Overwhelmed with sleep Information!

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Mel32, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. Mel32

    Mel32 Well-Known Member

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    Hi, please note: I'm interested in no cry methods, not to upset or offend anyone else; just personal preference.

    This is where I'm at... our 5 month old co-sleeps with us. I set myself up (and him) very carefully to make sure he's in the safest position. This usually ends up with me hanging off the bed tensed up, so even if he sleeps I don't get good quality sleep. That said, I manage quite well without sleep ( thankfully)

    He will not sleep in his moses basket except being transferred onto his front. So I will only let him sleep on his front during the day when I'm wide awake and available to check all of the time. Note: he has rolled both ways but is less experienced rolling front to back. Naps tend to be in my arms or on the sofa most of the time. It seems I have to rock or nurse him to sleep for every single nap with the exception of walks and car journeys. He's getting heavy and sometimes it takes ages and I feel like I've just rocked him most of the day, it seems I've created a sleep association I don't know how to break

    I thought about waiting till 6 month's and skipping to the cot in his room ( I know this is a big jump!). P.s i think the laws of physics will not allow us to fit his full cot in our room ( ive heard some babies just dont like moses basket). Today for one of his Naps I put him down (moses basket) until he squirmed, comforted him and ended up picking him up when he was getting too upset and repeated. Eventually he was frustrated and even cried when he was in my arms he pretty much cried to sleep in my arms. I don't want to be inconsistent but at this point I felt it was important for him to sleep so that he didn't get hysterical so I popped him on his front next to me on the sofa when he finally fell asleep. We discovered this recently because we have basically held him for 4.5 months straight and it's hard to do anything.

    Personally CIO is not for me, he gets distressed really quickly and I just don't feel I can do it.

    Any advice on where to start? Should I develop a solid bedtime routine and nap routine for the next 4 or so weeks and then try and introduce the cot? Should i start now with the cot just for naps? I cant get him to sleep on his back though without waking. Or do I start everything all at once? Any good books or links?

    Sorry for the essay! I've read so much but don't know what to do, I kind of want a plan so I can be consistent and not send mixed signals.
     
    #1 Mel32, Aug 26, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2016
  2. StephyLou

    StephyLou Well-Known Member

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    Could you survive a few days without sleep? I think you need to sort nights out for the minute and not worry to much about day time naps.

    Before bedtime do you have a routine. Mist parents swear by Play, Bath, Feed and Bed. I do this with my 10 week old and by 8pm she's ready and willing to go down. I think if you start this and then put him down, when he cries pick him up and soothe but straight back down once he's drifting to sleep. He wont take to it straight away but it doesnt sound like your sleeping much anyway so maybe give it a whirl.
     
  3. StephyLou

    StephyLou Well-Known Member

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    Just another thought: will he go on his back at anytime of the day for a chill or play? If not mught be worthing checking with the GP that his spine ect is all ok and not causing him discomfort.
     
  4. Mel32

    Mel32 Well-Known Member

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    thanks! ironically he pretty much sleeps on his back next to me (i say pretty much because sometimes he goes on his side a bit). so i dont think theres and spine issue, hes ok on his back during the day but usually rolls to his front almost immediately.

    he used to be really disturbed by that startle reflex which always woke him, but not when next to me! but doesnt seems to be because of cold.

    looks like from what you and everyone say i need to crack a routine first!!

    here we go eek
     
  5. YorksLass

    YorksLass Well-Known Member

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    We started to try to get our 2mo into a routine lately as she was in the habit of only going to sleep on me before I could slip her into the Moses basket, and then I read that we'd need to get her to settle herself better! It's starting to work after a couple of weeks of persisting now - our routine is play, massage, bath, feed, bedtime story. It's obviously down to you what your routine is, but I find the story is key for us, as I (or my partner) do it when she's in the basket and she drifts off to our voices, giving her the comfort that we're there with her. The other thing I did to start with was to tap a sort of heartbeat rhythm on her back or bottom while rocking her, then continuing it when I put her down when she was close to sleep, tapping lighter and lighter until I could stop. She doesn't really need that one now she has the story though.
    I'm not going to lie, it was bloody tough going and took a lot of persistence! She is getting better though, still takes a while to get her down, but improves all the time! You'll find the way that's best for him - good luck :)
     
  6. Mel32

    Mel32 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for that.

