oh's parents and ryans birthday **update pg2 grr :o(**

leckershell

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This won't be too long as Ryan's just woke up but just wanted some views really.

Been organising Ryan's birthday, so I sent out invites to all family, mine and Nat's, as well as my friends (and left him to sort out his friends as he's too gay to sort out their addresses for me).

Nat's mum and dad have split up. His mum had a relationship which has now ended (but still on talking terms) and Nat has a half sister who is 10. All's cool. Nat's dad is still in the new relationship and has remarried and they are not interested in further family, they are more holiday/tea party/wine group type people. We get on fine with all parties.

Nat's dad has told nat he will only attend Ryan's birthday if Nat's mum is not there. Nat's mum is perfectly happy to leave for an hour or so so that they can be there.

The stupid thing is that they won't sort it out between them and won't make a phone call. So it's up to me or Nat... so basically it's up to me to sort it out, time for when one leaves and the other arrives etc.

Should I:

Tell Nat's dad a time, but leave it that Nat's mum will still be there and they'll either make a scene and look ridiculous, or one of them will leave...

or

Sit and call them both, be piggy in the middle and arrange times for them just for the sake of everyone getting along.


I know I should probably just do what will cause less of a scene, but at the same time I don't understand why they can't be mature enough to sort it out between them instead of burdening us with this when we have other more important things to think about... like our big day with Ryan??!!

Opinions please, but either way it will be left for me to sort out. Only other option is to call Nat's mum and ask her to call his dad - she is less bothered about calling them than they are calling her, iykwim.
 
Personally I would call them both and tell them to act like adults and sort itmout themselves, and if they can't be grown up enough to put their feelings aside for a few hours so they can celebrate their grandsons first birthday then they can sod off and be petty on their own. You might want to dress it up a bit but seriously don't worry about them and their feelings just concentrate on your little boys first birthday :hug:

Who the hell is his dad to say who can be there and who can't. I am guessig their relationship didn't end well but seriously how old is he??
 
50's I think...

Nat's mum is ok with it, she would happily be there with them around... but it's just Nats dad and new partner that have always been a bit funny about things. I'm thinking to just tell them both to sort it out between them or else not bother coming as I dont feel its fair on us to have to?
 
You should tell them that you are too busy thinking of one child - Ryan and his 1st birthday to even think about some petty squabble!
 
leckershell said:
50's I think...

Nat's mum is ok with it, she would happily be there with them around... but it's just Nats dad and new partner that have always been a bit funny about things. I'm thinking to just tell them both to sort it out between them or else not bother coming as I dont feel its fair on us to have to?
I would. This is going to be your son's first birthday and I want you to enjoy it fully.Please don't sppend anytime worrying about people's feelings when he has made it clear he doesn't think about the feelings of you, Nat or Ryan :hug:
 
The important person here is Ryan. Seriously, can't they be civil for one day, or even just avoid each other and talk to other people. There is absolutely no reason to cause a scene. Ryan is the child not them.
 
We've had the same problem with our wedding and then Lucy's birthdays. OH's mum has hinted many times she'd prefer OH's dad not to be there but I refuse to get involved.

I tell them both that they're invited, if they come then great, but if they can't put it to one side for the afternoon then that's their choice. I'm not about to start choosing between his mum and dad - they're both special to OH and Lucy and I don't see why my OH or daughter should suffer for something that happened 20 years ago!
 
OMG if he can't put his own selfishness aside for one day (a special day at that with it being his Grandson's 1st birthday) then I'd tell him to either come and put up with the fact that Nat's Mum will be there or don't come at all.

What does he expect you do? Throw 2 birthday parties so that no-one argues?!

