People who 'know better'

[Becs]

I'm so sick of being talked at about my pregnancy. This is my last week at work and I can't wait to leave just to be left alone. Everyone tells you how you how grousome the birth will be, how much hard work it will be excetera as if you never had a clue and thought a stalk delivered the perfect child to your cabbage patch. Oh and any input you might have into the conversation is meet with the classic "Ho ho! You say all that now" even to really practical things like when just now I said DH and I thought we might try to sleep when the baby does if we can.

People who have done it before - especially men, like they have given birth because thier O/H has. I hope I am never that patronising to a first time Mum, when it comes around.

 

[MissSara]

im sorry people are being this at work, they are obviously jelous and think by talking like this is going to make you feel bad.

BUT, from experience if it was all that bad as they say why would i be doing it all again..... and why would others go on to have loads of children?????

Ignore them hun, they are ignorant people.

 

[sparky]

i just dont listen to them!!! why do people want to scare pg ladies so much!

i'm getting sick of being told about the sleepless nights...ffs!! i've not had more than a few hours since i became PG anyway!

 

[Rosie1]

Tell me about it!! I never hear anything positive from people with kids, all i get it "kiss goodbye to sleep" or "you think you'll be able to do housework, but your house will be a tip within a week".

No one i know with babies or kids seems happy!!

Its so patronising, like you said people seem to think we have no clue and all walking around with rose tinted specs on thinking the baby will be perfect.

I'm glad you posted it, i thought i was the only one getting annoyed!

 

[JoAnn&Aimee]

Someone I know through a friend went into GREAT detail over vaginal tearing with me one night. It scared the hell out of me at first but then I found out she had c-sections with both her kids because her weight (she is like 23 stone, no joke!) was putting too much stress onto the kids so she has never given birth naturally. What would she know about vaginal tearing?!
Don't listen to those people! I know it is hard but I try to block them out.

 

[joj]

I thought it was just the people I knew making comments like that! My in-laws were the worst, MIL always had something to say, I finally managed to make her stop when she commented on how messy the house would be once LO comes along, I replied that atleast I'd have an excuse then, I meant that I'm not the best house keeper anyway, she took it as I was commenting on her house which is always immaculate so no idea why she thought that! I still haven't corrected the mistake though cos it's so nice not having the comments! She's been cleaning and decorating like a maniac ever since

 

[bowmanzoo]

Believe me the stories and know it alls dont get any better even when it's your 4th pregnancy lol. Yeah labour can hurt like crazy, let me tell you about my birth experiences, not to be patronising but to prove that each labour and pregnancy is different.

1st pregnancy can't remember much about the pregnancy to be honest but I was down the hospital all the time with niggly pains here and there because I didnt know what to expect. Birth, went into labour during the night but slept most of it off and woke up on the 28th december 99 with really bad pains, hubby took me to labour suite, and they examined me and told my hubby to go and get my stuff as baby would be a while yet they then put me on the monitor and realised baby was in distress so I ended up having an emergnecy section and baby was born before hubby returned to the hospital recovery was hard as I had the flu and baby was in special care baby unit.

2nd pregnancy went ok and I was more relaxed so less visits to the hospital. Labour.... I started having contractions during the day but they didnt get really bad until 10pm which is when I went to hospital, I had every pain relieve going and was complelty in another world. Doctor told me congratulations you have a boy and my reply was really so when was he born. Recovery was pretty good but it hurt for a few days to sit down but its all worth it.

