OK...I need help! Tom not sleeping! I'm in a right pickle!

[LucyBee]

I've got myself in to a right old mess.

Tom's never been a great sleeper. I put it down to my PND when he was born. It was exaccerbated by him crying so I never let him cry. When I put him to sleep, I would rock him until he was asleep and if he woke, I'd pick him up straight away and so it continued until he was about 6 months when we tried CC.

The Controlled Crying did work but he had a tough first year with illness after illness and there was no way I was going to leave him to cry when he was unwell.

Even when the CC had worked, he would still wake for his dummy so nights were still broken even if it was just to dash in to his room, shove the dummy in and come back out again.

A couple of months ago Tom had a bad run of illnesses...oral thrush then tummy bug then flu'. During that time, I sat with him in his room a lot and also had him in with me or OH would sleep in the spare room with him.

Now he is better, he won't go to sleep in his cot unless one of us sits in there. So, basically, every night I am sitting in his room in the darkness for about 30/40 mins until he goes to sleep. This just can't continue. It is just crazy and I don't know whether it's good for Tom either to be so dependent on me to settle himself to sleep.

He is also waking in the night - any time between about 1am and 5am - and is inconsolable unless one of us sit in there or bring him in to bed.

I am really, really dreading trying Controlled Crying again. I find it so distressing and it makes me feel the way I did when I had the PND again. I KNOW it works, I've tried it BUT it's so hard on me and it seems so hard on Tom.

Now I've recovered from the PND, I feel so guilty for the lack of bond between us when he was tiny that now we have that bond, I don't want to ruin it in any way. I feel so protective over him and love him so much that leaving him to cry just goes against every thing my heart is telling me to do.

Is Controlled Crying the only way? Have any of you been in the same boat????

ANY advice would be great. It's been weeks since any of us had a proper night's sleep and Tom's almost 2.

Is it possible that something other than me not being in his room is waking him in the night? He seems perfectly happy during the day.

HELP!!!! I'm really struggling with this.

Lucyx

 

[rusks]

hun i didn't want to read and run its sounds like a vicious circle and can imagine you are worried about it and you must be shattered.

The problem sounds like you need to break the habit of him waking and him expecting you to be his comfort to go to sleep. i have no experience of controlled crying so not suggesting this is the right option but maybe go back to basics, im sure you have a good bedtime routine where he has a bath maybe a story, some cuddles and milk.

when luke wakes up too early i tend to go into his room and say to him "its too early to get up yet mummys not ready" and its still dark and i put on a cd (audiotape) for him and say he can listen to a story but its not time to get out of bed. i tend to think they are at the age now where we can explain to them and they understand. so maybe put a CD on for him to listen to, does he have a particular comfort apart from his dummy like a teddy? luke has a monkey he takes to bed and i will say to him "monkey is looking after you now and you can have a nice sleep together" i think he understands and he does tend to settle apart from the odd accasion, whatever you decide to do the best thing is to be consistent as if you give in one night he knows that if he cries enough you will give in.

reading this back it sounds ridiculous but i hope someone else can help you hun love Lisa x

 

[jenni32]

We're in pretty much the same boat as you Lucy, Jude has always been a poor sleeper and things are pretty bad at the moment. He will only go asleep laying on our bed with one of us. We were fools to start it but that little routine was only started out of desperation!

Some nights we can be 2 hours putting Jude down, he just doesn't seem to get tired and no matter how we try to tire him out nothing works!! He wakes during the night almost every night and it's a toss up whether he can be settled with his dummy or have to be brought into our bed. We both work full time so need sleep.

We're currently trying a white noise machine (it makes forest/river/other natural sounds) which seems to be working a bit. We'll try anything!!

I'm no help at all to you, but just wanted you to know you're not alone! If you find anything that works let me know!!!

 

[LucyBee]

Thank you both so much for replying.

I just feel like I'm on my own with this. Everyone else who has a child of Tom's age has had brilliant sleep for months now.

I'm going to call the Sleep Specialist HV tomorrow and see if she can help me.

Will keep you posted.

PS: Jenni, how old is Jude?

to both of you xx

 

[rusks]

Thank you both so much for replying.

I just feel like I'm on my own with this. Everyone else who has a child of Tom's age has had brilliant sleep for months now.

I'm going to call the Sleep Specialist HV tomorrow and see if she can help me.

Will keep you posted.

PS: Jenni, how old is Jude?

to both of you xx

definitely let us know how you get on and glad you had a good time last night

 

[Vicki83]

I know how you feel kind of. Soph turned 2 on new years eve and her sleep pattern is all over the place.

She rarely has a nap during the day now, and I thought great she'll go to sleep at a reasonable hour but no, if she falls asleep I put her to bed usually about 7ish, but come 10/11 she wakes up and will not go back to sleep and thinks it's time to play no matter what I try. I'm knackered all the time with it, god knows how I'm gonna cope if she's still not in a proper routine by the time LO gets here

 

[jenni32]

Lucy - Jude is 21 months. At the moment we think the sound box is working, he does seem to be getting to sleep a bit more easily while it's playing. We put it in his room at night so he can hear it if he wakes. Will update you on how it's going.

Let us know how you get on with the HV if you get in touch with her.

 

[LucyBee]

HV left a message today and said to call her to make an appointment.

I've been reading the Millpond Sleep Clinic sleep guide and they recommend the 'gradual retreat' technique or controlled crying. Am going to read a bit more and chat to the HV before deciding what to do.

Things are getting worse though so need to sort it asap.

Lucyx

 

[Tick-Tock]

Have you tried the supernanny trick of staying in his room and moving closer to the door each night, then being outside it!! (possibly the same thing as the gradual retreat technique mentioned) Evie never finds any comfort from us just being there and wants to play if we are in her room so have had to use controlled crying but as Tom seems to feel safe with you just being in his room it may work!

 

[LucyBee]

Have you tried the supernanny trick of staying in his room and moving closer to the door each night, then being outside it!! (possibly the same thing as the gradual retreat technique mentioned) Evie never finds any comfort from us just being there and wants to play if we are in her room so have had to use controlled crying but as Tom seems to feel safe with you just being in his room it may work!

Yes we have. To a degree. My problem is that Tom's room is SO small. The only place we can fit the chair is by the door so there's nowhere to move to as an intermediary. It's either in the chair or outside the door. Last night, when Tom was in the bath, I said to him 'Mummy's not going to sit in the chair tonight, I'm going to sit on the floor by the door.' He started crying immediately! We hadn't even got him out of the bath!

I really don't mind leaving him to cry as long as I know it's not going to make him even more anxious than he obviously already is. I think I just need someone to tell me that.

Things are really getting me down now. I'm so tired and so is OH. Nights are so broken. Have left the HV another message today but am thinking of trying Millpond Sleep Clinic?????

 

[MissThing]

I am going through the same things as you. Daniel was an awful sleeper up until 13 months, then we tried controlled crying and it worked after a week.

But 2 weeks ago something happened! he is back to non-sleeping phase. ( I wrote a topic below).
So i was thinking maybe cold is affecting him, so got today a radiator (he already has central heeting in his room, but it switches off in the middle of the night). So will try today with the radiator + calpol night + controlled crying.

I also took him today to swimming pool, so hopefully it tired him down a bit too.

Will tell how it went.