So I'd probably call his Dad and tell him that reluctantly, you've allowed yourself to be involved more than you'd have liked (and more than you will do again in future) and spoken to Nat's Mum. I'd say she is fine about it so you're leaving it up to him what he does. I'd say "Spoken to Nat's Mum, she's absolutely fine about it. It'd be great if you could come and be there for Ryan's birthday, but if you think you'll feel awkward, then I'd rather you didn't because I don't want a scene on Ryan's special day"

Sounds like he's playing a childish game with "who is more important" with his ex. If you make it clear that she's being very adult and he's not, it might make him buck up his ideas a bit!

xx
 
beanie said:
Personally I would call them both and tell them to act like adults and sort it out themselves, and if they can't be grown up enough to put their feelings aside for a few hours so they can celebrate their grandsons first birthday then they can sod off and be petty on their own. You might want to dress it up a bit

you think? :think:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I agree though :)
 
:hug: we had to cancel Evie's Welcome Party because Jon's parents wouldn't both come. We couldn't really have it with one half and not the other so it was easier to cancel :(

I wish I'd told them to grow up :talkhand:
 
Urchin said:
beanie said:
Personally I would call them both and tell them to act like adults and sort it out themselves, and if they can't be grown up enough to put their feelings aside for a few hours so they can celebrate their grandsons first birthday then they can sod off and be petty on their own. You might want to dress it up a bit

you think? :think:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I agree though :)

:rotfl: I was in a mood this morning and Leckershall's FIL got the brunt of it
 
If its his Dad thats being silly then I would say fine come at the end with a hour or so to go but he will miss out on most of the fun (cutting cake ect...) because its him with the problem not his Mum and its not fair that she should miss out even though she has offered to leave early so that he can see his grandson. Basically make it known to him that hes the one being childish about things not Nats Mum so hes the one who will miss out in the long run.

Jeezes I have just completely over used the words "miss out".
 
I agree with Beanie, tell him if he's the one with a problem then it's up to him to sort it out. Hope the party goes well :hug:
 
I would call him, tell him the party starts at ????? o'clock, both him and Ryans Granny have been invited, you are not going to get involved in asking one or the other not to come/leave early as this day is Ryans day and you would appreciate both grandparents being there to celebrate, tell him that he is more than welcome and just leave it at that.

I hope that it all works out but it is more important that you enjoy this day than ensuring your FIL is happy.
 
tuck said:
I would call him, tell him the party starts at ????? o'clock, both him and Ryans Granny have been invited, you are not going to get involved in asking one or the other not to come/leave early as this day is Ryans day and you would appreciate both grandparents being there to celebrate, tell him that he is more than welcome and just leave it at that.

I hope that it all works out but it is more important that you enjoy this day than ensuring your FIL is happy.
Yes!! I completely agree with what everyone has said but this is exactly what I would say to him! Don't even give him the opportunity to involve you in his silly and childish vendetta he has against your OHs Mum.

:hug: xxx
 
I have tried calling Nat's mum yesterday and today and sent texts to call me back but she's not replying (shes probably broken her phone or something, wouldn't surprise me) so I sent a text to Nat's dad just now...

"Hi Ed could you give Christine a call to arrange times when you can both be at the party? The soft play area will be 1130 til 1 ish and then the pub hotel in town will be from 1 onwards. You are all welcome at any point but I don't think it's fair that either nat or I should be piggy in themiddle between people not getting along. Have tried calling christine myself already but not got through as yet and we have our own birthday preparations to sort out. Hope that's ok."

Think that sounds ok?
 
He's replied... said they will go to the pub regardless and try not to cause a scene. Also apologised for putting me in the middle.

See, not so bad after all ... but still :S
 
now he's changed his mind - called Nat saying he can't get over his mum being there and they won't be attending at all.

maybe a bit too spur of the moment but I just text him:

"Just heard from nat that you guys wont be coming. It's sad that mature adults can't put the past behind them for an hour to celebrate the 1st birthday of their 1st grandchild. Hope there will be some sort of way that you guys can still come, even if christine disappears for a bit for you. I know nat is disappointed for sure even if he hid it on the phone and it would be fab to see you both somehow. x"

Hope that doesn't sound tooo rude but I'm well pissed at him. At being cool with it at one minute and change his mind the next. Nat is gutted - he's gone into silent man mode which means he's upset and doesn't wanna talk about it - probably dredging up from his parents divorce and how he was piggy in the middle then too because they couldn't be civil between themselves.

:(
 
and I got a very swift reply...

"I'm sorry about the upset but my ex has caused so much pain and upset in the past that I can;t forgive it. Even mature adults have their limits I'm afraid. Ryan's birthday is very important to us and I wish I could believe my ex would behave, but I can't. Lilian invited you all for supper".

wtf :x
 

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