3rd pregnancy was a nightmare, had a massive bleed at 9 weeks and it continued into spotting until 16 weeksish. I then came down with sciatia, and had symptoms of pre-eclamsia but that sorted out. Labour..... 5pm I returned home had no contracions or warnings through the day at all. Sat down to watch tv with husband and within half hour my waters went but still no contractions, went to hospital and they examined me at this point mild cotractions but very mild, mw said oh shit the babys head is there get ready to push and then it sped up really quickly but I had no time for pain relieve other than gas and air, they then decided to use ventoise but 1st the machine wasnt sucking properly and then when it did they was using it without me having contractions so felt like they were ripping baby out of me, I wated to jump off that table and make them leave me alone. After birth I was brused badly down below so hurt for ages and I was very traumatised from the labour I couldnt sleep for 48 hours by which point I just KO'd. I was hullucinating because of being so tramatised and exhausted I thought I saw a face of jesus in the clowds, at this point I was a practicing chrisitan and it freaked me out more and i thought jesus was coming to get me lol.

I am sh@@@ing myself with this labour but only because of Joannas birth expereince. Each labour is different, you could have it easy or you could have it hard but my advice is try and stay relaxed and breath through each contraction.

Girls you'll be fine and like someone said if it was mega bad we wouldnt have anymore. No it aint easy especially with no pain relieve but hell it's worth it.

 

[Sherlock]

Awww I really do feel for you, but not long now and you'll escape

I dealt with this the following way

Work life -

a) Worked with kids who have no idea about labour and think the baby just pops out! Brilliant stuff

b) Had no adult collegues to go on at me about any of it. Only kids. And luckily their parents are both Doctors and never patronizing to me only very supportive.

In day to day life I did/do the following

c) Moved 45 minutes away from my old area and therefore know no one in the new village as yet. And the ones I am meeting I'm not giving them a chance to tell me how I'll cope Because I am coping just fine thanks.

d) I smile sweetly and forget what they just told me. Or else I don't hear it and change the subject and talk about something they might cringe about and not be too happy hearing. I then say something about pregnancy brain, smile and shuffle off.

e) I avoid all the gits who would annoy the crap out of me.

 

[handbagqueen]

I've had it a bit worse over the last few days as people seem to be telling me about when they or someone they know lost their babies- then they tell me not to worry and that I'll be fine. Sometimes I really wish peolpe would keep their stories to themselves

 

[ASD123456]

I've had it a bit worse over the last few days as people seem to be telling me about when they or someone they know lost their babies- then they tell me not to worry and that I'll be fine. Sometimes I really wish peolpe would keep their stories to themselves

I agree, I know this happens but when you are pregnant and hoping everything is going well you could do without the worry of this on top of everything else.

I hate the negative people who go 'ohhhhhhh, it is just so hard' Shut up, I'll decide that myself just leave me alone and leave me be in my nice pregnant bubble before I have to come back to reality. I'm lucky in that my mother ond OH mother sing the praises of motherhood my stepmother on the other hand has been so bloody insensitive it is unreal but I didn't expect anything else from her.

Alex xxx

 

[poppy160]

I hated getting this at work, but the funny thing is the ladies who were already Mothers were a bit more tactful with their advice (Probably because they knew what it was like to be talked at ) The thing that got me was a girl who is my age (20) who hasn't got children or hasn't ever been pregnant trying to tell me what to expect during my pregnancy and after my baby was born..telling me I'm going to be so tired and won't be able to go out for walks with the baby blah blah. She even said the name I chose for my child was 'Pretentious.' In the end I yelled at her in front of everyone (hormones ) and she moved desks Sometimes people just need to be told.

 

[debecca]

I hated getting this at work, but the funny thing is the ladies who were already Mothers were a bit more tactful with their advice (Probably because they knew what it was like to be talked at ) The thing that got me was a girl who is my age (20) who hasn't got children or hasn't ever been pregnant trying to tell me what to expect during my pregnancy and after my baby was born..telling me I'm going to be so tired and won't be able to go out for walks with the baby blah blah. She even said the name I chose for my child was 'Pretentious.' In the end I yelled at her in front of everyone (hormones ) and she moved desks Sometimes people just need to be told.

Why on Earth is Ella pretentious? It's a gorgeous name! (My cat is called Ella)

 

[Steelgoddess]

u tell em to get stuffed hon!!!