    The usual (sloppy routine) is rocked to sleep downstairs. Upstairs & final nappy change if he wakes up and he goes straight back to sleep with a feed but that's Co sleeping. Don't get me wrong we do other things like play, walks, reading, massage and bath but not in a memorable routine for him. His morning is quite routines up, bath, lies in his basket (awake) at the bathroom door while I shower.

    I just tried the basket again after pjs & book. He ends up so upset in my arms even and takes a while to calm down. Even lying on the bed next to him, patting, shooshing or leaning in doesn't soothe him. I wonder if it's possible he specifically doesn't like the moses basket.possibly need a more tiring bedtime routine like your suggesting. There's no consistency just now but i was thinking of keeping it simple so it's consistent on the nights when we are short on time or busy or away etc. But it seems like a lot of people stick to quite a few things. Maybe that's where im going wrong.
     
    #6 Mel32, Aug 26, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2016
  7. kumber

    kumber Well-Known Member

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    Is baby bf or ff? If bf, you may have a challenge on your hands. I also think rejigging your routine may help



     
  8. Phoenix85

    Phoenix85 Well-Known Member

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    A swing or rocking seat might be useful in the day time, something like this or this


    At night I don't know, I always co sleep.
    She falls asleep on me (on her tummy on my chest) and then when I go to bed I feed her & change her nappy & she goes back off to sleep quickly usually, by nursing again.

    Are you wanting him to sleep elsewhere because you find it hard to sleep, or just because you feel you should?

    Would getting a bigger bed or a 'next to me' co sleeper crib be an option?

    If not & you really can't sleep with him in your bed, maybe you could consider a single mattress on the floor in his room and BF him to sleep in his own 'bed'?a
    As long as his room is safe/child proofed there's no need to have him in a cot. When he's old enough to get down safely, at around 9-12 months you can put the mattress on a low-to-the-floor bed frame.


     
  9. T84

    T84 Well-Known Member

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    I promised myself with dd2 that I wouldn't get too caught up with all the 'self settling.' you miss out on far too many precious cuddles and then they are gone quicker than you can blink. Go with your babies lead. Dd2 is 5.5 mo and will self settle great in the day now and when she's up for her night bottle but for going to sleep at night she likes a rock and a cuddle - I can live with that! I would try and maybe settle lo and once asleep try the cot, he might surprise you! You can buy like foam inserts and stuff to make them feel safer and more comforted but I've always found a sleeping bag great.

    I found starting with day time naps, where we both less tired and less unlikely to be frustrated, the easiest cot transition time.

    Good luck, it's such hard work to know what to do for the best but it's all trial and error x


     
  10. Mel32

    Mel32 Well-Known Member

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    I'm bf. I'm soft touch because I love having him in our bed, hes such a happy morning person but i worry about him a lot even though I carefully set myself up so I won't roll. Phoenix that sounds so much like my routine what does your day time look like?

    I think the biggest difficulty is he's long and heavy and rocking him 4 x a day is hard and it crept into two night-time sleeps recently when nursing didn't settle him. so I wonder if he will become totally reliant on it. I'd maybe buy a chair but I'm sceptical because he doesn't usually settle on his back.


    Thanks for all the advice, it's good to hear what others do. Nighttime are easy apart from me getting bad quality sleep (worrying. Hanging off the bed, tensing up) , i just don't know at what point it stops.
     
    #10 Mel32, Aug 27, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2016
  11. babyscotcher

    babyscotcher Well-Known Member

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    Don't get too hung up on him sleeping on his front. Some babies just prefer it and as long as they are on a proper breathable mattress and haven't got any blankets they can bury themselves in then let him sleep on his front if that's where he prefers.

