Opinions please...am i being selfish??

[katietateypot]

So basically a friend of mine recently came round with her baby and was telling us about her hospital stay...she told us that she was told by the midwifes that her OH could stay in the night aswell but they didn't like to tell too many people this (friends baby is about 10 weeks old)

Jason now wants to stay in the night aswell as i have been told i will be in for 48 hours after having Ava. Problem is i really don't want him staying through the night aswell as having him visit through the day. He's not having any of it and thinks i am keeping him out of the picture when really all i will want it some time away from BIG people and to rest when Ava does...If im lucky enough!

Anyway question is, do you think i am selfish asking him to leave after visiting times are over?? (they are 11am - 7pm)
Be honest i want to know what other people would do.

Katie xx

 

[MrsR]

I loved having DD to myself after she was born but her sperm donor (aka 'biological' father) wasn't around x this time I want a home birth so that OH will be there and DD also if she wants for me and to bond with bubs x if I end up in hospital I know OH wouldn't be able to stay because of DD and in a hospital situation I don't think I'd want him to stay after visiting because of all the nurses etc that are around as well! x when I was in hospital after DD I only stayed 24 hours, not 48 x x x

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

i cant imagine wanting to be without Liam after the birth, one of the reasons we are having a homebirth!

so i really cant help you but i suppose what you want is most important, i just worry its going to be really hard for him to leave that baby so quickly (after all it is his baby too) but if hes just going to be a pain in the arse for you, then perhaps he shouldnt be around

dunno bit torn on this one

hope you work it out xxx

 

[Tasha89]

I would want Jamie to be with me as much as possible - i'm going to hate it when they send him home
I could imagine that having someone to share the load so you can get some rest would be amazing! Although I would like my own space for a few hours. x

 

[evie_smith]

no i can totally understand even if i had a home birth i would be like leave me along for the first 24hrs unpstairs and bring me food im sleeping or cuddling lol x x

 

[Zazu]

Why don't you want him to stay?

He could look after Ava and let you rest, if you need to.

Is it Arrowe Park they are allowed to stay?

 

[evie_smith]

^^^ thats a good point he could look after ava for a while but if it was my hubby he would get 'board' and want to chat to someone or wake me up every 2 mins seeing if baby needed a feed lol!!!

 

[Sam's Mum]

Where would he sleep?! Just sit by your bed? After labour and all the first nappy changes and helping out during the day my OH was desperate to go home and get some sleep in our bed ....he thought it might be his last chance for a while to get some proper sleep too! I think if Ava is born late in the day and you're moved to the ward late (after visiting hours) they'd let him stay with you for a couple of hours but I've never heard of anyone's partner staying overnight - or seen it either time I've been in hospital with my two. And when I was in with both, neither of us was really awake much at night anyway - I wouldn't have wanted someone else there to keep me up

 

[ERIN84]

Its not selfish at all! I want Rob there as much as possible with me though as i feel its his baby just as much as it is mine! My hospital has a maternity hotel which couples can go into if all is well with bub. Im not sure I want to be in there though as I want some support with this being my first.

 

[serenitylove]

it may depend on time of day you have her as we can have someone sleep over on delivery but not on maternity ward you should maybe check i cant answer as to weather it selfish or not as i choose to be a single parent because im to selfish to share lol

 

[evajo]

I have to say i wouldn't want my OH to stay, it can be hard with new babe and th last thing i would want is to have to worry about what OH wants as well as tending to a new baby. I just love those first few days when its babe and you, daddy can still have cuddles, but would say its a bit unessesary for OH to stay when your gonna be home next day. I would add though that my veiw is harse cos my OH is rubbish during labour and with babies - self confessed! and would not want to stay anyway so i have got used to being selfish with babes! With our middle child he went back to work within an hour!!!
It is personal choice but if you really don't want it you should say - maybe find something for him to do at home!

 

[ria__x]

i wouldn't say it was selfish, you're going through so much so if you want your own space for a little while just stress this to him! maybe you could have one night to yourself and Ava and the last night he stays as long as possible (or if they let you, let him sleep in the chair or whatever - lol!)

i personally don't want my OH away from me for one second, but i'm a naturally needy gal if he wasn't allowed to stay though i'd probs appreciate a little bonding time with new arrival in the long run!

hope you two come to an agreement xxx

 

[katietateypot]

He would just be sleeping in a chair next to my bed.

i know Ava is just as much his as she is mine but i just think he will get bored and want to chat or when i try and do things get in the way!! i know it sounds so silly because he has every right to but i know it will annoy me, plus when i come home it will be back to my mums and dads house as we can't move out just yet, i will have no time to adjust myself.

it is arrowe park hospital im talking about I'm going to double check with the midwifes on their policy to see if my friend has been told ALL the facts. She said her midwife said her OH could stay but they don't like to broadcast it. Her birth went fine with no problems and i think she was in 48 hours aswell.

 

[jellybean]

I don't think its selfish and if I am to be honest, I think I would feel the same way! I personally felt really tearful when my first was born as I missed him being in my tummy, so I needed just that little bit of alone time to adjust and come to terms with the idea that I had to share him with everyone else (now that really does sound selfish!).x

 

[ERIN84]

If your moving back in with your parents then I can understand you wanting time on your own with Ava. it might be a bit overwhelming when you get home x

 

[number2]

Everyones different, but I would definately be the same as you. When my LO is born, of course I want OH to be able to hold him, bond, etc, but if I had to stay in overnight would prefer not to have the added hassle of ...
Feeling sorry for him sleeping in a chair, him maybe trying to help and just wanting to do it myself, him trying to talk to me when im trying to get some shut eye etc...
Although it might be nice just to have someone to talk to when its dark, you're exhausted, and not entirely sure what the right thing is to do. Those first 24 hours are a crazy time, be good to have someone else there when you may not have been listening to the nurse 100% etc. Plu he can get you drinks, magazines, rub your feet, etc
I know my OH wouldn't want to stay I dont think, so maybe you should count yourself lucky!!

Tricky one hun, but which is worse, having him there and maybe feeling he's in the way a bit (Ava is 50% his) or making him feel excluded when she's only a few hours old??

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

No its not selfish and totally reasonable - you will probably need all the time to rest and bond with your new baby, there is a reason that visiting hours are so short on maternity wards. There is no way on earth I would want my OH there and tbh he wouldnt want to be either, I think there are defined roles when it comes to childbirth and part of the recovery is to rest with no interruptions. Good luck

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I'm sorry to have a really different opinion but i feel really bad for this guy When is HE going to get the chance to bond with his child? How is it going to make him feel to be shut out for not one but TWO nights right at the beginning of his childs life

It would break my heart, it would break any of our hearts but because hes a bloke he doesnt count as much... and that saddens me deeply it really does

 

[Zazu]

Think you just need to be honest with him and tell him why you dont want him to stay, and try not to worry about it xxx

 

[katietateypot]

Thank you for all your replies!!

I do keep thinking about it but i think the first thing to do is ask at my next appointment to see if my friend was even right in what she was telling me! All this will be a waste if its not true!

i do understand having him there would help as it means he can bond with Ava just as much as me at the hospital but then i think about ME! We did have a talk and he now does understand where i am coming from and i see his point of view as well so i think its just a case of setting boundaries. (when im sleeping and if Ava's OK..leave me to sleep!! , just that kind of thing really)

My next appointment is in 3 weeks so i think i will ask then what their policy is and take it from there.

Katie xx