Or perhaps "Trying not to conceive"...

[NotAnotherNipper]

i am not against anyone having a vesectomy as i said my husband had it in december but it was a decision we made togeather after lots of disscusion.

We have discussed numerous times. She is utterly adamant that she doesn't want me to do it. Trouble is kids is a black and white issue. You either have more or you don't. I now know 100% that I don't want any more. I will let her know that I having it done. Of course she will be upset... She wants more.

When it's done then she can make her decision in the cold light of day. She will know that she won't have any more with me, and can decide what she wants to do. Bottom line, I would split with her before I had more children.

Unfortunately, it took for my aforementioned buckling on Sun and Mon nights for me to know this.

I would be discussing this with her rather than a faceless forum, but the thing is she might be pregnant already, in which case the whole discussion is thrown in a different light. So we need to know that first. As I said, if she is pregnant I will stick with it. She already knows I am strongly anti and I have already said I won't be repeating those evenings events again.

 

[NotAnotherNipper]

so why do you need to come on here asking us?

I thought I made that clear? Because all research I have done refers to a standard cycle and when the cycle is shorter or longer the timings get a little vague.

 

[NotAnotherNipper]

Again thanks for your help on the timings Kitty. I appreciate that.

 

[xxsammyxx]

If i were single, I would hope that in my entire life that i would not meet such a selfish, self centred piece of scum such as yourself. I hope she finds out what a deviant you are and drops you like a hot brick! You are nothing but pond life basically and I would not be surprised if the whole scenario was not a hoax post anyway. Go and crawl back under your stone you dont deserve kids or a lovely wife. I pity her.

 

[Kittykins]

Before this all gets nasty, maybe everyone should take a deep breath. Yes, NotAnotherNipper is right, almost all of us on here are trying to conceive and our views will be coloured by that. However, tone is as important as content, and whilst I can completely understand that a man with two kids already may well be certain that he doesn't want any more, I can't help but feel that the manner in which those thoughts are expressed isn't doing him any favours...

Quite aside from the practicalities (without wishing to sound patronising, 29 is young - I know my husband wouldn't like to be held to account for anything he thought 10 years ago!), a relationship is all about compromise. Personally, if I was in NAN's shoes, I'd be bargaining for a 2 year space to rethink. And if I was in NAN's wife's shoes, I'd be willing to try the coil or some other form of contraceptive for 2 years, on the understanding a discussion would be had then. If both parties still feel the same way, well, then the discussion might be a long one. But 2 years is a long time - long enough for a man to think he might consider having a third child, or for a woman to think that actually, she was happy with two kids. Then you have a resolution with no loss.

What I do know is that resentment is never good for a relationship. If you're absolutely serious about a vasectomy, then it may well be worth booking a counselling session with Relate or someone to discuss the implications first. From what has been written so far, though, the overall impression is that you're so adamant that you don't want a third child that you are willing to risk your marriage and, ultimately, the two children you do have in an impulsive and permanent action. I can understand the recent events and possible consequences may have shocked you, but perhaps you should just keep a lid (or at least a condom) on things for a couple of months. If your wife is secretly hoping she is pregnant, you telling her that you're booked in for a vasectomy is going to be an even bigger blow coming on top of disappointment at a negative result, and will look like a rejection of her. Also, presumably she's not stupid, and will work out or suspect that you booked the vasectomy whilst there was a possibility she was pregnant.

Beware of looking at things in too black-and-white a way. Yes, the facts are black-and-white - but emotion is always many shades of grey.

 

[MrsBrightside]

Before this all gets nasty, maybe everyone should take a deep breath. Yes, NotAnotherNipper is right, almost all of us on here are trying to conceive and our views will be coloured by that. However, tone is as important as content, and whilst I can completely understand that a man with two kids already may well be certain that he doesn't want any more, I can't help but feel that the manner in which those thoughts are expressed isn't doing him any favours...

Quite aside from the practicalities (without wishing to sound patronising, 29 is young - I know my husband wouldn't like to be held to account for anything he thought 10 years ago!), a relationship is all about compromise. Personally, if I was in NAN's shoes, I'd be bargaining for a 2 year space to rethink. And if I was in NAN's wife's shoes, I'd be willing to try the coil or some other form of contraceptive for 2 years, on the understanding a discussion would be had then. If both parties still feel the same way, well, then the discussion might be a long one. But 2 years is a long time - long enough for a man to think he might consider having a third child, or for a woman to think that actually, she was happy with two kids. Then you have a resolution with no loss.

What I do know is that resentment is never good for a relationship. If you're absolutely serious about a vasectomy, then it may well be worth booking a counselling session with Relate or someone to discuss the implications first. From what has been written so far, though, the overall impression is that you're so adamant that you don't want a third child that you are willing to risk your marriage and, ultimately, the two children you do have in an impulsive and permanent action. I can understand the recent events and possible consequences may have shocked you, but perhaps you should just keep a lid (or at least a condom) on things for a couple of months. If your wife is secretly hoping she is pregnant, you telling her that you're booked in for a vasectomy is going to be an even bigger blow coming on top of disappointment at a negative result, and will look like a rejection of her. Also, presumably she's not stupid, and will work out or suspect that you booked the vasectomy whilst there was a possibility she was pregnant.

