening.

The worst moment was when my mum said 'you're going to go to sleep and it won't hurt anymore' they were prepping me for a general and a section but i thought my mum was telling me I was going to die. It sounds ridiculous but I didn't know what was happening and I remember wanting so badly to meet my little girl before I died. God i'm welling up writing this. It probably doesn't sound much but I am haunted by that feeling when I thought i was going to die.

 

[DebbieM]

OK, since Mums-To-Be will likely also be reading this thread and those TTC.. I will add that my birth experience was fine... bordering on great. It was painful, yes, but to be honest, the pain has been long forgotten now and I found it true that once you give birth, you forget everything you have just been through.

Straight afterwards, I thought I was traumatised about the pushing but I wasn't. It wasn't that bad at all and I want to do it again.

Just thought a positive post would be nice here too. Hope you don't mind

 

[Emma58]

My birth experience was better than I expected too.

To cut a long story short after bleeding for a couple of days before I went in to labour, and 12 hours before Sam arrived a consultant telling me my baby was ages away! I ended up having Sam 6 minutes after I arrived at hospital!

The pain was bearable, I had no pain relief (as there was obviously no time) but I think I would have managed without any anyway.

 

[sarafet]

The worst moment was when my mum said 'you're going to go to sleep and it won't hurt anymore' they were prepping me for a general and a section but i thought my mum was telling me I was going to die. It sounds ridiculous but I didn't know what was happening and I remember wanting so badly to meet my little girl before I died. God i'm welling up writing this. It probably doesn't sound much but I am haunted by that feeling when I thought i was going to die.

oh suzie that is absolutely awful sweetie, you've never said about this

that must have been so scary for you, sounds so horrible.. i don't even know what to say except that no 2 births are the same, and chances are you'll just pop one out next time lol

lots of cuddles to you though, i hope that soon you'll be more comfortable with your experience, if you ask the hospital, they sometimes do a debriefing session and talk you through everything that happened, if that might help?

xxx

 

[sarafet]

mines was also quite traumatising.. i was pushing for a looooong time, legs in stirrups, so couldn't move off the bed. it was painful my bp was sky high throughout it and just getting higher, it got to the stage where i was too scared to look at the dinomap machine because i knew i'd panic if i seen my bp they were giving me bp medication throughout labour too, but it was still so high they started talking about a section or forceps if my bp stayed under 100 (i think) thats the bottom number..

eventually the surgeon came in with the forceps, he got all scrubbed up and was ready to pull, but i somehow managed to push his head out as he walked over i have never pushed so hard in my entire life so that was fine and he was out with the next push..

i delivered the placenta, but they noticed i was losing a lot of blood and this is where it really scares me the midwife rang the emergency buzzer and loads of docs and mws ran in, they started putting more canulas in etc, prepping me for theatre, but the surgeon managed to sort it in the delivery room and stitch me up. it took about an hour, and it was horrible, so sore and he had his hands up 'there' most of the time i don't know a lot of the details, how many stitches etc, they didn't tell me and i was too scared to ask bc it freaked me out. the one thing that sticks in my mind is the consultant and midwives constantly pressing on my stomach to see if i was still bleeding and now if anything presses against my stomach it freaks me right out

i also feel i lost a lot of important bonding time with aiden because of this we are absolutely fine now though, and no signs of PND so i think i was really lucky

as i said to suzie though - every birth is different, we've just had bad experiences and i am NOT put off doing it again (not for years right enough )

 

[daftscotslass]

I think this thread is a great idea.

My feelings are pretty similar to Suzie's. I had got it into my head how the birth was going to go and that was that. When my waters broke themselves I was SO happy that things were going along naturally but never thought contractions wouldn't start. When eventually I'd resigned myself to the fact I was going to be induced the plans changed in my head - I wanted an epidural.

When that was f'd up I dealt with the birth and saw it as a positive experience. In the few moments after birth I was SO proud of myself for doing it on only gas and air - if it could all have gone fine from there I know I would be able to look back on it in a better light. I had to be taken to theatre and given a general to get the placenta out which meant I was dragged away from my daughter for the best part of 2 hours (and OH just dumped with her having never cared for a baby in his life). When I got back the labour room OH stayed for a while and went home to have a shower as he too had been awake for 48 hours. I remember asking repeatedly if I could hold my daughter and try to feed her but kept getting fobbed off as the midwife wanted to get me cleaned up.

