People just look at me....

[emilia]

... and I burst into tears!

I'm feeling so down, I don't know where to start! Things are getting on top of me everywhere. Oscars' sleep is terrible as he's also teething at the moment. As you know DH had his vasectomy done which also doesn't help.

To cut a long story short, DH & I argued last night. Whenever I feel down, I tend to just idle along - not saying more than i need to. I told DH yesterday about my tennis elbow & my very tired body. Some of you will know that I had my older 2 & Oscar to look after for 6 months when DH worked in CT. I have had 2 lie-ins' that I can remember ... I have VERY little time for myself.
Yesterday my body was crying out for rest. I ended up going to sleep in my mums room for 30 minutes, with Oscar ofcourse!! Anyway - in the end, I ended up in tears. DH seemed so harsh on me .... telling me to save the tears and drama. I felt more hurt & sorry for myself. If I can't share my feelings with him, who can I share it with.

Whenever I complain about discomfort or something, he tell me it's through no fault of my own... that I don't take help when it's offered. He might be right, but my house is hectic - I just find some things easier to do myself.... some of you might know what I mean.

Today I'm feeling very sorry for myself. I can't get over what DH said to me last night. My heart feels terrible sore & broken. It feels like my best friend has dumped me.... does that makes sense? I feel really betrayed & like I can't trust him to take my feelings seriously ever again.
This morning before I left the house, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him before I left - he said.... "just a kissy". I gave him a kiss, but it felt awkward for me - this person has hurt my feelings & doesn't seem to see it.

He also knows that most mornings I dont eat, because I don't get the time. He made us a cuppa tea, but only toast for himself. That wasn't nice, I thought. The thing is, I can't say anything to him anymore. I feel as if he turns & twists everything & I end up looking like the nutter.

Enough said. I feel terrible, abandoned & homesick for friends that really know the type of person I am to comfort me!!!

Thanks for reading - phew!!!!

Emilia xx

 

[Jo]

Awww hunny

They are really not from the same planet are they?

if me and OH have a row, he just tends to forget and expects everything to carry on as usual, where as i stew about it for days and burst into random tears as well

 

[hels]

Ahhhh Emilia
Im so sorry to hear your not feeling great. May be you need to sit him down and telling just how insensitive he is being. My mum suffers tennis elbow, and i wouldnt wish it upon any one, its very painful. Have you got anyone who could have Oscar for an hour or two just so you could take time to yourself, curl up on your bed with a great book and nod off?? We all need QT babe.
As for the lie in's........id be telling OH!! I make DH get up with Charlie on a morning on a w/e even though he has been doing 16 hr days all week, i work hard too...and by the sounds of things you work a bloody lot harder hun. (maybe im a cow-bag??? I dunno!?)
Failing all this hun, go and get some Tunnocks stuff and get your happiness through yummy sweet stuff
In all seriousness hope you get something sorted hun. Much love and big hugs xxxxx
P.S....... In my local shop they have 6 tunnocks teacakes for 49p!!! Bargin!

 

[emilia]

Thanks girls...
Unfortunately I don't have anyone to leave Oscar with. My mum has been away for a month & she still hasn't told me she'd be back.

DH just asked me if I'm ok ... I burst into tears... he gets cross! He's washing the few dishes now. Everytime I get upset - he gets mad. Why cn't he just give me a wee cuddle & reassure me? He says he's on my side.... why doesn't he let me express my feeling then? 'Oh I don't know ... I'm feeling so crap that even Tunnocks won't do it for me.

I told him yesterday that things have to change when he's better. He often goes into work on a saturday morning - only for me to find out later on that he did stuff for himself. He admitted last week that he goes to work to rest. He has a stressful job, but don't we all. I just feel like I work 24/7. God, he's even got a bloody tea lady - I drink pissing cold tea most days!

Anyway - I said that from next week, he'll have Oscar every saturday morning or Friday afternoon. I'm not having anymore of this ... I am entitled to a life too!!!

I think I'm ready for Tunnocks now!!

Emilia xx

 

[LucyBee]

Oh Emilia...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad.

It's horrid when you don't feel supported by your other half.

It sounds like you need a good sleep and a break. Are you still planning to come over here?

I'm sending you lots of love and hugs. If there's anything I can do to help, you only have to shout. L xxxx

 

[emilia]

It sounds like you need a good sleep and a break. Are you still planning to come over here?

Thanks Lucy ... I do need a break, but UK is looking very unlikely at the moment. I don't know if you're one for following the exchange rate, but the rand has nose-dived and it's nearly R15 to the £. A bit of a shocker really - means I need even more money to come over.

I think all this carry on is due to the fact that I'm not getting any proper rest. My body is just aching and I'm sure if only I can get a couple of hours to sleep - I'll feel on top of the world.

Thanks for all our helpful replies.

Emilia xx

 

[Minxy]

Ah Emilia I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. You always seem so upbeat, I know you must be feeling down to have got so upset.

Your OH sounds a lot like mine. I'm sure they don't MEAN to be insensitive, but when measuring his reaction to things you're thinking like a woman, not like a man! Is he still feeling sorry for himself over his op?