Beware of looking at things in too black-and-white a way. Yes, the facts are black-and-white - but emotion is always many shades of grey.

Quite rightly said hun...

I have been reading these posts and didnt quite know what to say to be honest...

Going straight on the defensive NotAnotherNipper with your partner about he thoughts on having another child wont help.... she prob feels as strongly about wanting another child as you do about wanting a vasectomy so i think that this 2 year cooling off period that kitty talks about is a great idea and then you are both certain you are heading towards the right goals!!

 

[ShineyHappyPeople]

On the positive side, at least your being honest with your wife by letting her know you don't want anymore.. thats something I guess.

But nipper the only way to find out if shes preg is to wait and test, I mean who knows in any situation whether someone is preg or not. So wait and see the result first, then talk to your wife about the other options. Don't try and work it all out already.

 

[Loola]

I am not going to vote in the poll either but I would say it is definitely possible that she could be pregnant, that really depends on how well she knows her cycles, does she know when she is at her most fertile? If she was trying to get pregnant then its more possible, if you know what I mean.

Obviously us ladies in this section are trying to get pregnant so we try to time sex at the most opportune moments. We know exactly what is going on in our bodies at certain times of the month. Well pretty much.

If she isnt pregnant then I completely agree with Kitty about the waiting 2 years thing before you make any major decisions. For both of your sakes.

 

[skairdykat]

If your as certain as you say you are about not wanting another child then why the hell did you have unprotected sex with her....twice?

 

[san]

Not sure if you're a troll - fear you might be - actually hope you are! You don't love your wife do you? You're right to say having children is black or white - however feelings change and you are very much in the position to choose your form of contraception - a few years time you may feel differently about children however unlikely that may seem at the moment. I actually think you want her to leave you! There are easier/kinder ways to end a relationship - but I suppose this way its all her fault and you come out as mr innocent!

 

[BountyBoo]

O My Word ...

If my Husband was planning and posting this behind my back, there would no longer be any need for him to get a vasectomy ... Trust Me, I'd make sure of it!

 

[Slinky Sarah]

BTW...this froum isnt just for people trying for a baby....take a look at my sig...

At the end of the day do what you want in your relationship. I have my own to worry about to be frank. Dont understand your mentallity one little bit about it all, but ho hum.

Just hope your wife isnt too crushed and realises that someone else will treat her with the love and respect she deserves from a man that isnt all me me me.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Hi, im not going to go into details of what a git everyone thinks you are - i think you already know judging by the replies you have had.

You say you and your wife have acommunicative relationship, but how can you when your discussing a vasectomy on here with hundreds of people and your wife ultimately will be the last person to know -thats a betrayl in itself.
Whether your wife is pregnant or not - well youl simply have to wait and see, but I think if the month turns up and shes not and youve had the vasectomy done - she is going to keep trying surely if she wants another baby. And wont take the news lightly that you want the snip, its going to break her heart. Also the vas' isnt all that reliable anymore, as i know of at least 4 men who have had it done and now have babies on the way.

Please talk to your wife, she will never forgive you if you just go ahead and do it and not speak to her.

 

[NickyB]

Come on ladies, it takes two to make a baby and it should be the decision of two. In the same way this guy will discuss his imminent vasectomy (I sincerely hope you do) with his wife, I remember very clearly the number of us who were anti-tricking-your-husband into another child on a previous thread.

I'm not saying that the wife in this situation has done this, but you get my jist?

I also think it's unfair to say people on here have lost babies and this guy should be grateful, I hope he is for his two children, but we also have to tolerate people who have chosen or at least considered abortion on here too.

Just my 2p and trying to play devil's advocate

 

[Krystal]

I don't think he's being out of order TBH, yes he needs to speak to his wife before the vasectomy but he's already said he is going to do that. I'd be pretty upset if I was his wife at him booking it already but thats for them to deal with. Just cos his wife wants more children it doesn't mean he has to. He seems pretty certain that he doesn't want anymore children so who are we to say that he is a twat for that? Why not say his wife is selfish for wanting more kids when she knows he really doesn't. Sometimes people don't agree on these important things, neither one of them are wrong for wanting different things. They just have to come to agreement on it.

BTW: Although I have commented on the situation of it all I can see why he has got peoples back's up - sounds arrogant in his posts which is prob why he has not got much sympathy

I think KittyKins has spoken a lot of sense in her post

 

[poppy160]

What are you going to do if your wife turns out to be pregnant?

 

[ejjie]

I think he's gone!!!!

 

[monster_munch]

Got very worried that it was my husband posting for a minute then...

Actually, can a mod let me know the IP address....

 

[xxsammyxx]

@ monster!!!!