OH Not being too helpful! (long story sorry)

[flexilexi394]

Hey girls, just a little upset at the OH - everyone elses seems to be really good and supportive, and mine just isnt being like that at all.

Yesterday in tescos buying cleaning products and what not, we passed the baby clothes aisle. i saw a pack of 3 vests for like £1.75 and said to him "thats really cheap, we should get some" and his reply was "my mums got those already". Correct me if im wrong, but its OUR baby and want to buy some things for him or her! so i said "oh, well id quite like to buy them for our baby, and im sure she hasnt got enough" in a completely normal tone of voice and he turned around and started shouting at me down the baby aisle "drop your f***ing attitude and stop whining like a little brat" and stormed off!! just made me think hes not feeling the baby thing at all, and not interested in buying anything and certainly not excited, maybe even scared! The amount we talk about it and stuff is next to nothing. i try and speak to him and he just brushes it off and says "we have ages for this conversation" but what he doesnt realise is week by week its getting closer and hes still insistant we have absolutely ages to speak.

so when we got in last night i just went to bed very tearful and upset - scared that i will end up buying all this stuff myself and not having any help or support from him. I explained this when he said "why are you upset" and he finally started asking me questions! like how does it feel and has my morning sickness gone yet (duhhh everytime i wake up i throw up! take it he just doesnt notice lol) and was really cuddly, rubbing my belly for me and stuff. well he woke me up this morning, took me to town, we ventured into mothercare (his idea) and primark baby section and he picked up a pack of baby gro's some new born clothes, he chose a blanket and a towel and bought them! HALLELUJAH!!

Maybe hes finally come round to the idea!

We had a fab relationship and lately i think hes just been stressed and worried about it all, but ive been so scared that he might just leave me in the lurch a bit.

Sorry for the long essay but it really upset me at first when he got all defensive and stuff, just wanted to share it with you guys and see if you have had anything like it! xxx

 

[serenitylove]

he may have got upset because his mum had bought something and you wernt as enthusiastic about it although it natural you want to buy yourself mens feelings i dont think kick in the same till the babys are here

 

[ashtonsmum]

when i was pregnant with my 1st baby my husband was supportive but he didnt seem as interested which upset me, ends up it was because he wasnt feeling baby move, hes not the one being sick and having a constant reminder of the fact u have a baby inside you, its different for them they dont have that 'bond' with the baby as we do as they arent going through it and its hard to see, he got more excited through pregnancy as he started feeling baby and baby responded to his voice and touch, my 2nd time round now hes great as he sees our son and knows what to expect, just relax he will get used to it sometimes they 'forget' we r pregnant wait til it starts kicking that will shock him.

good luck xxx

 

[bidsy]

Ye im getting this a bit from mine, im off work at mo for various reasons and hes getting up and not even asking how i am. I have been moody recently and prob doing his head in but I feel like we should be doing more as I think its all gonna come round really quickly and we are gonna be unprepared. My mum and dad seem more concerned about me. He is one of these ppl that are on another planet half the time and doesnt really talk much or say how he feels so its quite frustrating. He is tired from work as does stupid shifts so he has a good exscuse and prob is fed up of hearing about babies I dont know its all guess work. im prob being unfair but I do wonder whats going on in his head sometimes. If I am pissing him off I would rather him just say. x

 

[rainbow dancer]

My hubbie was a bit strange about me being pregnant and didnt seem to interested. he is more involved now and is getting better at showing an interest. I was getting fed up cause like you flexilexi i wanted to start buying things (more on the fact that only 5 possibly 6 pay days left) and OH didnt understand and wanted to wait until the baby is born!!. I was getting fed up with his disinterest and asked him outright why he didnt seem to interested (and of course as he already has 2 kids from previous marriage and he is 10 years older than me i assumed as he'd been there already this is an attribute to how he was feeling). He was very honest and said because he was scared at this early stage something may go wrong (due to previous health issues on my side) and didnt feel real until closer to baby being born. Must be hard for the OH's as they arnt really feeling the physical signs like us xxx soz for my long story!! xx

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

He'll come around Hun.