The other girls have offered some sterling advice, I just wanted to send my love and hope you feel stronger very soon xxxx

 

[hels]

ahh Emilia. I know what you mean..My OH says 'Well i work 16 hours a day in a dangerous job and im away from home 4/5 days a week' Blah blah blah....Well i work 24 hours a day, and i have to bef ocused on MY job for every second of the day. Im up all day with Charlie then i have all the house work to do, being a mum is blody hard work and gets a wee bit lonely too sometimes.
Im glad your going to propose that he has Oscar for you saturday, im sure you'll be amazed to se how great you feel for a few hours YOU time.
I understand how bad things are for you at the minute if Tunnocks cant give a little bit of relief.
Many hugs Hope all works out soon hunny xxx

 

[Em78]

oh Emilia, i dont know why but i think this seems so worse becasuse its you. i think its because you are always there for everyone on here with a friendly word of advice or a shoulder to cry on. i guess we never expect you to feel down yourself

i think you are doing the right thing telling dh that he needs to give you some time off. if he thinks you turn on the water works then fine, try to summon all your composure and tell him plain and simple how its going to be. if he doesnt like it maybe he should have been more sensitive when you were trying to get a little support and compassion.

i think you are amazing and do a fab job, you do all this for your family and still have time to be an agony aunt on here.

i hope you get the time you need to relax a little and take a break. a nice candle lit bath followed by a good sleep should do the trick! tell your dh its either that or you'll end up in the loony bin and those straight jackets aint cheap Mr

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[lauramumof2]

[quote="emiliaThis morning before I left the house, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him before I left - he said.... "just a kissy".

Emilia xx[/quote]

After what he said to you I would not even speak to him till he apologised. The cheek of him to say that when you are run ragged.
Tell him you need help, its all very well to say you dont take it when its offered but its not till you feel really crappy that you really want it.

Take care

 

[Andrianne]

Hope you manage to sort things out soon so that both parties are happy. I'm sorry you're feeling so low

Take care

xxx

 

[Urchin]

So sorry to read this Emilia

I hope you know you are a great mom. I know how hard it can be when you are getting so little sleep, especially with older kids to look after aswell. You seem to be doing such a great job with Oscar, you deserve a medal.

I really think you need to sit your OH down and have a talk to him about the way he acts when you are upset, he has to undertand you need support, not ridicule, that's terrible.


Feel free to pm me hun, I'm always here for you.

 

[Tara & Liam]

hi hun, i have just seen this post sorry for not replying yesterday.

firstly i am sending

i think that with men unless you sit down and tell the exactly what is going on then they honestly do not know (i am not sticking up for them, this is just my experience). with us we seem to know when things are not right and just try and fix them but men dont. with regard to the food my DH does that sometimes but not intentionally, he just doesnt think.

with regard to the lie ins etc i am at the other end. my DH stays at home and i work. when i come home i dont say, well you deal with it ive been working as i know how tiring it is. when i come home we sort of split t he childcare, and we take it in turns with lie ins as much as poss. but emilia you are going to have to spell it out ti him.hun x

 

[emilia]

Thank you so much for all the comfort!!! I think I really hit rock bottom yesterday - I really just wanted to run away. No doubt, most of us get to that point somewhere in the process of kids & partners.

I decided to get to bed early last night & my head hit the pillow at 8.15pm. Oscar woke at 11pm and wouldn't settle until 12.30. Anyway - I managed to get some sleep and we both woke up at 7am this morning. DH is sleeping on the sofabed in playroom until he's bits feel better! (sorry)

So this morning, DH & I agreed that some things have to change. I have spelt things out for him & then I took a leisurely shower, boobied Oscar & went off the the hairdressers for wash & dry ... treated myself to facial goodies.

I'm feeling heaps better - DH has promised that Saturday mornings will stay mine unless he has to work, in which case, we will then share Sundays.

DH has listened to what I've had to say. Generally, we have a very good relationship - I just think that he has become a little too complacent. I've put him right & let's just hope that he keeps it up.

You've all be very kind - thank you very much. I also know now that I HAVE to do something about Oscars sleep. It is absolutely diabolicle (sp?). Oscar has been quite sleepy today and I realised that his glands are quite swollen in his neck plus he has a bad cough. So, for the rest of the day, we're just camping out on the couch. I've just popped open a bag or Revels...... yummmm ... (did the teacakes yesterday )

Think I'll put on a chick flick....

Emilia xx

 

[Tara & Liam]

thats great emilia, i have had similar crap with DH, we have a discussion and we both realised that things have had to change and so they have. still early days but we will get there.

relationships are so hard arent they. in stead of going on and on about teaching children about sex, they should teach them about relationships as well.

 

[Lucy]

Emilia, I hadn't read this thread when I sent you the pm

I think it's the lack of sleep that's making this worse for you. I am in no way excusing your DH at all but I do think some wee things they say are waters off a ducks back when we're on 100% charge but when our batteries are running low the words seem harsher and cruel.

I know it wouldn't be ideal but your older two children, could they watch Oscar in the house whilst you take a cat nap before dinner?

You've had so much to deal with over the past 10 months, I'm glad your DH has recognised you need your own time with the Saturday mornings.

Sorry to hear about your trip over here as well

Lucy x

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Just read this hope things turn around for you hun you are a great mom and deserve a good rest .
Katrina

 

[beanie]

Emilia hun I have just seen this. I must say when I read that not even tunnocks would help I got scared. hun, am glad to hear you managed to speak.

I am too headed for that rock bottom but Kina gave me some great advice. I am going to write him a letter about how I am feeling. I hope he listends like your OH. Hope to chat soon hun xxxx

 

Sending you big hugs babe