I ended up with spinal headaches and ended up flat on my back basically from that moment (Sunday evening) until Tuesday when I finally got it fixed. I couldn't do ANYTHING with my daughter let alone feed her. Looking back on it only one person (a nursing auxilliary) took time out with me to help me try and this makes me angry. It wasn't because people didn't want to help, they were so short staffed they couldn't.

I tried to feed her myself every time she was hungry when we got home but she got absolutely nothing - my GP said this is rare in general but can happen after a crappy birth. To this day I get insanely jealous when I see the threads on breastfeeding. I get really upset when I see people saying that bottlefed babies are more likely to be ill, you don't have the same bond etc. I know people don't intend to cause upset with it and it's me working myself up over it but they don't know how it feels having failed at breastfeeding and to have this in your face constantly. It hurts. For me it was the choice between seeing my daughter thrive or watching her become seriously dehydrated.

I'm lucky in that I don't think it's driven me to depression and hasn't affected my relationship with Becky at all but it still upsets me so much so that I think I need to go through it with someone like Sarah suggests. I know what happened, I know why it happened but why did it have to happen to me IYKWIM?

I'm sorry that's sooo depressing to read back. I would do it again in a heartbeat though! Might go back some point and delete this. I just want to give everyone lots of these and say thank you for being there

 

[muppetmummy]

I'm really sorry for you girls who had bad experiences, it's really sad that you're still thinking about it now. Make sure you tell your HV's if its still on your mind as there is councelling to help you move on from the bad memories

Ive been extremely lucky with both my births, no stiches with either. Logans birth was particularly nice because although it was very long, painful and tiring due to him being back to back (28 hours from the first contraction with no sleep and not even being able to sit down for most of it!) I got to go to the midwife unit like I wanted and have my water birth, also only needed tens and gas and air.

There was a strange moment when I got out of the pool and was wheeled into a bedroom to deliver the placenta where I thought I was dying! There was so much blood (the heavy side of normal apparantly, I think it looked more cos it was in water and the pool turned red!) I thought I'd done something bad and kept asking 'what have I done? I've done something bad?' thinking I'd done lots of damage with the pushing, so I was gonna bleed to death and would need 100 stitches! Felt too tired to care though! Just wanted to sleep!

I tried to keep an open mind during pregnacy that things might not go to plan and I might need to be induced, epidural in hospital or c-ection, so if it happened I wouldn't be too disappointed.

 

[Foxxi]

Deleted..I put what I put here..in the wrong section... Sorry!

 

[joj]

Although my labour was not good to say the least, it was amazing at the same time (I know that doesn't really make sense but it was!)
My waters went the day before so couldn't have my water birth but I was getting so hot it was probably a good thing! I had been having contractions all night so had no sleep, got to 5cm with no pain relief as gas and air did nothing for me but I was throwing up with each contraction and was getting tired so they pretty much insisted on pethadine as it's mixed with something to stop sickness and it sent me to sleep between contractions...I loved it. When I got to 10cm Jess turned from the perfect position to back to back and tilted her head so she was practically face first! They didn't realise this so I was pushing and she quite literally got stuck! After 6 hours of pushing they got a dr to come and assess me who realised what had happened and they prepared for an emergency c section. They agreed to try ventuose first and thankfully this worked, I was left with a 3rd degree tear and they had to cut across my bum cheek! I had over 100 stitches but the second I saw my daughter the pain just seemed completely insignificant and not nearly as bad. We're already looking forward to the next one

 

[Mildly]

My birth was a mixture of good and bad and I'm still writing my birth story which is helping me process what happened. I was really pleased that I got to hospital at 8cm and had not had any pain relief until that point (except paracetamol). Then I'm disappointed that the dilation didn't progress any further and that he started showing signs of distress (although I didn't find that out until later). I was really pleased with my epidural, it felt fab Then I have been feeling a bit disappointed at my aftercare as I wasn't given any pain relief to go home from hospital with (thank goodness I felt pretty good after my c section).

