Parents and in-laws

[Bubalu]

My parents live 4 hrs drive away and my in-laws 3 hrs away. They are all quite old now (my dad is 78 yrs) so coming for a short visit is out of the question. I haven't discussed with either of them what they will do around the time of the birth as nobody has brought it up yet . I must admit I don't want to get into it myself either as I am afraid it may be a can of worms. It's my in-laws first (and perhaps only) grandchild and being the daughter, my parents are so made up about this somewhat late arrival. There is no way that they could all stay here and to be honest, I'd rather my in-laws didn't see me at my worst so staying at a B&B would be ideal then I can make an effort when they visit. So then there's my parents. I would be more comfortable with them staying but I'm not 100% sure about that either. It's hard to know how I will be. Will I want my mum around or will I want to be just me and DH in the early days? Also, will I appreciate advice or feel like I want to do things my way? Then how will mum be...will she just get on with chores and give DH and I a break or will she take over with the baby so that we can do the chores. Finally, how will DH and in-laws feel if my parents get to stay but they don't?

I've got great parents and in-laws and I know that this baby means a lot to them all. I don't want to offend any of them but at the same time, I know it's going to be an emotional and tiring time and I obviously want to be as relaxed and possible. I'm a little worried that having not discussed it so far, both sets of parents have made assumptions about what may happen.

Anyone else in this situation...how have you approached it?

 

[NICCI]

i have been quite selfish really my in laws live miles away so they will be staying on a camp site!! (they have a camper im not making them stay in a tent ) and my mum dad and stepmum will come round when me lo and dh are ready to have visitors! all parties are happy with this arrangement! have u spoke to your oh? what does he think is best? at the end of the day its totally up to you hun! and it will depend how u feel wen u have had lo

 

[Mildly]

I don't have any experience as our parents live very close but it is certainly something I would discuss in advance just so you all know where you stand when your LO arrives. I can understand that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and so it may be best pointing out that you expect to be tired when the baby arrives and then just ask them what their plans are re visiting I'm sure your parents and inlaws will be only too happy to fit in with what you want

 

[JoAnn&Aimee]

Like Mildly says, something you need to discuss before hand so everyone knows where they stand and you aren't running around like a headless chicken trying to please everyone. It is definately something to discuss with your OH as well. The main things is that you, OH and, of course, LO are happy.

 

[abcd1234]

I'd second whats already been said.

Plus add, for me personally if people are going to be around to "help" then they are helping with chores NOT my baby! Obviously i dont mind little cuddles etc but i will be looking after her and their help will be to make things easier.

Luckily my mum has said that she's got a few days off when baby is born so will be in with me, but she keeps stressing she's only going to be making meals and being support if i need it, not looking after her for me!

TBH i think when everyone goes back to work and it's just me and her i'll finally relax! Like blokes i worry about performance anxiety and i'm concerned that with people around i'm gonna feel under pressure!

 

[NickyB]

My MIL lives about two minutes away, she's amazing and we don't ever seem to annoy each other, I can talk to her like she's my Mum. My Dad lives/works in Saudi at the moment and is being very full on, I know he wants to here ALL the time after the birth, he wants to pace the waiting room when I'm in labour which I've already said no to. They all think they're coming to the hospital when she's a minute old, so I'd prefer for DH to call everyone once we're clean and happy to see people at the hospital.

I reckon if he could be, my Dad would be in the delivery suite .

I've told my lovely MIL about my concerns, and she's going to try and help out, she's taking him to the local pub when I'm in labour, so I really hope she'll say something as well when he's being too overbearing (which is so mean of me, I know he's only excited).

I'm most worried that I'll snap at him and regret it when he'll be so happy for us and everything.

 

[nickilubs]

We have the same type of thing. My mum and dad live about 2 and a half hour drive away so I will visit them unless they come here on holiday! We drive up and see them near every month anyways just to get out for a weekend so I think they know they will get too see Pip.

As for my OH his familly are in Ireland his mum got her passport especially and she will stay in a local hotel when she comes over we get on well and shes not the type too force her opinions on us. His mum and Dad split up and his Dad wont step foot over here so we will visit them instead probably try and get there about 4 times a year because I want them to know her and her to know them.

 

[LISAMJS]

I am glad I am not the only one in this situation. My dad and step mum live in Spain and are arriving 7 days after LO is due. In the past they have always stayed here. My ad said something about how he would sleep downstairs a couple of nights and stay at his step sons the rest of the time. I know it sounds selfish but I dont want him to stay here. What if I want to go downstairs in the middle of the night with LO.
I am dreading this part - I know my other half will probably say something but I can see there could be a family feud over all this. My dad is also staying over Xmas which is a bit annoying as it would of ben our first Xmas together. AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!

 

[Bubalu]

I don't even want to think about christmas. Every year we try to see both parents and take it in turns as to which we see at christmas and new year. For some reason the new year is the less favoured spot. Last year we invited both at the same time to ours for christmas...we've done it before and they all get on. Neither of them wanted to come and then when one set heard that the others weren't going they changed their mind so we ended up doing christmas with one set and new year with the others as usual. I don't know what we'll do this year as I am sure both sets of grandparents will want christmas but they won't want to share - I'd quite like christmas on our own. I guess it's nice to be wanted