 

[Mildly]

I am getting soo fed up with people's advice. Someone even told me that I may have to give up my dog which really upset me!!!

I just smile graciously and switch my brain off now

Also Ella is a lovely name, sounds like your colleague is jealous

 

[sarah2807]

I know how you feel too hun!! It's a combination of all thoses silly comments ' i was in labour for 48 hours and put on 5 stone' etc etc

and .........
ones about the size of my bump...'you don't look 26 weeks..' 'I looked like...at this point' etc etc it drives me mad-I don't think people mean it, but it's soooo annoying!!!

 

[Sydneysmum]

Ooh people can be so patronising and what you need the most as a parent is confidence - why are some people so keen on taking this away?

It doesn't get any better when the baby's born. My little boy had a dummy when he was little and a woman who was walking by when he was in his push chair took it out of his mouth and said "I've been a dental nurse for 20 years, if you knew what these do to a child's mouth you'd never give it to him". My reply naturally involved sex and travel.

And then there were the dirty looks when he threw a wobbly at the Tesco deli counter...

My best piece of advice is to be a magpie - read what you can and talk to sensible people who are genuinely interested in you then work out what is best for you and your family. If it feels right, it probably is!

S*d the rest.

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

I'm getting the 'you're not going to know what's hit you once you've got 3!!! You won't have time to wipe your bottom let alone think about having any time to yourself!' Mother, you know you're guilty!! Thing is, everyone's experience is different - some babies sleep better than others etc etc!!! You've just got to find your own way to cope with it all!

I just basically ignored the advice I didn't want and took the advice I did, ha ha!

 

[lisa282]

Why does everyone else feel like they've got the right to poke their noses into our business? I hate all the stories that pop up while you're pregnant and people trying to give you advice and tell you what will happen. How the hell can they possibly know how you will deal with things and what kind of a mum you're going to be? I just try to steer clear of it to be honest and change the subject, but for those who manage to get a word in, I usually cut them off by telling them what a good boy my son is and how people always comment on his lovely manner. That usually shuts them up! However, when the shoe is on the other foot and I meet friends or colleagues who are pregnant, I go out of my way to tell them what a lovely pregnancy I had first time round (and this one so far!) and also a quick natural birth so as not to frighten anyone and if anything, give them confidence that it can be done. All most women need is a bit of encouragement and confidence that they can do it and assurance that everything will be fine. I think the previous generation especially just like to scare you and test your belief in yourself, cos they always know better - yeah right! x

 

[Minime]

It doesn't get any better when the baby's born. My little boy had a dummy when he was little and a woman who was walking by when he was in his push chair took it out of his mouth and said "I've been a dental nurse for 20 years, if you knew what these do to a child's mouth you'd never give it to him". My reply naturally involved sex and travel.

OMG! My DD didnt have dummies only because she wouldnt take one after 12 weeks but eefie's had them since the day he was born as his mouth was red raw when he was born with him constantly chewing his hands. He also chooses when to have one now and will find one if he wants one. I would have an absolute fit if a stranger or ANYONE for that matter took it out of his mouth and lectured me!!!

As for horrendous births and the like just read stories on here, they are completely unpredictable! Some women are less than 20 minutes, others are in labour for days on end you just never know.
Eefie's only just turned one and I had a ventouse delivery, it was the pain for 2 weeks afterwards that was the worst and I'm having another one in June so it aint that bad! (The rewards far outweigh any pain anyway!)

 

[andreaaa]

can't believe how some of you have been treated!

I've been lucky this time as no one has really said anything and the girls at work already have children and know that I do too.

The worst I had with my 1st was my (ex) mother-in-law tell me that my life would be over if I kept the baby, I would never have a social life again, would be ruining mine and exes life and that I should have an abortion.

Well he is now a healthy, lovely 7 year old who I could never be without, my life changed for the better and having children hasn't stopped me from achieving anything