I am left with the feeling that I am terrified about doing it again though (going through birth). Again I'm hoping this feeling will pass as I know my OH would love another.

 

[Steelgoddess]

Hi I just wanted to add I wasn't trying to upset anyone, I think its just better to share things and then move on rather then bottle them up.

I have put a mini warning up so it doesn't upset anyone...

 

[Steelgoddess]

I won't lie part of me was sooooo naive and had this fixation of the "Perfect birth" I wanted to be at home asleep or doing something and my waters would break and then OH would come in we'd rush to the hospital, ok there was pain but then I'd push this beatiful baby out have it laid on me and then we would be a happy family! hahah

I think i kidded myself big time, and part of me does feel quite ashamed at thinking it was going to be like that, I continusly want to go back to that day and change certain things but honestly theres nothing I could change, that bed was my bestfriend/worst enemy for the next day or so when I was in labour lol i remember whinging that I HAD to stay on it to be monitored, i don't co operate very well... The thing that confused me was when all the consultants came in at about 8am and were looking at the readings, if you saw the looks on their faces I was trying to be so happy and their faces were doom and gloom yeah thanks for that.

I didnt have a clue about babys getting stuck, or heads turning to funny positions, this whopper had to come out... I don't think I had a bad labour etc I just wish i hadnt of gone in there was an idealised view of labour and known a bit more, it NEVER crossed my mind I would have a c sect...

I think its more the aftermath of the c sect not picking up bubba properly i got so frustrated with myself I didnt even feed the poor mite the first night, ok luckily he was sleeping and I had breastfeed in the morning... but that dwindled into confusion because i didnt really know when to feed felt like i didnt have a clue etc? It sounds so stupid but its like obvious things I should of known didnt even click to me??

I guess i feel like I have failed him in parts cause I didnt push him out so i feel like i "cheated" the process... I didnt continue the breasfeeding so like dsl I feel really happy and ok somedays others I feel so guilty like a crappy Mum...

I will add that I do feel extremly lucky to have him espeecially after the mc dont know why i keep thinking about the birth and cant just move forth... feeling guilty makes me feel ungrateful aswell sometimes...

Mildy its funny cause I felt like that too, they just said i could take paracetamol and what not... Were you induced>?

Jo you brave woman!! 6 hours? How could they do that?

Thanks for sharing everyone...

 

[LisaJ1986]

Mine was a good one. It also annoys friends and family!

The Saturday night we were having a relaxing night. We decided to make the most of our last weekend as just the 2 of us as Monday was induction day. We watched crappy telly and had a chinese. Pregnancy didn't cope with chinese very well so only had 2 throughout but i was craving it badly. We crawled in bed around 1am. I got up twice in the night for a wee as usual.
At 4.25am i was shot awake with a pain. OH woke instantly and asked the usual question "You having a baby?" He got a smack as he was doing my head in asking that bloody question all the time. I went to the bathroom where i got another pain. OH got up and sat outside the bathroom door. I went back into the bedroom and sat on the bed. He started timing them for me. 4 mins apart lasting about a minute. I went back to the bathroom. No idea why. Just felt like i should.
I panicked as there was blood. So OH got dressed and i called the ward, 45 minutes after my first pain. They told me it sounds like i was in early labour and to take some paracetamol. If i went in now they'd probably just send me home. So i said i'd wait a little longer.
10 minutes later they were 3 minutes apart so i called them back and i asked to be seen. They agreed and i got ready to go. I wouldn't leave til i fed the dogs and cats, just in case i was a while.
We arrived at the hospital around 6am and i was struggling. I had to stop the 10 metre walk several times due to the pain. They got me in, on the bed and said i wouldn't be here long. Had a brief check and the midwife ran out the room and said they needed a trolley ready. I was 7cm!!!
I instantly stripped naked, much to my OH's surprise! I thought i'd be covered up due to me being extremely self conscious. Tried Gas and Air and it was awful. The injected with me with pethidine 20minutes before i pushed so was a waste as it didn't kick in. Waters broke 1hr 30mins after i arrived. 30 minutes later Angel was born! Had no tears or grazes. I was saying all sorts of crap and OH and the midwife thought i was hilarious! I had my skin to skin but she was on my belly as the cord was short.

