Partners crazy ex?!

[xchrxstxnax]

Hi girls, this is currently my second post and I'm quite new to this forum but the welcoming and replies I've received so far have been amazing so I'm giving it another go!

I've been with my current partner for just over a year now, and we recently found out that we're welcoming a little baby into our lives due January 2019. This is such a crazy and surreal time for me as I'm so young and a first time mummy, so it's all a little bit overwhelming, but it's so so exciting.
I have had issues with my partner's ex since we started dating last year, she has been very persistent in being a bother to both of us and she's constantly being mean to me, trying to start arguments, lying about me and what I do, etc. We can't sadly just tell her to leave us alone, as my partner has two children to her. She uses them as weapons and threatens us with them constantly, and it's difficult as I have a really close relationship with both children.
She's still constantly making excuses to go and see his family, even though they don't live in the same area as us and they've made themselves clear that they have no interest in seeing her and that they only want to see the kids, and she's even tried making friends with my friends to try and get closer to me and make me feel uncomfortable!
Now I'm dreading telling her and her family that we are expecting a baby, as they are the most controlling, manipulative people. My own family aren't happy that she's still around so much and neither am I and my partner, it's beyond a joke now. I'd hate to think of her reaction when she finds out about this, and just what she'll do to me.

If anyone has been in this position before or something similar, how did you and your partner tell the ex? And how did they take it? I don't think I'm prepared for this!

 

[WinterWolf]

Are you worried she will become violent? TBH you don't really need to tell her and her family, it's nonthing to do with them. Does your partner have a custody arrangement with her? If not, I'd be getting one legally done so that she can't use time with the kids to control him. Then you basically don't have to interact unless kids are being dropped off/picked up.

 

[xchrxstxnax]

There have been a few times that I've been on nights out that she has threatened me with violence or has gotten her friends to - I've threatened her in the past with a restraining order as she makes me so uneasy whenever she's near me, whether it's simply us just picking up the kids or me bumping into her in the supermarket.

Currently me and my partner take the children for thirteen days a month, but my partner was planning on legally getting something sorted as he works all sorts of hours and the ex expects me to look after the children for him even though I work 13 hour days. She forces him to take days off work because she's desperate to get rid of her children and it's a shame.

It's a lot of stress for me to be under at the moment as this is still the most fragile part of my pregnancy, and it's hard that she's all that I'm worrying about when I shouldn't be giving her a second thought at this happy time in my life.

 

[WinterWolf]

That's nuts. Definitely get something sorted out legally re. custody, it will make it a lot easier for you guys as you can't argue about who has the kids. If she threatens you again I would call the police and see what advice they can offer. A restraining order might be necessary but it might make it harder with regards to seeing the children.

Sounds like telling her about the baby will only cause more drama. I'd wait until you're much further along.

 

[Jamie.d]

bless you

It's MY ex causing the problems in my case so I really do feel for you!!
I am due in august with my new partners baby...he's calmed down a lot as time has gone on, but when I pick the kids up he stares at my bump with this horrible weird look and it creeps me out!!

He (or someone he knows) called the NSPCC and told them I take drugs, drink and that my partner does drugs and that we leave the kids in the house alone, none of which is true! We had to take it on the chin, welcomed them to investigate and carry on being good parents, that's all you can do!

It's so stressful but you should try to relax for the early part and not tell her until it's going to be obvious!
She might well cause a stir when she finds out, make sure you keep a diary of her erratic behavior as this may help you if you ever need to go to court! Then note down the day she finds out about the pregnancy and you will have any drastic changes in her attitude recorded...it's going to be painfully obvious why she's acting the way she is!

Wish you all the best x

 

[xchrxstxnax]

Thank you girls - I really don't plan on telling anyone for at least another eight weeks and trust me her and her family will be the last to know, the longer I keep them out of the picture the better!
Jamie I totally get where you're coming from and can fully relate, my partner has been threatened with social workers so often but nothing ever happens because she knows she has nothing on me or him, we're both clean have never done drugs and rarely would ever drink, so she didn't have a leg to stand on, she was just doing it to hurt him.
Thank you also for the idea of the journal, I'll keep note if her attitude changes towards me or if she continues to make more hassle for my partner with the children, as I will use it against her in court if it ever comes to it. I can't get over how petty and childish she really is, she's five years older than me and I've known her for years as she used to be good friends with my older sister until I started seeing my partner - you would think someone like her would be a bit more mature.

 

[dansmith018f]

I honestly wouldn't bother if the fella is violent, I have never understood violent dudes :/