Partner says he's not a machine

[Moley]

Hi ladies,

Just wondered if any of you have trouble BD when you're ovulating... Been TTC for 7 months and partner is getting a bit fed of me pestering for BD at certain times of the month... He says it will happen if its meant to but I can't help feeling that I have to do all I can to help the situation...

Don't want it to cause a problem in our relationship but not sure what to do as my clock is ticking loudly!!

x x

 

[Roo3]

Mine said the same to me when we were TTC.

Although the month I got my BFP, we had only BD'd twice that month so maybe there is some truth in the saying that it will happen if it is meant to be. xx

 

[Olive]

Hi,

Just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I had the same problem last night - although he didn't say anything, it was fairly obvious. He said tonight that he is feeling a bit run down and I tried to explain, as plain and nicely as I could, that if we don't do the deed this week, then we're probably out for the month! I'm trying to go for it every other night, bit less pressure (I think) and then on the day I get 2 lines, or my app says I'm due to OV, do it more around then and hopefully my pestering him will pay off! Terrible isn't it? He wants a baby as much as me, but when it comes to BDing, I feel like I have to initiate at this time of the month. Frustrating!

xxxx

 

[laurat]

I worry that this is going to happen. Pre m/c I was secretly usin the cbfm and he was blissfully unaware of my programmed urges! Since then he is now aware of me doing this and last night I got the feeling he was feeling a little pressured! Things just took a little longer! Its really frustrating as I wanted to bd tonight too and now not sure if I can!

 

[ScotchEgg]

We have a rule of the same amount of sex all month long which seems to counter this nicely.

Mind you he thinks I'm bugging him all month long so no special change at ov time.

What can I say, I like it...

 

[Drummers_wife]

hey girls - hubby feels the "pressure" so try not to say anything! but it is hard when you know you "need" to do it!!

ive gone for every 3rd day this month as sperm lasts a few days and a preg lady in work who took a yr to concieve said every 3rd day worked for them so i think it takes the pressure off and lets the sperm get strong!

im with scotchegg - we do it all month too - hubby says im a bit much for him with high sex drive xx hee hee xx

 

[Olive]

Every third day sounds like a good idea to me. It is hard though, as we don't dtd as often as we do on my fertile week. It's literally like I have to say, before we both conk out for the night, "mind coming upstairs for a bit?" cringe! It really shouldn't be this unromantic eh?!

xx

 

[laurat]

I think the 3 day sounds quite good. It just kind of frustrates me that they are wanting a baby as we are but dont really understand the importance of if we dont do it on these days it isnt possible! Mind you I guess they have more pressure than we do to perform and I dont want to start a problem with that! That would be a real pressure!

 

[cosmicgirl]

We only bd once a month, we usually don't bd at all. I did get a bfp this way in January so it's ok but not ideal x

 

[LouiseB]

I think you both have to try and keep everything in perspective.

Ofcourse you need to have sex around OV and hubby needs to get over it.

BUT!

Us ladies need to try some subtlety because we all know that as soon guys feel like that are being given jobs to do that weren't their idea that they shut down

Do make an effort to have sex at other times of the month and also don't be stubborn about putting all the effort in on those days when you need sex because that is just the way it is.

Smile and get on with it!

 

[dita_parlo]

My husband was exactly the same! We both have low sex drives though so can't go for the every other day option or else we'd never dtd!

 

[ScotchEgg]

we have a new game in our house recently. We take turns at the big 'o' and the rule is if it's your turn you can't be turned down, but you also can't choose how you're going to get it

it's getting very strategic - you might choose to give something manually and then get to proposition the other when you're more in the mood, or you might want to challenge the other to do it when there's a very short period of time before, for example, you need to go out or something like that.

sounds a bit silly, but we're both really enjoying it. we're the type of people that turn everything into a game though.

ps. it's MY TURN next

 

[Toni_Win]

My DH has gone a bit overboard this month. I'm currently in fertile window waiting to OV. So hubby decided we were going to do it every day (while I'm fertile) and see how that goes. I've seen advice both ways round. Some people say do it as much as possible in the fertile window, so that the sperm are always fresh ones. But most recommend at least every other day. Doing it less often is more important if your hubby has a low sperm count so needs to store it up a bit.