So all in all it took me just under 3hrs 30 mins from my 1st contraction to Angel's arrival!

I was in a panic as i was prepared for a 12hour labour!!! Everything just happened so damn fast!

Oh and i'll never forget the woman who stripped me and helped me shower, and got me dressed was the woman i had been serving in the Post Office for 4.5 years!!! Lol. I'll never get over that!

I think mine was a fairly nice experience. They wrote down no pain relief as technically i didn't have any! And i'm so proud to get to hospital at 7cm without even knowing!

 

[joj]

Jo you brave woman!! 6 hours? How could they do that?

I didn't feel brave at the time, I remember after about 5 hours begging anyone who was in the room to make the pain go away cos I couldn't do it anymore!-that mostly consisted of Gary who looked like he wanted to cry and has since said it was the most horrifying thing he has ever seen (that made me laugh as about a month before Jess was due he had earache and decided it was worse than giving birth ) and some poor student midwife who was watching her first birth-they put her in with me as I was having a 'good' labour They tried to get me assessed after about 4 hours apparently but the dr got called away to an emergency. Looking back it doesn't seem anywhere near as bad now as it did at the time and it was still an amazing experience that I'm already planning to go through again (although hopefully without quite so much pushing!)

 

[Squiglet]

My first birth was the traumatic one of the two technically... I was on my own, Tia when into distress and was basically dead when she was born... It took them a while to resuscitate her and I honestly thought I had lost her... Then I started to haemorrhage and was rushed to theatre...but it was the calmer of my two labours, ironically.

I had lil miss in Spain... where there is no gas and air, no TENS machine, no birthing pools... and other than a shot to help me dilate"... I had no form of pain relief for the 8 hours I was in labour. In the final part of my labour, they changed mw and I got a Spanish one... The English one was happy to let me labour as naturally as possible... but the Spanish one wasn't happy with the fact I'd been there since 9 not made a huge amount of progress, and my contractions were too short (despite being incredibly strong) to dilate my cervix... So up went a drip to strengthen my contractions, so not only did I not get any pain relief they made the contractions 10x worse and constant. On top of that, because my glucose dropped low, and they were fretting about my Crohn's they had me on my back with the monitor on all the time... I couldn't even just move around, or bounce on a ball, or get on all fours. It was really horrible, I just wanted to be at home, and I made sure everyone knew this fact

Strangely enough, with Tia I got the urge to push despite the epi.. with lil miss it was just wave upon wave of pain and no feeling to push, until they moved me to the labour room and put me up on this chair, with my legs in stirrups and I managed to "push" even though I had no urge still.

I admit... I dreamt of the perfect home/water birth, that many people talk about here... But they are options only available to women in the UK, I wasn't as lucky and its different here. I feel slightly cheated, envious I didn't have the same opportunities, but at the end of the day, I have two healthy beautiful daughters, and I might not have been so lucky.... Was it fair? I think that anyone who has lost a child has gone through far more... so yer... I'm ok with it now.

I think the golden rule is don't have a birth plan... have a list of desires, and just say... Whatever happens, make sure the baby is safe...you can't go wrong...

 

[KERRYGOLD00]

Deleted

 

[DebbieM]

I've been told my post post in this thread wasn't very fair. If I upset anyone with it, I apologise but I'll just say that I thought since it was a post birth thread that anyone could post about their birth in there. I didn't see that it had to be all doom and gloom.

I was trying to do a nice thing in saying that it is possible to have a nice birth. No-one said we could only post negative stories, so to be quite honest I feel a bit upset. Sharne herself said at the end of her post about trying to being positive.

Sometimes no matter what you do it is met with negativity.

 

[LisaJ1986]

I never realised either.
I enjoyed labour and would do it again. It would be nice for people due to read some good stories, as labour can be so scary.

 

[KERRYGOLD00]

Deleted