bonding..or not


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Sep 2, 2005
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i feel so guilty, i feel as if all i do if cry and i am completely useless, if carey crys for longer than 15 minutes at a time my mum runs in grabbing him off me and how is it he shuts up for her???

she went out today and he cried for 4 hours non stop nothing i could do would shut him up and i ended up crying my eyes out with him. i tried to get him changed and the bloody baby grows that do up on the back got me all stressed out and i ended up crying about it! he kept spitting his dummy out and i started crying about it. whats wrong with me?

i love him to bits but i dont feel like i have bonded with him. how will i know?

I dont get time alone with him and when i do i cant cope.

sorry to moan :(
Are you breast feeding? - if find that often Ewan will always settle with some one other than me. He would cry for 3-4hrs when he was only afew weeks old. try going throuight the wet, cold, hot, hungry, winding, list that may help.
Don't worry it will get easier, personally i would bin the back fastening baby grows and get the front fastening ones.

Your mum is just trying to help, dont take it personally,
are you a single mum?
If you are doing all the night feed it soes take its toll on you, sleep deprivation can make the simple things impossible! i cried my eyes out when i dropped some milk! and felt like suffocating my boy aty 3am when he wouldn't sleep.

Its hard i know but you can alway find some one to listen on here!
i agree lack of sleep is a killer! mixed with all the post natal hormones etc and your emotions are of over the place which makes you cry over the most smallest of things.
The first few weeks are the hardest as you have to learn to adapt your entire life around another person and at times this can be very draining, and also frustrating when baby is crying and you dont know what id wrong with him.
Honestly it does get better like i said the first few weeks are hard but once you settle into a routine you will find you cope a lot better!
PM me if you ever wana chat

Steph x

it's so hard for the first few weeks, it's not just you honest. I got in to a right old state in the first week trying to breastfeed and then failing. One night I had been feeding him for a couple of hours and he was still crying, we had been advised to top him up with fomula from a syringe but this was difficult to get milk into him and after about 4 hours of trying to satisfy him I ended up crying all over him- the two of us winding each other up more and more! I went into my DH who was sleeping with earplugs in another room so that one of us got some sleep and just blubbed "Please, please help!"- I really freaked him out! Anyway, as soon as Elliott was in his arms he stopped screaming and went to sleep. I think that he'd picked up on my stress and worry and when I started crying as well we just made each other much worse! This could be why your mother can sooth him- she's not as involved as you! My mum said that his cries didn't get to her in the same way that mine and my brother's had as it's not her baby- likewise she's not his mum and he knows that so he's not so affected by her.

It sounds to me like you have bonded otherwise it wouldn't upset you so much but I know the feeling that you haven't as I was so miserable for the first few weeks when everyone else was delighted and I'd thought I would have been too but I was so tired, stressed, worried and all the rest. It'll get easier, honest. Just try to look after yourself (so hard I know), hope it gets better for you soon

it took me over 2 weeks to bond with alana. emotions and hormones and no sleep all make you feel so tearful.

trust me it does get easier. just keep with it.
I felt the same for the first few weeks and felt so guilty for not feeling an instant bond this is very common - I wish I knew that at the time.

All I did was cry, I thought I was going to have a break down and thought, surely this was not supposed to be like this. As time went on the bond grew, you just have to get to know each other and that takes time.

And add in hormones to boot and it's crazy.

Hang in there babe am here if you need a chat!

Thanks girls, made me feel 100 times better to know that i'm not the only one. It just seams like my whole world has changed and i have no idea how to cope with it all:(. X
Aw, bless you Amy. I felt a wee pain when I read that. Its such a life changing thing to happen and you might feel like this for a few weeks yet. You will be tired and the crying seems 10 times worse when your tired. I felt that Jess stopped crying for all but me. Could he be hungry?, i was amazed at how much a wee one could drink. Sometimes Jess would go off on 1 less than 2 hours after a big feed and I would have to top her up.
There were times when I wished not that she wasnt there but that I wasnt responsible 24 /7 but I was and my confidence grew and grew and now Im onto baby number 2. I had full support but even with that you still feel alone in a stange way.
Try to speak to your mum and tell her you couldnt do without her help but that you need to stand on you own 2 to be able to go forward. She will have your best intentions at heart but you know what mums are like.
Take care
awww hun i was like u and everytime i got stressed braydon would get more upset and id have mum saying keep ur self calm n hell be ok easier to say than do - n wen ever she gets hold of braydon he always stops crying think it is coz they r calmer than us as wen braydon gets upset i get upset to
I have been the same at times, my partner says I loose my patience quickly when he cries for ages....easy for him to say, he isnt waking up during the night.

Ive found that the hardest, your so tired anyway from lack of sleep and having to get up in the night to feed him is really hard. Then having to stay awake while he feeds!!!! :?

Everyone says it will get better, and I guess if I think about the last four weeks it has gradually.

Its good to know Im not the only one, thought I was a crap mum for a while!!!
New years eve Carey slept from half 11 through until 5am and then he was back down by 6:45, mum was away for the night so i did it all myself no problem. Knowing i didnt have mum there to help sort of made me push myself and i feel so proud that he went down for me, it was the first time, since new years eve he's stopped waking for his 2:30am feed and sleeps right through to 5am. I know it sounds silly but it made me feel like his mum! Since then ive made more of an effort to spend time with him! Iv told mum that she needs to take a step back and shes fine with that. I think iv bonded with him :D:D:D:D
awww yay hun i am so glad i told u itll come i am glad ur mum understood

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