    Also from personal experience my Lo slept much better when we put him in his own room at 4 months as he liked to be stretched out and could do that in his crib without hitting the sides. Maybe try his cot for day time naps until you are comfortable with him sleeping there and if it works you can slowly move to it at night. That's how we started and then I would put him down at night in his room and then when he woke in the night for a feed I would bring him in with me until eventually he was in his room all night. The ikea rocking chair I had in his room was a lifesaver though as he also liked being rocked to sleep. Good luck. X
     
  12. JD.Deedee

    JD.Deedee Well-Known Member

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    My son never slept in his own bed. He had throwing up issues caused by colic which made him wriggly and uncomfy too. I never knew about spine troubles because he could easily have had considering him being roughly born with the forceps. My oh never believed in osteopathy or anything like that to see if that would help. Neither are there any child ones close by.

    Other thing which turned out that made him hysterical was enclosure. He didn't like his cot sides but he couldn't simply cope with say a travel cot which might explain the Moses basket too. Once the sides come off his bed he stopped sleeping in ours which was about 18 months! Now don't think he actually slept on me or in my arms for that full length of time. Because I'd attached his cot to our bed and because our bed is quite high lowered the bed so he wouldn't just roll into our bed once his bedtime wasn't the same as ours which was about 8 months as I've given him a pillow. With a tummy sleeper I'd suggest putting it under the mattress to elevate it a bit instead of on top. With the Angel care monitor I would know if he'd climbed into our bed which would give enough time to sort him so he wouldn't get off our bed. More often than not he'd just get comfy in our bed. Once he was in between that phase and getting sides off we turned his bed with one side off (wall side) and took him bed by getting him to sleep in our bed and putting him in once asleep. If I knew the sides were the problem I would've just got a mesh rail guard from 12 months.

    I've got to add I've evaluated what he was old enough for like him moving by 8 months he'd sad up, crawled nearly cruised ect. So with him still being next to us a pillow was quite safe. Would he have been in another room that would've been a different story. Same thing for the way his bed has been without sides ect because he's a wriggler I found the idea of bed guards quite scary altho looking back they've probably been fine.

    I've tried routines and a little bit of controlled crying but the mardy would make himself so upset he'd throw up within 5-15 mins so crying it out had never been optional for us. He still did this at 2 years at nursery. Luckily he'd sleep in his own bed by then x


     
  13. Copterpops

    Copterpops Well-Known Member

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    I don't really have a significant amount of experience on this subject, as this is our first baby. I can tell you that our little one goes into her crib dozy rather than sleeping and then generally wriggles herself onto her side before dropping off. She has been sleeping on her side in her crib since the day she was born. We were told in the hospital to put her on her back and never on her side, but the midwife soon shit up when she put her down, and at only a few hours old, she rolled onto her side. We figured she was obviously more comfortable that way, so why fight it? We also swaddled her for the first couple of months.

    My sisters little boy (now 7) slept on his stomach from just a few weeks old. He wouldn't settle any other way. Would you consider one of the monitors with the mats that can go under little one if you are worried about overnight? That might offer you peace of mind if belly sleeping?

    I'm personally not a fan of controlled crying, but wasn't keen on sharing my bed with her either. I much prefer to stretch out, and have the fear that my husband would forget and baby would end up with a black eye!!
     
  14. YorksLass

    YorksLass Well-Known Member

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    Our little 'un's a total side sleeper too! Not surprised, as I am too - I can't sleep on my back at all. I have one of those sensor mats mentioned - they're great for a little extra peace of mind (although they say not to completely rely on them!)
    When she's cluster feeding, I often have her in bed for most of the night, as she just wants to feel I'm there next to her, but I get no sleep at all - I'm so afraid of rolling on her or something happening!
     
  15. Kitten1991

    Kitten1991 Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    I didn't want to read and run.

    I transferred my daughter into a cotbed because she wasn't getting on with her crib. I did this at 2 months old and honestly? the first two nights she was up and down a bit more than usual because she was getting used to it... after that she was sleeping from 10pm when i placed her in it until 6am... she is now 4.5 months old and sleeps from 9pm till 8am

    Every baby is different and you have to do what you think your baby wants :)
     

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