So we started on CD12 when my CM turned watery. I then think I got a positive OPK between CD14 and 15. Only using cheapies and it was the first time trying them, so not sure. But I did get OV pain on CD15. So we've done it CD12, 13, 14, and 15 so far. I was fully expecting to see temperature rise yesterday to confirm OV on CD15, but it didn't so hubby decided we better go again. Unfortunately it looks like he has been well and truly milked by last night because no matter how long we bd'd, nothing was coming out (sorry, TMI I know). So had to give up in a fit of exhaustion. Took temp again this morning and still no temperature spike. Haven't had the heart to tell him yet. I need to see how he's feeling when I get home, maybe let him have a nap before trying to bd again.

Obviously will let you know how we get on, but we seriously can't have missed OV this month so keeping everything crossed. (Except legs clearly LOL!)

 

[Moley]

Thank you guys for your feedback. (I love this forum!!)

Talking to people in the same boat really helps to put things into persepctive!!

I generally have a higher sex drive than my partner anyway so I'm usually the one to initiate things regardless of what time of the month it is - now I'm just more focussed on TTC and keep thinking practice makes perfect!!

I think I will slow down a bit and BD every other day during the week when I'm due to ovulate. Currently on CD6 so have a few more days to go before using the OPK. Will give him a bit of a break until next week and seehow I go.

Thanks again guys - much appreciated!!

 

[Spinneygirl]

Hi Moley, my OH said the exact same thing to me when we had been TTC for about 3 months! To be honest we dont BD all that much but i do try and pin him down on OV time. When we got our BFP we BD the day before and day after OV so it proves that you dont have to do it all the way through the month to be successful.

Hope you get your BFP soon xxx

 

[cherrybinky]

I have to agree with him. I said Id never pester my OH and there have been times I havent been in the mood either. Although I used OPKs this month and got a BFP I still maintain it should be enjoyable and if it happens it happens and just keep at it even when youre down, just come on here and the girls will boost you up like they did for me
XXX

 

[star fish]

LOL, I hear that one every month! "I'm not a machine" I always reply "well neither am I but I'm still up for it, so make more effort". I'm a hard taskmaster.....

Poor boy, he does try but sometimes it ends in a row instead. After 2 years of ttc I've lost patience with being subtle.

Its become almost normal for us! xxx

 

[DW1978]

If it helps, I'm very very very surprised we managed to conceive the cycle that we did and it just goes to show how little you actually need to BD! I was using OPK's but not telling DH when I was OV so things felt much less pressurised for him. I'm lucky that DH has a much higher sex drive than me and will try it on most nights so the nights I new I 'needed' him, I would obviously be more receptive!! LOL. I actually wanted it the night I got a positive OPK but DH turned me down, he was tired and then the next two nights we were out and didn't BD either so I totally thought we had missed it.

CD1-5 - AF
CD6
CD7
CD8 - BDed
CD9 - BDed
CD10
CD11 - Negative OPK
CD12 - Negative OPK, BDed
CD13 - Negative OPK, BDed
CD14 - Negative OPK, BDed
CD15 - Negative OPK
CD16 - Positive OPK
CD17 - Negative OPK
CD18
CD19 - BDed
CD20
CD21 - BDed
CD22
CD23 - BDed
CD24 - BDed
CD25 - Very, very faint positive CB HPT
CD26
CD27 - No mistaking BFP on FR

It is so hard to keep things spontaneous and not to make the man feel like you only want them for one thing!

 

[midnight]

we did it once we wasnt trying and it was once without protection and i had a bath straight afterwards too

 

[Roo3]

I don't know whether this will help you, but we only bd'd on CD16 and CD19. I got a positive OPK on CD21, and my BFP on CD36.