Jayceesmumma
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- Jul 3, 2006
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So bloody emotional lately and i hate it. Pushing my OH away and its not fair on him. He doesnt understand how this is affecting me and how hard it is for me to get my head around another baby so soon. We've only been together since nov last yr (anniversary present=baby.. sorted!) and its hard for me to fully put my trust in him. weve had minor hiccups but got thru it fine. (had a very rough past so cautious and paranoid) Im a naturally depressive, emotional person and ive been controlling it so well since being with him coz i wanted to make it work.. but its so hard now with the pregnancy hormones and added stresses. Plus Ellie is getting a bit jealous atm with my niece (everyone reacting like shes f*cking evil which isnt helping her!!! ) so shes acting out.. extra stress. I feel like crying 24/7 but i cant in front of the kids and not even in front of my OH.. im not comfortable with that yet..
I just dont know how to vent or relax without going into town and having some 'me' time, but now im preg i cant yet HE can. Like all men.. lucky b*stards
Ive even started smoking a bit again which breaks my heart. I stopped for 15days which for me, was brilliant and all i got from him when i said '15 days now!' was a very uninterested 'yeah?' hes never smoked so will never understand. I started again after i had a bleed at 16w and had to go to a and e.. i asked him if it was okay and he said he could understand why and 'one wont hurt'.. i feel like such a failure and an ungrateful cow for smoking still... i have no other release from stress.. i have the girls 24/7 and noone can babysit. my mum started to finally babysit them overnight a few months before i got preg.. so i had a lovely taste of freedom after 7 years of once every 6-7 weeks (id put them to bed at mums, go out and return to mums to get up for them in the morning-and she would txt me at 12 to say its getting late... after id only got out at 10..) before being pregnant and it all being snatched away.
Im really rambling so feel free to just not bother reading all the above crap coz it probably wont make any sense...
So much going on in my head and i just cant figure out.. well.. anything!
I just dont know how to vent or relax without going into town and having some 'me' time, but now im preg i cant yet HE can. Like all men.. lucky b*stards
Ive even started smoking a bit again which breaks my heart. I stopped for 15days which for me, was brilliant and all i got from him when i said '15 days now!' was a very uninterested 'yeah?' hes never smoked so will never understand. I started again after i had a bleed at 16w and had to go to a and e.. i asked him if it was okay and he said he could understand why and 'one wont hurt'.. i feel like such a failure and an ungrateful cow for smoking still... i have no other release from stress.. i have the girls 24/7 and noone can babysit. my mum started to finally babysit them overnight a few months before i got preg.. so i had a lovely taste of freedom after 7 years of once every 6-7 weeks (id put them to bed at mums, go out and return to mums to get up for them in the morning-and she would txt me at 12 to say its getting late... after id only got out at 10..) before being pregnant and it all being snatched away.
Im really rambling so feel free to just not bother reading all the above crap coz it probably wont make any sense...
So much going on in my head and i just cant figure out.. well.. anything!