When pregnant with Lacey, my OH was very nasty! Told me to get rid of the baby, called me all sorts of names but he soon came around when I said the baby was going nowhere! He never brought the baby anything though and the whole 3 years that Lacey was in nappies he only brought 1 packet!!

This time it was his idea to have another baby and when I got my bfp he had ago at me for wacky him up, looked very board in the scan and it wasn't until I was 14 weeks when we accounced the pregnancy that he started to get intrested!! But now as my bump grows and little man moves more he's really into the pregnancy! He still doesn't talk about it alot hence why I come on here to talk to you guys!!

Chin up hun, he'll soon come around!! x x

 

[Loveleen]

Oh dear...I must admit Men cannot understand what we are going through...I really wish he starts taking interest soon..dont worry..sending you a big hug..

 

[flexilexi394]

Thank you all so much, thought I was the only one as some people on here seem to be really happy with OH and I'm just a bit scaredthst he may not take any interest! Glad to know we all have had similar situations. U guys are the bestest! X

 

[twinkle84]

Hey hun,
Just noticed this thread. Hope youre ok? felt so sorry and upset for you reading the first bit and angry towards your OH, but he really did realise he was wrong and what he did the next day was really lovely. My hubby is really good, but when buying a cot and choosing bedroom theme and stuff he is really uninterested. I could spend eveyday in mothercare and he would prefer to wait in the car. But he is excited about having the baby and as someone said our baby does repsond to his voice and touch on my bump and he loves that. Also wanted to add about the mother in law. Well mine has been really helpful buying stuff, but whenever i buy things she will say ' ow everyones going to buy you clothes and you have enough now' Well its my baby and I WANT to obviously buy it some clothes. Also says i shouldnt by new born and first size, that i dont need it and that it was never around before. Well i understand baby wont get much wear out of it, but i dont want it looking like a rag bag and thats my choice surely? x

 

[flexilexi394]

I'm totally with you twinkle!!! I've had the same sort of thing, I know they don't get much wear out of them, but seriously they are so cheap from primark and tescos I'm not worried over £3 for a set of baby gros! If I want my baby to have a clean change of clothes, s/he will. And they poo and stuff and throw up, if you ask me they will need clothes anyway! I will buy bigger sizes too! Rant over. Grrrr. Lol. X

 

[all_iz_well]

Hey hun....havent been online, just read ur thread. Felt like giving u a big hug after the way he reacted lastnight. Its just men, they have so many mood swings. With what happened in the pregnancy last time i have been quite quiet this time, as in not wanting to plan too much and hes been the opposite. Now its the other way round lol.
so im trying to keep it slow..and go with the flow. Im so glad that he came round and took u out the second day, maybe hes just a lil confused and dont know what to say or just reacts without thinking (like most men). I just go quiet...like u did and they soon realise they were wrong, which ur OH did....

Hope it all stays calm now hun...
goodluck xx

 

[kellylou]

TBH my hubby was like that until we had the 20 week scan and he knew we were a lot safer so to speak he now gets excited abut buying things and always wants to have a mooch maybe he is feeling a little like that, I wanted to buy stuff so early on and he was always there telling me not to

 

[JJ Mum]

Ahh Flexi, don't worry about OH, think he is just taking sometime to get his head round it. I used to get really annoyed with my OH when he showed no interest or never asked how I was feeling etc , but they just can't get it or see or feel it happening to them till your as fat as a house and it's coming. Quite a scarey time really when your on the side and all the changes are not even happening to you.

My OH is still rubbish, he hates that stage later on when you feel it move and want him to feel it and pop his hand on your belly , he thinks it's like Alien V predetor. but I do make a point of talking all about it, make him look at everything I buy for baby etc and involve him, and he knows he has to listen now!

But even tho leaves to me all this stuff - I know he would be there when I needed him so thats ok, He upblocked the loo and cleared up all the mess, sick buckets etc when I had my MC and raced of to A&E with my mum. I have been sick on him in hosp when he held out the sick pan to me, and he will buy embaressing things at the shops like maternity towwels, breast pads.

I think your OH will be the same, he will come round, just take him along for the ride as best you can till then, when he catches you up he will be as excited as you


Oh just thought - if MIL has already brought babygrow -what if he is getting non stop baby talk from his Mother ! he might be finding it all a bit much