OH Needs Help Bonding With Baby

[MissyRee]

Ok so my OH doesnt feel like his bonded with Jack much, as in his words/ thoughts 'everytime i hold him after a few minutes he cries' which isnt al.ways true but alot of the time unfortunately by the time OH is home from work Jacks waiting for a feed so is crying/ grizzly then his Colic starts up My OH also seems to forget all the positive playing time and cuddles that they have when he is thinking like that.

I wanted to know if anyone has any tips or helpful advice to help them bond abit more?

I think some of the trouble might stem from the fact that my OH's real dad committed suicide when he was just 13months old and my OH doesnt know the full story of it either as his mum says shes waiting for him to come to her about it! But he wants her to come to him about it i mean his 23 shes had plenty of time to talk about it really. Could this be something to do with it? I mean not really knowing where your from how can you expect to show your son where his from, ok that might sound abit hippy there but i know what i mean lol.

Also i'll be honest my OH has a terrible problem with Jacks crying, he cant stand any babies crying his said to me its the same as some people dont like nails on a chalkboard he just cant stand the sound of babies crying... which means when Jack cries he does try for awhile to comfort Jack but i sometimes have to take Jack and im not too fussed about that though i just want him to feel a stronger bond to his son as he often says he doesnt think Jack loves him (again he doesnt actually know if HIS real dad loved HIM even though ive told him how could he not but with his mum not actually ever talking to him about his dad he feels he doesnt really know)

Sorry for the long post also im not really sure if this is the right place to put this post?

 

[maybebaby]

Does your OH have any particular 'daddy' duty? Obviously it won't work for everyone but when my son was tiny we introduced a bottle of EBM as his evening feed, which my OH gave to him every night. It meant that I had some time for a bath or something and he got to spend time with ds one to one. Once we started with a proper bedtime routine OH took the lead with bath time. It was 'his' job so he felt that he had a greater role in looking after ds.

Hope your OH feels a bit better soon

 

[ella]

I think a lot of dads feel like this at times, Darragh wont eat or take his bottle for david most of the time and it makes him feel useless, so now his jobs are bedtime bath and change and it gives them time alone that does work.

Since he was born I have constantly said that I think he is great with him and when he is good with him I say awww he loves his daddy - I say these even when its not totally the exact truth but like your OH david had a very poor relationship with his own dad and he had no confidence with Darragh, now they get on great and Darragh's face lights up when he comes home and he follows him everywhere

 

[MissyRee]

Thanks very much for your inputs and help girls, sounds like a great idea to try giving them sometime just them 2 but not just playing so Jack will get used to my OH more and enjoy each other more cant wait to talk to my OH and sort something for them to do everyday together!! Also its good to know other babies and daddy's have had similar problems too and have formed great bonds now xx

 

[caz2008]

my patner is same with our newborn son hes 3 nearly 4 week old and my partner finds it hard to cope with the crying plus we have a 3 year old girl which he adores so to get used to having a tiny baby again i think he finds it hard... but it makes me feel bad sometimes whe i think my partner doesnt love our son, as i love our son as much as i love our daughter.

My partner gets frustrated when our son cries and hell shout saying i dont know whats wrong with you etc... but over past 2 nights my partner has tried to not focus on the crying and started focusing on finding out whats wrong and when he finds out whats wrong hes really proud of himself..

i think many men have this problem as they dont have them inside them for 9 months, plus men seem to struggle with confidence when it comes to the huge responsibility of looking after some thing so small there scared of braking them lol bless em..

hope something in this made sense im very sleep deprived lol

 

[DaisyRose]

Hiya,

I can sympathise as my OH was like this with both my 2nd and 3rd babies. When they were very little they just cried constantly when I handed them over to him, and he just couldn't take the crying and told me I'd have to take them back. I found it very upsetting indeed as he seemed so cold towards them. I remember we were walking past his friend's shop when Ruby was just a few weeks old and I asked him if he'd like us to go in to show her off and he just replied 'why would he want to see that?' He can be extremely cutting and sarcastic at times, and he doesn't always mean what he says (he suffers from depression and is prone to mood swings) but I was quite hurt and became really worried.

I'm really glad to say he's finally bonded with Ruby now though. It took a couple of months, and it really helped when she started to settle with him but now he loves her to bits. It will come, honestly. It could have something to do with the suicide, that must have really messed him up; I think having kids brings a lot of one's childhood stuff back. Also, it must be a big shock for blokes - I mean, we've had our babies in our tummies for 9 months - we've felt them move about and our hormones prepare us to some degree but dads have had none of that. Having such a demanding little being around takes a lot of getting used to. If he's still struggling after a few months maybe you could suggest he talks to a counsellor or someone about it but you'll probably find they'll be absolutely fine. Daddy time is good but I'd say try not to force it, or worry about it too much - it'll happen when they're both ready.

All the best,

 

[MagicMarkers]

My OH had his best bonding session with Flo in the bath he kept putting it off for ages i think he felt uncomfortable about it but she loves the bath and it zonks her out completely, she just iggles and snoozes in there ! So he got to spend a while with her skin to skin just cooing over her whilst she dozed ! He was completely mesmerised bless him, because i change her most the time and get her dressed i dont think hed ever seen her nudey and obviously never had the skin tos kin bonding time when she was born so i guess it was the male equivilent, plus they looked so cute with theyre hair all shampooed on end, so was sweet for me too !